# How to best be on the lam? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 16, 2019, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-best-be-on-the-lam/843549 "2019-11-16T20:51:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2019, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-best-be-on-the-lam/843549/21 "2019-11-17T03:22:14Z")
> [@DorkVader](#): > > First rule, Don’t Be Stupid. > > The feds routinely stash witness protection clients in the multitude of small, well tiny really, some are barely big enough to have a stop sign at the cross roads they happen to drift up around, towns here abouts. It isn’t unusual for said witness protected clients to be found suspiciously dead with the cause mostly being found that they were being Stupid and Gave Themselves Away to the people that wanted them to no longer require the services of the US Marshal’s Service. > > So if some goons can find a person who is being hidden by the federal government because they were Stupid, think about your odds of doing it on your own. > > Don’t Be Stupid To be fair, criminals are generally pretty stupid to begin with. So, it’s asking a lot for them to suddenly become smart just because they’re now in the program. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2019, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-best-be-on-the-lam/843549/22 "2019-11-17T03:53:13Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > I have no neighbors. Are…are you on the lam, beck? ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2019, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-best-be-on-the-lam/843549/23 "2019-11-17T04:12:49Z")
> [@Kropotkin](#): > > AirBnB or cheap motel with a microwave and cable that will take cash and not look at your drivers licence too closely and you buy a shipload of frozen food and oats to last a few weeks… The clerks in a cheap hotel like that are going to keep an eye on their customers; for their own sake, not for the sake of the customers. If there’s a national manhunt going on for you, they’re going to hear about it, connect it with you, and tip off the cops for the reward. ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2019, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-best-be-on-the-lam/843549/24 "2019-11-17T05:32:09Z")
pacific crest trail ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2019, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-best-be-on-the-lam/843549/25 "2019-11-17T05:50:42Z")
> [@Icarus](#): > > To be fair, criminals are generally pretty stupid to begin with. So, it’s asking a lot for them to suddenly become smart just because they’re now in the program. I agree, thats what makes this a fun/interesting thread. I feel fairly safe in assuming that most of us will never find ourselves in this position ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2019, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-best-be-on-the-lam/843549/26 "2019-11-17T05:51:50Z")
> [@China\_Guy](#): > > pacific crest trail Watch out for the wolf ---
**Author:** ![septimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/septimus/32/410_2.png) [@septimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/septimus)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2019, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-best-be-on-the-lam/843549/27 "2019-11-17T07:00:28Z")
Can anyone fill us in on crossing an international border with a passport? If a fugitive presents his U.S. passport at some airport in Africa or Asia, will it be flagged automatically? How easy is it to acquire fake passports that can successfully pass a modern checkpoint? How does the present situation compare with, say, 30 years ago? ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2019, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-best-be-on-the-lam/843549/28 "2019-11-17T08:01:40Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > Are…are you on the lam, beck? Shhhh. ---
**Author:** ![RioRico](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f04885/32.png) [@RioRico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RioRico)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2019, 9:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-best-be-on-the-lam/843549/29 "2019-11-17T09:14:00Z")
> [@septimus](#): > > Can anyone fill us in on crossing an international border with a passport? If a fugitive presents his U.S. passport at some airport in Africa or Asia, will it be flagged automatically? How easy is it to acquire fake passports that can successfully pass a modern checkpoint? How does the present situation compare with, say, 30 years ago? See a presidential minion for one of their extra escape passports. 🆒 I’d leave my old one at home when I fled. And I’d avoid commercial airports or any place with security checks. I’ve nonchalantly strolled into Mexico with nobody checking my papers or duffel; it’s the return trip that’s non-trivial. ---
**Author:** ![kitap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b9e5f3/32.png) [@kitap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kitap)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2019, 9:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-best-be-on-the-lam/843549/30 "2019-11-17T09:40:14Z")
> [@RioRico](#): > > See a presidential minion for one of their extra escape passports. 🆒 I’d leave my old one at home when I fled. And I’d avoid commercial airports or any place with security checks. I’ve nonchalantly strolled into Mexico with nobody checking my papers or duffel; it’s the return trip that’s non-trivial. Yeah, you could probably stroll across the border into Nogales, Mexico simply by playing tourist as long as you don’t look or act suspicious. A tee-shirt, jeans and a purse should be fine for a disguise. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2019, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-best-be-on-the-lam/843549/31 "2019-11-17T13:26:48Z")
Get to Belize, they speak English and don’t have an extradition treaty with the US. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2019, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-best-be-on-the-lam/843549/32 "2019-11-17T14:22:43Z")
Shave your head Grow a beard/mustache, or lose it if you have it. Head for the Border. Never go home. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2019, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-best-be-on-the-lam/843549/33 "2019-11-17T16:25:29Z")
Go to any biggish urban area. Join the homeless community. It’ll be fine. ---
**Author:** ![PastTense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pasttense/32/14550_2.png) [@PastTense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastTense)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2019, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-best-be-on-the-lam/843549/34 "2019-11-17T17:06:00Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Go to any biggish urban area. Join the homeless community. It’ll be fine. No. The homeless are frequently arrested by the police. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2019, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-best-be-on-the-lam/843549/35 "2019-11-17T17:17:16Z")
I’ve walked into Mexico at Nogales with no one manning the booth, and disappeared into the dusty street, Hannibal Lecter-style. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2019, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-best-be-on-the-lam/843549/36 "2019-11-17T17:33:19Z")
It would be easier for a woman, since all you need is a good wig, lose or gain weight, dress and make up your face to represent a different persona. We’re accustomed to not seeing women as they actually are underneath the costume; just change the costume and no one will guess it’s you. I have known women to do this without trying to hide who they are. One was an hour-glass platinum blonde barmaid who wore semi-slutty clothes who turned herself into a pudgy cowgirl in plaid shirts, dirty jeans, and greasy straight brown hair. Absolutely unrecognizable. If she was on the lam she would have been well-advised to get rid of the raucous smoker’s laugh though. Buy an illegal driver’s license, get an under the table job, you could live for years if you kept your head down. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2019, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-best-be-on-the-lam/843549/37 "2019-11-17T17:49:05Z")
> [@PastTense](#): > > No. The homeless are frequently arrested by the police. Not so, as it is not a crime to be homeless. The shelter I was in had people who would hang around outside the place, come in for the free, walk in dinners, and sleep on the benches placed around the river near the shelter. When the police became aware of the situation (not hard to do, considering the shelter was next door to the state prison), they persuaded the cit to put up more benches. Some people just want to stay on the streets, and it is not a crime. ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2019, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-best-be-on-the-lam/843549/38 "2019-11-17T20:39:45Z")
Change your appearance. If you normally had a beard and long hair, shave and keep your hair short. If you were normally clean cut, reverse that. Find somewhere outside a small town in the west and put a 5th wheel trailer on it. Movable with your truck if needed. If the town has more than one blinking caution traffic light it is too big, if it has a red stop light it is too big. There are many places like this in eastern Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Wyoming. Minimize your bills and pay in cash. No credit cards, debit cards or bank accounts. No internet, ever. Do not log in to anything from anywhere, forget that part of your past. You do not understand how the internet works other than it is a series to tubes. Play dumb. Avoid large stores with cameras. Cameras are everywhere. Facial recognition is advancing rapidly. Most states now have smart drivers licenses with facial recognition built in. Befriend someone who will do your shopping for you and keep the shopping down to monthly. Do Not Drive. Driving is one of the only times that an average person will encounter authority and have their identity checked. Do Not Drive. Lead a life of a benign but harmless hermit. The rural country is full of them. No one knows where they came from and if you don’t talk much, no one cares. Do not talk about your past. You may imply that you fucked up relationships and that is why you decided to be alone. Or some trauma in the past. Unless someone you talk to is one who is looking for you, you will be a safe, eccentric, boring, person. Make no friends, trust no one. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2019, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-best-be-on-the-lam/843549/39 "2019-11-17T20:55:38Z")
> [@madmonk28](#): > > Get to Belize, they speak English and don’t have an extradition treaty with the US. AIUI, the lack of an extradition treaty merely means you won’t be _automatically_ extradited. It by no means protects you, the fugitive. Belize could very well still do Uncle Sam a favor and extradite you anyway upon U.S. governmental request. ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2019, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-best-be-on-the-lam/843549/40 "2019-11-17T20:56:07Z")
Dallas Jones is not my real name. I hold no currency. You can call me Al. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-best-be-on-the-lam/843549.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-best-be-on-the-lam/843549.md?page=3)