# How to, by the numbers **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [April 18, 2008, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891 "2008-04-18T14:35:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2008, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/181 "2008-04-29T21:35:17Z")
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas] Google, Mapquest & Start a New Thread! How do you explain to someone what The Straight Dope is exactly? [/QUOTE] “From basics of anal sex to treadmilled planes with snakes.” How do you find a blue disposable contact lens in a blue bathroom (they fold up)? ---
**Author:** ![HongKongFooey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c4cdca/32.png) [@HongKongFooey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HongKongFooey)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2008, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/182 "2008-04-30T01:51:43Z")
[QUOTE=5-4-Fighting] How do you find a blue disposable contact lens in a blue bathroom (they fold up)? [/QUOTE] “Disposable” you say? How do you explain the popularity of faux-hawks these days? ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2008, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/183 "2008-04-30T03:48:41Z")
Puritan founders; elitist climate; recession-fueled paranoia; no (figurative) testes. How do you explain yer new mohawk to your boss? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![HongKongFooey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c4cdca/32.png) [@HongKongFooey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HongKongFooey)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2008, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/184 "2008-04-30T04:27:32Z")
[QUOTE=brujaja] How do you explain yer new mohawk to your boss? 😃 [/QUOTE] Send link to **brujaja** ’s punk feud, blame that (and alcohol) How do you get a squirrel out of your wall? ☹ ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2008, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/185 "2008-04-30T04:28:59Z")
[QUOTE=HongKongFooey] How do you get a squirrel out of your wall? ☹ [/QUOTE] A sledgehammer, a chainsaw, a welder’s torch…so many choices! How do you get an elephant into your pajamas? ---
**Author:** ![HongKongFooey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c4cdca/32.png) [@HongKongFooey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HongKongFooey)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2008, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/186 "2008-04-30T04:38:00Z")
[QUOTE=ultrafilter] A sledgehammer, a chainsaw, a welder’s torch…so many choices! [/QUOTE] A welder’s torch?..on drywall??? 😛 [QUOTE=ultrafilter] How do you get an elephant into your pajamas? [/QUOTE] Let out the waist and legs, slip on How do you know if your sushi is fresh? ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2008, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/187 "2008-04-30T08:14:52Z")
Ask it. If it responds, it’s fresh. Don’t ask lobsters! How do you snag a little “solitude in Nature” in a crowded urban setting? ---
**Author:** ![Ponderoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponderoid/32/19221_2.png) [@Ponderoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponderoid)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2008, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/188 "2008-04-30T09:59:31Z")
[QUOTE=brujaja] How do you snag a little “solitude in Nature” in a crowded urban setting? [/QUOTE] Don’t bathe for a week. Soil yourself. Disrobe. Wander city. The dog didn’t listen to the tape. How do I bathe psychotic _berserker_ dog? ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2008, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/189 "2008-04-30T10:32:48Z")
Hire a crew of vikings to do it for you. How do you find a live crew of vikings for hire? ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2008, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/190 "2008-04-30T11:09:40Z")
Try doubleyou doubleyou doubleyou viking crews for hire dot com How do you cope with rejection? ---
**Author:** ![Ponderoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponderoid/32/19221_2.png) [@Ponderoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponderoid)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2008, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/191 "2008-04-30T11:14:45Z")
Change anti-rejection drug regimen. Get back on transplant list. How do I get to the top of the list? ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2008, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/192 "2008-04-30T12:19:39Z")
[QUOTE=Ponderoid] Change anti-rejection drug regimen. Get back on **transplant** list. How do I get to the top of the list? [/QUOTE] –Get kicked off “expatriate”, “native of”, and “hailing from” lists. How do you convince your amazing musician friend he doesn’t have to recycle (metal) for a living? ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2008, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/193 "2008-04-30T14:08:52Z")
Explain the wonders do selling blood and semen. Music What? How do you know you’ve sold too much blood and semen? ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2008, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/194 "2008-04-30T15:52:58Z")
Watch for impotence, anemia, and rigor mortis. In that order. How do you start your own mystery school/ secret fraternity? ---
**Author:** ![iwakura43](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de0a6/32.png) [@iwakura43](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iwakura43)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2008, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/195 "2008-04-30T16:50:30Z")
[QUOTE=brujaja] How do you start your own mystery school/ secret fraternity? [/QUOTE] Invent secret handshake. Don’t tell anybody. How do you know when you have “just the right amount” of semen on your hands? ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2008, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/196 "2008-04-30T21:50:47Z")
Enough to stick your hands together but not drip. How do you erase certain questions from your brain? ---
**Author:** ![HongKongFooey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c4cdca/32.png) [@HongKongFooey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HongKongFooey)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2008, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/197 "2008-04-30T23:55:28Z")
[QUOTE=Oredigger77] How do you erase certain questions from your brain? [/QUOTE] By focusing on the next one. How do you become a lawyer? ---
**Author:** ![Ponderoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponderoid/32/19221_2.png) [@Ponderoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponderoid)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/198 "2008-05-01T05:49:12Z")
Pass the bar exam. How do I come up with a funnier answer? ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/199 "2008-05-01T06:40:08Z")
Study Rube Goldberg, Monty Python, Coyote, Loki, and a toddler. How does one learn tact? ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/200 "2008-05-01T11:32:53Z")
Tact is for those not witty enough for sarcasm. How can I justify getting a maid? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891.md?page=11)