# How to, by the numbers **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [April 18, 2008, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891 "2008-04-18T14:35:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/201 "2008-05-01T16:26:52Z")
[QUOTE=Oredigger77] How can I justify getting a maid? [/QUOTE] Think about how many English lessons she can pay for. How can I justify drivnig to the gym? ---
**Author:** ![Ponderoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponderoid/32/19221_2.png) [@Ponderoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponderoid)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/202 "2008-05-01T16:36:25Z")
[QUOTE=5-4-Fighting] How can I justify drivnig to the gym? [/QUOTE] Define “drivnig” any way you want to first. How do you get major reputable dictionaries to accept your new word? ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/203 "2008-05-01T16:49:06Z")
Take grandchildren of editor-in-chief of OED hostage. Negotiate. How do you convince random strangers that TLAs\*are just one word? \*Three Letter Acronyms ---
**Author:** ![Ponderoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponderoid/32/19221_2.png) [@Ponderoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponderoid)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/204 "2008-05-01T17:08:36Z")
[QUOTE=OtakuLoki] How do you convince random strangers that TLAs\*are just one word? [/QUOTE] Show them the word count in your word processing program. How do I convince writers to proofread their work? ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/205 "2008-05-01T17:34:46Z")
[QUOTE=Ponderoid] How do I convince writers to proofread their work? [/QUOTE] Don’t bother. It’s pointless. Convince someone else to proofread it. How do you make a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/206 "2008-05-01T18:35:55Z")
[QUOTE=InvisibleWombat] How do you make a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster? [/QUOTE] Subcontract it out to Marvin the Martian. How do I find room for five more boxes of books in this book-stuffed house? ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/207 "2008-05-01T18:54:57Z")
Compress books to degenerate matter. Store carefully. How do you collect an army of faceless minions to do your bidding? ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/208 "2008-05-01T19:00:58Z")
Post on Craig’s list; previous criminal experience is a must. How do you avoid getting caught recruiting your minions? ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/209 "2008-05-01T20:02:07Z")
[QUOTE=Oredigger77] How do you avoid getting caught recruiting your minions? [/QUOTE] Start by recruiting law enforcement officers. Then it won’t matter. How do you provide sleeping quarters for a 500-pound gorilla? ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/210 "2008-05-01T20:11:04Z")
Compress gorilla to degenerate matter. Sleep well, gorilla! Awaken carefully. How do you summon a faraway human being who has no phone? ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/211 "2008-05-01T23:02:41Z")
[QUOTE=brujaja] How do you summon a faraway human being who has no phone? [/QUOTE] Contact that city’s Salvation Army. They will deliver the message. How do you put loose BBs in an old-fashioned air rifle? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/212 "2008-05-01T23:06:40Z")
[QUOTE=brujaja] How do you summon a faraway human being who has no phone? [/QUOTE] Smoke signals; ouija board; carrier pigeon; jungle drums; semaphore flags. How do you deal with skyrocketing gase prices? ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/213 "2008-05-01T23:24:05Z")
[QUOTE=5-4-Fighting] How do you put loose BBs in an old-fashioned air rifle? [/QUOTE] Tygon tubing, coffee filter, duct tape, and lots of patience. So, now we’re up to: > [@twickster](#): > > How do you deal with skyrocketing gas prices? edited for spelling ---
**Author:** ![HongKongFooey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c4cdca/32.png) [@HongKongFooey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HongKongFooey)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2008, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/214 "2008-05-02T00:44:27Z")
[QUOTE=twickster] How do you deal with skyrocketing gas prices? [/QUOTE] Invest in gas futures, sneer at cyclists, practice evil laugh How do you convince Sammy Hagar he _has_ to drive fifty-five? ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2008, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/215 "2008-05-02T05:30:02Z")
Make him watch that gruesome Driver’s Ed. movie again. Repeatedly. How do you get drivers to stop sneering at you on your bicycle? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2008, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/216 "2008-05-02T06:08:49Z")
Convince Diana Rigg to ride behind you, in her leathers. How do you borrow a/the TARDIS? ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2008, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/217 "2008-05-02T16:19:05Z")
\>First, a moment of silence for the men to contemplate Diana Rigg in her leathers.\< Now, where were we? Oh yes, TARDIS— Show up in Diana Rigg’s leathers. Ask nicely. Bring pie. How do you help your friend pick a decent tenant after several bad experiences? ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2008, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/218 "2008-05-02T16:25:58Z")
[QUOTE=brujaja] How do you help your friend pick a decent tenant after several bad experiences? [/QUOTE] Invite prospect out to lucnch. Let them lead, take notes. How do you pick a new-to-you used car?\* - I know some smart aleck is gonna say if it’s used how can it be new. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2008, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/219 "2008-05-02T17:07:47Z")
[QUOTE=brujaja] Show up in Diana Rigg’s leathers. Ask nicely. Bring pie. [/QUOTE] Not Jelly Babies? 😉 > [@5-4-Fighting](#): > > How do you pick a new-to-you used car?\* Test Drive. Pay for mechanic’s inspection. Sacrifice at Murphy’s Altar. How do you choose the ideal sacrifice to propitiate Murphy for the next month? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2008, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/220 "2008-05-03T00:22:47Z")
Check the expiration date on that virgin. How do you decide where to go for vacation? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891.md?page=12)