# How to, by the numbers **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [April 18, 2008, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891 "2008-04-18T14:35:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/241 "2008-05-06T21:16:01Z")
1 lb butter, 1 lb flour, 1 lb sugar; heat. How do you decide what to do for an upcoming weekend? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/242 "2008-05-06T21:21:58Z")
[QUOTE=Oredigger77] 1 lb butter, 1 lb flour, 1 lb sugar; heat. How do you decide what to do for an upcoming weekend? [/QUOTE] Check movie schedule, call friends, make plans for dinner, enjoy. How do you perform a circumcision on an angry gorilla? ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/243 "2008-05-06T21:25:40Z")
Find interns. Threaten them. Monitor progress from outside gorilla enclosure. How do you choose a really good apple? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/244 "2008-05-06T21:36:47Z")
First, avoid the one offered by the wicked stepmother. How do you get onto the Dr. Phil show? ---
**Author:** ![HongKongFooey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c4cdca/32.png) [@HongKongFooey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HongKongFooey)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/245 "2008-05-06T22:39:17Z")
[QUOTE=twickster] First, avoid the one offered by the wicked stepmother. How do you get onto the Dr. Phil show? [/QUOTE] Accuse Dad’s new wife of poisoning your apples. How do you fix the economy? ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/246 "2008-05-07T00:45:51Z")
[QUOTE=HongKongFooey] How do you fix the economy? [/QUOTE] Worry more about our problems and less about everyone else’s. How do you make the perfect margarita? ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/247 "2008-05-07T02:02:33Z")
3 oz of premium tequila, 5 oz of margarita mix. Dump the mix down the sink, enjoy. How do you make the perfect grilled cheese sandwich? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 10:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/248 "2008-05-07T10:04:25Z")
Rye bread; pepper jack cheese. How do you handle waking up an hour before the alarm goes off? ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/249 "2008-05-07T11:04:48Z")
If it’s a problem, melatonin. If not, extra surfing time! How do you get slugs to leave the basil alone, dammit? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/250 "2008-05-07T14:55:25Z")
[QUOTE=brujaja] If it’s a problem, melatonin. If not, extra surfing time! How do you get slugs to leave the basil alone, dammit? [/QUOTE] Buy the dried stuff in a jar. McCormick brand’s good. What would it take to make Carrot Top funny? ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/251 "2008-05-07T16:10:38Z")
A wooden baseball bat to the head repeatedly or drugs. How do you stay awake through endless meetings with a limited supply of caffeine? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/252 "2008-05-07T22:52:22Z")
[QUOTE=Oredigger77] How do you stay awake through endless meetings with a limited supply of caffeine? [/QUOTE] Stick yourself with a pin. Repeatedly. How do you win at Scrabble? ---
**Author:** ![HongKongFooey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c4cdca/32.png) [@HongKongFooey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HongKongFooey)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/253 "2008-05-07T22:55:47Z")
[QUOTE=twickster] How do you win at Scrabble? [/QUOTE] Learn words like qi, qat, and cwm…or cheat… How do you cheat at Scrabble without getting caught? ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/254 "2008-05-07T22:58:57Z")
[QUOTE=HongKongFooey] How do you cheat at Scrabble without getting caught? [/QUOTE] Play online. Use tools found [here](http://www.hasbro.com/games/adult-games/scrabble/home.cfm?page=tipstools) to finesse an advantage. How do you calm down a fussbudget? ---
**Author:** ![HongKongFooey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c4cdca/32.png) [@HongKongFooey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HongKongFooey)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2008, 10:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/255 "2008-05-08T10:12:35Z")
[QUOTE=OtakuLoki] How do you calm down a fussbudget? [/QUOTE] Benadryl How do you deal with fundamentalist Christian warmongerers in the workplace? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2008, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/256 "2008-05-08T11:49:21Z")
Tell them you’ll pray for them. How do you deal with a rainy day when you forgot your umbrella? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2008, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/257 "2008-05-08T13:19:31Z")
[QUOTE=twickster] Tell them you’ll pray for them. How do you deal with a rainy day when you forgot your umbrella? [/QUOTE] Put a plastic bag on your head. How do you deal with a raging lunatic of a stalker? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2008, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/258 "2008-05-08T13:51:59Z")
Put a plastic bag over his head. How do you deal with a metric buttload of plastic bags in the broom closet? ---
**Author:** ![Danalan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/76d3ee/32.png) [@Danalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danalan)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2008, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/259 "2008-05-08T18:46:48Z")
[QUOTE=twickster] Put a plastic bag over his head. How do you deal with a metric buttload of plastic bags in the broom closet? [/QUOTE] Attract more stalkers. In the rain. How do you grow a giant pumpkin? ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2008, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/260 "2008-05-08T18:49:06Z")
[QUOTE=Danalan] How do you grow a giant pumpkin? [/QUOTE] From giant pumpkin seeds. What do you say to a naked lady? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891.md?page=14)