# How to, by the numbers **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [April 18, 2008, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891 "2008-04-18T14:35:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![HongKongFooey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c4cdca/32.png) [@HongKongFooey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HongKongFooey)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2008, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/141 "2008-04-27T02:01:16Z")
[QUOTE=brujaja] How do you stop eating blackberry pie? (freezer died; had to make 3 pies!) [/QUOTE] Eat all three! How do you find your keys in the snow when they fall out of your pocket while playing with the kids? ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2008, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/142 "2008-04-27T03:10:54Z")
Gather wood, cover play area, spray gasoline, light on fire. How do you cook a steak? ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2008, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/143 "2008-04-27T04:49:18Z")
[QUOTE=Oredigger77] How do you cook a steak? [/QUOTE] Coat lightly with oil, season, sear, then roast until done. How do you cook a lobster? ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2008, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/144 "2008-04-27T06:03:49Z")
Get someone else to do it. They scream. Cringe! Eat. How do you find smart guys who like to eat & make love? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2008, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/145 "2008-04-27T22:49:33Z")
Lay a trail of pizzas to your book-filled boudoir. How does Tivo work? ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2008, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/146 "2008-04-27T22:57:22Z")
[QUOTE=twickster] How does Tivo work? [/QUOTE] [Like this](http://electronics.howstuffworks.com/tivo1.htm) (alternately, magic). How do you walk in a straight line with your eyes closed? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2008, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/147 "2008-04-27T23:10:33Z")
[QUOTE=ultrafilter] [Like this](http://electronics.howstuffworks.com/tivo1.htm) (alternately, magic). [/QUOTE] Bzzt! Illegal move. Translate (in ten words or less), pls. ETA: Come to think of it, the question was illegal. I withdraw it. Slowly, carefully, but not overthinking it: one step after another. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2008, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/148 "2008-04-27T23:13:22Z")
Do we need to get out the clue bat for you, now? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2008, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/149 "2008-04-27T23:29:03Z")
:smack: How do you throw a surprise party? ---
**Author:** ![HongKongFooey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c4cdca/32.png) [@HongKongFooey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HongKongFooey)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2008, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/150 "2008-04-28T00:42:08Z")
[QUOTE=twickster] How do you throw a surprise party? [/QUOTE] plan, hide, wait, wait, wait…yell SURPRISE!!! How do you refill a pez dispenser? ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2008, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/151 "2008-04-28T01:05:04Z")
Hand double candy and dispenser to a five year old. How do you accelerate hair loss from male-pattern baldness? ---
**Author:** ![Silophant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a698b9/32.png) [@Silophant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silophant)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2008, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/152 "2008-04-28T01:08:34Z")
[QUOTE=OtakuLoki] How do you accelerate hair loss from male-pattern baldness? [/QUOTE] Grab hair, pull hard. Repeat until satisfied. How do you build a house? ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2008, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/153 "2008-04-28T03:21:49Z")
[QUOTE=Silophant] How do you build a house? [/QUOTE] Select location. Buy property. Draw pictures. Hire contractors. Write checks. How do you teach a dog to go away and leave you alone on command? ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2008, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/154 "2008-04-28T05:00:38Z")
Give command. Immediately throw steak far away. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. How do you entertain a 3-year-old girl on a very hot day? ( **twickster:** you think bruscetta will work? 😃 ) ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2008, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/155 "2008-04-28T12:28:57Z")
[QUOTE=brujaja] How do you entertain a 3-year-old girl on a very hot day? [/QUOTE] Get swimsuits for you and girl. Turn on lawn sprinkler. How do you cook someone’s goose? ---
**Author:** ![HongKongFooey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c4cdca/32.png) [@HongKongFooey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HongKongFooey)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2008, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/156 "2008-04-28T12:48:43Z")
[QUOTE=InvisibleWombat] How do you cook someone’s goose? [/QUOTE] Preheat oven, slit skin, season, add herbs, spices, roast How do you improve the SDMB? ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2008, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/157 "2008-04-28T16:25:56Z")
My honest opinion: it’s _so_ cool. What’s to improve? How do you survive on a teeny, tiny income? ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2008, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/158 "2008-04-28T16:34:58Z")
Follow a budget, cook from raw materials, abstain, thrift shop. How do you cook merganser duck? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2008, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/159 "2008-04-28T16:39:05Z")
Steal duck from merganser’s farm, season, baste,roast. How do you prepare for Batman? ---
**Author:** ![Ponderoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponderoid/32/19221_2.png) [@Ponderoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponderoid)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2008, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891/160 "2008-04-28T17:11:10Z")
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas] How do you prepare for Batman? [/QUOTE] Dig escape tunnel from Arkham. Hire henchmen. Execute elaborate crime. How do I give a psychotic dog a bath? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-by-the-numbers/445891.md?page=9)