# How to curse your computer **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 26, 2012, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-curse-your-computer/626311 "2012-06-26T01:02:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-curse-your-computer/626311/1 "2012-06-26T01:02:41Z")
Sometime, in the near future, I am going to get a new computer. As of now, I am stuck with a slow, lazy, whiny, low memory piece of shiitake that crashes whenever there’s the slightest problem. And erases my cookies while it’s at it. I need some good computer-oriented invectives to yell at it. Mere common profanity will not do for the aggravation this thing is causing me. “Son of a glitch!” “Your mother wears analogue!” ---
**Author:** ![MG-42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@MG-42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MG-42)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-curse-your-computer/626311/2 "2012-06-26T01:07:08Z")
You clearly have a severe relationship problem. The best approach is to move on. Tell “her” that you are done with her and that you gonna make out with her hot sexy sister you bought on Slickdeals. Dump her ass and if you own a gun, target practice on “her”. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-curse-your-computer/626311/3 "2012-06-26T01:16:21Z")
“You son of a byte! I’m going to kilo you! Take this memory stick and RAM it up your Asus!” ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-curse-your-computer/626311/4 "2012-06-26T01:40:43Z")
PC load letter? WTF is THAT!?!?! ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-curse-your-computer/626311/5 "2012-06-26T03:36:29Z")
I don’t know. What\* is\* a PC load letter? _reads the posts above_ Where did anyone mention PC load letters? ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-curse-your-computer/626311/6 "2012-06-26T03:41:59Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > I don’t know. What\* is\* a PC load letter? > > _reads the posts above_ > > Where did anyone mention PC load letters? Office Space (the movie). PC load letter means put some paper in the default feed tray of the printer. ---
**Author:** ![Horseface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4af34b/32.png) [@Horseface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseface)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-curse-your-computer/626311/7 "2012-06-26T03:47:18Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Office Space (the movie). > > PC load letter means put some paper in the default feed tray of the printer. Did you get the TPS report?.. Uhhhh yeah…I’ll make sure you get a copy of that. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-curse-your-computer/626311/8 "2012-06-26T03:56:22Z")
Sorry for the derail…When I think of cursing a computer (or computer-related device), “PC load letter…” is the first thing that comes to mind. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-curse-your-computer/626311/9 "2012-06-26T05:13:16Z")
I suggest a more direct approach to changing it’s behaviour. I have found percussive maintenance to be quite fulfilling. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-curse-your-computer/626311/10 "2012-06-26T05:50:11Z")
Yeah, I’m always a fan of breaking some other defective equipment within the monitor’s eyesight. Shows it who’s boss. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-curse-your-computer/626311/11 "2012-06-26T06:00:53Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > Yeah, I’m always a fan of breaking some other defective equipment within the monitor’s eyesight. Shows it who’s boss. A curse from Aurthur Dent: “I am going to re-program you with a very large ax.” ---
**Author:** ![Telperion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telperion/32/509_2.png) [@Telperion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperion)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-curse-your-computer/626311/12 "2012-06-26T12:16:23Z")
Sounds to me like your computer is already plenty cursed. Maybe try a hexorcism? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-curse-your-computer/626311/13 "2012-06-26T13:06:08Z")
What if a man started pulling a few plugs?!?! ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-curse-your-computer/626311/14 "2012-06-26T13:40:11Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > A curse from Aurthur Dent: “I am going to re-program you with a very large ax.” That was Zaphod’s curse, but yeah, that. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-curse-your-computer/626311/15 "2012-06-26T14:43:59Z")
See _2001: A Space Odyssey_ again for a useful suggestion. ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-curse-your-computer/626311/16 "2012-06-27T02:48:41Z")
Your curses should be calm and confident, profound promises rather than threats. Do not, Do NOT give the box any reason to think that any cursing is thinly disguised worry or even worse, fear. Your box is basically a wrapper for simple silicon, not much different than sand found on any beach. That is the simple truth, so do not be afraid to announce it loudly. The box is the tool; you are the tool user. YOU will prevail. Remind it that this is so. It, too, shall pass. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2012, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-curse-your-computer/626311/17 "2012-06-28T00:41:47Z")
> [@Civil\_Guy](#): > > The box is the tool; you are the tool user. YOU will prevail. Tools? I cut myself with those damn things. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2012, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-curse-your-computer/626311/18 "2012-06-28T01:09:31Z")
My wife, pepper Mill, curses the computer in Klingon. She says it’s satisfying. She did it just today, when she messed up the printer. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2012, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-curse-your-computer/626311/19 "2012-06-28T02:28:39Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > My wife, pepper Mill, curses the computer in Klingon. She says it’s satisfying. > > She did it just today, when she messed up the printer. Best reason ever to learn any Klingon at all! ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2012, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-curse-your-computer/626311/20 "2012-06-28T02:55:18Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Tools? > I cut myself with those damn things. I read that wrong the first time. Now I have to get rid of this mental picture of someone cutting themselves with a box. I mean, I ain’t sayin’ it couldn’t be done… only… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-curse-your-computer/626311.md?page=2)