# How to deal with an endless and copious stream of suggested concerns **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 14, 2024, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-an-endless-and-copious-stream-of-suggested-concerns/1002870 "2024-06-14T13:36:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2024, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-an-endless-and-copious-stream-of-suggested-concerns/1002870/1 "2024-06-14T13:36:11Z")
I have a YouTube channel that is growing in popularity; the overwhelming majority of comments and feedback I get in the comments and other channels, is positive and lovely, and I am grateful for it. There is a very small amount of hate and trolling, and although that is sometimes a problem, I think I have figured out how to deal with it (ask myself: “do I really want to engage in this conversation?”, and act accordingly) There is, however, a problem that I have yet to fully resolve, and which I am thinking I might call ‘neurosis by proxy’ - and that problem is caused by the cumulative effect of often quite small concerns, voiced by many different individuals. For the most part, the individuals are probably well-meaning (so not concern trolls - they are dealt with by the previous paragraphs) - just people expressing whatever worry happens to pop into their mind, or is perhaps their own individual hobby-horse. For example, in the past couple of weeks, there has been: - You use a lot of tinned food. Aren’t you worried about BPA in the plastic lining of the cans? - Did you really need to use a plastic bag for that purpose? - Your knife is too dull - you will hurt yourself - Your knife is really sharp and I don’t think you are being sufficiently careful with it - You’re eating way too much salt - You’re not using enough salt - That food you ate, or mentioned, is really bad for you (dozens of this type of comment) - That food you ate, or mentioned, is damaging to the environment - The person you credited or mentioned in some context has some horrible views - The shop where you bought something does not treat its employees well - You didn’t wash those vegetables sufficiently - I noticed some detail in your skin/nails/eyes/elsewhere that indicates you may have this specific disease …and so on (really, that was just a small sample). None of these concerns is necessarily bad or stupid or invalid, but if you met a person who had all of those concerns (and many more) passing through their conscious mind in the space of a week or two, of their own accord, you might start to think that person was neurotic. Except, I sort of _do_ have those concerns passing through my conscious mind, as they variously arrive in the form of video comments, emails, DMs on other social media and so on. It might seem like the obvious answer is **‘just ignore them’** , but that’s easier said than done. I don’t dwell on any particular one of these concerns, but each one does a tiny bit of damage to my calm - in the same way as it certainly would if these concerns were my own - that is, just things that popped directly into my own mind, only to be dismissed - it’s not that I worry about the things people tell me I should worry about - it’s just that by the time I resolve not to worry about the suggested worry-point, the suggestion has already worn me a little, because I have seen it - I have read and comprehended the concern - it already found a way into my mind. This wouldn’t be a problem if the volume of the problem was normal, but it’s not - I am continually prompted to worry about the cumulative concerns of thousands of different people. The answer definitely isn’t **‘try to stop it happening’** - because not only is that impossble (it’s a different person each time), but attempting to stop it happening would mean paying even more attention to the suggested topics of concern - I would literally break myself trying to achieve the impossible. Also, arguing with any individual on the topic of their particular favourite concern, never goes all that well - to them, it’s just one little thing I should think about - it does not occur to them that it’s one of a thousand such things. One answer might be **‘just stop looking in those places where this happens’** - that is, don’t read any video comments at all; don’t accept DMs, don’t open emails from strangers. This is what a lot of other YouTubers have already done way before they got to where I currently am. It would probably work, but it would leave me much poorer, because the vast majority of the commentary and communication is lovely, uplifting, inspiring or helpful, and I would not want to miss out on it. I suspect the answer might be something along the lines of **‘try to accept that it happens, and isolate or insulate your thoughts’** - but if this is the answer, the how of it is not fully within my grasp yet, so how do I do that, in practical terms? Or is the answer something else? Just suck it up and stop complaining? Maybe - I do love the job and maybe every job has a downside, and this is just that, here. What are your thoughts? What can or should I do? (I am going to try to resist answering ‘yes but not that’, so please tell me what you really think). ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2024, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-an-endless-and-copious-stream-of-suggested-concerns/1002870/2 "2024-06-14T13:46:17Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > I have a YouTube channel that is growing in popularity Because it is awesome. Have you heard from John Barosa lately? As for your concerns, I believe there are studies showing that because of covid, viewers have enmeshed their live with those of content creators more. These people see themselves as one of your good friends or extended family. Maybe just copy/paste “I appreciate your concern.” and hope that satisfies them. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2024, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-an-endless-and-copious-stream-of-suggested-concerns/1002870/3 "2024-06-14T13:52:35Z")
It’s definitely a combination of “stop reading them” and “okay but if you do read them stop worrying about them.” I suspect the proportion of troublesome-to-wholesome posts isn’t increasing, but as your channel grows in popularity you’re reading more of them because you’re getting more comments overall. One solution is to set up a subreddit for commenting, if your viewership is large enough to support one. Tired posts will get downvoted and it will be easier for you to ignore them. Youll also (again, if you have a large enough base) be able to get a volunteer mod or two to help out. Definitely stop reading every DMs and email you get from viewers; that will eventually become unsustainable but will probably drive you mad long before that. YouTube is not a place to develop a community. Get yourself a place for your viewers to chat, develop a culture, and maybe see that there was already a conversation about the quality of your knives. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2024, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-an-endless-and-copious-stream-of-suggested-concerns/1002870/4 "2024-06-14T13:56:41Z")
Instead of individual replies, can you post a general _thank you for the concerns and suggestions? I read and consider each of them._, and leave it at that? You might have to post that every few months. It acknowledges them but also does not encourage them. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2024, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-an-endless-and-copious-stream-of-suggested-concerns/1002870/5 "2024-06-14T14:14:01Z")
> [@Johnny\_Bravo](#): > > I suspect the proportion of troublesome-to-wholesome posts isn’t increasing, but as your channel grows in popularity you’re reading more of them because you’re getting more comments overall. Definitely this. Good and bad things have a perceptual scale thing that does not necessarily represent their actual ratio or proportion - I think maybe because our brains have evolved to treat threats and rewards as distinct phenomena rather than a ratio of good to bad. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2024, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-an-endless-and-copious-stream-of-suggested-concerns/1002870/6 "2024-06-14T14:17:32Z")
I should say: I have no obligation to respond to any of the concerns people express, in fact even when their concern is written as a question, it’s often the case they were not expecting an answer (and in some cases it gets weird if I _do_ answer - they sometimes seem affronted regardless what I say). This really is about how I can organise my own mind and thoughts so as to be able to weather this thing that will not stop. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2024, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-an-endless-and-copious-stream-of-suggested-concerns/1002870/7 "2024-06-14T14:21:35Z")
I like the commenting policy Blondihacks uses. It essentially comes down ‘if you lecture me, I’ll delete your comment’, but she words it much better, and in much more detail. [https://blondihacks.com/commenting-policy/](https://blondihacks.com/commenting-policy/) ---
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2024, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-an-endless-and-copious-stream-of-suggested-concerns/1002870/8 "2024-06-14T14:33:05Z")
The answer is to ignore every last one of them IMO You are an intelligent individual who is capable of forming an informed opinion on knife safety, diet and who is and is not an a-hole (not only that you are running successful YouTube channel they are just a random Internet whingers) ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2024, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-an-endless-and-copious-stream-of-suggested-concerns/1002870/9 "2024-06-14T14:34:18Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > in fact even when their concern is written as a question, it’s often the case they were not expecting an answer Because it’s not about you; it’s about engaging with the other people watching and commenting. That’s maybe a little humbling but I think it’s probably an important perspective shift for popular creators. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2024, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-an-endless-and-copious-stream-of-suggested-concerns/1002870/10 "2024-06-14T14:38:43Z")
About half of those aren’t even real concerns having anything to do you you specifically, they are just virtue signaling about their pet causes. “Ugh how can you use plastic!?” “Ugh that company doesn’t treat people well!?” Just ignore them. They aren’t really talking to you. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2024, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-an-endless-and-copious-stream-of-suggested-concerns/1002870/11 "2024-06-14T14:54:43Z")
This could be a useful part of the strategy - to internalise a habit of not immediately assuming that a question appearing to address me personally, is actually addressing me at all. I need to change my default assumption. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2024, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-an-endless-and-copious-stream-of-suggested-concerns/1002870/12 "2024-06-14T15:00:33Z")
Yeah, a lot of these comments are just the person wanting to hear their own voice. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2024, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-an-endless-and-copious-stream-of-suggested-concerns/1002870/13 "2024-06-14T15:00:59Z")
> [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](#): > > “Ugh how can you use plastic!?” The great temptation of course is to reply to ask if the device they used to post their disdain is hand-woven from sustainable local fibres, but ‘do not engage’ is the correct answer. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2024, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-an-endless-and-copious-stream-of-suggested-concerns/1002870/14 "2024-06-14T15:03:14Z")
It is easy to mistake it for earnest questions. Often they address me specifically by name, but still, it’s just the inside thought coming out, with nothing in particular to restrain it. ---
**Author:** ![Briny\_Deep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/briny_deep/32/17188_2.png) [@Briny\_Deep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briny_Deep)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2024, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-an-endless-and-copious-stream-of-suggested-concerns/1002870/15 "2024-06-14T15:19:36Z")
I get what you’re saying about not wanting to miss out on the positive feedback. But do you get enough of that via your contact form on your website (link on your channel)? Perhaps you might stop reading the Youtube comments but still read your mail – those people have at least jumped through one small hoop to communicate with you, and perhaps the quality is higher as a result. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2024, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-an-endless-and-copious-stream-of-suggested-concerns/1002870/16 "2024-06-14T15:26:10Z")
Maybe, but not many people do, and some of the ‘have you tried…’ type of suggestions in the comments are genuinely a source of new ideas for me ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2024, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-an-endless-and-copious-stream-of-suggested-concerns/1002870/17 "2024-06-14T15:34:34Z")
> **[The miller, his son and the donkey](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_miller,_his_son_and_the_donkey)** > > The miller, his son and the donkey is a widely dispersed fable, number 721 in the Perry Index and number 1215 in the Aarne–Thompson classification systems of folklore narratives. Though it may have ancient analogues, the earliest extant version is in the work of the 13th-century Arab writer Ibn Said. There are many eastern versions of the tale and in Europe it was included in a number of Mediaeval collections. Since then it has been frequently included in collections of Aesop's fables as well as ... The moral of the story: If you try to please everyone, you will please no one, including yourself. Ignore the lecturers. Ban 'em if they’re persistent. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2024, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-an-endless-and-copious-stream-of-suggested-concerns/1002870/18 "2024-06-14T15:44:40Z")
Sort them. Don’t read them further than determining which pile they go in, ‘you’re wrong about, you should consider, what’s that on your arm’, etc, etc, etc. Tell yourself when you have time, or find you are in the correct mindset, you’ll return to reevaluate their input. I think this would really help. You can always decide later to junk them all! ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2024, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-an-endless-and-copious-stream-of-suggested-concerns/1002870/19 "2024-06-14T15:54:57Z")
Yeah, this might help. If I can persuade myself that I’ll care about it later, but not now, later will usually mean never - if only because the search function on YouTube comments is utterly dire. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2024, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-an-endless-and-copious-stream-of-suggested-concerns/1002870/20 "2024-06-14T15:58:13Z")
I should say that one thing I have done in general is to have a regular video segment that is the antithesis of ‘reacting to hater comments’. I pick out a handful of comments that asked interesting questions, or just made me smile, and respond to those. It has made a difference both to my perception, and also the reality of the comment section in general [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-an-endless-and-copious-stream-of-suggested-concerns/1002870.md?page=2)