# How to deal with someone who is hyper-obsessed with you **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 12, 2015, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409 "2015-10-12T07:53:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cardboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Cardboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardboard)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2015, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/21 "2015-10-12T21:33:02Z")
Your criticisms are fully understood and well received. This has been a real learning experience and also an unfortunate baptism by fire. I have taken your advice and really, truly appreciate your help and understanding. I tried to outline my plight elsewhere and though I got some meaningful responses, I also got some “that’s not assault, that’s a score!” type responses, which obviously don’t help. My roommate knows full well about the situation so he should be good. ---
**Author:** ![Cardboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Cardboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardboard)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/22 "2015-10-13T02:34:40Z")
She was standing outside my door for an hour knocking. I ignored it. Eventually she slid her key under my door with a note (didn’t acknowledge or read). Then she eventually opens up my door (uninvited), walks in (uninvited) and tries to speak to me. Some guy is behind her. I don’t give her time to say anything and I boot her out, telling her what she is doing is technically harassment at this point. Did I do it right? ---
**Author:** ![Cardboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Cardboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardboard)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/23 "2015-10-13T02:36:16Z")
She has sent me 21 texts today. She has tried to call me 9 times today. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/24 "2015-10-13T02:48:46Z")
> [@Cardboard](#): > > She was standing outside my door for an hour knocking. I ignored it. Eventually she slid her key under my door with a note (didn’t acknowledge or read). Then she eventually opens up my door (uninvited), walks in (uninvited) and tries to speak to me. Some guy is behind her. I don’t give her time to say anything and I boot her out, telling her what she is doing is technically harassment at this point. Did I do it right? Yes you did the last part right, mostly. You really need to keep your door locked. At this point, make sure your RA knows what’s going on. You should be able to call/text him to check on you if she’s in your residence again. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/25 "2015-10-13T02:50:11Z")
> [@Cardboard](#): > > She has sent me 21 texts today. > > She has tried to call me 9 times today. Send her one text. “I’m blocking you now.” And actually block her number. You don’t need this shit. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/26 "2015-10-13T05:15:27Z")
Yeah you need to speak to a Higher Power about this. I don’t mean God I mean an RA and/or security person. ---
**Author:** ![TheSpeculationElucidation](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@TheSpeculationElucidation](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheSpeculationElucidation)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/27 "2015-10-13T10:31:35Z")
If it has gotten to this point, you need to speak to the RA. She is not respecting your boundaries. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/28 "2015-10-13T12:23:52Z")
> [@Cardboard](#): > > She was standing outside my door for an hour knocking. I ignored it. Eventually she slid her key under my door with a note (didn’t acknowledge or read). Then she eventually opens up my door (uninvited), walks in (uninvited) and tries to speak to me. Some guy is behind her. I don’t give her time to say anything and I boot her out, telling her what she is doing is technically harassment at this point. Did I do it right? As the others said, start with the RA. Ensure they do some kind of written report. Then proceed directly to campus police. Ensure they do some kind of written report. You’re going to have an uphill fight proving your innocence if she turns into a real freak about this. She appears to be not mentally healthy. When she finally decides that sex or at least BF/GF status is off the table she may go from obsessed with loving you to obsessed with hating you. At which point anything from rape accusations to a knife in your chest while you sleep become possible. Contrary to what others said: you’re probably better off by not blocking her on your phone/txt/email at least for a few days. Better to let the evidence accumulate. If she’s as crazy as she sounds, she’ll quickly give you enough evidence to convince even the sceptics at the campus police dept.Just make damn sure that after your one ultimatum to leave you alone that you provide exactly zero feedback after that. The sooner you get on record with the cops as a victim in this scenario the safer for you. I hope I am not coming across as melodramatic. Because I’m not; I’m deadly serious. I have seen this scenario play out before. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/29 "2015-10-13T12:55:50Z")
> [@Fiveroptic](#): > > [Maybe she’s possessed by a demon from Satan.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=770405) > [@running\_coach](#): > > She’s not [femail.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=738323) Freshman in college 2015 : 18 years old Obama elected president in 2008 : 11 years old [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=18767184#post18767184](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=18767184#post18767184) > [@Why is yahoo comments full of right wingers](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-yahoo-comments-full-of-right-wingers/734482/2): > > As an experienced yahoo commenter, the pattern is this … when liberals like Obama are in power, conservative comments rise to the top. I remember when bush was in power, it was liberal comments that rose to the top. Also troll comments get a lot of attention so there are a ton of people who say over the top conservative stuff just to get a rise out of people. Q: Does your college have an honor code that expels students for dishonesty? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/30 "2015-10-13T13:41:57Z")
> [@Eonwe](#): > > I think you need to be more direct. When she hears “I’m just not interested in sex generally,” she thinks that maybe you want to, but just don’t know how, or are maybe really shy, or whatever. You need to say, “I don’t want to be physically intimate _with you_ because I am not interested _in you_ that way.” When you try to explain your lack of interest as some kind of larger, philosophical choice, she doesn’t get that that applies to her. Yeah. I don’t in any way mean to imply that this situation is your fault (the person with the real problem is _always_ the person who doesn’t take no for an answer), but since your choices, and your explanations for them, are somewhat … unusual for a college-aged guy, that may contribute to why she isn’t taking them seriously. (You’re both immersed in a culture that, in general, does not take male lack-of-desire-for-sex seriously, hence the “that’s not an assault, that’s a score” comments.) In the future, you’re probably better off with a simple “sorry, not interested in you that way” and skipping all other explanations. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/31 "2015-10-13T13:49:35Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > Freshman in college 2015 : 18 years old > > Obama elected president in 2008 : 11 years old > > [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=18767184#post18767184](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=18767184#post18767184) > > Q: Does your college have an honor code that expels students for dishonesty? :dubious: Look— he was forced into a life of online political commentary before he even hit puberty, he was possessed by a demon, and now he’s being relentlessly stalked by a licentious she-beast lusting after his unfapped dong. Would a little sympathy be too much to ask? ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/32 "2015-10-13T13:59:04Z")
Why not just shag the girl, I don’t understand what the problem is? ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/33 "2015-10-13T14:01:43Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > Why not just shag the girl, I don’t understand what the problem is? This isn’t really the place to be giving “advice” like that. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/34 "2015-10-13T14:02:52Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > This isn’t really the place to be giving “advice” like that. It wasn’t advice, it was a question. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/35 "2015-10-13T14:12:09Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > It wasn’t advice, it was a question. He doesn’t want to have sex with her. All of his posts have said as much. He wants nothing to do with her. Having sex with her will not make her go away. In summary, - He shouldn’t shag her because he doesn’t want to have sex with her. - He shouldn’t shag her because he wants her to go away. Shagging her would be non-productive towards those two goals. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/36 "2015-10-13T14:13:49Z")
Maybe he will be able to clarify the situation for us. ---
**Author:** ![TheSpeculationElucidation](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@TheSpeculationElucidation](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheSpeculationElucidation)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/37 "2015-10-13T14:17:08Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > Maybe he will be able to clarify the situation for us. He already did, quite a few times, and you’re being insensitive. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/38 "2015-10-13T15:11:08Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > Why not just shag the girl, I don’t understand what the problem is? How many times have we told even experienced folks: Do NOT stick your dick in the crazy!! Even assuming you’re trying to be helpful, your suggestion isn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/39 "2015-10-13T16:32:15Z")
If the situation were reversed, and you were the female, everyone would be telling you to go higher, or to the police, and that you were in danger. Go to the authorities. Do not engage with this person again. ---
**Author:** ![chaika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chaika/32/405_2.png) [@chaika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaika)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/40 "2015-10-13T18:20:10Z")
Despite telling her that you do not want a sexual relationship, you somehow managed to “wind up underneath her on the bed”? How exactly does that happen, one wonders. I don’t have the slightest idea what “NoFap” means, but it seems related to your decision to remain sexually abstinent. Perfectly valid choice, if that’s what makes you happy. Although the woman in question sounds not only unusually obtuse but also perhaps a bit unhinged, spending hours alone with her overnight might have given her the wrong idea about how seriously you are committed to a sexless existence. Especially if you wound up underneath her on the bed and “placated” her to an unspecified degree. I agree with others that your best option is to inform the college authorities, beginning with the RA. I’d probably talk with someone in the housing office and/or the office of the dean of students as well. And for God’s sake, don’t let her in your room again. Keep the door locked at all times. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409.md?page=3)