# How to deal with someone who is hyper-obsessed with you **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 12, 2015, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409 "2015-10-12T07:53:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Cardboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Cardboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardboard)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/41 "2015-10-13T18:37:33Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > Freshman in college 2015 : 18 years old > > Obama elected president in 2008 : 11 years old > > [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=18767184#post18767184](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=18767184#post18767184) > > Q: Does your college have an honor code that expels students for dishonesty? :dubious: The snark is not appreciated at this juncture. Please point out where I said I was a freshman. I am not a freshman. I will not say my age but I was old enough to consume and understand political news when Bush was still in office. ---
**Author:** ![Cardboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Cardboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardboard)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/42 "2015-10-13T18:39:44Z")
> [@chaika](#): > > \*\*Despite telling her that you do not want a sexual relationship, you somehow managed to “wind up underneath her on the bed”? How exactly does that happen, one wonders. \*\* > > I don’t have the slightest idea what “NoFap” means, but it seems related to your decision to remain sexually abstinent. Perfectly valid choice, if that’s what makes you happy. Although the woman in question sounds not only unusually obtuse but also perhaps a bit unhinged, spending hours alone with her overnight might have given her the wrong idea about how seriously you are committed to a sexless existence. Especially if you wound up underneath her on the bed and “placated” her to an unspecified degree. > > I agree with others that your best option is to inform the college authorities, beginning with the RA. I’d probably talk with someone in the housing office and/or the office of the dean of students as well. And for God’s sake, don’t let her in your room again. Keep the door locked at all times. When someone is hanging onto you with all their body weight and you are trying to shake them off balance can and will eventually be lost. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/43 "2015-10-13T18:43:13Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Look— he was forced into a life of online political commentary before he even hit puberty, he was possessed by a demon, and now he’s being relentlessly stalked by a licentious she-beast lusting after his unfapped dong. Would a little sympathy be too much to ask? So you’re betting dollars to Donettes that he was posting Yodels on Yahoo at 11 like a Yankee Doodle. Then, after puberty Ring Dings, some Devil Dog possessed his Twinkie? And then some Ho Ho “Suzy Q” starts offering him her Cupcakes and Mini Muffin and says that now she wants this Fruit Pie’s Funny Bone? And he doesn’t want to give her Sno Balls? And none of this is a Zinger…? I dunno… this thread’s too rich for me… ---
**Author:** ![Cardboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Cardboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardboard)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/44 "2015-10-13T18:51:30Z")
She found another phone number and sent me 20 texts. I still try to see the good in this person and as strange as it may seem feel kind of bad that she feels as bad as she does, but at this point I don’t know what of which she is saying is lies and what is sincerity. Is there any way I could let her know that I do not abhor her as a human being while still keeping myself separate from her? ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/45 "2015-10-13T18:53:30Z")
> [@Cardboard](#): > > She found another phone number and sent me 20 texts. > > I still try to see the good in this person and as strange as it may seem feel kind of bad that she feels as bad as she does, but at this point I don’t know what of which she is saying is lies and what is sincerity. > > Is there any way I could let her know that I do not abhor her as a human being while still keeping myself separate from her? How did she “find” another phone number? ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/46 "2015-10-13T19:07:56Z")
> [@Cardboard](#): > > Is there any way I could let her know that I do not abhor her as a human being while still keeping myself separate from her? No. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/47 "2015-10-13T19:09:16Z")
… ---
**Author:** ![Cardboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Cardboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardboard)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/48 "2015-10-13T19:22:56Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > How did she “find” another phone number? A friend’s phone, probably. Here is the best I can do as far as evidence of the authenticity of my adventure. [![](https://i1016.photobucket.com/albums/af284/cardboard12/20151013_1459471_zps9k2bb0vi.jpg) ](https://i1016.photobucket.com/albums/af284/cardboard12/20151013_1459471_zps9k2bb0vi.jpg) Sorry that it is upside down. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/49 "2015-10-13T21:11:33Z")
Have you talked to your RA yet? Or the Campus police? Or the real police? Talk to a lawyer and get a restraining order. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/50 "2015-10-13T21:47:43Z")
> [@Cardboard](#): > > A friend’s phone, probably. > > Here is the best I can do as far as evidence of the authenticity of my adventure. > > [http://i1016.photobucket.com/albums/af284/cardboard12/20151013\_1459471\_zps9k2bb0vi.jpg](http://i1016.photobucket.com/albums/af284/cardboard12/20151013_1459471_zps9k2bb0vi.jpg) That note has been pinked by the rapist! ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/51 "2015-10-13T21:52:20Z")
> [@Cardboard](#): > > A friend’s phone, probably. > > Here is the best I can do as far as evidence of the authenticity of my adventure. > > [http://i1016.photobucket.com/albums/af284/cardboard12/20151013\_1459471\_zps9k2bb0vi.jpg](http://i1016.photobucket.com/albums/af284/cardboard12/20151013_1459471_zps9k2bb0vi.jpg) > > Sorry that it is upside down. According to that note you did her wrong. I’d say you at least owe her flowers and a box of chocolates. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/52 "2015-10-13T21:55:21Z")
> [@Cardboard](#): > > A friend’s phone, probably. > > Here is the best I can do as far as evidence of the authenticity of my adventure. > > [http://i1016.photobucket.com/albums/af284/cardboard12/20151013\_1459471\_zps9k2bb0vi.jpg](http://i1016.photobucket.com/albums/af284/cardboard12/20151013_1459471_zps9k2bb0vi.jpg) > > Sorry that it is upside down. Can we see a screencap or two of these 20+ unanswered texts? Should be easy enough to hide/crop out any identifying info. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/53 "2015-10-13T22:37:10Z")
> [@Cardboard](#): > > When someone is hanging onto you with all their body weight and you are trying to shake them off balance can and will eventually be lost. When you fall, try and fall onto the bed, that will save some time. ---
**Author:** ![Ibanez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@Ibanez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ibanez)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/54 "2015-10-13T23:23:39Z")
College isn’t exactly the safest space for young men these days when it comes to accusations from crazy broads with boundary issues, one accusation from her and your screwed. Take precautions. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2015, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/55 "2015-10-14T00:11:37Z")
> [@Cardboard](#): > > Is there any way I could let her know that I do not abhor her as a human being while still keeping myself separate from her? Absolutely not. You need to have zero contact with her, **anything** you say or do, even what you consider a simple “hello” will be taken as a chance for more with her. She’s not stable, she doesn’t process benign communication like a normal person. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2015, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/56 "2015-10-14T00:13:46Z")
> [@Cardboard](#): > > She found another phone number and sent me 20 texts. > > I still try to see the good in this person and as strange as it may seem feel kind of bad that she feels as bad as she does, but at this point I don’t know what of which she is saying is lies and what is sincerity. > > Is there any way I could let her know that I do not abhor her as a human being while still keeping myself separate from her? No, you can’t. I have a two year old, and one of the fundamentals of raising a toddler is that you must draw absolutely clear boundaries and stick to them firmly. This feels TERRIBLE sometimes, and constantly telling a cute kid “no” is not at all fun. But consistent boundaries actually help a kid to feel safe. They are programmed to constantly test the world, to see what can and can’t be trusted. And it reassures them when they come to the same result each time. This woman probably is in genuine emotional distress, probably rooted in some lack of balance. As long as you allow for fuzzy boundaries, she is going to keep pushing them in an attempt to figure out the bounds of her emotional world, and each time it is going to throw her further off balance. But when she encounters clear and consistent boundaries, that will help provide her the stability and predictability that she needs in order to do whatever healing that she needs to do. You may feel like a jerk for doing it. But right now she is unable to draw her own boundaries and it’s making her crazy, so the best thing that you can do is draw them for her. You need to make it so that she has no option but to let go and move on. ---
**Author:** ![Cardboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Cardboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardboard)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2015, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/57 "2015-10-14T00:45:12Z")
Well, this situation has taken an unfortunate turn for the worse for me. So, wish me luck. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Anconia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@D\_Anconia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Anconia)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2015, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/58 "2015-10-14T00:56:39Z")
> [@Cardboard](#): > > Well, this situation has taken an unfortunate turn for the worse for me. How so? ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2015, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/59 "2015-10-14T01:18:58Z")
> [@SeaDragonTattoo](#): > > Absolutely not. You need to have zero contact with her, **anything** you say or do, even what you consider a simple “hello” will be taken as a chance for more with her. She’s not stable, she doesn’t process benign communication like a normal person. The only contact that he’s had with any sort of female in the last month or so has been with Squeaky, his cute plastic girlfriend who lives under his bed. ---
**Author:** ![jayrey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/47e85d/32.png) [@jayrey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayrey)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2015, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409/60 "2015-10-14T03:22:18Z")
> [@SeaDragonTattoo](#): > > Absolutely not. You need to have zero contact with her, **anything** you say or do, even what you consider a simple “hello” will be taken as a chance for more with her. She’s not stable, she doesn’t process benign communication like a normal person. Please, please, please pay attention to this. Tattoo it on your arm to refer to if necessary. **Have no contact whatsoever of any kind with this woman**. Do not worry that by staying away from her you are hurting her feelings. I don’t want to be mean, but please, **Cardboard** , grow a spine! This woman is a danger to you, disrespectful and seriously off-balance. She does not deserve your sympathy or consideration. Let the authorities deal with her. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-hyper-obsessed-with-you/734409.md?page=4)