# How to Dress for a Memorial Service? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 19, 2014, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-dress-for-a-memorial-service/693499 "2014-07-19T01:16:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Jinx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Jinx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jinx)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-dress-for-a-memorial-service/693499/1 "2014-07-19T01:16:44Z")
A good friend of the family passed away, and there is going to be a memorial service conducted by her grown children. Since they are busy with various arrangements, I can’t bother them…so, I ask: What is the right level of dress for this? What would you wear…if a man? …if a woman? ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-dress-for-a-memorial-service/693499/2 "2014-07-19T01:21:07Z")
Man: Dress pants. Shirt. Tie. Jacket. Possibly no jacket if it’s extremely hot, but certainly shirt and tie. Female: I’m not one so I defer. ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-dress-for-a-memorial-service/693499/3 "2014-07-19T01:51:18Z")
“Dressy” casual. It’s not the funeral and might be a celebration of her life, but it shows respect to not be too informal. Jacket for you (with or w/o tie), dress for her. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-dress-for-a-memorial-service/693499/4 "2014-07-19T01:51:33Z")
Woman here. I would wear dark colors and dress conservatively. Just nice pants in black and a nice top/blouse would be OK. A dress with some sort of sleeve and close to the knees, too. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-dress-for-a-memorial-service/693499/5 "2014-07-19T02:53:59Z")
I’d say think “somber”. You know that yellow necktie with the hand painted hula girl on it? Don’t wear it. Wear the dark blue one with maroon regimental stripes on it. ---
**Author:** ![Pai325](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Pai325](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pai325)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-dress-for-a-memorial-service/693499/6 "2014-07-19T03:57:45Z")
For a man I would think dark suit or sport coat, and for a woman something dark also, but not necessarily a dress. Nothing too tight, short, or revealing. What used to be called church clothes when I was younger. Not so somber though to make it look like you’re the chief mourner. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Feldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lord_feldon/32/341_2.png) [@Lord\_Feldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Feldon)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-dress-for-a-memorial-service/693499/7 "2014-07-19T04:09:03Z")
When did she die? It’s a little more open-ended (not a lot, but a little) if this is months after the fact rather than a near-funeral a week later. ---
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-dress-for-a-memorial-service/693499/8 "2014-07-19T04:17:28Z")
Men to wear something like a dark business suit, or approximation thereof, women to wear dark sort of things, either very tidy trousers (that aren’t denim jeans or shorts), or a dress or blouse & skirt ensemble. “Dark” needn’t really be black - dark grey or navy blue should be fine. Hey, purple counts as a mourning colour, too, but not pale lilac sort of purple, darker - well sort of Deep Purple, really. 🙂 And not to show too much leg and not low-cut on top. \* Even if you find that you have got it a _tiny_ bit wrong and see other people dressed in red or yellow or something, well, that’s much less of a problem than if you were to attend in bright flashy things and find everyone else in black stuff. - Holy shit, am I turning into an ancient grandmother? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-dress-for-a-memorial-service/693499/9 "2014-07-19T04:41:23Z")
Man: Suit. No “novelty” ties. Woman: The sixth or seventh outfit you try on. ---
**Author:** ![svd678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/53a042/32.png) [@svd678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/svd678)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-dress-for-a-memorial-service/693499/10 "2014-07-19T04:43:49Z")
#3: Unless it’s long-delayed or something, a Memorial Service is exactly the same as a funeral, except for the absence of the body. Suit and tie are usual. ---
**Author:** ![OldnCrinkly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8e7dd6/32.png) [@OldnCrinkly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OldnCrinkly)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-dress-for-a-memorial-service/693499/11 "2014-07-19T05:13:56Z")
I think you can take a hint also from the venue. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-dress-for-a-memorial-service/693499/12 "2014-07-19T10:46:45Z")
> [@svd678](#): > > #3: Unless it’s long-delayed or something, a Memorial Service is exactly the same as a funeral, except for the absence of the body. Suit and tie are usual. This. If it’s the Xth anniversary memorial then regular clothing, not particularly dressy but neither particularly loud. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-dress-for-a-memorial-service/693499/13 "2014-07-19T12:15:26Z")
Last memorial service I attended, I wore some slacks, low-heeled shoes and a floaty long-sleeved blouse. Minimal make up and I wore a necklace the deceased had given me. Most of the family and close friends were Pentecostal (I’m not) so I went with low-key conservative. I was dressed appropriately as were most. A couple of people showed up in shorts and t-shirts and looked out of place. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-dress-for-a-memorial-service/693499/14 "2014-07-19T12:22:37Z")
I’ve been to a lot of funerals and I think the suit jacket is unnecessary (most of the time). But for men, it’s really a sliding scale based on how well you knew the deceased… Immediate Family/Close Friend: Dress Shirt. Dress Pants. Tie. Jacket Extended Family: Dress Shirt. Dress Pants. Tie. Extended Family of Extended Family/Friend: Dress Shirt. Dress Pants. Distant Acquaintance: Dress Shirt. Khakis. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-dress-for-a-memorial-service/693499/15 "2014-07-19T12:37:01Z")
This might be silly advice, but I think it’s important for men to wear a classic white shirt under their dark suit. Don’t go with the more-is-more approach and wear a dark grey shirt under your suit or something else dark. You’ll look like either a gangster or a ninja and either way people will assume you are responsible for the decedent’s death. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-dress-for-a-memorial-service/693499/16 "2014-07-19T15:43:20Z")
Since the person being memorialized does not care, I would dress in a manner that would not offend the other living alttendees. And that would depend, in large part, what kinds of people those are. It might be a memorial for a business associate of my father, or it might be a memorial for one of the guys down at the pool hall. That distinction would dictate comportment. ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-dress-for-a-memorial-service/693499/17 "2014-07-19T22:34:07Z")
Better to be over-dressed than under-dressed. For a male: Business suit, preferably a dark color. White or blue shirt. Conservative necktie. For a female: I have no clue. Probably should not show too much skin. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2014, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-dress-for-a-memorial-service/693499/18 "2014-07-21T19:28:00Z")
Male or female: Hawaiian shirt, go-go shorts, Crocs and a sombrero. Is this a serious question? It’s a memorial service. You dress conservatively. Collared, button-down shirt; tie, jacket or both; clean and pressed slacks (guy); conservative dress or blouse & skirt (girl). ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2014, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-dress-for-a-memorial-service/693499/19 "2014-07-21T19:34:55Z")
I’m a male, I’d wear a dark suit, white shirt, conservative tie with a dark stripe. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2014, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-dress-for-a-memorial-service/693499/20 "2014-07-21T19:41:29Z")
Sometimes you know that there are exceptions. My sister in law asked, before she died of cancer, for a lighter memorial, not too somber. I had to go buy a colorful tie, because all mine were too “conservative.” Everyone knew that jeans were appropriate for my father’s memorial. However, since you’re asking, you obviously have been given no guidance and the default is "dark suit jacket, dress pants, and conservative shirt and tie.’ for men. You would probably not offend anyone by skipping the jacket or the tie, but not both. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-dress-for-a-memorial-service/693499.md?page=2)