# How to evade awkward questions **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 26, 2009, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-evade-awkward-questions/497638 "2009-05-26T01:20:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-evade-awkward-questions/497638/21 "2009-05-26T21:17:04Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > BabySis: “Dad, what does an enema do?” > Dad: “It makes you shit.” > BabySis: “Then what does a barium enema do?” > Dad: “It makes you shit a lot.” It makes your shit GLOW! Doesn’t smell any better though. You have to be really really rich to have shit that doesn’t stink. ---
**Author:** ![DooWahDiddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@DooWahDiddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DooWahDiddy)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-evade-awkward-questions/497638/22 "2009-05-26T22:29:33Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > I’m reminded of the scene in the movie “Parenthood” when Steve Martin comes out with his sister’s vibrator, and his daughter asks her mother what it is. > > Mary Steenburgen: “It’s an electric ear-cleaner.” > Daughter: “It’s kinda big.” But you left out the punchline! Mary Steenburgen: “It’s an electric ear-cleaner.” Daughter: “It’s kinda big.” Grandma: “It sure was!” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Doom\_Slinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@Doom\_Slinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doom_Slinger)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-evade-awkward-questions/497638/23 "2009-05-26T23:38:04Z")
When I was a little kid just learning how to sound out words, I saw the word “SEX” on a risqué greeting card in the grocery store, and asked my mom what it meant. She told me it was Latin for “six.” ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-evade-awkward-questions/497638/24 "2009-05-27T00:30:16Z")
> [@Doom\_Slinger](#): > > She told me it was Latin for “six.” Kinky. _Really_ kinky. ---
**Author:** ![MonkeyMensch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@MonkeyMensch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MonkeyMensch)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-evade-awkward-questions/497638/25 "2009-05-27T00:55:28Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > … I remember, when I was very young, finding my mother’s [sanitary belt.](http://www.mum.org/beltclass.htm) At least, I would assume it was my mother’s. … Ah, thank you Lynn. I just about cried looking at that pic. As the youngest of six (with two girls) I thought my sisters had the worst garter belts on the planet, but it turns out they were just bleeding to death in shifts. (Sniff, sniff) ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-evade-awkward-questions/497638/26 "2009-05-27T01:17:56Z")
It’s not awkward, but the OP reminds me of my mother’s story of asking her father what “pedestrians” were. Without missing a beat, he replied, “People from Pedestria”. Later on, she volunteered that answer in response to her teacher’s question in class. The response from the teacher was not positive. Maybe it was awkward after all… ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-evade-awkward-questions/497638/27 "2009-05-27T01:51:56Z")
When my dad was a tour guide on the Red Buses in Glacier Park in the '50s, an elderly woman was taking copious notes in a notebook. She asked him about a red bird on the shoulder of the highway, “What kind of a bird is that?” He told her it was a Nearoada. She dutifully wrote it down. He didn’t know when the penny dropped, but as she exited the bus at the end of the tour, she smacked him in the head with her notebook. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-evade-awkward-questions/497638/28 "2009-05-27T02:04:02Z")
Penny isn’t dropping here. “Near-road-uh”? ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-evade-awkward-questions/497638/29 "2009-05-27T02:17:41Z")
When my daughter was about 6-7, she had been reading something, pointed at a word and asked me what it meant. O-R-G-A-S-M Yeah, we let her read pretty much whatever she picked up, this was in one of her mom’s magazines. Anyway, I explained how when we’re in the car, and driving fast over a hill and we start going down over the hill, and how your stomach goes all jibbity? That’s an orgasm. A year or so later, we’re at the Six Flags, and in line for some roller coaster when she announces to everyone in sight that she can’t wait to have that orgasm, and don’t you guys have one too, and isn’t that cool? She got straight answers after that. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-evade-awkward-questions/497638/30 "2009-05-27T02:28:17Z")
Quoth **BigT** : > [@](#): > > Plus, there’s almost always a way to answer the question without lying and on the kid’s level. In fact, I’d advise only giving the kid a very vague answer to help gauge his interest. You could even just say, “We can discuss that later,” and see if the kid actually brings it back up. If he is really interested, chances are he’s ready for some sort of straight answer. I agree with this. You don’t necessarily have to give a complete answer, but you should at least give a correct answer. When the kid finds a vibrator in your bedroom, you can lead off with “Oh, that’s Mommy’s”. If he presses further, “Grown-ups play with those sometimes, but they’re not for kids.”. If he still presses for more information after that, then you can start with the whole Birds and Bees thing. Of course, if it’s not your child, then “That’s the kind of question you should ask your parents” works, too (so long as you know that the parents will give a straight answer). ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-evade-awkward-questions/497638/31 "2009-05-27T02:47:51Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > When I was a teen, my dimit teenaged brother just out of the blue one time asked my mother was sodomy was. I could have died in that instant- talk about awkward. Without missing a beat, my kindly, modest, 50’s-style mom said sweetly, “It’s when you fuck somebody in the ass, dear.” Don’t mean to “me too” here but day-umm that was funny. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-evade-awkward-questions/497638/32 "2009-05-27T02:51:16Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > Penny isn’t dropping here. Me, too. Er, “nor I”. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-evade-awkward-questions/497638/33 "2009-05-27T02:55:58Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > Penny isn’t dropping here. > > “Near-road-uh”? Yeah, a “near road - ah” I’m not saying it was the funniest thing ever, but he was (and is) known for just making something up in jest if he didn’t/doesn’t know the answer. After seeing the University of Minnesota mascot, he told my sister the team was the Chipmunks, and that “Alvin and the Chipmunks” came from Minnesota. (The team is actually the Golden Gophers.) Life with Dad is an ongoing game of “Bullshit Or Not?” ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-evade-awkward-questions/497638/34 "2009-05-27T03:11:56Z")
> [@Jodi](#): > > Yeah, a “near road - ah” I’m not saying it was the funniest thing ever, Christ, I wish _I_ could slap him. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-evade-awkward-questions/497638/35 "2009-05-27T05:34:47Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > BabySis: “Dad, what does an enema do?” > Dad: “It makes you shit.” > BabySis: “Then what does a barium enema do?” > Dad: “It makes you shit a lot.” No, no, no. It makes you shit metal lumps, that’s what it does. Metal lumps that clang against the toilet bottom when they hit it. I think that the only thing I hate worse than a barium enema is drinking the barium solution beforehand. My body recognizes that this stuff is poisonous and dangerous and should not be taken internally, and makes every effort to get this message through to my brain. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-evade-awkward-questions/497638/36 "2009-05-27T05:44:31Z")
> [@MonkeyMensch](#): > > Ah, thank you Lynn. I just about cried looking at that pic. As the youngest of six (with two girls) I thought my sisters had the worst garter belts on the planet, but it turns out they were just bleeding to death in shifts. > > (Sniff, sniff) I am delighted to provide you with the Straight Dope on this subject. However, don’t expect me to explain the rest of the Secrets of Womanhood to you. You’re just going to have to explore the Museum of Menstruation for yourself. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-evade-awkward-questions/497638/37 "2009-05-27T15:31:55Z")
> [@Mr Bus Guy](#): > > When my daughter was about 6-7, she had been reading something, pointed at a word and asked me what it meant. > > O-R-G-A-S-M > > Yeah, we let her read pretty much whatever she picked up, this was in one of her mom’s magazines. > > Anyway, I explained how when we’re in the car, and driving fast over a hill and we start going down over the hill, and how your stomach goes all jibbity? That’s an orgasm. > > A year or so later, we’re at the Six Flags, and in line for some roller coaster when she announces to everyone in sight that she can’t wait to have that orgasm, and don’t you guys have one too, and isn’t that cool? > She got straight answers after that. This deserves some sort of insightful and witty comment, but I can’t think of anything other than :eek:. Maybe when I stop laughing. ---
**Author:** ![Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/soul_brother_number_two/32/3515_2.png) [@Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul_Brother_Number_Two)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-evade-awkward-questions/497638/38 "2009-05-27T16:12:53Z")
> [@](#): > > When my daughter was about 6-7 How tall is she now? ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-evade-awkward-questions/497638/39 "2009-05-27T16:59:31Z")
> [@ghardester](#): > > If you are old enough to ask this question you should get a straight answer. > > I love your mom. > > I never withheld information from my boys if they asked. I find it wrong to tell a child one thing because you may think they are too young for the truth. And then later when you really want them to believe you, and you have told them ‘white lies’, will they take your advice or will they think it is just another partial truth? > > In order to ask a proper question you must already know part of the answer. Well, for the most part I agree with you. However… when a 6 year old reads a sign on a shop as you’re driving past, and asks what an “Adult Toy Store is”… one must weigh the benefits of a truthful answer, versus the child’s level of understanding and whether he even has sufficient background knowledge to comprehend anything like a truthful answer. Sort of like explaining high-speed internet to someone who’s never seen electricity in use. (I’ve told the “adult toy store” tale here before and yeah, I lied like a rug - told him it was a place that sold grownup “toys” like VCRs etc.). Depending on the age of littlestbro, I suspect a truthful answer is appropriate. If littlestbro has no clue about reproduction, of course, it may be tricky to put it in terms he’d understand, without spending hours on the subject. Our Moon Unit, at age 8ish, got a factual answer when she asked her father “what’s a lesbian”. ---
**Author:** ![Solfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Solfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Solfy)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-evade-awkward-questions/497638/40 "2009-05-27T18:27:57Z")
My brother was only about 6yrs old when he overheard a story on the local news that used the word “porn.” He asked our mother what porn was. She told him, “It’s corn spelled with a P.” He accepted the answer and went on his merry way. She still can’t believe he bought that answer. Some things kids can find out just fine by themselves. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-evade-awkward-questions/497638.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-evade-awkward-questions/497638.md?page=3)