# How to find friends. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 29, 2015, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-friends/732994 "2015-09-29T23:49:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-friends/732994/61 "2015-09-30T22:50:28Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > Your mental health could be though. I think there must be services available that you can afford. Is Asperger’s Syndrome and Depression a disability or is it an asset? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-friends/732994/62 "2015-09-30T23:03:03Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > Such walks happen rarer and rarer. In 2008 I walked to the bus a few times a week. In 2010 maybe once in one or two weeks. In 2013 I took a few walks to the bus station. This year I tried once, walked a quarter of the way and took a taxi. Wait, you took a _taxi_ to get to the bus?? 😕 That’s gotta be the most nonsensical thing I’ve ever heard. If you have money for a taxi, why are you taking the bus? ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-friends/732994/63 "2015-09-30T23:06:20Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Wait, you took a _taxi_ to get to the bus?? 😕 That’s gotta be the most nonsensical thing I’ve ever heard. If you have money for a taxi, why are you taking the bus? I took a taxi to the destination – once in a year I can afford… ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-friends/732994/64 "2015-10-01T00:05:47Z")
So it sounds like you are almost house bound, is that accurate? Is there a community center or maybe a YMCA near you? They sometimes offer water exercise classes. I think they’re either free or very near that in a lot of places. Are you religious? Maybe go and talk with a Rabbi? You might get lucky and find one who is lonely and wants to chat. I don’t see anything wrong with paying to have a friend to talk to now and again. I do hope you will be careful in what you reveal to such a person though. And I wish you well in your efforts to make more friends. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-friends/732994/65 "2015-10-01T00:11:32Z")
> [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](#): > > Are you religious? Maybe go and talk with a Rabbi? You might get lucky and find one who is lonely and wants to chat. I do talk to my Rabbi on the phone every week. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-friends/732994/66 "2015-10-01T01:09:04Z")
> [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](#): > > I don’t see anything wrong with paying to have a friend to talk to now and again. If you have to pay a person to talk to you for one hour a week, it’s a stretch to call that person a friend. ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-friends/732994/67 "2015-10-01T01:15:25Z")
I think you should look at change less like you are losing part of your personality and more like the process of growing as a human. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-friends/732994/68 "2015-10-01T01:29:54Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > If you have to pay a person to talk to you for one hour a week, it’s a stretch to call that person a friend. I feel like I am totally isolated – such friendship is better then nothing. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-friends/732994/69 "2015-10-01T01:41:42Z")
Listen, Mole. There is no such thing in this world as “friends.” Everyone is out for himself. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/au_tL122R6g/hqdefault.jpg "Wind In The Willows / Mr Toad's Wild Ride - Secret Of Survival") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=au_tL122R6g) ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-friends/732994/70 "2015-10-01T01:56:23Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > I feel like I am totally isolated – such friendship is better then nothing. “Social contact” seems a bit more fitting here than “friendship”. And I totally understand. ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-friends/732994/71 "2015-10-01T02:16:41Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > If you have to pay a person to talk to you for one hour a week, it’s a stretch to call that person a friend. Unless a happy ending is involved. 🙂 You cant find any activities at Synagogue to participate in? And Ill mention it again since you like Runescape…join a clan. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-friends/732994/72 "2015-10-01T19:34:44Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > I fit neither into Russian nor into American society. Dude, you’ve been in the US [since the '80s](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=18682659&postcount=73) and you’re only 45. Even if you didn’t come here until you were 19 or 20, you’ve been here longer than you were there. That’s plenty of time to have figured out how to “fit in” to American society. If the problem is your Asperger’s, that’s one thing, but don’t blame the fact that you’re Russian when you’ve been here for more than half your life. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-friends/732994/73 "2015-10-01T21:30:13Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > That’s plenty of time to have figured out how to “fit in” to American society. I lived in USA since 1983 – when I was 13. But I choose not to fit at the expense of my self. I choose not to change my views and values in order to fit in. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-friends/732994/74 "2015-10-01T23:25:00Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > I lived in USA since 1983 – when I was 13. But I choose not to fit at the expense of my self. > > I choose not to change my views and values in order to fit in. OK, you keep saying this, what the hell does it mean? What aspect of yourself do you think you’d have to sacrifice in order to fit in. _Please be specific_ ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2015, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-friends/732994/75 "2015-10-02T00:39:15Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > OK, you keep saying this, what the hell does it mean? What aspect of yourself do you think you’d have to sacrifice in order to fit in. _Please be specific_ Many of my opinions – for instance on gender issues run contrary to liberal values of Anglosphere. I do keep low profile to avoid abuse. For instance I had only one Youtube channel in Russian. But I can not pretend to be a liberal in order to fit in. Many of my thoughts and opinions and rants belong only to a small circle of friends. I do not have such circle since 2004. ---
**Author:** ![Robert163](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/4af34b/32.png) [@Robert163](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robert163)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2015, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-friends/732994/76 "2015-10-02T00:52:00Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > Many of my opinions – for instance on gender issues run contrary to liberal values of Anglosphere. > > I do keep low profile to avoid abuse. For instance I had only one Youtube channel in Russian. > > But I can not pretend to be a liberal in order to fit in. > > Many of my thoughts and opinions and rants belong only to a small circle of friends. I do not have such circle since 2004. But you seem compelled to talk about things that are going to get you in trouble. I know you like to talk about history, so talk about that. Subjects that are set in the past are not as volatile as current day issues. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2015, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-friends/732994/77 "2015-10-02T00:56:01Z")
> [@Robert163](#): > > But you seem compelled to talk about things that are going to get you in trouble. Probably you are right – I should focus on living my life and maybe [Runescape](http://www.runescape.com). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-friends/732994.md?page=3)