# How to find telephone friends? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 7, 2015, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-telephone-friends/730286 "2015-09-07T20:52:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2015, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-telephone-friends/730286/61 "2015-09-13T00:18:45Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > I get the impression that you mainly participate only in threads that you’ve started and those have mostly been about how fucked up your life is. So I’d recommend trying to engage others here; respond to threads started by others,and talk about stuff other than yourself and your problems. Unfortunately, there is very little in life of non – disabled Americans I can relate to. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2015, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-telephone-friends/730286/62 "2015-09-13T00:25:43Z")
So why do you think you can make friends you can talk to on the telephone? Here’s a hint; a real friend can relate and talk about stuff happening to one’s friends even if it’s outside one’s experiences. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2015, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-telephone-friends/730286/63 "2015-09-13T00:29:47Z")
Another thing; more than a few people here are disabled in various ways and yet they manage to relate and talk to those who are not disabled. So if you can’t relate to the non-disabled, that’s on you, not your disability. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2015, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-telephone-friends/730286/64 "2015-09-13T04:02:36Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > Unfortunately, there is very little in life of non – disabled Americans I can relate to. Could you expand on this a little more? What is your specific disability? Why does it make you feel so isolated and unable to relate? Have you looked at online disability-support forums? > [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > Another thing; more than a few people here are disabled in various ways and yet they manage to relate and talk to those who are not disabled. So if you can’t relate to the non-disabled, that’s on you, not your disability. Absolutely. I have found that when I’ve been shrouded in the troubles of feeling isolated and _different_ than my able-bodied peers, it’s because I’ve been the one wallowing in those disparities and magnifying them well out of proportion. My disability (spinal cord injury) is but a small blip on the larger map of who I am as a person and it is in all of that vast non-disability terrain that I am able to find common ground with my peers. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2015, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-telephone-friends/730286/65 "2015-09-13T04:44:24Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Could you expand on this a little more? What is your specific disability? Why does it make you feel so isolated and unable to relate? Have you looked at online disability-support forums? I am sorry – I have Autism (Asperger’s) combined with Moderate Depression. Most people would consider my problems very minor. Maybe I do not want to fit into American Society by destroying my identity? I do not know myself. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2015, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-telephone-friends/730286/66 "2015-09-13T04:46:36Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > My disability (spinal cord injury) is but a small blip on the larger map of who I am as a person and it is in all of that vast non-disability terrain that I am able to find common ground with my peers. I hope everything works out for you. I understand that my situation is minor. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2015, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-telephone-friends/730286/67 "2015-09-13T05:13:22Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > I hope everything works out for you. > > I understand that my situation is minor. No, don’t compare your situation to others’. It’s _your_ life, so it’s not comparable to the perceived plights, or lack thereof, of others. You are the only one who has to live your life, so who, besides you, determines what is a ‘major’ issue and what is a ‘minor’ one? ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2015, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-telephone-friends/730286/68 "2015-09-13T05:14:09Z")
I wish I had a phone. I’d talk to you. I don’t have Aspergers but my daughter does so I get what you’re going through. I also kinda-sorta have agoraphobia but I’m getting better. And I’m a bit of a chub. 🙂 I hope you find phone friends soon. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2015, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-telephone-friends/730286/69 "2015-09-13T05:16:42Z")
> [@Rushgeekgirl](#): > > I wish I had a phone. I’d talk to you. I don’t have Aspergers but my daughter does so I get what you’re going through. I also kinda-sorta have agoraphobia but I’m getting better. And I’m a bit of a chub. 🙂 I hope you find phone friends soon. Thank you very much. For some reason or combination of reasons my life did not work out so far. Maybe my PhD in Mathematics which I do not like at all was a great mistake. If you or anyone knows how to obtain therapy or telephone therapy at reasonable cost, I would greatly appreciate. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2015, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-telephone-friends/730286/70 "2015-09-13T05:20:15Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > Unfortunately, there is very little in life of non – disabled Americans I can relate to. You just said you like video games. That is a mutual interest you share with many MANY people and a way to relate to them. > [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > So why do you think you can make friends you can talk to on the telephone? Here’s a hint; a real friend can relate and talk about stuff happening to one’s friends even if it’s outside one’s experiences. This is a crucial point – the old adage that you have to be a friend to have one. You have to be interested in other people – for real interested, not pretend interested, they’ll know the difference – otherwise they will (rightly) feel like there’s nothing in this “friendship” for them, and it’s all about what YOU want. That’s not how friendship works – it has to be a two-way street. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2015, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-telephone-friends/730286/71 "2015-09-13T15:37:41Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > [Runescape](http://www.runescape.com) > > Range 99, Magic 99, Lifepoints 99, Slayer 99, Summoning 99. As said, many others here and elsewhere are interested in such games. Participate in or start threads on one of the games you play. (I checked and the only threads I could find on Runescape are a couple of years old. But don’t let that stop you; perhaps there is latent interest.) And if you like non-computer games (e.g., board games like Settlers of Cataan or card games like Magic: The Gathering or role-playing games like Dungeons & Dragons), see if there are regular meetings of players of such games. I guarantee that you’re not the only person with autism or Asperger’s or just social awkwardness who plays these games in your area. And you mentioned a PhD in Mathematics. I thought you said in a previous thread that you never actually finished the degree, and you have said more than once that you don’t like it. But if acquired any skills or knowledge whatsoever in all those years in school, you can do _much_ better than a $300 monthly allowance. Lots of companies from Wall Street to Silicon Valley pay math people big bucks to do all sorts of things. And, again, many such people (even _very_ successful ones) are autistic, have Asperger’s or are just socially awkward. ---
**Author:** ![Mangosteen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Mangosteen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangosteen)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2015, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-telephone-friends/730286/72 "2015-09-13T17:29:49Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > I am sorry – I have Autism (Asperger’s) combined with Moderate Depression. Most people would consider my problems very minor. > > Maybe I do not want to fit into American Society by destroying my identity? I do not know myself. If you are “American”, why did you state your weight in “Kg.”? ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2015, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-telephone-friends/730286/73 "2015-09-13T18:57:30Z")
> [@Mangosteen](#): > > If you are “American”, why did you state your weight in “Kg.”? The fact that I lived in this country since 1980s does not make me an American. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2015, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-telephone-friends/730286/74 "2015-09-13T18:59:32Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > Lots of companies from Wall Street to Silicon Valley pay math people big bucks to do all sorts of things. And, again, many such people (even _very_ successful ones) are autistic, have Asperger’s or are just socially awkward. That may sound strange but part of Depression is Hopelessness. I gave up trying to improve my life very long ago. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2015, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-telephone-friends/730286/75 "2015-09-13T20:33:45Z")
Part of Hopelessness is having no long – term goals. Or almost no long term goals. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2015, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-telephone-friends/730286/76 "2015-09-14T17:12:05Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > The fact that I lived in this country since 1980s does not make me an American. So then are you a British, a French or from Delaware? ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2015, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-telephone-friends/730286/77 "2015-09-14T18:35:49Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > Part of Hopelessness is having no long – term goals. Or almost no long term goals. Sounds like you have one goal of having a friend to talk to on the phone. But you sound against anything that would help you get to that goal. Maybe changing your attitude about some of those boundaries you’ve established, might help you get to your goal. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-telephone-friends/730286/78 "2015-09-16T00:08:57Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > So then are you a British, a French or from Delaware? From Russia. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-telephone-friends/730286/79 "2015-09-16T00:09:58Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Sounds like you have one goal of having a friend to talk to on the phone. That is just one short term goal – a therapist would be much better. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-find-telephone-friends/730286.md?page=3)