# How to flame **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 14, 2005, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-flame/312511 "2005-07-14T15:12:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2005, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-flame/312511/41 "2005-07-15T20:27:47Z")
Clearly, he’s the Unabiker. ---
**Author:** ![rayh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@rayh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rayh)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2005, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-flame/312511/42 "2005-07-15T22:12:47Z")
Look, you people are very sad. Making fun of people like that. I mean people who have problems phone up help desks hoping to have them sorted out, and they get very emotional about it and all you people can do is laugh about it? And the help desk people then record these phone calls and pout them on the net, [like this](http://www.veryfunnydownloads.com/tech-support/), just for your sick amusement. Frankly I am disgusted. ---
**Author:** ![rayh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@rayh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rayh)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2005, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-flame/312511/43 "2005-07-15T22:31:34Z")
> [@Revtim](#): > > I don’t know if it’s the same one, but one I heard had a guy calling support because his laptop came back with a new hard drive, and his work (a novel maybe) was on the old one they had to replace. He also started calm, but quickly lost it as he described something like two years work gone. Did you mean the one called **helpdesk.wav** on [this site](http://www.wibble.co.uk/tech/). ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2005, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-flame/312511/44 "2005-07-15T23:15:15Z")
> [@rayh](#): > > Did you mean the one called **helpdesk.wav** on [this site](http://www.wibble.co.uk/tech/). Could be, but it sounds like the wav file is chopped before he goes ballistic. ---
**Author:** ![rayh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@rayh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rayh)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2005, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-flame/312511/45 "2005-07-15T23:22:27Z")
Sounds ok to me, ends with him threatening to sue “all you pieces of shit”. The Cannon Customer from the first site I posted is the same one, try that. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2005, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-flame/312511/46 "2005-07-15T23:34:48Z")
It was chopped when I played it my browser for some reason, I heard the whole thing OK after I downloaded it. Yeah, that’s exactly the one I was thinking of. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-flame/312511/47 "2005-07-16T13:56:06Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > Oh no! Not ANOTHER racist hate word! 😉 Except that it’s pronounced “blag-erd” (with that inverted ‘e’ thingy). ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-flame/312511/48 "2005-07-16T14:13:26Z")
Now, _here_ is the way to flame someone (quoted from one of the posters to that thread): > [@](#): > > You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish boot-licking half-twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You bloody churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill. If it wasn’t so long, I’d use it for a sig line. Man, it took me five minutes to stop laughing. ---
**Author:** ![flight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbce88/32.png) [@flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flight)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-flame/312511/49 "2005-07-20T19:37:23Z")
> [@Revtim](#): > > It was chopped when I played it my browser for some reason, I heard the whole thing OK after I downloaded it. > > Yeah, that’s exactly the one I was thinking of. Yeah, me too. You were right though, it was a novel, not a dissertation. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-flame/312511/50 "2005-07-20T19:58:10Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish boot-licking half-twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You bloody churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill. And that’s not a flame, it’s a vocabulary list. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-flame/312511/51 "2005-07-20T19:59:29Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Except that it’s pronounced “blag-erd” (with that inverted ‘e’ thingy). Doesn’t matter. It still has “black” in it. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-flame/312511/52 "2005-07-20T21:04:23Z")
Where’s the “goat-felching”? It’s not a proper flame unless you call someone a goat felcher. Everyone knows that. ---
**Author:** ![Encinitas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Encinitas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Encinitas)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-flame/312511/53 "2005-07-20T22:21:05Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally Posted by Chefguy: > You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish boot-licking half-twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You bloody churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill. > [@](#): > > Originally Posted by dropzone: > And that’s not a flame, it’s a vocabulary list. Smarmy = Hypocritically, complacently, or effusively earnest; unctuous Lagerlout = ? Git = a person who is deemed to be despicable or contemptible Bloody = Stained with (menstrual?) blood Woofter = ? Sod = A sodomite, an obnoxious or contemptible person Bugger off = To leave someone alone (Bugger = sodomite) Pillock = a person who is not very bright, stupid Grotty = very unpleasant or offensive Wanking = masturbation Oik = ? Artless = uncultured and ignorant Base-court = 1. The secondary, inferior, or rear courtyard of a large house; the outer court of a castle. 2. (Law) An inferior court of law, not of record Apple-john = A kind of apple which by keeping becomes much withered Clouted = related to (muddy?) shoes Boggish = ? Boot-licking = To behave in a servile or obsequious manner Half-twit = twit = A foolishly annoying person Dankish = Somewhat dank Clack-dish = Continual or importunate talk; prattle; prating Plonker = One who drinks cheap or inferior wine Gormless = Lacking intelligence and vitality; dull Crook-pated = ? Tosser = A masturbator 2: Someone who throws lightly (as with the palm upward) Churlish = Rude and boorish, having a bad disposition Boil-brained = ? Clotpole = clodpoll = A stupid fellow; a dolt Ponce = A pimp Craven = A coward Dewberry = A type of blackberry? Pisshead = ? Cockup = something badly botched or muddled Pratting = One who idly chatters Naff = To fool around Cockered = To pamper, spoil, or coddle bum-bailey = ? poofter = Disparaging term for an effeminate or homosexual male gob-kissing = ? Gleeking = gleek = To make sport; to gibe; to sneer; to spend time idly flap-mouthed = Having broad, hangling lips (from Shakespeare) coxcomb = A fool dread-bolted = Armed with dreaded bolts (from Shakespeare) fobbing = To cheat or deceive beef-witted = Stupid; dull clapper-clawed = ? flirt-gill = ? Corrections or additions anyone? ---
**Author:** ![galt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@galt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galt)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-flame/312511/54 "2005-07-21T01:00:39Z")
> [@rayh](#): > > Did you mean the one called **helpdesk.wav** on [this site](http://www.wibble.co.uk/tech/). That’s a nice one. The one I was referring to is called “HATE.WAV” on that same page. Good stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-flame/312511/55 "2005-07-21T08:15:30Z")
> [@Encinitas](#): > > Smarmy = Hypocritically, complacently, or effusively earnest; unctuous > Lagerlout = ? > Git = a person who is deemed to be despicable or contemptible > Bloody = Stained with (menstrual?) blood > Woofter = ? > Sod = A sodomite, an obnoxious or contemptible person > Bugger off = To leave someone alone (Bugger = sodomite) > Pillock = a person who is not very bright, stupid > Grotty = very unpleasant or offensive > Wanking = masturbation > Oik = ? > Artless = uncultured and ignorant > Base-court = 1. The secondary, inferior, or rear courtyard of a large house; the outer court of a castle. 2. (Law) An inferior court of law, not of record > Apple-john = A kind of apple which by keeping becomes much withered > Clouted = related to (muddy?) shoes > Boggish = ? > Boot-licking = To behave in a servile or obsequious manner > Half-twit = twit = A foolishly annoying person > Dankish = Somewhat dank > Clack-dish = Continual or importunate talk; prattle; prating > Plonker = One who drinks cheap or inferior wine > Gormless = Lacking intelligence and vitality; dull > Crook-pated = ? > Tosser = A masturbator 2: Someone who throws lightly (as with the palm upward) > Churlish = Rude and boorish, having a bad disposition > Boil-brained = ? > Clotpole = clodpoll = A stupid fellow; a dolt > Ponce = A pimp > Craven = A coward > Dewberry = A type of blackberry? > Pisshead = ? > Cockup = something badly botched or muddled > Pratting = One who idly chatters > Naff = To fool around > Cockered = To pamper, spoil, or coddle > bum-bailey = ? > poofter = Disparaging term for an effeminate or homosexual male > gob-kissing = ? > Gleeking = gleek = To make sport; to gibe; to sneer; to spend time idly > flap-mouthed = Having broad, hangling lips (from Shakespeare) > coxcomb = A fool > dread-bolted = Armed with dreaded bolts (from Shakespeare) > fobbing = To cheat or deceive > beef-witted = Stupid; dull > clapper-clawed = ? > flirt-gill = ? > > Corrections or additions anyone? Lager lout: person associated with boorish behaviour induced by cheap nasty beer Woofter: homosexual (variant of “poofter”) Bloody: just a general expletive, possibly blasphemous (“by Our Lady!”) Oik: loutish “common” person Pisshead: drunkard (“pissed” is English for “drunk”, not “angry”) Pillock: colloquially used as stated: diminutive of “pill”, ball, hence a testicular reference Plonker: synonym for “penis”, not derived from “plonk”, cheap white wine (itself a mispronunciation of “vin blanc”) Pratting: from “prat”, archaic synonym for “arse”, as in “pratfall”, a rather obvious comedic device. Not to be confused with “prattling” or “prating”, both of which mean much what **Encinitas** said. “Pratting around” or “arsing around” just means “acting idiotically” ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Duality](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.duality/32/4098_2.png) [@Mr.Duality](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Duality)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-flame/312511/56 "2005-07-22T02:57:10Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Now, _here_ is the way to flame someone (quoted from one of the posters to that thread): > > If it wasn’t so long, I’d use it for a sig line. Man, it took me five minutes to stop laughing. That’s a paragraph from [the ultimate flame.](http://www.ultimateflame.com/) My fave part involves the “black hole of stupidity from which nothing escapes.” ---
**Author:** ![fushj00mang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d26b3c/32.png) [@fushj00mang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fushj00mang)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-flame/312511/57 "2005-07-22T04:24:38Z")
> [@Mr. Duality](#): > > That’s a paragraph from [the ultimate flame.](http://www.ultimateflame.com/) > > My fave part involves the “black hole of stupidity from which nothing escapes.” Actually, it’s not. It was a reply into a thread which included a plagarized copy of what is now known as “The Ultimate Flame” on the Usenet group rec.sport.paintball sometime in august of '97. If I recall correctly, the guy who plagarized was “Ronin,” real name Richard something. The whole thing read “Or as we British would say” and then rolls on in that limey vernacular. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Duality](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.duality/32/4098_2.png) [@Mr.Duality](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Duality)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-flame/312511/58 "2005-07-22T04:39:24Z")
I picked a page for my link too quickly. It was indeed not the _original_ ultimate flame. Here’s something more like what I recall the original to be: [http://www.freerepublic.com/forum/a3a3709544a6e.htm](http://www.freerepublic.com/forum/a3a3709544a6e.htm) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-flame/312511.md?page=2)