# How to get out of catholicism? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 19, 2015, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-get-out-of-catholicism/718038 "2015-04-19T13:49:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![CaptainAmerica\_1987](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@CaptainAmerica\_1987](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaptainAmerica_1987)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-get-out-of-catholicism/718038/41 "2015-04-20T03:17:38Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > Are you under the impression that being a lapsed Catholic is like going AWOL from the army; that the clerical MPs are going to show up at your door on a Sunday to drag you to church? Will it? ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-get-out-of-catholicism/718038/42 "2015-04-20T03:25:40Z")
Yes, they will. I recommend turning off the lights on Sundays and pretending that no one’s home, just in case the priest police show up at your door. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-get-out-of-catholicism/718038/43 "2015-04-20T03:28:35Z")
> [@CaptainAmerica\_1987](#): > > Will it? For all that the Jesuits used to call themselves “The Army of God”, no. The Pope won’t be sending somebody to your door to find out why you missed Mass. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Feldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lord_feldon/32/341_2.png) [@Lord\_Feldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Feldon)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-get-out-of-catholicism/718038/44 "2015-04-20T03:29:25Z")
> [@CaptainAmerica\_1987](#): > > Well what if they come looking for me? They could call us on our phone at home if they wanted too. What would we do or say at that point? That won’t be enough. Did you know that nearly everybody who has left the church has died? You probably need to create something like witness protection for yourself. New town, new identity, etc. ---
**Author:** ![CaptainAmerica\_1987](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@CaptainAmerica\_1987](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaptainAmerica_1987)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-get-out-of-catholicism/718038/45 "2015-04-20T03:33:35Z")
> [@Lord\_Feldon](#): > > That won’t be enough. Did you know that nearly everybody who has left the church has died? You probably need to create something like witness protection for yourself. New town, new identity, etc. Go on… ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-get-out-of-catholicism/718038/46 "2015-04-20T03:35:13Z")
This is hilarious. Anyway, I am one of those "once a Catholic"s. I just stopped going to church, confession and eating the body and blood of Christ. It’s been a long time - multiple decades, no one ever came looking for me, mailed me anything or called me. Several years ago I went back to my old church for a funeral for a childhood friend. The smells of incense brought back a lot of memories but I didn’t get held down by a pack of nuns and re-Catholicked or anything. They never missed me. Now, those Scientologists, sheesh! I once bought a sci-fi L. Ron Hubbard book through mail order and those guys won’t leave me alone. They found me when I moved and left no forwarding address, they found my email that I didn’t even have when I bought the book. I have never responded to them or bought into any of the Dianetics crap but I still get mail from them and sometimes they get a new email that I haven’t blocked yet. The Catholics are just not that dedicated to pestering people. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-get-out-of-catholicism/718038/47 "2015-04-20T03:37:47Z")
I have known several former Catholics thru different churches. ---
**Author:** ![CaptainAmerica\_1987](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@CaptainAmerica\_1987](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaptainAmerica_1987)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-get-out-of-catholicism/718038/48 "2015-04-20T03:38:40Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > This is hilarious. > > Anyway, I am one of those "once a Catholic"s. I just stopped going to church, confession and eating the body and blood of Christ. It’s been a long time - multiple decades, no one ever came looking for me, mailed me anything or called me. Several years ago I went back to my old church for a funeral for a childhood friend. The smells of incense brought back a lot of memories but I didn’t get held down by a pack of nuns and re-Catholicked or anything. They never missed me. > > Now, those Scientologists, sheesh! I once bought a sci-fi L. Ron Hubbard book through mail order and those guys won’t leave me alone. They found me when I moved and left no forwarding address, they found my email that I didn’t even have when I bought the book. I have never responded to them or bought into any of the Dianetics crap but I still get mail from them and sometimes they get a new email that I haven’t blocked yet. The Catholics are just not that dedicated to pestering people. So what religions do I have to worry about than? ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-get-out-of-catholicism/718038/49 "2015-04-20T03:43:58Z")
Just the Catholic Church. You’d be fine if you were just a lapsed Episcopalian. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-get-out-of-catholicism/718038/50 "2015-04-20T03:50:55Z")
> [@CaptainAmerica\_1987](#): > > So what religions do I have to worry about than? Amway. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-get-out-of-catholicism/718038/51 "2015-04-20T03:56:40Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > Hey Captain! I’ve made you a member of my Ranger Explorer Scouts! Sorry, but I’m in control over who is a member of my club, and you’re definitely in the club. And there’s no way I’d ever kick someone out of my club, so you’re in for life. HEY! Now wait just a ding dang minute here! :eek: :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-get-out-of-catholicism/718038/52 "2015-04-20T03:59:49Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > This is hilarious. > > Anyway, I am one of those "once a Catholic"s. I just stopped going to church, confession and eating the body and blood of Christ. It’s been a long time - multiple decades, no one ever came looking for me, mailed me anything or called me. Several years ago I went back to my old church for a funeral for a childhood friend. The smells of incense brought back a lot of memories but I didn’t get held down by a pack of nuns and re-Catholicked or anything. They never missed me. > > Now, those Scientologists, sheesh! I once bought a sci-fi L. Ron Hubbard book through mail order and those guys won’t leave me alone. They found me when I moved and left no forwarding address, they found my email that I didn’t even have when I bought the book. I have never responded to them or bought into any of the Dianetics crap but I still get mail from them and sometimes they get a new email that I haven’t blocked yet. The Catholics are just not that dedicated to pestering people. Exactly what I was going to post. I made that same point in another thread, explaining why even though I rated Catholicism and Scientology as equally nonsensical, I thought the Church of Scientology is a far more ugly, dangerous and evil institution that the Church of Rome. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-get-out-of-catholicism/718038/53 "2015-04-20T04:01:46Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Or maybe it’s like the McCarthy era’s infamous question: “Are you now, or have you ever been a …” I didn’t know McCarthy was still around: there’s several questions like that in current customs forms. > [@Captain\_Amazing](#): > > For all that the Jesuits used to call themselves “The Army of God”, no. The Pope won’t be sending somebody to your door to find out why you missed Mass. No “used to”, Societatis Iesus is Jesus’ Battallion/Company/Army. But they’re not supposed to bang on people’s heads with the crucifixes, just nitpick at them. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-get-out-of-catholicism/718038/54 "2015-04-20T04:07:28Z")
> [@CaptainAmerica\_1987](#): > > Well what if they come looking for me? They could call us on our phone at home if they wanted too. What would we do or say at that point? Tell them that the Pope is that Antichrist and yell “GET THEE BEHIND ME, SATAN!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-get-out-of-catholicism/718038/55 "2015-04-20T04:26:35Z")
There must be 50 ways to leave the Church. You just slip out the back, Jack Make a new plan, Stan You don’t need to be Coy, Roy Just get yourself free Hop on the bus, Gus You don’t need to discuss much Just drop off the key, Lee And get yourself free ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-get-out-of-catholicism/718038/56 "2015-04-20T04:46:05Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > > [@Simplicio](#): > > > > But if you don’t believe in the tenants of the Church > > They must live down in the basement where no one ever sees them, if you have trouble believing in them. 🙂 I just wanted to say thank you, that was nicely done. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-get-out-of-catholicism/718038/57 "2015-04-20T13:36:51Z")
Become a [Pastafarian.](http://www.venganza.org/) ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-get-out-of-catholicism/718038/58 "2015-04-20T14:28:33Z")
The Catholic Church pretty much never gives up. My gf’s ex-husband attended a local Catholic Church a few times. He’s been gone for _a decade_. I pretty much moved in right after he left. I’ve tossed an envelope from the church each month (that’s 120 envelopes) since moving in. (They are envelopes filled with ?donation envelopes or something) So, the dude has missed over 500 consecutive Sundays and they haven’t taken the hint. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-get-out-of-catholicism/718038/59 "2015-04-20T14:50:18Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Sorry, your baptisms won’t be erased. It did happen - may as well ask to be erased from the records of the hospital in which you were born. Same for your parents’ wedding if it took place in an RCC ceremony, and for the confirmations of anybody in the lot who did receive it. > > But there is no “membership records” per se, or records of ex-members. Just records of specific events which did happen. You’re looking to become an official [apostate](https://www.ewtn.com/expert/answers/heresy_schism_apostasy.htm), but there is no official record of such. The RCC isn’t Homeland Security, sorry. You mean Jack Chick would lie to us? [http://www.fmh-child.org/AlbertoTract.html](http://www.fmh-child.org/AlbertoTract.html) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5ac83/32.png) [@The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mad_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2015, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-get-out-of-catholicism/718038/60 "2015-04-20T15:20:04Z")
You only get out of the Catholic Church… …what you put in to the Catholic Church. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-get-out-of-catholicism/718038.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-get-out-of-catholicism/718038.md?page=4)