# How to handle an interrupter **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 5, 2014, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-an-interrupter/685397 "2014-04-05T07:57:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2014, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-an-interrupter/685397/21 "2014-04-06T03:52:06Z")
Hush! ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2014, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-an-interrupter/685397/22 "2014-04-06T06:05:02Z")
> [@watergallop](#): > > I’d like to know what techniques you guys have for dealing with interrupters, and not getting caught up in the “never pause” mentality. “I really like it when people let me finish.” That one is the only method that works with my mother, an interrupter who thinks she knows what you wanted to say better than you did and who can talk for hours without breath pauses. Some of the less-nuclear methods (like your own “lifting a finger”) work with lesser interrumpters; when I meet a new one I generally start with lower measures and escalate until I find the lowest-blood method to use with this new interrupter. The Look; lifting my hand as if I was back in school; waiting until they’re done and then “as **I** was saying,…” ---
**Author:** ![boozilu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4da419/32.png) [@boozilu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boozilu)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2014, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-an-interrupter/685397/23 "2014-04-06T15:05:18Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > I don’t know how many times I saw the title of this thread and read “How to handle an interpreter.” Me too! ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2014, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-an-interrupter/685397/24 "2014-04-06T15:42:36Z")
Simply stop until they finish. If you are training someone, are you also evaluating them? In that case say that training was impossible because the only person he would listen to was himself. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2014, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-an-interrupter/685397/25 "2014-04-06T17:02:43Z")
> [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > Simply stop until they finish. If you are training someone, are you also evaluating them? In that case say that training was impossible because the only person he would listen to was himself. And what do you expect the OP’s manager to think about the OPs’s effectiveness as a trainer or leader? The way you deal with an interrupter when you are presenting or leading a discussion is to just start speaking. If they don’t take your lead to stop talking then you can make a motion like raising your finger or whatever. If they still continue, then you simply stop the discussion and politely say something like “that’s a great point, however we have a lot of material to cover, so if you don’t mind, I’d like to continue.” ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2014, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-an-interrupter/685397/26 "2014-04-06T22:15:39Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > And what do you expect the OP’s manager to think about the OPs’s effectiveness as a trainer or leader? > > The way you deal with an interrupter when you are presenting or leading a discussion is to just start speaking. If they don’t take your lead to stop talking then you can make a motion like raising your finger or whatever. If they still continue, then you simply stop the discussion and politely say something like “that’s a great point, however we have a lot of material to cover, so if you don’t mind, I’d like to continue.” Is there not a point where, if the behavior continues, you actually tell them about it? Because, add something like that, and I think you have a great idea. Leave it out, though, and I think you may run into the guy who is completely oblivious. Some people will need to be directly told. They don’t take hints. ---
**Author:** ![watergallop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3bc359/32.png) [@watergallop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/watergallop)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-an-interrupter/685397/27 "2014-04-07T00:51:18Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > I have a co-worker who interrupts frequently. He actually interjects his comments while others are talking (not waiting for a pause, in other words). For a long time I would stop speaking when he interrupted, but I’ve recently taken a different approach. > > I just keep talking as before when he butts in. Then, when he stops, I stop and say, “I didn’t hear you, we were both talking at the same time”. > > There have been long, awkward stretches where we both talked at each other simultaneously with neither person making any effort to listen to the other. > mmm I like that approach. It’s hard to forge ahead through the awkwardness, and it’s definitely my impulse to stop talking when someone interrupts me. But I think stopping talking is detrimental. It’s hard to talk simultaneously with someone when you’re socially aware but I think it’s a worthy technique to keep in the arsenal. ---
**Author:** ![watergallop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3bc359/32.png) [@watergallop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/watergallop)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-an-interrupter/685397/28 "2014-04-07T00:54:06Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > The “wait until they finish” strategy isn’t viable when dealing with the deadly species of interrupter who never shuts up once they begin talking. To survive in the midst of this predator, the interrupted must become the interrupter. YES. That is what I’m dealing with here. He can run his mouth for ten minutes straight without seeming to pause for air, to collect a thought, or give me a chance to respond to anything he’s said. ---
**Author:** ![watergallop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3bc359/32.png) [@watergallop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/watergallop)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-an-interrupter/685397/29 "2014-04-07T00:56:56Z")
> [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](#): > > At work, I had to call someone out for interrupting during a meeting. Our culture is very informal, but that leads to lots of wasted time. And we have too much to do, so we can’t really afford to waste time. At the end of a presentation, one of my co-workers started to ask a question. Mid sentence, another one decided to start talking. Once they both finished, I apologized to #1 and asked him to repeat his question, which I couldn’t hear because #2 decided to talk over him. I love this. It seems to me that interrupters are often rewarded for their behavior. It’s heartening to hear about someone who will acknowledge how crappy it is. ---
**Author:** ![watergallop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3bc359/32.png) [@watergallop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/watergallop)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-an-interrupter/685397/30 "2014-04-07T00:58:52Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > That’s my approach too. I’ve a co-worker now who does this, and it drives me crazy, especially when I’m passing along important information. So I raise a hand in a halfhearted “talk to the hand” gesture, sigh heavily, and when she finishes, look down and say, “What I was saying is…” and start over. > > I don’t know if it’s the best thing long-term, but it’s about what I can manage. If I hated him I’d do this. I really would. But he’s an enthusiastic volunteer who is genuinely excited to work for free. So I can’t be too aggressive on my approach. ---
**Author:** ![watergallop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3bc359/32.png) [@watergallop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/watergallop)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-an-interrupter/685397/31 "2014-04-07T01:08:16Z")
> [@Obeseus](#): > > Is the person that you a training a subordinate, or is it someone on an equal level who you have been assigned to train? If the former, I’m in that situation right now, and after several instances, I had a meeting with him and HR. He has been making errors due to lack of following procedures. It has become painfully obvious that he pays no attention when he is being told something, because he keeps talking at the same time. As politely as can be, I told him that he needs to keep quiet and listen when I am explaining something to him, and his inability to do so can and will have a direct bearing on whether he makes it through the training period or is shown the door. If the latter, talk to your supervisor and HR. It’s funny to me to think about an HR department supporting my work. I’m doing an entirely different job than what I was hired for without a pay raise or title change. I’m doing it because the tasks look good on my resume. I am basically a project manager, running the digitization of an archive, but when I asked to be recognized for the good work I’ve done with more money and/or a different job title that reflects what I do (rather than “aide”), I was told I could go back to collecting library fines and checking out books if I wasn’t happy working in the archive. This is a whole separate issue. But yeah - I’m training volunteers, planning and executing digital projects start to finish, keeping the archive website updated with fresh content which I generate and process… It’s a fun job. I make $10.16/hour and feel taken advantage of. I am. The idea of having HR support is so foreign it’s nearly funny to me. Anyway. /whine ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-an-interrupter/685397/32 "2014-04-07T03:21:04Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Is there not a point where, if the behavior continues, you actually tell them about it? Because, add something like that, and I think you have a great idea. > > Leave it out, though, and I think you may run into the guy who is completely oblivious. Some people will need to be directly told. They don’t take hints. Yeah, if it becomes more than just a communication problem and turns into a constant disruption, you are well within your rights to take them aside and speak to them about their behavior. Meeting facilitation is a difficult skill that takes time to learn. It’s different from giving a presentation in that as a presenter, you are presumed to be the only one speaking. When facilitating a discussion, other people may engage in the discussion and may get into heated debates. The trick is knowing when to let it continue and when and how to cut it off and steer the discussion back on topic. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2014, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-an-interrupter/685397/33 "2014-04-07T03:43:22Z")
> [@watergallop](#): > > If I hated him I’d do this. I really would. But he’s an enthusiastic volunteer who is genuinely excited to work for free. So I can’t be too aggressive on my approach. But you can be direct. Can you have a sit down conversation that begins with: “We need to talk about you being able to listen to what others have to say.”? There are people, some who happen to be very good at things like digitizing data sets and programming and having a large fund of facts, who are notoriously poor at understanding the rules of social interaction such as turn taking skills. He may be one of those people and even be aware that he is one of those people yet still be completely unaware when he is doing it. If directly approached he may share that he knows that it is a problem he has had before and be open to your giving him an agreed upon sign that he doing it again. And if he is not aware that it is a problem then it is long time that someone shared with him that it is. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2014, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-an-interrupter/685397/34 "2014-04-08T18:54:09Z")
Johnny Cash handled the inmates at San Quentin pretty well by saying “I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you. I was talking.” ---
**Author:** ![Sterling\_Archer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Sterling\_Archer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sterling_Archer)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2014, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-an-interrupter/685397/35 "2014-04-08T20:07:52Z")
I have a similar issue I run into constantly while communicating with my family members, although it’s a little harder to deal with than straight-out interruptions. I would have no trouble telling them off if it were just an interruption. What I get every time I am talking to certain family members is the interrupting noise or sigh and the facial expression that says, “I am no longer listening, I am only thinking about my response.” So I end up rushing and speaking faster, trying to keep them engaged as long as possible in what I am saying but I can always tell they have already tuned out. I could understand if I were long-winded or the type of person who loved to go on and on with random stories, but I am NOT that guy. When talking to them, if I go on for literally more than FIVE seconds, I lose them. Somehow they are even able to do this while on the phone, but I am not sure exactly how it happens. There’s just these constant noises and affirmations while I’m talking and the tone is not “cool, go on” but rather “ok I get it, shut up already”. When I get off the phone I am EXHAUSTED from trying to keep their attention and I realize I forgot to communicate half the stuff I was planning to, but no way am I going to bother calling back. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2014, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-an-interrupter/685397/36 "2014-04-08T20:46:18Z")
My workplace issue isn’t interrupters…it’s people who talk so much and so fast others can’t get a word in edgewise. This is compounded by the fact that the main talker is a remote employee, so as she’s yakking at us through the phone, she’s missing the myriad nonverbal cues that would tell her that others want their turn to speak. I’m sure if you were to ask her, she would say she is the one who never gets a word in. People are funny are like that. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2014, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-an-interrupter/685397/37 "2014-04-08T21:41:19Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > My dad is like you. He’ll pause mid sentence to gather the rest of his thought, but since it sounds like a natural break, other people will start talking. He’ll normally say, over them, very sternly _ **Can I finish?** _ > > For example (this is it work (I work with him)): > > -What are you planning to do with that thing… … … > [[looks around]] > [[looks over my shoulder]] > [[looks behind me]] > [[there’s been about two seconds of silence]] > -What thing? > -CAN I FINISH? “That’s what I was wondering.” ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2014, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-an-interrupter/685397/38 "2014-04-08T23:58:45Z")
I have one friend who I used to interrupt all the time, and, while I will happily take a hefty share of the blame, it was a least partially because she would try to string together multiple thoughts. So she’d make a fairly lengthy and complicated point, which I would want to respond to, and then she would just go right on to the next fairly lengthy and complicated point. I was sure that by the time she finished the second point anything I wanted to say in response to the first point would already be irrelevant. I tried to convince her to take is a compliment… if I hadn’t been so interested in what she had to say, and so eager to engage her in intellectual back-and-forth, It wouldn’t have been so important for me to get a chance to make my points. But I realize that was at least partially rationalization on my part… ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2014, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-an-interrupter/685397/39 "2014-04-09T19:37:06Z")
Hi, my name is **Misnomer** , and I’m an interrupter. Like **Rachellelogram** , I often finish other people’s sentences. With me it’s not impatience, though, and it’s not that I have ADHD or an inability to understand subtler social cues or that I’m not interested in what the other person is saying: I’m paying close attention and am fully engaged in the conversation, I’m simply trying to show that I understand what they’re saying. I don’t then start rambling and never get back to their point, it’s more like I’m guessing their point to show that we’re on the same page. It’s the normal style of conversation among my immediate family, and it took an embarrasingly long time (almost 40 years) for me to realize that what I’d been chalking up to simply “different communication styles” was actually pretty rude on my part. Every now and then I meet someone with a similar style, and there’s always a sense of relief that we can just talk freely and no one will be insulted or feel that the other person is rude (I never think it’s rude when someone does it to me; in fact, I barely register it). I once had a co-worker with a similar style and we would constantly interrupt each other during our staff meetings: our boss and other co-workers would just start laughing because no one else could follow our conversations, yet she and I were totally fine with each other. Heh. Anyway, since I became aware of actually being rude – which was a difficult realization, because I like to think of myself as a thoughtful and considerate person – I’ve been making a conscious effort to let others finish their sentences/thoughts. Especially recently, because I’ve started working with two people who not only speak slowly but who I hardly ever “guess” correctly: I’m often incorrect when I try to predict what they mean. They are both very smart and worth listening to, so I double my efforts (at letting them finish) when I talk with them. ---
**Author:** ![MikeF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@MikeF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeF)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2014, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-an-interrupter/685397/40 "2014-04-09T19:40:52Z")
My G/F does this constantly, with me and everyone else. She says, out loud, things that other people would normally just be thinking. If she thinks it, she says it. No sifting. Or when someone has the floor and is telling a story she just jumps in with her own tangentially related story. Its embarrassing when she does this around strangers. When I call her on it she claims its something all women do and the girls don’t mind it when they are talking with other girls. “Multi-tasking” she says. I’ve tried everything. If I’m subtle, she doesn’t pick up on it. If I’m blunt, I’m being rude. For the most part, I just stop talking in mid-sentence and, when she appears to be finished, I ask "Now, may I continue? And I do. Until the next interruption. Sometimes I get really angry and say, “Will you PLEASE shut the fuck up and let me finish?!” That usually work for about five minutes. In the end she simply refuses to believe there is anything wrong with it. For the most part, I’ve just learned to live with it. Maybe a shock collar of some sort? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-an-interrupter/685397.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-an-interrupter/685397.md?page=3)