# How to handle daughter dating older guy (Long) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 5, 2011, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325 "2011-04-05T22:33:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2011, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/181 "2011-04-07T23:19:25Z")
Why are you still in this thread? Everybody knows how you feel about the 17 & 25 year old dating situation already. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2011, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/182 "2011-04-07T23:22:09Z")
**Dio** thinks of himself as one of the guys in [this.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYVAjk1BgY4) He is **one** of them, at that. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2011, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/183 "2011-04-07T23:37:42Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > They’re exactly the same. A 25 year old who hits on 17 year olds is an immature slimeball by definition. If he was mature and ethical, he wouldn’t be trying to fuck high school girls. It doesn’t make him less of a creep if he has a college degree. Immature slimeballs need love too! ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2011, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/184 "2011-04-08T00:18:36Z")
> [@ladyfoxfyre](#): > > Why are you still in this thread? Everybody knows how you feel about the 17 & 25 year old dating situation already. Didn’t you read the OP? The girl in question isn’t 18 for six months. Still lots of time left for Brave Sir Knight to puff his chest and wag his gauntleted finger. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2011, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/185 "2011-04-08T00:21:05Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > They’re exactly the same. A 25 year old who hits on 17 year olds is an immature slimeball by definition. If he was mature and ethical, he wouldn’t be trying to fuck high school girls. It doesn’t make him less of a creep if he has a college degree. So it would be ok if she’d dropped out of school too? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2011, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/186 "2011-04-08T00:22:44Z")
Hur de hur. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2011, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/187 "2011-04-08T00:22:57Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > Yeah, what part of PTIP do people not understand. PTIP? I am drawing a blank. What does that stand for? ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2011, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/188 "2011-04-08T00:28:25Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Hur de hur. Yep, it’s pretty funny how easy it is to point out the contradictions in what you’re saying. You’re not only dangerously wrong, but incoherent. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2011, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/189 "2011-04-08T01:08:20Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > PTIP? > > I am drawing a blank. What does that stand for? Well, the first and last two words are “predictable”. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2011, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/190 "2011-04-08T02:56:09Z")
> [@LavenderBlue](#): > > After a certain age point I hope the issue is more about the guy himself than a particular age. At 16 I was dating a 20 year old. He was on scholarship at an engineering school. My parents were a bit concerned but they welcomed the guy on the grounds that he was very smart and treated me quite well. We broke up. Eight years later I married his best friend who is also the same age and was also on scholarship at an engineering school. > > There’s a huge difference between a 25 year old high school drop out who lives at home with his parents and the same 25 year old who has graduated from college, moved out and works a full time job. As a parent I would not be happy if my daughter was dating either guy. I’d probably discourage her from dating either man. But I hope we call all agree that the high school drop out is far more of a problem than the guy with the full time job and completed education. Yep. And I’d rather have a daughter who dates a 25 year old responsible college graduate than one who dates a sixteen year old high school drop out. If she is going to have sex, she is going to have sex - and last I checked, 16 year old boys could pass STDs and cause pregnancy just like 25 year old men. If there are consequences, you can’t get child support from a rock. ---
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2011, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/191 "2011-04-08T03:32:01Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Yep. > > And I’d rather have a daughter who dates a 25 year old responsible college graduate than one who dates a sixteen year old high school drop out. If she is going to have sex, she is going to have sex - and last I checked, 16 year old boys could pass STDs and cause pregnancy just like 25 year old men. If there are consequences, you can’t get child support from a rock. Yes. The issue is also about helping young men and women of both sexes have the self esteem to have high standards when choosing a partner. I remember thinking that high school boys were just completely stupid when I was in high school. They all seemed so dumb and shallow. When they weren’t calling guffawing attention to my large breasts they were making fun of the fact that I loved to read. Even back then I wanted someone who knew at least something about art, politics and literature. I wanted a man not a boy. If you’re still reading this, **Dio** , I sincerely hope that you help your daughters find not only age appropriate partners but partners who treat them respectfully and have the same life goals. Half the problems in America I sometimes think come from young women who settle for the first guy who comes along rather than the guy who can help them truly make an effective transition to functional adulthood. The truth is that girls also mature faster both intellectually and emotionally than boys do. Why is so surprising that an adolescent girl would seek out an older guy? > [@](#): > > [The Truth Behind Women's Brains - ABC News](http://abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=2504460&page=2) > > In fact, neuro-imaging shows that, early on, the typical teen girl has a stronger connection between the areas of the brain that control impulse – the amygdala – and judgment – the prefrontal cortex. > > It may not be until late adolescence or their early 20s that boys’ brains catch up to their girl peers. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2011, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/192 "2011-04-08T03:57:27Z")
> [@LavenderBlue](#): > > Yes. > > The issue is also about helping young men and women of both sexes have the self esteem to have high standards when choosing a partner. I remember thinking that high school boys were just completely stupid when I was in high school. They all seemed so dumb and shallow. When they weren’t calling guffawing attention to my large breasts they were making fun of the fact that I loved to read. Even back then I wanted someone who knew at least something about art, politics and literature. > > I wanted a man not a boy. > > If you’re still reading this, **Dio** , I sincerely hope that you help your daughters find not only age appropriate partners but partners who treat them respectfully and have the same life goals. Half the problems in America I sometimes think come from young women who settle for the first guy who comes along rather than the guy who can help them truly make an effective transition to functional adulthood. > > The truth is that girls also mature faster both intellectually and emotionally than boys do. Why is so surprising that an adolescent girl would seek out an older guy? There’s not a lot of mystery why a teen girl is attracted to older guys. The questionable thing is why a twentysomething guy would be interested in a teen girl. Why isn’t he interested in women his own age? Is there something wrong with him that turns off older woman? ---
**Author:** ![TheWhoToTheWhatNow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a88e4f/32.png) [@TheWhoToTheWhatNow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheWhoToTheWhatNow)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2011, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/193 "2011-04-08T04:13:05Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > The questionable thing is why a twentysomething guy would be interested in a teen girl. Why isn’t he interested in women his own age? Is there something wrong with him that turns off older woman? In the guy’s defense, I’ve found that women are fucking depressing past 24 haha That’s around the time they’re slowly realizing they got trapped in some career that isn’t their dream job and that it’s too late to do anything about it, and the time they’ve been through a few bad relationships so they have baggage, hang-ups, bitterness toward men, maybe even a kid. As they get closer to 30 they start getting hang-ups about not being married or having a baby if they don’t already have one. Plus there’s that whole 28 - 32 phase where they’re “independant Sex & The City women” who don’t NEED a man and reject a bunch of decent guys who at 35+ they’ll complain don’t exist… I’m a fan of 20 - 24 year olds the most, personally. The bubbly “haven’t had my dreams crushed by the Real World” attitude of a 20 year old is awesome. Plus no saggy boobies. 🙂 - TWTTWN ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2011, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/194 "2011-04-08T04:13:13Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > There’s not a lot of mystery why a teen girl is attracted to older guys. The questionable thing is why a twentysomething guy would be interested in a teen girl. Why isn’t he interested in women his own age? Is there something wrong with him that turns off older woman? I’m sure someone will jump on me for this, but a lot of 17-18 year olds aren’t immature airheads and in many cases he assumes the teenager IS someone his own age. So yeah, when guys say “she’s really mature”, they mean it and it’s true. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2011, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/195 "2011-04-08T05:06:11Z")
No it isn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2011, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/196 "2011-04-08T05:15:34Z")
Yes it is. [sub]It’s that time again, folks![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2011, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/197 "2011-04-08T05:36:57Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > No it isn’t. Was I specifically asking your opinion? Go play in your corner. ---
**Author:** ![TurningJapanese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@TurningJapanese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TurningJapanese)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2011, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/198 "2011-04-08T05:38:42Z")
> [@redtail23](#): > > Totally disagree. There is a huge difference between ordering someone to do something and asking them. > > Doing things that you may not be thrilled about, just because someone you care about asks you to, is also a part of the grown-up world. > > I think this was a great solution. As a result of calm discussion, the daughter agreed of her own free will to take the relationship down a notch for 6 months in order to give her family a chance to deal with a difficult issue. That’s an adult thing to do, and I think she deserves huge heapings of praise and thanks for it, to encourage similar behavior if nothing else. Learning how to do this without (too much) resentment will be of great help in any relationship. > > Now whether she actually abides by it or not, I don’t know. She may indeed do some more sneaking around and just be more careful. That’s universally part of being a near-adult, AFAICT. But she’s already gotten a large helping of shit over that, so hopefully she’s learned that it’s not a good way to go. > > I think I would include in that praise and thanks the idea that, if she decides she can’t abide by the agreement, the decent and adult thing to do is to come back and re-negotiate rather than sneak around and lie, and that I would be open to such a discussion if absolutely necessary. That’s also something you need to learn to do to function in adult relationships anyway. I did appreciate that she listened to my request and agreed to comply, and told her as much. I will, however, be keeping a sharp eye on her to see if she does stick to it. Also, thank you for including that last paragraph; That’s a great idea, and not something I had thought about. I will definitely bring that up. She really is a pretty awesome kid. Knowing people with troublesome teenagers, I do realize that things could definitely be worse. In a conversation today we talked a bit about how it all got started, and I asked her what her thoughts were about the age difference. Apparently they got to know each other a bit as he was chauffeuring the group around, and things progressed from there. As far as the age difference, it has been discussed between them quite a bit, and has been a definite concern on both their minds, according to her. His last girlfriend was his age, so he’s not exclusively attracted to younger girls. All of the shared personal stories of being in that situation have eased my mind a bit as well. Thank you all for contributing them. I think now that the shock of it all is wearing off, and all the great advice here, has really made me feel better about the whole thing. I’m still not thrilled, but at least I’m not as freaked out as I was 😉 Once again, thank you all for all the advice and encouragement. (By the way, even with the hint, I still can’t figure out what PTIP means) 😉 ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2011, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/199 "2011-04-08T07:15:22Z")
Will someone _PLEASE_ explain what the fuck PTIP means? I’m serious. There’s no definition on google and everyone here seems to know what the fuck it means. > [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > FFS, why is \*anyone \*still replying to **Dio**? Because it’s fun to poke the bear. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2011, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/200 "2011-04-08T08:13:26Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > Will someone _PLEASE_ explain what the fuck PTIP means? I’m serious. There’s no definition on google and everyone here seems to know what the fuck it means. > > Because it’s fun to poke the bear. Answering the question asked without comment. PTIP: I assume it means “Predictable Troll Is Predictable” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325.md?page=11)