# How to handle daughter dating older guy (Long) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 5, 2011, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325 "2011-04-05T22:33:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/81 "2011-04-06T18:34:48Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > Seriously why do people still bother trying to talk about this with Diogenes, it is obviously pointless. It’s reliably amusing to watch him act out the board’s—and possibly the world’s— least convincing version ever of Travis Bickle’s “you talking to _me_?” speech. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/82 "2011-04-06T18:37:13Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > You go, Tough Guy. I’m not tough. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Sensitive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/58956e/32.png) [@Darth\_Sensitive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Sensitive)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/83 "2011-04-06T18:49:20Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I have no desire to control my daughters, but I am willing to go to jail to protect them. That’s my job. Sweet. Once you’re in jail, that means that she’ll need some… consoling ---
**Author:** ![Library\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cab0a1/32.png) [@Library\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Library_Boy)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/84 "2011-04-06T18:50:35Z")
It’s the Dio show! My favorite program! Does anyone else get the image of Dio watching Clint Eastwood movies and practicing the lines? ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/85 "2011-04-06T18:54:58Z")
Dio, your daughter is hypothetically dating a guy you don’t like - it’s over the top to say you’re going to arrest her and kill him. Maybe try sitting her down and talking to her. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/86 "2011-04-06T18:57:44Z")
I would do that too, but I would tell the guy to fuck off and stay off before anything else. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/87 "2011-04-06T19:30:28Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I would do that too, but I would tell the guy to fuck off and stay off before anything else. You sound like a jealous boyfriend. Maybe there are some other issues at work here? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/88 "2011-04-06T19:34:54Z")
Nope. I’m just a responsible father. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/89 "2011-04-06T19:39:35Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I would do that too, but I would tell the guy to fuck off and stay off before anything else. You do realize some men will only see that as challenge. ---
**Author:** ![TheWhoToTheWhatNow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a88e4f/32.png) [@TheWhoToTheWhatNow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheWhoToTheWhatNow)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/90 "2011-04-06T19:45:23Z")
> [@Darth\_Sensitive](#): > > Sweet. Once you’re in jail, that means that she’ll need some… > > consoling DIBS!!! I look forward to seeing Dio’s daughter at the bar 6 months later drowning her issues with alcohol on $2 shooter night before she runs off into the night with an older guy like me to work out the massive ball of “daddy issues” he’s loaded her with. …if she’s hot. 😃 - TWTTWN ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/91 "2011-04-06T19:47:09Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Yes I can. They can’t legally leave until they’re 18. I’ll have them arrested as runaways. That’s awesome, and will definitely improve their lives. Am I right in hearing you say that you think you’d behave ethically by murdering your daughter’s older “boyfriend” (in quotes because I don’t want to discuss whether the term applies) if he doesn’t back off? Because one possible response to this situation is for the guy to contact her surreptitiously, let her know what happened, and suggest waiting for her 18th birthday. At which point she’ll be much less likely to tell you what’s going on in her life, for good or ill, removing your ability to protect her. That does, however, protect your self-image, which may be the priority in this situation. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/92 "2011-04-06T19:47:14Z")
Seriously. I could tell you about daddy issues. (Thankfully I seem to have worked most of them out now.) ---
**Author:** ![Troubles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Troubles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troubles)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/93 "2011-04-06T20:01:49Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > equating a 25 year old consentually dating a 17 year old with child molestation is offensive and disrespects every child who’s ever actually been molested. Agreed. I know what it’s like to feel preyed upon by a pedophile. I also know what it’s like to be hit on by adults as an older teen (16, 17). The two situations are incomparable. Say, Dio? The age of consent in Minnesota is 16, so if you were to fuck up your 17 year old daughter’s (hypothetical) older lover, you would be the criminal - not him (or her). Just thought you should know that. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/94 "2011-04-06T20:02:38Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Nope. I’m just a responsible father. That actually made me laugh out loud ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/95 "2011-04-06T20:14:53Z")
The issue is not so much your daughter’s attraction to him, but why a 25 year old would be eschewing women in his own age group and gravitate toward a 17 year old. Sure there’s the sex aspect, but it sounds like he wants a relationship with her. He’s an adult and she’s a high school student. When I was 25 the notion of dating a 17 year old would have been ridiculous. It does not speak all that well for his level of maturity or sophistication, and if you have someone who is still that way by age 25 he’s not going to change all that appreciably as he ages. Immature men generally do not make great long term bets, and there’s usually HUGE drama when you try to disengage. ---
**Author:** ![Lionne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Lionne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lionne)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/96 "2011-04-06T20:16:06Z")
**Turning** , it sounds like you’re handling it very well, and your daughter is lucky to have you. Kudos. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/97 "2011-04-06T20:23:03Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > I’m curious to know why you’re so confident in your ability to terrify any guy on the planet. He thinks that whatever it is he has on the mods here will also work in real life? ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/98 "2011-04-06T20:26:33Z")
IME, any 25-year-old who is dating a 17-year-old is immature in some way. If he weren’t, he’d be dating women his own age, or at least in his same life-stage. That doesn’t mean that this relationship will be harmful to her; simply that while she’s probably flattered now, eventually she’s going to figure out that the reason he was dating her wasn’t that she was mature as much as it was that he was immature. ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/99 "2011-04-06T20:36:12Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Bullshit. It is what it is. Guys like that are predators. Ladies and gentlemen, this thread has been interrupted by yet another rerun of _The Dio Show_. We do not anticipate returning to the regular thread that was in progress. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/100 "2011-04-06T20:38:28Z")
> [@Fenris](#): > > Ladies and gentlemen, this thread has been interrupted by yet another rerun of _The Dio Show_. > > We do not anticipate returning to the regular thread that was in progress. We were, actually - take a look above you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325.md?page=6)