# How to handle daughter dating older guy (Long) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 5, 2011, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325 "2011-04-05T22:33:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![maplekiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a4c791/32.png) [@maplekiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maplekiwi)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/101 "2011-04-06T22:16:29Z")
I was in a similar (but not the same) situation as you TJ. The relationship was over when my 19 year old daughter got sick of being told she was immature when she was acting her age. & the controlling & the fault finding. Hopefully that will happen to your daughter too. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/102 "2011-04-06T22:29:56Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I guarantee that no such guy exists. Oh fucking hell, you have no idea. You’d end up in jail or dead if you tried it with a lot of people. I’m tempted to find your daughter and try it on with her just to prove a point. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/103 "2011-04-06T22:31:13Z")
**Dio** , were you or someone close to you raped/molested/taken advantage of/other at some time in the past? You come off like someone who’s been waiting years for getback for…something. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/104 "2011-04-06T23:22:01Z")
> [@Troubles](#): > > Say, Dio? The age of consent in Minnesota is 16, so if you were to fuck up your 17 year old daughter’s (hypothetical) older lover, you would be the criminal - not him (or her). Just thought you should know that. I don’t give a shit about the law. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/105 "2011-04-06T23:23:18Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > Oh fucking hell, you have no idea. You’d end up in jail or dead if you tried it with a lot of people. I’m tempted to find your daughter and try it on with her just to prove a point. My oldest daughter is 11. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/106 "2011-04-06T23:24:50Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > **Dio** , were you or someone close to you raped/molested/taken advantage of/other at some time in the past? Yes. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/107 "2011-04-06T23:26:21Z")
Ah. Sorry to hear that. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/108 "2011-04-06T23:27:25Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > My oldest daughter is 11. So why are you bringing her into a discussion about how to treat a 17 year old? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/109 "2011-04-06T23:31:38Z")
I didn’t bring her into it. I was speaking hypothetically and generally as a father. I said nothing specific or personal about my daughters. The question is why are you threatening to rape my my children? ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/110 "2011-04-06T23:45:10Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I didn’t bring her into it. I was speaking hypothetically and generally as a father. I said nothing specific or personal about my daughters. The question is why are you threatening to rape my my children? I was threatening to flirt with a hypothetical 17 year old. Perfectly legal, and frankly normal behaviour. Whatever bad stuff has happened to you in the past (and I’m genuinely sorry it has), you shouldn’t let that damage your children’s lives. Because, at some point, one of your daughters will come home with a man you dislike, for whatever reason. The ridiculously overdramatic way you are suggesting you’d react would help no-one, but probably you least of all. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2011, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/111 "2011-04-07T00:03:53Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > The question is why are you threatening to rape my my children? Whaaaaat the fuck. Okay dude, I normally enjoy your postings and contributions here. But you’re way off on this, take a step back, and maybe don’t revisit this thread. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2011, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/112 "2011-04-07T00:04:41Z")
OP I think you’re handling this very well. Best to you and your daughter - hope she continues to have her head screwed on straight, and if this guy is good relationship material for her, great. If he’s not, hope she’s wise and kicks him to the curb like she did the last one. Any 17-year-old girl who can accurately assess and reject drama-queens (or kings) is miles ahead of most of their peers. My youngest sister who just turned 18, started dating her boyfriend, who is 23, her last month of being 17. They have a ton of mutual friends, have known each other for over a year, and have many interests in common. He seems like a nice kid, and thankfully just as whip-smart and smart-assed as she is -she hadn’t been dating much the last 2 years because she couldn’t find anyone up to her speed. I don’t find anything about their relationship to be weird or creepy. My mom isn’t too happy that her third daughter also seems to prefer older men, but my sister moved out the day after she turned 18 so it’s nothing to do with her anymore… Don’t know what it is with us three but we almost never date our peers. And we leave home as soon as possible because our parents have taken a couple pages our of Dio’s book, and it doesn’t go over well with teenagers. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2011, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/113 "2011-04-07T00:29:09Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > My oldest daughter is 11. Does anyone else want to be there when Dio’s Daughter brings home her first boyfriend and his eyes blow out the back of his head when they start innocently holding hands? Sadly, I think Dio might give the poor kid a beatdown for “molesting” his daughter first. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2011, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/114 "2011-04-07T00:37:10Z")
I’m not going to be that way. We’re talking about adults preying on kids here, not just normal dating. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2011, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/115 "2011-04-07T00:42:59Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I’m not going to be that way. We’re talking about adults preying on kids here, not just normal dating. We’re talking about two adults going on a date where the age difference might be upsetting to the parents who still view the woman as a child. She may be their child, but she’s not a child. And nothing you say or do will change that if your daughter does the same thing when she’s 17 (or for real shits and giggles, 25). ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2011, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/116 "2011-04-07T00:43:48Z")
We’re talking about a 25 year old and a 17 year old, not a 17 year old and an 11 year old. There is a substantial difference, and it is hardly preying in most cases. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2011, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/117 "2011-04-07T00:49:48Z")
> [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > We’re talking about two adults going on a date where the age difference might be upsetting to the parents who still view the woman as a child. She may be their child, but she’s not a child. And nothing you say or do will change that if your daughter does the same thing when she’s 17 (or for real shits and giggles, 25). 17 is not an adult. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2011, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/118 "2011-04-07T00:50:58Z")
> [@ladyfoxfyre](#): > > We’re talking about a 25 year old and a 17 year old, not a 17 year old and an 11 year old. There is a substantial difference, and it is hardly preying in most cases. There is more difference between a 17 year old and a 25 year old than there is between a 17 year old and an 11 year old. A 17 year old is still a child. I will not allow perverts to molest my children. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2011, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/119 "2011-04-07T00:52:17Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > 17 is not an adult. It is, however, old enough for her to date whoever she wants in most parts of the world. It’s possible you live in one of the few states of the US where this isn’t the case, hopefully if so the 25 year old she meets when she’s 17 will be rich enough to take her somewhere civilised. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2011, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325/120 "2011-04-07T00:58:19Z")
No, she’s a minor until she’s 18. I can and will decide who my daughters will date until then, and no predators need apply. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-handle-daughter-dating-older-guy-long/577325.md?page=7)