# How to help a PTSD victim? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 10, 2012, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-help-a-ptsd-victim/634327 "2012-09-10T20:33:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-help-a-ptsd-victim/634327/1 "2012-09-10T20:33:48Z")
I’m sure I’m not the only one with a loved one with PTSD. My guy has it from his experiences as a first responder at Ground Zero, as I shared over in[this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=664991). \*\*cynyc \*\*suggested I start this thread, and I think that’s a fantastic idea. So…loved ones, mental health professionals and people with PTSD…what can we do to help a person with PTSD? ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-help-a-ptsd-victim/634327/2 "2012-09-10T22:14:17Z")
WhyNot, I have it - and all I’ve been able to tell people who are close to me is to back off when I’m feeling overwhelmed - and listen to me if I DO want to talk (which is not often). I was able, a few years ago, to get help with it through some therapy (when I was diagnosed) but now there’s no insurance. So the night terrors continue, the sleepwalking continues, the panic attacks continue… All I want my close people (very very few) to do is just be supportive (which is totally hard to define - I know). I don’t have anyone to work with on this anymore (no insurance) medical wise so I battle it alone for the most part now. But my husband does the best he can to get me through it day by day - and some days are harder than others. But he knows when to back off and when I need him to not back off. It’s been a learning process to say the least. And no, I’m not going into what happened that I have it. Let’s just say it’s not something I ever even want to talk about, but something that haunts me and my dreams and has for years. ☹ Sometimes things suck. And blow. At the same time. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-help-a-ptsd-victim/634327/3 "2012-09-10T22:23:23Z")
Thanks, Missy2U. And no, I don’t expect you to share, of course. But thank you for your perspective. Sometimes I wonder if “giving space” is perceived as “not caring”. Good to know space is needed sometimes. I just asked him how he was doing (whatwith the date tomorrow) and he said, “Not so good.” “Is there anything I can do? Is there anything we can do?” “Just what you’re doing…love me.” Not a problem. \<3 ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-help-a-ptsd-victim/634327/4 "2012-09-10T22:34:28Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > “Just what you’re doing…love me.” THAT’S the part that took my husband so long to realize - he can’t fix it - but he loves me through it. Just love MrWhyNot through it. 🙂 And thanks - for understanding. And helping! ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-help-a-ptsd-victim/634327/5 "2012-09-10T22:39:14Z")
Most of the veterans I’ve known suffer from some level of post-service stress. It seems to help them to be around others who went through the same thing. This could be through support groups, veterans’ organizations, or just a friend. Missy2U, My brother is a veteran who has never had insurance through his job. All his medical needs, including psychological, are treated at a veterans hospital at no cost to him. Is this a possibility for you? ---
**Author:** ![cynyc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@cynyc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cynyc)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-help-a-ptsd-victim/634327/6 "2012-09-10T22:45:13Z")
I’m not in a great space and I don’t want to hurt your feelings. Your SO is a very lucky person to have anybody care at all. I like you very much. But… You’ve PM’d me a bunch of times and posted several times which leads me to worry if you’re more of a nervous wreck than anybody during an _episode_ wants to deal with. Maybe you are making your “SO” feel even worse–like “and here I am fucking up everybody around me too.” I don’t know but I think I’d feel that way. Personally, if somebody stopped tip-toeing around and just flat out asked, “How can I help?” I’d either fall over and drop dead or actually tell them. It’ll be over in a couple of days. Put on some music. Do a strip tease. Wave your butt in the air. If I was a guy that would distract me, I think. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![cynyc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@cynyc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cynyc)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-help-a-ptsd-victim/634327/7 "2012-09-10T22:47:36Z")
P.S. You’re helping me by getting my mind off of me. See how it works. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-help-a-ptsd-victim/634327/8 "2012-09-10T22:57:39Z")
> [@cynyc](#): > > P.S. You’re helping me by getting my mind off of me. See how it works. I’m glad. Nah, things are pretty quiet here. I flitter and flutter here and it keeps me from fretting at him in real life. And I type quickly, so our three or four PMs took all of 4 minutes or so out of my day; I post between doing charts for work, which is why it seems like I’m on here constantly. But thanks for your concern. And I did ask him flat out (see post 3), thanks to your advice earlier. So, again, thanks. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![cynyc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@cynyc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cynyc)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-help-a-ptsd-victim/634327/9 "2012-09-10T23:01:39Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I’m glad. > > Nah, things are pretty quiet here. I flitter and flutter here and it keeps me from fretting at him in real life. And I type quickly, so our three or four PMs took all of 4 minutes or so out of my day; I post between doing charts for work, which is why it seems like I’m on here constantly. But thanks for your concern. > > And I did ask him flat out (see post 3), thanks to your advice earlier. So, again, thanks. 🙂 Just love me translates into “a spontaneous blow job wouldn’t hurt.” (Trench humor.) ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-help-a-ptsd-victim/634327/10 "2012-09-10T23:02:58Z")
> [@cynyc](#): > > Just love me translates into “a spontaneous blow job wouldn’t hurt.” > > (Trench humor.) HA! You’re probably exactly right. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![cynyc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@cynyc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cynyc)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-help-a-ptsd-victim/634327/11 "2012-09-10T23:07:04Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > HA! You’re probably exactly right. 😉 Told you I could be handy. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2012, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-help-a-ptsd-victim/634327/12 "2012-09-10T23:07:48Z")
Accept that you can’t fix it, and don’t let that distress you, because that adds to the overhead. \*If \*he wants, discuss if there’s anything during a time when he’s not feeling down. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-help-a-ptsd-victim/634327/13 "2012-09-11T02:10:45Z")
> [@laina\_f](#): > > Missy2U, My brother is a veteran who has never had insurance through his job. All his medical needs, including psychological, are treated at a veterans hospital at no cost to him. Is this a possibility for you? Not a vet - but thanks for the thought. I appreciate it. I’ll deal - I have to. 🙂 **cynyc** take care of yourself. I’m thinkin about you. ---
**Author:** ![cynyc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@cynyc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cynyc)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-help-a-ptsd-victim/634327/14 "2012-09-11T21:46:55Z")
bump