# How to "humanely euthanize" 5.3 million chickens **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [April 21, 2015, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-humanely-euthanize-5-3-million-chickens/718166 "2015-04-21T06:37:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![russian\_heel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f05b48/32.png) [@russian\_heel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/russian_heel)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2015, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-humanely-euthanize-5-3-million-chickens/718166/1 "2015-04-21T06:37:13Z")
For those that don’t want top follow my convoluted math, go right to the bottom of the post! As per this and the stories as some mysterious agency will kill all these chickens due to an avian flue epidemic: > **[Largest Bird Flu Outbreak in U.S. Poultry; At Least 3.8 Million Iowa Hens to...](https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2015/04/iowa-bird-flu-outbreak-requires-euthanization-of-millions-of-hens.html)** > > The Department of Agriculture announced on Monday the U.S.’ largest outbreak of avian influenza, or bird flu, in Iowa at a commercial egg laying... I would guess the most “humane” way to off these poor feathered bastards is to stick needles full of chemicals in them, Im guessing at $10 a pop x 5.3 million =$50.3 million, which I imagine is going to be paid by Uncle Sam. Heres the hard part: how long will take to kill 5.3 million chickens. Lets say it takes 5 minutes to inject a chikadee with the “humane” drug, and throw its remains into incinerator. 5 minutes x 5.3 million=26,500,000 minutes=441,666 hours=18,402 days=50 years!!! Even if you took the “semi-humane” route and cut the head off all 5.3 million chickens, and throw them into Mr. Furnace, in ONE minute per chicken, it would still take one person 10 years (50/5), 24 hours non stop work to do it. So lets divide this “semi-humane” measure into 8 hour shifts; make it 30 years for the one sick fuck to behead 5.3 million chickens. Sooooooo we get 30 helpers. Still takes one year. \*\*Let’s be honest: when the Fed sez they are going to “humanely” eradicate 5.3 million chickens, it means they are either going to bring in an army of butchers, poison them . . . .or set the roosts on fire, right??? \*\* ---
**Author:** ![coremelt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@coremelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coremelt)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2015, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-humanely-euthanize-5-3-million-chickens/718166/2 "2015-04-21T06:56:23Z")
carbon dioxide or nitrogen gas are usually used for humane animal euthanization. Absolutely no need for needles or cutting heads off. ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2015, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-humanely-euthanize-5-3-million-chickens/718166/3 "2015-04-21T07:00:23Z")
Eh? We kill something like 8 billion chickens a year in the country. Presumably they can handle an extra few million. I imagine they’ll get put on the same converybelt guillotine thingy chickens end up in anyways, and than get turned into dog food\*. \*(I don’t think the flu is contagious post-mortem, so presumably they’ll use the bodies for something.) ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2015, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-humanely-euthanize-5-3-million-chickens/718166/4 "2015-04-21T08:10:25Z")
[ANFO](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minor_Scale)? ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2015, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-humanely-euthanize-5-3-million-chickens/718166/5 "2015-04-21T11:05:48Z")
> [@Simplicio](#): > > \*(I don’t think the flu is contagious post-mortem, so presumably they’ll use the bodies for something.) In that case, they’ll ignore the problem, and warn people not to eat live chicken. ---
**Author:** ![Longshanks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Longshanks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Longshanks)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2015, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-humanely-euthanize-5-3-million-chickens/718166/6 "2015-04-21T13:14:33Z")
Off with their heads. ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2015, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-humanely-euthanize-5-3-million-chickens/718166/7 "2015-04-21T14:19:01Z")
I just heard someone on the radio talking about this. They actually use a foam like that which is used in fire-fighting, might even be the same stuff. It asphyxiates the chickens. If they don’t use foam, they use carbon dioxide… ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2015, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-humanely-euthanize-5-3-million-chickens/718166/8 "2015-04-21T15:57:59Z")
> [@Simplicio](#): > > and than get turned into dog food\*. > > \*(I don’t think the flu is contagious post-mortem, so presumably they’ll use the bodies for something.) The turkey farm close to here was told to just bury them. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2015, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-humanely-euthanize-5-3-million-chickens/718166/9 "2015-04-21T16:10:39Z")
> [@Kimballkid](#): > > The turkey farm close to here was told to just bury them. Several years ago a composting expert was brought in and he had the local saw mills bring over tons of saw dust and shavings to mix with the dead chickens, within one week of composting they were virtually gone. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2015, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-humanely-euthanize-5-3-million-chickens/718166/10 "2015-04-21T16:37:22Z")
… put a vegetable garden over the area, and grow the healthiest, biggest damn produce you ever saw. ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2015, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-humanely-euthanize-5-3-million-chickens/718166/11 "2015-04-21T17:48:32Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > … put a vegetable garden over the area, and grow the healthiest, biggest damn produce you ever saw. [Chickpeas](https://www.google.com/search?q=chickpeas&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8)?