# How to kill a werewolf **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 17, 2005, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-kill-a-werewolf/322094 "2005-09-17T06:51:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2005, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-kill-a-werewolf/322094/22 "2005-09-17T23:38:01Z")
> [@MGibson](#): > > If I don’t have access to crossbows or firearms then we’re talking about a fairly primitive level of technology. How did people hunt back then? I’d get a few friends of mine to scour the woods searching for tracks. We’d be armed with spears, war clubs, and maybe even large darts propelled with our atle-atles. Using group tactics we’d eventually run the wolf down and kill it. > > Marc Actually, I changed my mind. Crossbows are allowed. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2005, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-kill-a-werewolf/322094/23 "2005-09-18T00:29:47Z")
> [@HPL](#): > > Actually, I changed my mind. Crossbows are allowed. My tactics wouldn’t change all that much then. Though I’d get rid of the darts & the atle-atle and just go with the crossbows. Marc ---
**Author:** ![Madd\_Maxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Madd\_Maxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Madd_Maxx)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2005, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-kill-a-werewolf/322094/24 "2005-09-18T02:06:22Z")
Pump myself full of poison and then cover myself with barbeque sauce. Run naked and hickory smoked towards the werewolf. After the werewolf eats me he dies from the poison. Sure, it ain’t pretty but it would probably work. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2005, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-kill-a-werewolf/322094/25 "2005-09-18T02:39:22Z")
This is what makes it so hard to make supernatural creatures believable. There is nothing that walks, crawls, flies, or swims that I, and a few buddies of mine, cannot kill with even the most primitive of weapons. Mammoths, the wooly rhinocerous, whales, bears, lions, and even the much feared do-do bird will fall before the might of man. If there’s a werewolf and we’ve got a mind to kill it then it’ll be dead unless it moves on to another area. Marc ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2005, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-kill-a-werewolf/322094/26 "2005-09-18T03:00:22Z")
Questions: Does it sleep? When? How long? Is it immune to poison/sedative drugs? Are its senses any more acute than the animal it appears to be? (If its human form, does it have human or wolf senses… hearing, scent, vision?) Is its dwelling(s) fortified? In human form, does it have protective covering, other than normal clothing? Can I use modern day objects that don’t fall into the banned list? ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2005, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-kill-a-werewolf/322094/27 "2005-09-18T03:00:51Z")
Questions: Does it sleep? When? How long? Is it immune to poison/sedative drugs? Are its senses any more acute than the animal it appears to be? (If its in human form, does it have human or wolf senses… hearing, scent, vision?) Is its dwelling(s) fortified? In human form, does it have protective covering, other than normal clothing? Can I use modern day objects that don’t fall into the banned list? ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2005, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-kill-a-werewolf/322094/28 "2005-09-18T03:40:31Z")
> [@picunurse](#): > > Questions: > Does it sleep? When? How long? > Is it immune to poison/sedative drugs? > Are its senses any more acute than the animal it appears to be? (If its human form, does it have human or wolf senses… hearing, scent, vision?) > Is its dwelling(s) fortified? > In human form, does it have protective covering, other than normal clothing? > Can I use modern day objects that don’t fall into the banned list? Sleep? Yes. How long? Depends on a number of things, including how much it’s been running around, transforming, if it’s been injured. Average out a wolf vs. human’s normal sleeping time for a decent idea. Immune to drugs/posion? No more then a normal wolf or human. If you can stick it with animal traqulizers without using a rifle, your more then welcome to do so. Senses? More or less the same as a wolf when a wolf, slighly enhanced as a human. Midway when hybrid. Dwelling fortified? No. Portective clothing? No. As long as the obect isn’t explosive, powered or run on gasoline, probably. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2005, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-kill-a-werewolf/322094/29 "2005-09-18T03:45:09Z")
> [@MGibson](#): > > This is what makes it so hard to make supernatural creatures believable. There is nothing that walks, crawls, flies, or swims that I, and a few buddies of mine, cannot kill with even the most primitive of weapons. Mammoths, the wooly rhinocerous, whales, bears, lions, and even the much feared do-do bird will fall before the might of man. If there’s a werewolf and we’ve got a mind to kill it then it’ll be dead unless it moves on to another area. > > Marc And how would you do this? ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2005, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-kill-a-werewolf/322094/30 "2005-09-18T04:17:34Z")
Ok. First, I would obtain an [ice pick](http://doityourself.com/store/6992689.htm) make sure its as sharp as possible. obtain a fast acting animal tranquilizer dart and blow gun. Practice with the blow gun and dummy darts for distance and accuracy. Being experience in woods craft, I am able to get within the needed 15 feet of the sleeping man-shape without awaking him. Blow dart into large back muscle. Even though the man-shape awakens, and charges, he collapses before covering the 15 feet between us, I then use push the point of the ice pick into the hollow just under the base of his skull in the back where skull and spine meet. I push the pick in up to the handle, while rotating the handle with a stirring action. Effectively [Pithing](http://www.hsus.org/animals_in_research/animals_in_education/frequently_asked_questions_about_dissection.html) him. I have destroyed his brain stem, which makes it impossible for his heart to beat or for his higher brain to function. Am I still alive? > [@explain Pithing](#): > > What is pithing? > Pithing is a means of destroying an animal’s central nervous system in order to study various physiological processes. Frogs and turtles are two species commonly used in pithing labs, and the procedure is commonly performed in undergraduate-level classes. If conducted properly, pithing severs the spinal cord of the live animal and destroys the brain by inserting a needle into the back of the skull and moving the needle around in order to “scramble” brain tissue; the needle is then inserted into the vertebral canal in order to destroy reflexes. The animal continues to function physiologically for hours following the pithing procedure. The HSUS is opposed to pithing of animals in the classroom and further believes that the overwhelming ethical and animal welfare concerns associated with pithing far outweigh its educational benefit, especially when there are suitable alternatives available to teach the same curriculum. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2005, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-kill-a-werewolf/322094/31 "2005-09-18T04:38:27Z")
A few questions… Do I _know_ exactly where this thing lives, or do I just know the general geographic area? If the latter, how “general”—like within a square mile, or within 20 square miles? If I don’t know where it is, is there a house or something I can take shelter in, to lure it into? Even outside of a gas-powered machine, do I have access to gasoline? If not, do I have access to rubbing alcohol, or high-proof booze? What about household cleaners—and if so, what types? Do I have a bicycle, or a horse? Will the Werewolf eat animals—living, dead, or crippled? Can I get (non-explosive) chemicals, poisons, or illegal drugs? Am I allowed matches, or does the luddite spoilsport god of the universe expect me to rub sticks together for fire? ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2005, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-kill-a-werewolf/322094/32 "2005-09-18T06:02:03Z")
> [@Ranchoth](#): > > A few questions… > > Do I _know_ exactly where this thing lives, or do I just know the general geographic area? If the latter, how “general”—like within a square mile, or within 20 square miles? > > If I don’t know where it is, is there a house or something I can take shelter in, to lure it into? > > Even outside of a gas-powered machine, do I have access to gasoline? If not, do I have access to rubbing alcohol, or high-proof booze? What about household cleaners—and if so, what types? > > Do I have a bicycle, or a horse? > > Will the Werewolf eat animals—living, dead, or crippled? > > Can I get (non-explosive) chemicals, poisons, or illegal drugs? > > Am I allowed matches, or does the luddite spoilsport god of the universe expect me to rub sticks together for fire? General idea of where the werewolf’s exact home is. More like a 10-20 square mile area. There are several houses in the area, as well a various ulitity structures. You can use a bicycle or horse. Just not a car. Werewolf perfers living animals, but will eat dead. No gasoline. Booze, sure. Chemicals/posions/drugs, yes. Matches, yes. ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2005, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-kill-a-werewolf/322094/33 "2005-09-18T06:44:06Z")
Easiest way: just get all the other players to vote to kill him. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2005, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-kill-a-werewolf/322094/34 "2005-09-18T08:51:04Z")
Well, although it’s my first impulse—and in my budget—to find the werewolf’s lair, start tossing in Everclear Molotovs and try to take an axe to whatever stumbles out, I just don’t think I could pull it off. My next impulse is to go the chemical route—trap or buy an animal (I’d really prefer not to use a dog), and either kill it, or put it in a position to be killed, after shooting it up with a huge amount of [MPTP](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MPTP), and hope the werewolf eats it. If it all goes well, within a day or so, the [substantia nigra](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Substantia_nigra#Pathology) of the werewolf/person’s brain gets fried, sending him into sudden, severe, artificial Parkinsonism. Assuming he doesn’t just die paralyzed out in the woods somewhere, the amount of treatment he could get at a hospital would be limited, and probably ineffective. The beast is not dead, but he may be hopelessly subdued. Downsides include: making sure the MPTP doesn’t degrade or anything inside the bait; getting the werewolf to take the bait—well, I notice now you said he gets dumber as a werewolf, so that much I have going for me.; getting the werewolf to consume enough MPTP to effect him; and not exposing myself to enough MPTP to send _me_ into an artificial Parkinsonian state. That, and the fact that I have absolutely no experience making, buying, or working with any chemicals stronger than toothpaste. ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2005, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-kill-a-werewolf/322094/35 "2005-09-18T17:02:35Z")
> [@HPL](#): > > Hypotheical scenario: > > Werewolves exist. You know where one is, alone, and want to kill one. > > Ground rules: > > -The silver bullet rule is BS. Severly damaging the heart or destorying the brain in some way is fatal. Material invovled in such damage doesn’t matter(so you could use a plastic spork, assuming you could cause brain damage with it). Granted, removing body parts works too.(My scenario, my rules. Besides, the silver bullet thing is from the movies). Damage his heart? How about if I find some really hot, funny, smart girl and send them on a date. And at the end of the evening, she’ll look in his eyes, kiss him, and say, “I just don’t like you in that way.” That should do it. Aside from that, your parameters don’t make this much different than, say, a native American hunting an actual wolf. Aside from the “if you catch it in human form, you can just whack it over the head with a club.” part. ---
**Author:** ![Firebringer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f04885/32.png) [@Firebringer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Firebringer)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2005, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-kill-a-werewolf/322094/36 "2005-09-18T17:12:18Z")
As a sometime D&D player I have a simple answer that only involves a spade some twigs, some leaves and quite possibly a heart attack from the effort involved in constructing it. It’s called a 10 foot deep pit trap. Step 1 Dig pit Step 2 Cover pit with twigs Step 3 Cover twigs with leaves Step 4 Run through forest as bait to attract werewolf Step 5 Lead Werewolf along path so it falls into pit Step 6 Taunt werewolf mercilessly Step 7 Hope 10 foot is deep enough Step 8 Either collect XP for brilliant plan or get bitten as werewolf climbs out and eats you. Oh and little red riding hood outfit is strictly optional. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2005, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-kill-a-werewolf/322094/37 "2005-09-18T17:38:09Z")
> [@Firebringer](#): > > As a sometime D&D player I have a simple answer that only involves a spade some twigs, some leaves and quite possibly a heart attack from the effort involved in constructing it. It’s called a 10 foot deep pit trap. > > Step 1 Dig pit > Step 2 Cover pit with twigs > Step 3 Cover twigs with leaves > Step 4 Run through forest as bait to attract werewolf > Step 5 Lead Werewolf along path so it falls into pit > Step 6 Taunt werewolf mercilessly > Step 7 Hope 10 foot is deep enough > Step 8 Either collect XP for brilliant plan or get bitten as werewolf climbs out and eats you. > > Oh and little red riding hood outfit is strictly optional. Step 7 can be modifed if you fill the pit with spears/pikes(optionally covered with crap). ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2005, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-kill-a-werewolf/322094/38 "2005-09-18T17:40:27Z")
> [@Firebringer](#): > > As a sometime D&D player I have a simple answer that only involves a spade some twigs, some leaves and quite possibly a heart attack from the effort involved in constructing it. It’s called a 10 foot deep pit trap. > > Step 1 Dig pit > Step 2 Cover pit with twigs > Step 3 Cover twigs with leaves > Step 4 Run through forest as bait to attract werewolf > Step 5 Lead Werewolf along path so it falls into pit > Step 6 Taunt werewolf mercilessly > Step 7 Hope 10 foot is deep enough > Step 8 Either collect XP for brilliant plan or get bitten as werewolf climbs out and eats you. > > Oh and little red riding hood outfit is strictly optional. Dude, your D&D skills are way off. Werewolves have damage reduction enough so that the 10’ fall can’t possibly knock them unconscious, and they can easily take 20 on a climb check in order to get out of that pit. YOU DIE! Me, I consider some options: 1. I bribe the werewolf. “Dude, look here. I’ve got a million bucks for you. Go bother somebody else.” This works best when the werewolf is in human form. 2. I bribe a hunter. “Dude, look here. THere’s this nasty dog in my neighborhood. Give you a thousand bucks if you’ll shoot it for me!” Note that I go for a hunter that doesn’t believe in werewolves, so that I don’t run afoul of the reasons why folks won’t help me. 3. Speaking of dogs, dogs aren’t people and they’re not powered by electricity or gasoline. My pack of crack-trained Russian Wolfhounds will take that bastard DOWN. 4. The poisoned chicken approach. I paint two dozen chickens with an odorless poison (an arsenic mixture, perhaps), leave them to wander downstairs in my house, and board up all the windows. I then install a doggie-door. Werewolf comes to house, realizes that he can only get in in wolf-shape, and switches. Smell of tasty chicken is overwhelming, so he eats tasty chickens and dies. Now THAT’s how you play Dungeons and Dragons! Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Wolfian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ea924/32.png) [@Wolfian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfian)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2005, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-kill-a-werewolf/322094/39 "2005-09-18T19:13:13Z")
Can I distact it with autograph seeking dwarves then drop a giant [12-sided die](http://www.homestarrunner.com/tgs8.html) on it? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2005, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-kill-a-werewolf/322094/40 "2005-09-18T19:19:34Z")
> [@HPL](#): > > Step 7 can be modifed if you fill the pit with spears/pikes(optionally covered with crap). Spikes only do an extra 1d6 points of damage, which the werewolf will also resist. The crap will cause disease, but not fast enough to keep the werewolf from climbing out and killing you. Anyway, I’m just posting to offer a modification of the poisoned chicken approach: keeping in mind the lessons I offer kids about what human foods are dangerous for dogs to eat, I simply call in the Chocolate Cake on the Kitchen Counter approach. Guaranteed to work! Daniel ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2005, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-kill-a-werewolf/322094/41 "2005-09-18T19:25:04Z")
> [@Lynn Bodoni](#): > > I have removed the rest of the spam, since most of you have seen it, or something like it, before, and removing the whole post would make the replies seem like nonsequitors. I suggest using spammers as BAIT for the werewolf. > > Lynn > For the Straight Dope In that case why kill the werewolf? Just feed him spammers. He is performing a vital social function and making the world a better place. I wish the werewolf a fat belly and a long life. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-kill-a-werewolf/322094.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-kill-a-werewolf/322094.md?page=3)