# How to know when to change yourself for others?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-know-when-to-change-yourself-for-others/669834>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [September 27, 2013, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-know-when-to-change-yourself-for-others/669834 "2013-09-27T20:16:46Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 3\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\
**Post date:** [September 28, 2013, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-know-when-to-change-yourself-for-others/669834/21 "2013-09-28T02:51:54Z")

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> [@monstro](#):
>
> People are full of shit when they say “Just be yourself”.

One of my favorite quotes from _Daria_ is when Helen is nervous about meeting some people:

Daria: Just be yourself - that’s what you always told me.  
Helen: I could _kick_ myself for that.

The big question is who are you, this self you’re being? Is this the person you want to be? The whole “be yourself” thing works better for people with a self-image they were working towards. Being someone isn’t a passive experience, it’s an activity; some call it living. 🙂

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**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\
**Post date:** [September 28, 2013, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-know-when-to-change-yourself-for-others/669834/22 "2013-09-28T03:18:34Z")

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> [@Jragon](#):
>
> Most people are probably fine, but some people really need to change. For instance, I recently gave up all my dreams of going to grad school, and even getting a job in my field because it would be wrong. Instead I realized the best place for me would be working as a desk clerk or person at a fast food place, because you want smart, good people writing your software or doing research.

That doesn’t sound right. Don’t know if it means anything to you, but when I see your posts in other forums (esp the games forum), I know I’m gonna hit something interesting and well-written. So there’s that. You might not have a rational view of yourself right now; consider getting a second opinion :).

As for the OP, I’m partial to Thomas Jefferson:

> [@TJ](#):
>
> In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock.

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**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\
**Post date:** [September 28, 2013, 10:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-know-when-to-change-yourself-for-others/669834/23 "2013-09-28T10:08:36Z")

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I rarely see any reason to change myself for others. I have changed for myself, to stop being an obstinate fool about trivial things, and to not need to always work so hard to enjoy my life.

If currently you find yourself wasting energy fighting against “conformity” you can either learn to look as if you are conforming or you can actually learn to not care what the mundanes think.

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