# How to make a really sucky table tennis game

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-make-a-really-sucky-table-tennis-game/511041>\
**Category:** The Game Room\
**Created:** [September 22, 2009, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-make-a-really-sucky-table-tennis-game/511041 "2009-09-22T02:37:58Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 2\
**Page:** 1

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**Author:** ![DarrenS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/977dab/32.png) [@DarrenS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarrenS)\
**Post date:** [September 22, 2009, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-make-a-really-sucky-table-tennis-game/511041/1 "2009-09-22T02:37:58Z")

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[ol]  
[li]Be Rockstar San Diego.[/li][li]First, create an excellent table tennis simulation. Make sure it has excellent graphics, physics, sound effects and player models. Ensure it really captures the spirit of the real game, and provides a fun, challenging experience.[/li][li]Consult with company MBAs, and determine that it “needs more cowbell”.[/li][li]In this case, conclude that “cowbell” means a super, Steve Austin, Matrix-y Max Payne “bullet time” slo-mo mode called “focus”.[/li][li]Preferably, make it so whenever the computer player is a few points behind, a whooshing sound is heard, the computer player goes into Super Power Rangers! mode, and kicks your ass with ridiculous shots.[/li][li]Just in case the human player might have a chance against a CPU ping pong champion running at the speed of silicon, _be sure to immobilize the human player while the computer player takes his shot in oh-so-cool slo-mo_. As any game designer knows, it’s really fun for a human player to have his character paralyzed while the computer gets ready to kick his ass.[/li][li] Profit![/li][/ol]  
Seriously, Rockstar…WTF?! I loved this game until I discovered the focus crap. It feels like table tennis (I’ve played the real game for many years). So whose bright idea was it to ruin it, yes, _ruin it_, with this focus “feature”? Did a bunch of suits get together (a focus group? :smack: ) and decide it needed more Matrix elements to attract the Street Fighter crowd? After all, it’s just ping pong, right? How about adding a few Mortal Kombat-style “fatalities” when one player beats another? Or even power ups? A bat that fires missiles! Exploding ball! Yeah! A bat that barks, and when it barks bees come out of its mouth! Or even leave a few GTA-type weapons lying around…first player to grab the rocket launcher wins!

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**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\
**Post date:** [September 22, 2009, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-make-a-really-sucky-table-tennis-game/511041/2 "2009-09-22T14:02:31Z")

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> [@DarrenS](#):
>
> How about adding a few Mortal Kombat-style “fatalities” when one player beats another? Or even power ups? A bat that fires missiles! Exploding ball! Yeah! A bat that barks, and when it barks bees come out of its mouth! Or even leave a few GTA-type weapons lying around…first player to grab the rocket launcher wins!

[It’s been done](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pong_Kombat).

And it was a blast, too.