# How to meet & make friends after college / Your experiences with Meetup.com and other similar sites **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 17, 2010, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-meet-make-friends-after-college-your-experiences-with-meetup-com-and-other-similar-sites/554089 "2010-09-17T15:15:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2010, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-meet-make-friends-after-college-your-experiences-with-meetup-com-and-other-similar-sites/554089/81 "2010-12-09T20:26:10Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > Because I’m already _there_, that’s why. I dunno, I was saying “We should just head home” and dropping hints like that. He didn’t bite, I didn’t force the issue. I guess you’re entitled to your lack of backbone (you don’t drop hints, for Og’s sake, you just say, “No thanks, I’m going to head home” and you _leave_; I swear it’s not rude). All I’m saying is don’t act like you had no choice when you clearly did, and then complain about the situation when it was of your own making. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2010, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-meet-make-friends-after-college-your-experiences-with-meetup-com-and-other-similar-sites/554089/82 "2010-12-09T21:01:16Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > Why don’t you try Couch Surfing? Its whole purpose is to bring strangers together. I’ve never had a bad experience yet. It’s not like you have to surf or host anyone to participate. Most don’t, in fact. Ohhhh, I thought it was only for people actually doing it. Very cool! I’ll try to contact them. > [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > Tell you what…if you want, when I’m in Pittsburgh next, I’ll take you to a meeting or happy hour with them. Or you can come down to DC for a weekend and hang out with the DC CouchSurfers. Yuck, DC :p. If you’re in town here though, definitely let me know! I swear I’m much nicer in real life :). > [@Misnomer](#): > > All I’m saying is don’t act like you had no choice when you clearly did, and then complain about the situation when it was of your own making. Look, this is clearly going nowhere. I consider it to be rude to simply leave a situation in which you promised to spend time with other people; you do not. I was trying to be nice is all and expected others to maybe show up later. ---
**Author:** ![GiantRat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@GiantRat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GiantRat)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2010, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-meet-make-friends-after-college-your-experiences-with-meetup-com-and-other-similar-sites/554089/83 "2010-12-09T21:19:31Z")
When I was in a similar position (a decade ago), I ended up making some awesome work friends who were anywhere from 5-30 years older than me. I actually think I like the oldest ones best. We go out to bars and have a great time. They have good perspective to offer, and I get to share my “idiot kid” life with them; works for everyone. Plus, being a dude, these friends (male or female) love to try to hook me up with hotties by telling them that I’m they’re son (acting like a stereotypical Jewish couples-maker). It’s fun. So are the girls they hook me up with. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2010, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-meet-make-friends-after-college-your-experiences-with-meetup-com-and-other-similar-sites/554089/84 "2010-12-09T22:24:08Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > Look, this is clearly going nowhere. And yet you keep replying to me… 😉 But don’t worry: after this post I’m going home, and will totally ignore you until at _least_ tomorrow. > [@](#): > > I consider it to be rude to simply leave a situation in which you promised to spend time with other people Argh! You _didn’t_ promise to spend 2 hours with the guy! You promised to see a certain movie with him, and then the movie was cancelled. As I said the first time, once the original planned activity was cancelled you had no further obligation to spend time with him. You can write this off as you being less rude/more nice than me if you want, but you’re just making excuses for doing something pretty dumb – which was hanging out alone with a guy who gave you the creeps _way_ longer than you needed to – and then complaining about it. This is my whole point, that you think you did something nice and sweet and polite when actually you did something spineless and unneccessary and almost stupid. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-meet-make-friends-after-college-your-experiences-with-meetup-com-and-other-similar-sites/554089/85 "2010-12-10T00:38:41Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > Only one guy has been a crazy (see the aforementioned illegal weight loss pills and breaking up with his live-in girlfriend on a Sunday and going speed dating on Thursday.) > > But everyone else has been great. By great I mean normal and nice, not everyone’s a keeper 😉 Oh, I know- I’ve been meeting people over the interwebs for years now. But I’m surprised at how many people pull out the old “But aren’t you scared??” crap if you tell them how you augment your social life by meeting people from online. A lot of people still think that only geeks and weirdos use computers to meet people, even though they have computers themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-meet-make-friends-after-college-your-experiences-with-meetup-com-and-other-similar-sites/554089/86 "2010-12-10T00:54:50Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > Okay, in my defense, we weren’t out to get drinks or something. I can’t say “oh I have to leave, I have a thing in 30 minutes” because it was a 2 hour movie - I couldn’t have had anything planned! Or come up with a decent excuse, really. I was kind of shell shocked nobody else showed up. What I should have done was just driven away when we agreed to go elsewhere, but then he could have showed up at another Meetup later and been weird! I think I’d make like **Misnomer** and say that I wasn’t up for it because of the movie being canceled. Or just say you’re really tired and bail. Cite cramps if you have to. I don’t think you owe some random guy from the Internet much more than that. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-meet-make-friends-after-college-your-experiences-with-meetup-com-and-other-similar-sites/554089/87 "2010-12-10T01:43:45Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I don’t get the whole internet friend / dating thing though. The marketing message they present is that only undesirables are in the bars and your chances of making a real connection are slim. I don’t believe that. Yeah, it’s total bullshit, but can you think of a better sales pitch? “Because you’re too weird to meet people the normal way” probably isn’t going to work. That said, I tried internet dating once (in the 90s, for 15 minutes? Is that how that goes?), and immediately concluded it was a complete waste of time, and that I should go back to doing things the good old fashioned way. It is a horrible medium for finding actual people and determining real, everyday, face-to-face compatibility. Hell, you can’t even tell what the person looks like, even if he shares a photo, but enough about that. So fast forward to a million years later, and I’m no longer looking to date online, but would like to meet friends in a strange and foreign land. I still have some misgivings about how effective it can be to seek relationships (of any kind) online, but gave [meetup.com](http://meetup.com) a go anyway. It’s not bad. The thing I like about it is that you mainly go to group outings, which is much like meeting a group of strangers in any other way --starting a new job, new school, whatever-- and you will immediately know who you connect with. At some point, you identify the people you get on with, and hang out outside of the group activities. And if you don’t like anyone, unlike school or work, you can just stop going. So it’s kind of tricky, but it can be done. I don’t attend anymore meetup activities, but have maintained one friend from when I did. It’s a good whirl if the group is centered on something you really like, and is large enough to you can find at least one or two cool kids who you really connect with. For the record, I’ve been here too long to claim I’m new in town, but I didn’t grow up here, none of my friends from high school, college or my old jobs are here. 100%, save one person, of my friends in town are from work and the bar. But I did have fun with my net groups, and did come to know one cool peep who I sincerely call my friend. In conclusion, meeting new friends as an adult isn’t any easier online than it is in real life, but if you find the right group in either case, you’re all right. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-meet-make-friends-after-college-your-experiences-with-meetup-com-and-other-similar-sites/554089/88 "2010-12-10T04:04:47Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > Oh, I know- I’ve been meeting people over the interwebs for years now. But I’m surprised at how many people pull out the old “But aren’t you scared??” crap if you tell them how you augment your social life by meeting people from online. A lot of people still think that only geeks and weirdos use computers to meet people, even though they have computers themselves. Well, and the stats point to a _lot_ of people meeting via the intertubes and getting into relationships/marrying. I think girls have a bigger fear than guys. The same people who fear meeting people from the internet have no problem having someone come to their house for a Craigslist item, either :smack:. I’d _never_ date people at a workplace, either. I don’t shit where I eat, so to speak. But that too is a pretty common - if much more problematic - way to meet dates. > [@GiantRat](#): > > When I was in a similar position (a decade ago), I ended up making some awesome work friends who were anywhere from 5-30 years older than me. I actually think I like the oldest ones best. We go out to bars and have a great time. They have good perspective to offer, and I get to share my “idiot kid” life with them; works for everyone. One of the sweetest, funniest people I worked with last summer was 83. He was an absolute riot; I loved hearing his wisdom and guidance and he loved hearing about my goals and aspirations. We got along swimmingly. But most people in their 40’s and 50’s are raising kids and the like - no time to be friends. > [@Misnomer](#): > > This is my whole point, that you think you did something nice and sweet and polite when actually you did something spineless and unneccessary and almost stupid. Please go away. You have in _no_ way have contributed to the original OP, so either answer the original question or please just leave. I’m not calling you names or saying your behavior is “worse” than mine or making judgment calls. So please…either answer the OP or leave. Plain and simple. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-meet-make-friends-after-college-your-experiences-with-meetup-com-and-other-similar-sites/554089/89 "2010-12-10T06:54:06Z")
I’ve managed to meet people at work, grad school, hobbies, and via the internet. I met my SO over the internet, and we’ve been married over five years and we’re going strong. I got sucked into the bar thing shortly after I graduated college. I don’t love social interaction for its own sake, so I found it superficial, tedious, and expensive. I was not able to form any lasting relationships with random people I met. I met some very good people at the SDMB years ago and in a number of ways, we have grown up together. I’ve never done this, but a former colleague swore by the [Hash House Harriers](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hash_House_Harriers). She loved being part of this club. I don’t know if there are any chapters in your area, but it does look fun. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-meet-make-friends-after-college-your-experiences-with-meetup-com-and-other-similar-sites/554089/90 "2010-12-10T12:59:18Z")
Sounds like we need more Dopefests. Only, in a world of introverts, who’s going to organize one? ---
**Author:** ![Acid\_Lamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Acid\_Lamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acid_Lamp)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-meet-make-friends-after-college-your-experiences-with-meetup-com-and-other-similar-sites/554089/91 "2010-12-10T14:54:39Z")
Just poppin in to say that I’m in the same boat. I moved to Delray Beach, Florida with the spouse, **Nashiitashii** , as she landed an awesome job here. Only problem is that it seems to be filled with old people and club-yuppies. Most of the meetup stuff is either woo-woo reiki healing, or knitting circles. I don’t know anyone, and though I’m really good at parties, I hate just going to some place and hanging out randomly. She’s got a few friends from high school in the area, but they all live 40 minutes away. No good for casual drinks or something unplanned. I’m thinking of auditing a class or two at the local college just to meet people closer to my age and interests. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-meet-make-friends-after-college-your-experiences-with-meetup-com-and-other-similar-sites/554089/92 "2010-12-10T15:05:23Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > Sounds like we need more Dopefests. Only, in a world of introverts, who’s going to organize one? I’ve actually been thinking I’d like to attend one. (I live in NYC.) I’m definitely shy when it comes to meeting people for the first time, but it might be cool. Seconding **Maeglin** ’s suggestions. Being in grad school again for me has made it easier. Makes sense since you’re around people with your interests. Also, meeting people through friends of friends. It’s kind of like a web. You meet one person and then they know people and then so on in that fashion. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-meet-make-friends-after-college-your-experiences-with-meetup-com-and-other-similar-sites/554089/93 "2010-12-10T16:21:23Z")
> [@Maeglin](#): > > I’ve never done this, but a former colleague swore by the [Hash House Harriers](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hash_House_Harriers). She loved being part of this club. I don’t know if there are any chapters in your area, but it does look fun. Ha! An old boyfriend of mine does this in Asheville. The thought of running and drinking already makes me wanna puke though. I agree with you on the barfly scene - in the various Meetup groups the “bar” on Friday or Saturday night is always super popular. Expensive and not that enjoyable. Not good for the waistline, either. **Acid Lamp** , I feel ya. And you guys don’t have kids either. Have you thought about joining a CFC group - childfree by choice? I’ve heard good things about them on this board. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-meet-make-friends-after-college-your-experiences-with-meetup-com-and-other-similar-sites/554089/94 "2010-12-10T16:33:53Z")
I’ve known a few people who’ve met a lot of good people via meetups. I haven’t tried it, but it makes sense to me. Most of my friends I’ve met through other friends. I have a circle of friends I met through one person: my hairdresser. After seeing her a handful of times she asked me to meet up with them after work and I did. Now I regularly hang out with any of about five of the girls who work there. We have dinner or hang out and through that they’ve met some of my friends and vice versa. One can rarely have too many friends. ---
**Author:** ![Acid\_Lamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Acid\_Lamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acid_Lamp)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-meet-make-friends-after-college-your-experiences-with-meetup-com-and-other-similar-sites/554089/95 "2010-12-10T16:44:27Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > **Acid Lamp** , I feel ya. And you guys don’t have kids either. Have you thought about joining a CFC group - childfree by choice? I’ve heard good things about them on this board. Not a bad idea! I signed up to go to a beer geek event next week though! Go me! ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-meet-make-friends-after-college-your-experiences-with-meetup-com-and-other-similar-sites/554089/96 "2010-12-10T17:00:14Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > I stopped having more than 2 drinks (and I mean two servings, not two 2-shot drinks) a night when I turned 21. It’s not a good habit at all. Plus I don’t want to be friends with people who spend all their free time at a bar. Y’know, varied interests like going out to eat, going to an arcade, board games and the like. People with a little depth, if you will. It may not be a great habit, but it’s how a lot of people socialize. I’m not saying you should get wasted every night, but if you can’t hang out with people for a couple of drinks after work or kickball or whatever, you do limit your ability to socialize somewhat. > [@lindsaybluth](#): > > _snicker_ I hate giving away things for free, [but](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=495672)… Yeah, I remeber that thread. So a “Ron” is a smarmy creepy douchebag. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-meet-make-friends-after-college-your-experiences-with-meetup-com-and-other-similar-sites/554089/97 "2010-12-10T17:03:15Z")
I got inspired to join [Meetup.com](http://Meetup.com) for Scrabble. The only problem is that the only Scrabble group with an actual meet up scheduled (and in Manhattan–I don’t generally leave the island unless I have to!) is for lesbians. I’m wondering how ethical it is for me to attend. (And what this says about **msmith’s** theory about women disliking socializing with other women!) ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-meet-make-friends-after-college-your-experiences-with-meetup-com-and-other-similar-sites/554089/98 "2010-12-10T17:15:18Z")
**Freudian Slit** , I’d just join the Scrabble group itself - when you join a particular group, they ask “well, introduce yourself!” blah blah I moved here in blah blah I’m in grad school/work as an accountant/walk dogs for a living. You can say “I hope you guys don’t mind, I really love Scrabble but I like men!” Shouldn’t be a problem, IMO. > [@msmith537](#): > > Yeah, I remeber that thread. So a “Ron” is a smarmy creepy douchebag. I didn’t get that he was smarmy or creepy. I got that he was egotistical and narcissistic about his significantly below-average abilities. > [@Acid\_Lamp](#): > > Not a bad idea! I signed up to go to a beer geek event next week though! Go me! Let us know how it goes! **Sleeps With Butterflies** , that’s so funny you met tons of people through your hairdresser. Never heard of that before! ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-meet-make-friends-after-college-your-experiences-with-meetup-com-and-other-similar-sites/554089/99 "2010-12-10T17:17:56Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > It may not be a great habit, but it’s how a lot of people socialize. I’m not saying you should get wasted every night, but if you can’t hang out with people for a couple of drinks after work or kickball or whatever, you do limit your ability to socialize somewhat. But that’s just going to a neutral place with work people or with kickball people. We do this in NYC because our homes often aren’t equipped to accommodate lots of people on short notice and we often have strong boundaries between our work and personal lives by necessity. This is different than going to the bar to meet new people. There’s nothing wrong with being a barfly. I kind of was for awhile, and at the most basic level, it worked. I worked jobs with terrible hours, so it was my only real social outlet and the bars were full of attractive and very often willing women. But most of the time I found it really tedious and I have no lasting relationships to speak of from that period in my life. I never managed to meet anyone I really was able to give a shit about over the course of about a year and a half, going out 3-4 times a week, ranging from painfully trendy places downtown to neighborhood pubs. I’m glad I met my wife when I did, because going out to get laid started to seem like a huge chore. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-meet-make-friends-after-college-your-experiences-with-meetup-com-and-other-similar-sites/554089/100 "2010-12-10T17:19:33Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > I got inspired to join [Meetup.com](http://Meetup.com) for Scrabble. The only problem is that the only Scrabble group with an actual meet up scheduled (and in Manhattan–I don’t generally leave the island unless I have to!) is for lesbians. I’m wondering how ethical it is for me to attend. (And what this says about **msmith’s** theory about women disliking socializing with other women!) I didn’t know you lived in Manhattan. I can introduce you to some people. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-meet-make-friends-after-college-your-experiences-with-meetup-com-and-other-similar-sites/554089.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-meet-make-friends-after-college-your-experiences-with-meetup-com-and-other-similar-sites/554089.md?page=6)