# How to memorialize people **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [March 15, 2013, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-memorialize-people/652970 "2013-03-15T02:10:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2013, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-memorialize-people/652970/41 "2013-03-15T18:38:48Z")
That does it, Tamerlane. You’re on the list. ---
**Author:** ![Baal\_Houtham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baal_houtham/32/13604_2.png) [@Baal\_Houtham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baal_Houtham)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2013, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-memorialize-people/652970/42 "2013-03-15T19:03:18Z")
> [@JillGat](#): > > …She may have simultaneously expressed the best and the very worst of what our species is capable of … Gee. I didn’t know the woman, but it sounds lucky that the U.S.A. hasn’t endorsed the International Criminal Court in the Hague. > [@splatterpunk](#): > > Then why are you pretending to do exactly that? (i.e. “say with 100% certainty what anybody else would have wanted…”) Yeah **cochrane**!! After all, you said: > [@cochrane](#): > > "FWIW, (and I know its not much), I’m with **Oak**. I appreciate the efforts that **twickster** and **TubaDiva** made to guide the discussion into a more respectful direction. … As to your claim about what **Opal** would have wanted, I take that with a great deal of :dubious: …and while that might clearly read like you’re just stating your opinion, there was no mention at the start of your post about covering yourself with ashes. No wonder **splatterpunk** and **JillGat** thought you were speaking in absolutes. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2013, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-memorialize-people/652970/43 "2013-03-15T20:34:16Z")
Eh, I did say it wasn’t worth much, i.e. Exactly what you paid for it, if not less. 🙂 I find it ironic that **JillGat** mentioned something about “a piece of work.” May we give a Kleenex to the Great Green Arklesiezure always, blessed be His eternal mucus. 🙂 🙂 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![brownie55](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f14d63/32.png) [@brownie55](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brownie55)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-memorialize-people/652970/44 "2013-03-16T00:59:08Z")
So you are all so scared that you’re shitting yourselves thinking that Opal’s Mom might read something negative that another poster said and are completely ignoring all the terrible things she said about her own mother? Wow, your priorities are really a little off, in my humble opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-memorialize-people/652970/45 "2013-03-16T01:01:16Z")
> [@brownie55](#): > > So you are all so scared that you’re shitting yourselves Not quite, no. And you’re not in the Pit, so knock it off. ---
**Author:** ![brownie55](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f14d63/32.png) [@brownie55](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brownie55)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-memorialize-people/652970/46 "2013-03-16T01:05:02Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Not quite, no. And you’re not in the Pit, so knock it off. Understood. Would you like to address the real question, or is that beyond you? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-memorialize-people/652970/47 "2013-03-16T01:07:32Z")
That question isn’t a moderating issue, it’s a matter of opinion. So no, I don’t have anything to say about it. But if you want to talk about it here, you need to be civil while doing so. ---
**Author:** ![brownie55](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f14d63/32.png) [@brownie55](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brownie55)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-memorialize-people/652970/48 "2013-03-16T01:11:43Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > That question isn’t a moderating issue, it’s a matter of opinion. So no, I don’t have anything to say about it. But if you want to talk about it here, you need to be civil while doing so. Many of you seem worried that Opal’s Mom might read something negative that another poster said and are completely ignoring all the terrible things she said about her own mother? Better? ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-memorialize-people/652970/49 "2013-03-16T01:21:42Z")
> [@brownie55](#): > > Many of you seem worried that Opal’s Mom might read something negative that another poster said and are completely ignoring all the terrible things she said about her own mother? > > Better? It’s not just Katherine’s mum, she had many real-life friends who have also contributed to that thread. Worried? No. Just extending a common courtesy. It’s the least we can do when someone passes. There’s another thread if you want to shout to the rooftops about all of her failings as a human being…knock yer’self out there. ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-memorialize-people/652970/50 "2013-03-16T01:26:16Z")
> [@JillGat](#): > > She may have simultaneously expressed the best and the very worst of what our species is capable of. She caused the holocaust and cured polio? Man, she did have a crazy life. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-memorialize-people/652970/51 "2013-03-16T01:30:55Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Yeah, whatever. You don’t have to like everyone on this board, and hell if everyone on this board will like you, but what – what, precisely, I am dying to know – prevents you from being a human being? Let’s just assume you’re older than 24 and there are people in the world who have passed away that you don’t like. Fine, nobody asked you to send the family of bouquet of flowers, but do you stand in the company of those who care and remark, “But seriously though, she was kind of a bitch… right?” > > I am no stranger to shit talk (engage in quite a bit of it, myself), am not offended by shit talk, am not surprised by or disappointed by shit talk, but still can’t help but to shake my head at those who claim to be members of the human race who can’t show even the littlest bit of decorum even once. Exactly. ---
**Author:** ![brownie55](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f14d63/32.png) [@brownie55](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brownie55)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-memorialize-people/652970/52 "2013-03-16T01:50:17Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > It’s not just Katherine’s mum, she had many real-life friends who have also contributed to that thread. > > Worried? No. > > Just extending a common courtesy. It’s the least we can do when someone passes. There’s another thread if you want to shout to the rooftops about all of her failings as a human being…knock yer’self out there. You misunderstand me, sir. I have nothing to say about OpalCat’s failings. Let me explain this for the hard of learning, The thrust of this thread’s replies seems to be some fear that “someone” may take offense at something negative said about OpalCat. I get that. In fact, it’s a tragedy. I was once in negotiation with her about buying one of her paintings, she displayed genius in her art. But here’s the nitty gritty part. Folks are up in arms because Opal’s Mom posted. And, they are upset because Opal’s Mom might read something negative about her daughter. Call me crazy, but I have a suspicion that Opal’s Mom knew her better than any of us. That would include her triumphs and failures. We all have them. Mine are probably within a standard deviation, but her art could be transcendent and sadly her failures were too. But one of the sadder parts of Opal’s posting history was her history of posting about her childhood. I’d be much more concerned about her mother reading those posts than some random negativity in a “memorial” thread. As a parent, I’d be crushed to read what she said about her mother. Strangers, I could give a rat’s ass. ---
**Author:** ![JillGat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9fc29f/32.png) [@JillGat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JillGat)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-memorialize-people/652970/53 "2013-03-16T03:37:39Z")
One final post on the SDMB. My message about Opal was innocent. Some of you here actively gossiped about and insulted Opal while she was alive and cruelly mocked her struggles with mental illness. And now these same people are sanctimoniously piling on and attacking me for saying that I’m sorry she didn’t get a chance to document, illustrate and discuss her final life chapter. The hypocracy is astonishing. I have been here as a moderator, a staff report contributor and a poster for about 14 years. I am now finally completely disgusted by this out-of-touch “community.” ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-memorialize-people/652970/54 "2013-03-16T03:44:33Z")
No, you misunderstand _me_. The ‘thrust’ (as you call it) is to allow the main thread, “Bye Opal” to be a forum for people to express their sadness at Opal’s passing, and to offer condolences to her family and many friends. **JillGat** entered that thread to make some controversial comments and was asked to refrain and then got all pissy crying censorship or some such guff. It was not about protecting Opal’s mother, it was about abiding to acceptable social mores that we use when facing the death of a family member, friend or acquaintance. In the meantime, **Nzinga** has started another thread to encourage a more casual and frank exchange of memories of Opal. THAT’S where comments like those made by Jill would fit right in, no question about it. Furthermore, there they would elicit a goodly laugh and cheers of agreement more likely than not. In the first thread, it was just in very poor taste. Oh, and btw, it’s ma’am to you. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-memorialize-people/652970/55 "2013-03-16T03:47:15Z")
> [@JillGat](#): > > One final post on the SDMB. My message about Opal was innocent. Some of you here actively gossiped about and insulted Opal while she was alive and cruelly mocked her struggles with mental illness. And now these same people are sanctimoniously piling on and attacking me for saying that I’m sorry she didn’t get a chance to document, illustrate and discuss her final life chapter. The hypocracy is astonishing. I have been here as a moderator, a staff report contributor and a poster for about 14 years. I am now finally completely disgusted by this out-of-touch “community.” Oh good grief, get over yourself **Jill**. When the vast majority of posters who commented about your post/s commented in the negative, doesn’t that tell you something? Does it suggest that you might be the one who is _out of touch_? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-memorialize-people/652970/56 "2013-03-16T03:54:37Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > Didn’t you flounce out of this thread twice already? … thrice. > [@brownie55](#): > > As a parent, I’d be crushed to read what she said about her mother. **OpalCat** isn’t here saying those things now, though, so what does it have to do with what people post about her at present? For that matter, if you are concerned I don’t see what good can come of posting about it and perhaps calling her mother’s attention to it. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-memorialize-people/652970/57 "2013-03-16T03:54:56Z")
> [@JillGat](#): > > I have been here as a moderator, a staff report contributor and a poster for about 14 years. And I remember your role (certainly as a mod) with great fondness **JillGat**. You were invariably the voice of reason, and did the Modship job very proud. Which is why this recent furore seems so uncharacteristic. Instead of just accepting that your comment/s might have been out of line at the time, you’ve protested so much that it seems like something weird is going on with you. Just sayin’. ---
**Author:** ![Beastly\_Rotter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/45deac/32.png) [@Beastly\_Rotter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beastly_Rotter)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-memorialize-people/652970/58 "2013-03-16T04:15:22Z")
> [@JillGat](#): > > One final post on the SDMB. My message about Opal was innocent. Some of you here actively gossiped about and insulted Opal while she was alive and cruelly mocked her struggles with mental illness. And now these same people are sanctimoniously piling on and attacking me for saying that I’m sorry she didn’t get a chance to document, illustrate and discuss her final life chapter. The hypocracy is astonishing. I have been here as a moderator, a staff report contributor and a poster for about 14 years. I am now finally completely disgusted by this out-of-touch “community.” I had no idea online drama was so contagious. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-memorialize-people/652970/59 "2013-03-16T04:18:40Z")
> [@Beastly\_Rotter](#): > > I had no idea online drama was so contagious. OMG, that’s _ **IT.** _…Jill’s channeling OpalCat. Now it all makes sense, 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Beastly\_Rotter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/45deac/32.png) [@Beastly\_Rotter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beastly_Rotter)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-memorialize-people/652970/60 "2013-03-16T04:33:24Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > OMG, that’s _ **IT.** _…Jill’s channeling OpalCat. > > Now it all makes sense, 😛 This is the horror movie moment when the survivors start eyeing each other warily, wondering who else has been infected. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-memorialize-people/652970.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-memorialize-people/652970.md?page=4)