# How to order food **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 13, 2019, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-order-food/835498 "2019-06-13T21:57:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-order-food/835498/41 "2019-06-14T17:54:03Z")
Not if you either are not sure if you like the topping or if you do not trust the restaurant to apply your preferred amount. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-order-food/835498/42 "2019-06-14T18:39:22Z")
My wife’s an asker; I’m a teller with please on the end. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-order-food/835498/43 "2019-06-14T21:03:36Z")
“Can I have…”, never! “May I please have…”, always. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-order-food/835498/44 "2019-06-14T21:17:11Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > “Can I have…”, never! > > “May I please have…”, always. Sorry, I disagree. If I’m asking, it’s because there’s some doubt in my mind about whether I _can_ get what I’m asking for, not because there’s any doubt about whether I _may_ have it. For example, “Can I get a Diet Mountain Dew?” I’m asking whether that’s one of the soft drinks they have available; I’m not asking for permission to have one. ETA: And yes, smart aleck, I know that sets me up for the server to say “Yes you can” without actually bringing me one. That’s a chance I’m willing to take. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Stafford\_Cripps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_stafford_cripps/32/7167_2.png) [@The\_Stafford\_Cripps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Stafford_Cripps)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-order-food/835498/45 "2019-06-14T21:32:26Z")
> [@Fake\_Tales\_of\_San\_Francisco](#): > > “Can I have” contains some level of doubt, and you never know, they may deny you your order just out of spite. ‘I will have’ is far too confident, and you run the risk of looking foolish if they turn around and say they’re out of stock. The former is indeed an ever present risk. In the latter scenario they might even simply reply ‘No, you will not’. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2019, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-order-food/835498/46 "2019-06-14T23:52:39Z")
> [@BrickBat](#): > > “On the side”. > > Had an acquaintance ( friend of a friend ) who was a 24 carat pain in the ass when eating in a restaurant/diner. Everything “on the side”. Hogged all the table space with all his on-the-side stuff. > > While I never saw him order beef stew, I wouldn’t be surprised that if he did, it would be like: > > “Beef stew, with the beef _on the side_…with the potatoes _on the side_ and the carrots\* on the side\*…and oh…can I get extra gravy _on the side_”. Sorry, I can’t agree with this. The alternative is often a game of “Confuse the cook” where nobody is happy. I could order my burger at Red Robin “No tomato, light lettuce, diced onions, extra BBQ sauce” and 99% of the time the kitchen would screw it up. If I just order the “Whiskey River Burger, everything but the cheese on the side” it saves endless confusion and angst between the line cooks and the customer. ---
**Author:** ![peccavi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peccavi/32/388_2.png) [@peccavi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peccavi)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-order-food/835498/47 "2019-06-15T00:10:32Z")
> [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](#): > > True, but a lot of times in life implying doesn’t get you what you want. I learned that I had a habit of being way too subtle about some things and had to start saying exactly what I want. It worked. To avoid any uncertainty or confusion, there is one correct way to order: > [@Joseph Heller](#): > > Major —— de Coverley paused in the doorway with a frown of puzzled disapproval, as though viewing something bizarre. He started forward in a straight line, and the wall of officers before him parted like the Red Sea. Glancing neither left nor right, he strode indomitably up to the steam counter and, in a clear, full-bodied voice that was gruff with age and resonant with ancient eminence and authority, said: > > “Gimme eat.” ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-order-food/835498/48 "2019-06-15T00:41:20Z")
“Can I get a Diet Mountain Dew?” “Why the fuck would you want THAT? I’m bringing you a cup of coffee.” ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-order-food/835498/49 "2019-06-15T00:48:02Z")
I have discovered that you can get a close approximation of a fully-dressed New Orleans po’ boy in a New York City deli if you say “Gimme a hero with Black Forest ham and Swiss\*; lettuce tomato onion pickles; mustard, mayonnaise; salt and pepper.” This is a prescription for disaster, but my local bagel joint has nailed the order the last half-dozen times. Sometimes you just gotta have a fully-dressed N’Awlins po’ boy, and you don’t have plane fare. \*substitute sliced roast beef and any other kind of cheese, if that’s the po’ boy you prefer ---
**Author:** ![SlackerInc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slackerinc/32/275_2.png) [@SlackerInc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlackerInc)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-order-food/835498/50 "2019-06-15T07:28:58Z")
Srsly? :eek: I have plenty of self-confidence, but I also have sympathy for service workers, and a strong desire not to appear to be imperiously ordering them to do my bidding, and make it snappy. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-order-food/835498/51 "2019-06-15T08:24:33Z")
No anchovies, please ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-order-food/835498/52 "2019-06-15T14:15:25Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > “Can I get a Diet Mountain Dew?” > > “Why the fuck would you want THAT? I’m bringing you a cup of coffee.” Heh. I patronize an Italian restaurant owned/operated by an older Italian woman who people either _love_ or _despise_. She drops “F” bombs like a longshoreman. “Could you cut my spaghetti up?” “You want I should wipe your shitty ass too?” The woman asking walked out, with her husband apologizing, paying for their drinks, then following her out. It’s like dinner theater. We watch the waitstaff’s attempts to mollify customers, it’s a blast. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-order-food/835498/53 "2019-06-15T14:34:14Z")
^ **kayaker** , you’ve probably seen [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJpwF7Nc3dk), I’m just posting it here so the SDMB native Chicagoans will drop by to comment and this thread will go to 1700 pages. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![dalej42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@dalej42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalej42)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-order-food/835498/54 "2019-06-15T18:51:10Z")
My ex bf used to say , ‘I will do the cheeseburger.’ That always sounded weird to me and slightly sexual. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2019, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-order-food/835498/55 "2019-06-15T22:29:02Z")
Ever tell him “keep fucking that chicken!”? ---
**Author:** ![lingyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d2c977/32.png) [@lingyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lingyi)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2019, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-order-food/835498/56 "2019-06-16T01:54:32Z")
“I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries. Thank you!” or “I’d like a cheeseburger and fries. Thank you!” Mama taught me manners! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2019, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-order-food/835498/57 "2019-06-16T03:05:01Z")
> [@dalej42](#): > > My ex bf used to say , ‘I will do the cheeseburger.’ That always sounded weird to me and slightly sexual. [“I’d hit it.”](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/022/938/fa3.jpeg) ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2019, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-order-food/835498/58 "2019-06-16T03:38:58Z")
When I can’t make up my mind, I always say, “I’ll have what she’s having.” ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2019, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-order-food/835498/59 "2019-06-16T04:01:56Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > ^ **kayaker** , you’ve probably seen [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJpwF7Nc3dk), I’m just posting it here so the SDMB native Chicagoans will drop by to comment and this thread will go to 1700 pages. 😉 Never seen that, but I’m actually a little surprised it’s still around. I could have sworn they closed down a few years ago. (Actually, it does look like they closed down, but their website says something about a new location coming soon.) But, yeah, that’s their schtick. Elsewhere, you can get that attitude for realz. ---
**Author:** ![Chisquirrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6bbea6/32.png) [@Chisquirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chisquirrel)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2019, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-order-food/835498/60 "2019-06-16T12:12:34Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Never seen that, but I’m actually a little surprised it’s still around. I could have sworn they closed down a few years ago. (Actually, it does look like they closed down, but their website says something about a new location coming soon.) But, yeah, that’s their schtick. Elsewhere, you can get that attitude for realz. Dick’s Last Resort is another restaurant in that style. I’ve served one restaurant’s entire serving staff after a shift ended, and it was absolutely hilarious. Moonlighting in fine dining, I would get the wonderful experience of constantly gritting “Thank you Master, may I please have another?” through my teeth. But yeah, people that go to restaurants famous for asshole servers and then complain about their treatment are a special kind of snowflake. It’s like asking for carnitas at an Italian joint. Don’t be that guest… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-order-food/835498.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-order-food/835498.md?page=4)