# How to Outwit Lucifer **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 15, 2001, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-outwit-lucifer/76360 "2001-08-15T08:45:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![grimpixie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@grimpixie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grimpixie)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-outwit-lucifer/76360/1 "2001-08-15T08:45:12Z")
Read in the UK’s _Big Issue_\*: > [@](#): > > “Contary to popular belief, Lucifer is not some kind of super-genius who never loses in a deal of wits,” author Nathan Brillins told Stateside press. “While it’s true he’s fooled many people into raw deals over the years, he’s been taken for a ride many times himself.” Brillins’ new book _How To Get Rich By Tricking Satan_ contains 36 apparantly genuine case-studies of those who’ve outsmarted him - earning themselves millions of dollars, and keeping their souls into the bargin. Says Brillins: “Lucifer has a certain animal cunning, but anyone who’s willing to think things through can outsmart him.” Advice includes: “Try to anticipate his next move. If he offers you the ‘body of a swimming suit model’ for your soul, figure he’s planning to stick a corpse in your closet.” Strangely enough, neither Amazon not BooksOnline seem to have a copy in stock!! Gp ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-outwit-lucifer/76360/2 "2001-08-15T10:21:25Z")
Hmmm … think this was on “The New Twilight Zone.” Some math professor offers to sell his soul for an equation or something, and the Devil shows up. The Devil offers to let him keep his soul if he can make some kind of request that he, despite all of his Devilish powers, is unable to fulfill. So the professor asks the Devil to get lost. The Devil, who can go anywhere, can’t ever get himself lost, so he retreats with an anguished howl. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-outwit-lucifer/76360/3 "2001-08-15T15:20:47Z")
Snooooopy, I saw that one! In fact, that’s the one I thought of when I saw this thread title. Sherman Hemsley was the professor. Probably the best way to get out of selling your soul, though, is to call up God and ask him to play a poker hand with Satan, winner take all. ---
**Author:** ![DeathLlama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f07891/32.png) [@DeathLlama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeathLlama)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-outwit-lucifer/76360/4 "2001-08-15T15:35:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Enderw24 \* > \*\*Probably the best way **[snip]** is to call up God and ask him to play a poker hand with Satan, winner take all. \*\* You know, that would have been a lot easier than that whole dying on a cross thing. Maybe gambling for souls is against the rules or something. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-outwit-lucifer/76360/5 "2001-08-15T15:55:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Enderw24 \* > \*\*Snooooopy, I saw that one! In fact, that’s the one I thought of when I saw this thread title. > Sherman Hemsley was the professor. > \*\* Same here, except I don’t think it was _The Twilight Zone_. I think it was another anthology series called _Tales from the Darkside_. Obligatory bad joke: I guess Mr. Jefferson really was “Moving on up…to the sk-y” I friend of mine named Johnny also did it. He’s got a golden fiddle to prove it. ---
**Author:** ![renigademaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71c47a/32.png) [@renigademaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/renigademaster)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-outwit-lucifer/76360/6 "2001-08-15T16:13:14Z")
I would ask the devil to write out PI and tell me the last digit. (then again, who knows if PI really does end) ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-outwit-lucifer/76360/7 "2001-08-15T16:19:10Z")
You could make it a trial and get Dan’l Webster as your lawyer. ---
**Author:** ![Weird\_AL\_Einstein](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c67d28/32.png) [@Weird\_AL\_Einstein](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weird_AL_Einstein)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2001, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-outwit-lucifer/76360/8 "2001-08-19T09:54:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Beeblebrox \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Enderw24 \* > > \*\*Snooooopy, I saw that one! In fact, that’s the one I thought of when I saw this thread title. > > Sherman Hemsley was the professor. > > \*\* > > Same here, except I don’t think it was _The Twilight Zone_. I think it was another anthology series called _Tales from the Darkside_. > \*\* No, it was _The Twilight Zone_. The 80s version. They did another one like this, in which a guy plays poker with the devil. The devil keeps winning because he always gets three sixes, but when the devil offers to play for his soul, the guy gets to choose the game, and he selects “lowball”, in which the lowest hand wins. At the end of one of these episodes, the narrator says: “Part of our continuing series about what to do if the devil shows up on your doorstep. A public service announcement…from the Twilight Zone.” I thought that was pretty cool. ---
**Author:** ![tavalla](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tavalla/32/89_2.png) [@tavalla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tavalla)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2001, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-outwit-lucifer/76360/9 "2001-08-19T10:16:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Enderw24 \* > \*\*Probably the best way to get out of selling your soul, though, is to call up God and ask him to play a poker hand with Satan, winner take all. \*\* Satan would win; God can’t (or won’t) cheat, while Satan will deal seconds til the cows come home. ---
**Author:** ![Chas.E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e99b99/32.png) [@Chas.E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chas.E)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2001, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-outwit-lucifer/76360/10 "2001-08-19T10:58:48Z")
I think the best story on this subject is Larry Niven’s “Convergent Series.” A guy discovers he can summon up the devil and keep him confined, merely by drawing a chalk circle around a pentagram. But by summoning the devil, he has already made the contract to sell his soul. He asks the devil what he gets in return for his soul and is granted one request. He asks to stop time for everything in the universe but him, just for an hour. He thinks for a while, then comes up with the idea of drawing the circle and pentagram on the belly of the frozen devil. When time starts again, the devil reappears inside the circle in his belly… and again inside the circle in that one’s belly… at infinitum… and then the devil vanishes in a puff of smoke. Very nice. ---
**Author:** ![DeathLlama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f07891/32.png) [@DeathLlama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeathLlama)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2001, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-outwit-lucifer/76360/11 "2001-08-19T18:41:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tavalla \* > > Satan would win; God can’t (or won’t) cheat, while Satan will deal seconds til the cows come home. \*\* Yeah, but being omniscient and omni-everything else, God would know and not allow it. My money’s on the Creator, though he probably wouldn’t approve of me betting, damn it…er…I mean shucks. ---
**Author:** ![easy\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/eb8c5e/32.png) [@easy\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/easy_e)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2001, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-outwit-lucifer/76360/12 "2001-08-20T00:26:18Z")
There’s a short story called, IIFC, “The Hellbound Train” [spoiler warning] where a guy sells his soul to the devil (disguised as a train conductor) in exchange for a watch that will stop time at any moment he chooses. Being human, he waits and waits until he thinks he’s finally found the perfect moment. Of course, the “perfect” moment never comes, and he dies. The devil, on a train, comes to collect. He decides that the moment wouldn’t be any better, so he activates the watch on the train ride to hell. Everyone, Satan included, is stuck on a never ending ride. He becomes the brakeman on “the hellbound train.” ---
**Author:** ![Anal\_Scurvy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c57346/32.png) [@Anal\_Scurvy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anal_Scurvy)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2001, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-outwit-lucifer/76360/13 "2001-08-20T00:47:10Z")
I’m allergic go sulpher, so my mom will write me a note asking me to be exempt from Hell. ---
**Author:** ![Darwins\_Finch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darwins_finch/32/20304_2.png) [@Darwins\_Finch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darwins_Finch)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2001, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-outwit-lucifer/76360/14 "2001-08-20T01:13:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DeathLlama \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Enderw24 \* > > \*\*Probably the best way **[snip]** is to call up God and ask him to play a poker hand with Satan, winner take all. \*\* > > You know, that would have been a lot easier than that whole dying on a cross thing. Maybe gambling for souls is against the rules or something. \*\* Chris DeBurg (of “Lady in Red” and “Don’t Pay the Ferryman” fame) did a song called “Spanish Train” (at least, I think that’s the name of it…), which is about this very thing. ---
**Author:** ![Darwins\_Finch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darwins_finch/32/20304_2.png) [@Darwins\_Finch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darwins_Finch)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2001, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-outwit-lucifer/76360/15 "2001-08-20T01:14:02Z")
That should be “DeBurgh”. ---
**Author:** ![Lucifer12](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b38774/32.png) [@Lucifer12](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucifer12)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2001, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-outwit-lucifer/76360/16 "2001-08-20T01:24:31Z")
Actually, I don’t bargain for souls anymore-it’s bad business. 90% of the time I get the soul anyway! These days I just play the market…sorry about that whole dot-com thing, by the way. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2001, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-outwit-lucifer/76360/17 "2001-08-20T04:13:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tavalla \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Enderw24 \* > > \*\*Probably the best way to get out of selling your soul, though, is to call up God and ask him to play a poker hand with Satan, winner take all. \*\* > > Satan would win; God can’t (or won’t) cheat, while Satan will deal seconds til the cows come home. \*\* Gosh, no one’s seen Oh God! You Devil! And **Chas.E** I was thinking of that story too. Niven’s dip into pure math, as he called it. I was trying to think of the name of the story, but I said “screw it” because I didn’t want to go rumaging through my closet trying to find N\*Space just to post it. Hey, I have a question while we’re on the subject. I don’t want to hijack this thread, but this question isn’t important enough to warrant its own thread. OK, there was a Twilight Zone episode about a stand up comic who stole someone else’s material about bananas and used it in his act. Then he died and went to hell and had to defend his life up on stage telling jokes. He bombed out, until he started revealing personal bits about his life to some guy in the shadows. Suddenly everyone started laughing at him. OK, I never got to see the end of this episode and I’ve never seen it but once. I think the reason I remember it so clearly is _because_ I’ve never seen the ending and the curiousity of it stuck with me. Can anyone help me out? What happened? ---
**Author:** ![rjk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@rjk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjk)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2001, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-outwit-lucifer/76360/18 "2001-08-20T05:02:08Z")
Back to the OP (since I didn’t see the banana episode): The way to beat the devil is curling - look for _The Black Bonspiel of Wully MacCrimmon_ by W. O. Mitchell. ---
**Author:** ![Chocobo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@Chocobo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chocobo)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2001, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-outwit-lucifer/76360/19 "2001-08-20T05:44:10Z")
You beat him ala Bart Simpson. “I’d sell my soul for (insert what you want here)” (Devil appears) “That can be arranged.” “Changed my mind, take it back.” Repeat until the devil gets sufficiently pestered and agrees to give whatever it is to you in exchange for stopping.