# How to politely ask people not to use a particular nickname? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 8, 2009, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-politely-ask-people-not-to-use-a-particular-nickname/480376 "2009-01-08T15:17:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Unsquare\_Dance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/b3f665/32.png) [@Unsquare\_Dance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unsquare_Dance)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-politely-ask-people-not-to-use-a-particular-nickname/480376/61 "2009-01-09T03:15:52Z")
I have a complex about my name. It’s Katherine. Not Catherine, Kathrine, Katharine, Kathryn, or any other variation. It’s Katherine. It’s no problem for me to rattle off “K-a-t-h-e-r-i-n-e,” but most people don’t even _ask_ how it’s spelled, and they _assume_ it has a Y in it. On top of it, they do the same thing to me with the nickname, but they don’t even call me the right diminutive. I prefer being called Katherine at work. And I will admit that Kathy is a go-to for many Katherines. My Aunt Kathy, who is a Kathryn, uses this diminutive. No problem for her. It suits her. But my name, if shortened, is **Katie**. I didn’t choose this name, either. My mother chose the name Katherine and the nickname Katie. Katie, Katie, Katie. That’s my name, feel free to wear it out. Katherine, if it’s a formal setting. Katie, if you really don’t know how to spell the full deal. You can call me Kate if we’re blood relatives or you’re my other white meat. But really, it’s Katie. Forever and ever. Amen. But people have actually _argued_ with me about what my nickname _should_ be. “Yes, but Kathy is short for Katherine.” “Yeah, so is Katie.” “Most people go by Kathy.” “Many go by Katie also. I do.” “But the name has an H in it.” “True. But the first three letters of Katherine and Katie are the same. And Katherine has no Y in it.” “Kathy seems more logical.” “Maybe to you. But it’s not my name.” “Yes, but most people go by Kathy.” :smack: I have one acquaintance on the Internet, after I told him that I really dislike the name Kathy and I don’t respond to it, who calls me Kathy just to _piss me off_. It’s always something like, “Hi, Kathy. :D” And I refuse to respond to that kind of nonsense. Sheer dickery. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-politely-ask-people-not-to-use-a-particular-nickname/480376/62 "2009-01-09T03:19:14Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > Absolutely NOT jumping on you, but asking out of curiosity since you’re the only one that’s responded by saying you’ve called someone by a name other than what was offered. So, may I ask why? If you knew she went by SAHNdra, why did you call her Sandy? Thanks in advance for your answer because it will be interesting to see the reason people might do this. 🙂 That always ticks me off as well. I always introduce myself as Russell. No one should be calling me anything else unless I specifically give them permission. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-politely-ask-people-not-to-use-a-particular-nickname/480376/63 "2009-01-09T03:47:28Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > Problem is that even if I use those exact words, I come off as being impolite. It’s probably my tone of voice, facial expression, etc. Can you picture meeting someone who you think you’ll be good friends with, and who really nicely asks how to address you? Then smile and say “I prefer to be called Elizabeth.” Sometimes it helps by thinking of yourself as a coach providing the correct answer, rather than as a mean teacher correcting a bad student. ---
**Author:** ![Mirror\_Image\_egamI\_rorriM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e56c9b/32.png) [@Mirror\_Image\_egamI\_rorriM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mirror_Image_egamI_rorriM)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-politely-ask-people-not-to-use-a-particular-nickname/480376/64 "2009-01-09T04:32:55Z")
If you are emailing her mostly: Dear Joeanne, Blah blah blah work stuff, Signed, Elizabeth (not Liz) ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-politely-ask-people-not-to-use-a-particular-nickname/480376/65 "2009-01-09T05:20:38Z")
> [@Unsquare\_Dance](#): > > I But people have actually _argued_ with me about what my nickname _should_ be. I get this, too. Another Elizabeth checking in! But I’ve never gone by Elizabeth; I’ve always been Betsey. I’ve had people tell me my name should be Liz or Beth, and that they don’t know how one gets ‘Betsey’ from Elizabeth. One woman told me that the ‘real’ nicknames for Elizabeth were Liz and and Beth, and that I should use one of those instead. She couldn’t understand why I’d want to use ‘that name’, rather than the more obvious Liz or Beth. I always hated the first day of school, when the teachers were going through the roll, and would automatically ask me if I was a Liz or a Beth, and I’d have to explain that I was neither, I was a Betsey. I’d get The Look, as if I was making things harder for them. And gee, thanks for assuming I don’t go by Elizabeth. Why does every name need a nickname, anyway? I once worked with a woman who could not remember my name, and called me Becky. I started out politely correcting her, then not-so-politely correcting her, and then I went the ignoring her route. She’d say, “Becky, do you have the Miller file? Becky? BECKY!” and I’d just ignore her until she’d come right up to my desk and say, “Becky! Do you have…” at which point I’d say “I didn’t realize you were talking to me. My name isn’t Becky. It’s Betsey.” She claimed it was too hard to remember, and that I looked like a Becky to her. Many times I was tempted to say, “And you look like a Bitch to me. Can I call you Bitch?” ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-politely-ask-people-not-to-use-a-particular-nickname/480376/66 "2009-01-09T07:46:27Z")
Ugh. Super frustrating. I would just start calling her a different name until she cuts it out. You can be friendly and jokey about it but eventually she should get the hint. It’s worked for me. 🙂 (My IRL name is just a walking setup for people to mock, change, mangle, and mess with). ---
**Author:** ![janis\_and\_c0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janis_and_c0/32/21_2.png) [@janis\_and\_c0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janis_and_c0)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-politely-ask-people-not-to-use-a-particular-nickname/480376/67 "2009-01-09T07:49:27Z")
Yet Another Elizabeth here! \* I’ve Always been a Beth. A few people, mostly in work situations call me Elizabeth. Sometimes, I asked to be called Beth, sometimes not. The people up the street called me Betsy, the Guard at work called me Liz or Lizzie. It’s one of the reasons I’ve always liked my name, It’s versitile. That being said,you should get called what you prefer. - Maybe we should start a club! ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-politely-ask-people-not-to-use-a-particular-nickname/480376/68 "2009-01-09T13:14:11Z")
> [@Unsquare\_Dance](#): > > I have one acquaintance on the Internet, after I told him that I really dislike the name Kathy and I don’t respond to it, who calls me Kathy just to _piss me off_. It’s always something like, “Hi, Kathy. :D” And I refuse to respond to that kind of nonsense. > > Sheer dickery. Which brings up the flip side. Letting people know it REALLY bothers you might be a bad idea. Its a weapon that can be used against you. I knew one guy who was a REAL jerk. The kind you (and probably everyone else) hopes will die or move away or would already be dead if murder wasn’t illegal. Every once in awhile I was forced to interact with him, not work related. I took great joy in calling him Dave rather than David, knowing it pissed the hell out him. Of course I always wondered why he had his name listed as Dave in the club roster… ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-politely-ask-people-not-to-use-a-particular-nickname/480376/69 "2009-01-09T13:58:45Z")
I have a weird name: KathyJo. I go by KathyJo, Kaje, or KJ. For a brief time in high school I went by Joey. Not Kathy. Only my parents have ever called me Kathy. In e-mail exchanges I may toss in a (FWIW, my name is KathyJo. I really would prefer if you used my full name. Thanks) above my sig if I know there will be a continued relationship with that person. If they continue with the Kathy I will start the email with (I know this may sound silly, but I really would prefer it if you used ‘KathyJo’ instead of Kathy. It’s a foible, I know, but it would be greatly appreciated). It has worked. Face to face situations tend to go: Hi, I’m KathyJo Hi, Kathy Sorry, I said KathyJO. Weird name, I know. Or: Hey Kathy! (muttered: KathyJo) Blahblah Kathy blahblah (muttered: KathyJO) Hunh? My name is KathyJo, not Kathy. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Sonnenstrahl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Sonnenstrahl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sonnenstrahl)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-politely-ask-people-not-to-use-a-particular-nickname/480376/70 "2009-01-09T14:31:11Z")
This happens to my friend, who is short and young-looking and finds it hard to be taken seriously as an accountant. She arrives at offices to do an audit on her own, looking about 19, and they greet her as Liz. I wish I had good advice, but I think she’s caved in. Instead, she wears giant heels and formal clothes to make her look older. ☹ Another friend of mine has been going by Elizabeth in all situations for a few years, after being known as Liz for most of her life. Unfortunately, another friend knew her before that time, and still calls her Liz, and even though I make a really concerted effort, I still find it slips out from time to time. Mainly because of my other friend, Liz-the-accountant, but also because Elizabeth is kind of hard to say. The way I say it, it has four full syllables. Compared to all the Jenns, Sarahs, and Kates in my peer group, Elizabeth is long. ---
**Author:** ![Lo-Slung\_Denim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f6c823/32.png) [@Lo-Slung\_Denim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lo-Slung_Denim)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-politely-ask-people-not-to-use-a-particular-nickname/480376/71 "2009-01-09T14:39:10Z")
**Green Bean** , have you responded to her yet? I think the best one so far would be to reply to the email, and just chime at the end, “I prefer Elizabeth to Liz, thanks.” before your “Regards, Elizabeth”. I find people come across as rude or unnecessary when there’s waffling to cover it up. You’re trying to be polite, but obviously riled, so covering it up with sycophantic nonsense or fake humour. And in fact my name is Elizabeth, but I go by Liz. I get called all sorts - though it seems most people have a preference for calling me by my one-syllable surname, which I actually quite like, it seems quite sweet and affectionate, especially when they add a ‘y’ to the end 🙂 My workmates found out my family nickname, which is Iddybuff(my brother couldn’t pronounce Elizabeth), now it is not uncommon for my attention to be sought by colleagues shouting “Hey Iddy!”. Which I don’t _mind_, but, errr, it’s just not very professional is it?? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Contrary](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/db5fbb/32.png) [@Contrary](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrary)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-politely-ask-people-not-to-use-a-particular-nickname/480376/72 "2009-01-09T15:25:56Z")
> [@Sonnenstrahl](#): > > \ because Elizabeth is kind of hard to say. The way I say it, it has four full syllables. Compared to all the Jenns, Sarahs, and Kates in my peer group, Elizabeth is long. It \*does \*have four syllables. And nine letters. And yes, it’s long. So that’s why if someone wants to call me **E** instead, I am OK with that. I am \*\*not \*\*OK with Liz (which is what my name gets sortened to 99% of the time it’s chopped off). For those who say it’s no big deal, that is fantastic for you. My name is important to me and after having four last names due to being adopted in my teens and then divorced once, it’s the one constant name I have. I won’t compromise on this, nor will I be hateful about it. I will not answer someone who calls me by the wrong name whether it’s Lisa, Linda, Betty, Beth et cetera. ---
**Author:** ![gravitycrash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@gravitycrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gravitycrash)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-politely-ask-people-not-to-use-a-particular-nickname/480376/73 "2009-01-09T15:46:12Z")
My real name is Peter. About half of my friends or co-workers call me Pete, which is fine. You would think that it would be nearly impossible to find a different version of this name. You would be wrong. My Parents and my Aunt and Uncle all call me Petey. I’m a man in his mid forties for fucks sake. I remember protesting as a teenager with no success. I don’t even really notice any more. At least they don’t call me Petey around other people. ---
**Author:** ![tim314](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim314/32/3468_2.png) [@tim314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim314)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-politely-ask-people-not-to-use-a-particular-nickname/480376/74 "2009-01-09T16:08:44Z")
I’m Timothy, but go by Tim. But I had a friend who insisted on calling me Timothy, just to make fun of me I think. So I started calling him Johnothy. ---
**Author:** ![Auntbeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Auntbeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Auntbeast)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-politely-ask-people-not-to-use-a-particular-nickname/480376/75 "2009-01-09T16:12:07Z")
> [@janis\_and\_c0](#): > > Yet Another Elizabeth here! \* I’ve Always been a Beth. A few people, mostly in work situations call me Elizabeth. Sometimes, I asked to be called Beth, sometimes not. The people up the street called me Betsy, the Guard at work called me Liz or Lizzie. It’s one of the reasons I’ve always liked my name, It’s versitile. That being said,you should get called what you prefer. > > - Maybe we should start a club! This thread is hilarious to me. My name is Lisa. It gets shorted about once every two decades. It also does not lend itself to nicknames. I can’t tell you how many times I was called Elizabeth by teachers. Nope, never answered, it just is not my name. It isn’t long for anything, nor short for anything. 4 letters. Now, prior to my daughters birth, when we were doing all the name wrangling. Elizabeth was a top choice for me because of all the alternatives. If she didn’t like Elizabeth, it came with a million options, Lizbeth, Liza, Liz, Eliza, Beth, Betty, Betsy, etc. And as much as I like the name Katherine, I don’t know anyone with any variation of that name that goes by it. My friend Kathleen answers to damn near anything, Kathleen, Kathy, Katie, Kat, whatever. I didn’t want my daughter to be called Kathy. I named her Kate. Turns out, we call her Katie. So does every Katherine, Kaitlyn, Kayleigh, BLAHBLAHBLAH. I can’t go anywhere without 15 Katies running around. In my mind, my daughter has second dibs to Katie. Although I have to say, I did not give her many options, Kate at least will function as an adult name and for all the world, the funniest statement in the world to me is “Katie is SUCH a bitch!” Katie is the super sweet girl next door. I’m sorry Elizabeth, I am one of those people that refuses to shorten names unless requested. My brothers name is Russell and he _hates_ to be called any of the nicknames (especially because he is a red head). ---
**Author:** ![lilflower](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecccb3/32.png) [@lilflower](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lilflower)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-politely-ask-people-not-to-use-a-particular-nickname/480376/76 "2009-01-09T16:24:09Z")
My parents tried hard to come up with a name that would not have any nickname. They did a pretty good job except that my name is two syllables and every once in a while, someone just calls me by the first syllable. It’s not tragic (although it does rhyme with “retch” which is a bit unpleasant) but I do always correct them. I think as others have said, just making your point clearly and succintly should do the trick. I usually just say “Actually, it’s X”. My bigger problem is being called the wrong name (which happens about once a day at work) so I’m very used to correcting people. Perhaps once you start correcting people more often, it will get easier. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-politely-ask-people-not-to-use-a-particular-nickname/480376/77 "2009-01-09T16:56:36Z")
I’m amazed–though I probably shouldn’t be–by the number of people who do not accede to people’s wishes and call them what they want to be called. I guess I’m lucky–my personal name is short, one syllable, and has only one variant. Which nobody thinks to use because it’s _longer_ than the real name. I was teased with it in senior public school though. But that school was a hell school and I could have beren called anything and they would have made it into a weapon. **matt\_mcl** raises an interesting point though: the use of different names in different languages. I first met him in person in a context that spoke neither English nor French, and learned his name as Mateo. Then shortly thereafter he invited me to my first DopeFest and in an English-speaking context I learned his name as Matt. How many other multilingual Dopers use different names in different languages? ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-politely-ask-people-not-to-use-a-particular-nickname/480376/78 "2009-01-09T17:21:24Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > \*\*\*Why the hell do people just decide that I should be called Liz? gigi: Hi, I’m Gwendolen. them: Hi, Gwen, I’m So-and-So. gigi: :smack: Now, if I’ve written an email to them it’s understandable, since I sign Thanks, Gwen. In that case, I am flummoxed by a response that says Dear Gwendolen, since I clearly use Gwen (and you’ve met me before and we’ve established I go by Gwen) (different context from the above) I realize I am a weird case because I go by Gwen to spare people saying Gwendolen (a name I love and don’t mind people using but it’s a mouthful) but I prefer Gwendolen in anything formal, like written materials and my friggin nameplate for God’s sake. But the absolutely worst? Gwen D. Lastname Um, if you’re including the middle initial, it’s formal, no? Gwen is definitely completely wrong in that context! ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-politely-ask-people-not-to-use-a-particular-nickname/480376/79 "2009-01-09T17:55:25Z")
Well, howdy to all you Elizabeths out there! We really should form a club. In spite of the involuntary nicknaming problem, it’s really a great name to have. > [@tdn](#): > > It probably is. If I may suggest, you might be coming off as rude BECAUSE you’re trying so hard not to come off as rude, paradoxically. If you can stop caring what people’s reactions are going to be, you might get better reactions. You’re probably right. I realized why I kind of balk at saying “I prefer to be called Elizabeth.” Because I don’t “prefer” it. It’s my damn name! It’s not a preference. It’s a fact. But I’ll go ahead and try that wording anyway. > [@delphica](#): > > If you are in person, it’s easier to work the correction into a light-hearted anecdote, like “My Mean Aunt Myrtle always called me Liz … so now I’m terrified whenever I’m addressed that way! I much prefer Elizabeth. Did you ever have a mean aunt? Aren’t they funny? Mine had an awful poodle, that bit children. And she wore dreadful polyester pants suits!” Ooh! I love this option! I’m sure I can think of some amusingly awful person that called me “Liz.” I probably won’t launch into the anecdote unless I’m pressed, but it’s a good idea to have one at the ready. > [@Cazzle](#): > > For every compulsive nicknamer out there, there’s a compulsive fullnamer too. I can assure you that the compulsive nicknamers far outnumber the compulsive fullnamers. But that Caroline thing has really gotta be annoying! And I really never thought of “Carol” as being short for “Caroline” but as a different name entirely. Does it come from Caroline originally? And what’s with those women who insist on calling their boyfriends or husbands by their full name? Like if there was some guy who was Mike to everybody in the world, but his wife would only call him Michael. Usually pronounced (Mi-KULL just to emphasize that she’s using the whole name.) Ugh. I don’t know why that rubs me the wrong way, but it does. > [@Unsquare\_Dance](#): > > It’s Katherine. Not Catherine, Kathrine, Katharine, Kathryn, or any other variation. It’s Katherine. It’s no problem for me to rattle off “K-a-t-h-e-r-i-n-e,” but most people don’t even _ask_ how it’s spelled, and they _assume_ it has a Y in it. That’s funny. I thought Kathryn was one of the less-common variants. Are you in the U.S.? And that person who says that Kathy is more logical than Katie? What an idiot. Kate and Katie are perfectly common nicknames for all the spelling variants of Katherine. Even if it’s spelled with a C. > [@BiblioCat](#): > > I get this, too. > Another Elizabeth checking in! But I’ve never gone by Elizabeth; I’ve always been Betsey. I’ve had people tell me my name should be Liz or Beth, and that they don’t know how one gets ‘Betsey’ from Elizabeth. Oy. Another idiot. Betsey (or Betsy) is used all the time as a nickname for Elizabeth. It may not be as common as Liz or Beth at this point, but jeez! > [@janis\_and\_c0](#): > > It’s one of the reasons I’ve always liked my name, It’s versitile. The versatility _is_ a good thing, particularly since it’s a fairly common name. Way back when I was a little kid, I met this girl named Liz on the bus on the way to the first day of day camp. I told her “There can’t be two Lizzes. You should be Beth.” She said okay, and was Beth ever after. (I knew her outside of camp too, but that was the first time I’d met her.) It sounded better with her last name anyway. I still can’t believe I was so bossy! > [@Sonnenstrahl](#): > > Another friend of mine has been going by Elizabeth in all situations for a few years, after being known as Liz for most of her life. Unfortunately, another friend knew her before that time, and still calls her Liz, and even though I make a really concerted effort, I still find it slips out from time to time. Mainly because of my other friend, Liz-the-accountant, but also because Elizabeth is kind of hard to say. The way I say it, it has four full syllables. Compared to all the Jenns, Sarahs, and Kates in my peer group, Elizabeth is long. Well, I’m sure Elizabeth appreciates you making the effort. She probably understands that people will still call her Liz from time to time even if they don’t mean to. People like you aren’t the problem. It’s people who think it’s okay to call people by the wrong name just 'cause they feel like it. > [@Lo-Slung\_Denim](#): > > **Green Bean** , have you responded to her yet? Yeah, but I didn’t say anything. :smack: I’ll give her one more chance and then I’ll say something. (Why do I feel like the guy in the taxi from _Airplane!_?) ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-politely-ask-people-not-to-use-a-particular-nickname/480376/80 "2009-01-09T18:06:04Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > gigi: Hi, I’m Gwendolen. > them: Hi, Gwen, I’m So-and-So. > gigi: :smack: > > Now, if I’ve written an email to them it’s understandable, since I sign Thanks, Gwen. In that case, I am flummoxed by a response that says Dear Gwendolen, since I clearly use Gwen (and you’ve met me before and we’ve established I go by Gwen) (different context from the above) > > I realize I am a weird case because I go by Gwen to spare people saying Gwendolen (a name I love and don’t mind people using but it’s a mouthful) but I prefer Gwendolen in anything formal, like written materials and my friggin nameplate for God’s sake. But the absolutely worst? > > Gwen D. Lastname > > Um, if you’re including the middle initial, it’s formal, no? Gwen is definitely completely wrong in that context! Tha hell? Are people supposed to call you Gwen or Gwendolen? I understand the first part, where it’s annoying when you introduce yourself as Gwendolen and they call you Gwen. But after that… So they’re supposed to call you Gwen in an email even after you told them your name is Gwendolen? But in written materials you expect them to say Gwendolen? Isn’t an email a written material? And whether they should call you Gwendolen or Gwen depends on whether you’ve passed some point in your relationship that only you understand? And if they call you Gwendolen when you think they should call you Gwen, you’re annoyed? And if you go by Gwen, why shouldn’t they write “Gwen D. Lastname” on an envelope if you’ve told them that they should call you Gwen? A middle inital doesn’t mean “formal.” They’re trying to follow your wishes! How the holy hell are people supposed to know what to call you in what circumstance? Maybe you should publish a matrix and distribute it or something. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-politely-ask-people-not-to-use-a-particular-nickname/480376.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-politely-ask-people-not-to-use-a-particular-nickname/480376.md?page=5)