How to politely end a conversation with a stranger

[GrandWino]

“Excuse me, I have diarrhea.”

[Icarus]

The best defense is a good offense!

At the first moment just cut them off and start rambling yourself, don’t pause, keep changing the subject, free associate (tell them about something you read on the SDMB) - eventually they will be the ones trying to break away.

Either that or you will make a friend for life!

[not_what_you_d_expect]

I just pretend to misunderstand something they just said and respond accordingly. So they something like, My dad has cancer, I say, Oh, I agree, then I smile and move on.

[Floater]

What I don’t understand is why people find it perfectly OK to try to engage me in a conversation when I sit alone in a secluded corner of a bar with a glass of beer in front of me deeply involved in a newspaper or a book. I’d think my body language would be enough to deter them. :mad:

[monstro]

@Bob Ducca

“Excuse me, I have diarrhea.”

I used this at work once (except I just said I had to go to the bathroom realllly bad). It wasn’t a lie, and it worked.

[mayaonfiya222]

@Ambivalid

Ding-Ding-Ding!! We have our answer.

True…I know!! I have to be tougher.

[mayaonfiya222]

@movingfinger

Smile apologetically and say, “Nov schmozz kapop”, and walk away.

What does that mean??

[mayaonfiya222]

@Zago

We sound a lot alike. I’m an introvert but compassionate. Lately, I get impatient with people who are too needy and I’m learning to be tough. I listen for a minute or two, smile, give a word of encouragement and then move on, quickly. If you pause, even for a moment you’ll get sucked back in, either by the person or your own guilt. With practice I’m getting better at distancing myself from these people. I’m not an ogre, I’ve been a regular volunteer in my town and I donate money and goods but at this point - that’s all I can do.

Good to know that other introverts feel this way too. I also donate money/goods, but sometimes, yeah, it’s good to move on quickly so that people can’t suck you back in. Thanks.

[mayaonfiya222]

@Floater

To my fellow introverts. You might like this guide on How to interact with the introverted.

Looks cool. I bookmarked it and will check it out later during my work break. Thanks!

[mayaonfiya222]

@Lakai

“I’m sorry, but I can’t talk right now.” Don’t explain anything unless they ask why.

If they do ask, then say “I have to concentrate on selecting groceries.” Or “I like to shop alone.”

If they say something else, no matter what it is, repeat what you said earlier. E.g. “I understand, but I like to shop by myself.” Keep repeating until they go away.

I prefer this method because you don’t have to lie and because I get uncomfortable using white lies to get out of social situations.

I hope at some point I can say this without feeling guilt. Ideally, people would be cool with whatever space you need. I hope eventually I get to this point.

[mayaonfiya222]

@SerafinaPekala

Is there anything more important in life than giving someone who is suffering a moment of comfort? Even if you only listen?

A moment is okay, but if someone keeps rambling on, it’s very hard to want to help them. If the man wanted some comfort, I think a couple of minutes is okay…but sometimes during my lunch break, I don’t have more than 1-2 minutes to speak to anyone. I try to do my best.

[mayaonfiya222]

Yes. Because it’s often more than a moment and I need to get on with my own life. If I wanted to that, I’d join a support group.

That’s pretty much how I feel a lot of times. I’ll give my time a little, but not at the expense of taking care of my needs. I’m going to check out Miss Manners. Thanks!

[mayaonfiya222]

@Floater

What I don’t understand is why people find it perfectly OK to try to engage me in a conversation when I sit alone in a secluded corner of a bar with a glass of beer in front of me deeply involved in a newspaper or a book. I’d think my body language would be enough to deter them. :mad:

Lol. I feel the same way. I think if I wore a sign that said DON’T TALK TO ME people would still find a way to divulge their life story to me.

[mayaonfiya222]

I wouldn’t be able to do/say some of the stuff people mentioned on here. I have diarrhea? Baby steps I guess lol The headphones thing is a good idea. I’ll start wearing them more often.

[Qadgop_the_Mercotan]

I generally default to speaking stock phrases in the Mangani language:

“Tarzan ko-korak. Yato-nala Tarzan-ul-Mangani. Yato-nala Kala, kalu-ul-Tarzan. Tand ko-Tarzan. Tand-yo kreeg-ah.”

(White-skin mighty killer. Look-up [to] White-skin of Great Apes. Look-up [to] Kala, mother-of-White-skin. Not mighty White-skin. Not-friend beware.)

Then I bare my teeth.

They generally go away.

[movingfinger]

@mayaonfiya222

What does that mean??

Nov shmozz ka pop probably means nothing. There was a cartoon strip back in the 20s called The Squirrel Cage which featured a little old man with a long white beard who hitch-hiked, and asked these words of motorists. There was a claim that the words were Russian and meant, “going my way?”

Robert Crumb used the character as the basis for his “Mr. Natural”.

[the_diego]

When both of you are seated, do what Gayle Wynand did when he dismissed Rourke: Stand up straight and look him in the eye.

[kayaker]

@Floater

What I don’t understand is why people find it perfectly OK to try to engage me in a conversation when I sit alone in a secluded corner of a bar with a glass of beer in front of me deeply involved in a newspaper or a book. I’d think my body language would be enough to deter them. :mad:

I sometimes skip outa work early and finish what needs done over a few beers at a secluded table at a bar, using my iPad. It’s obvious that I’m working, but occasionally I’m interrupted.

When someone asks if they can join my I tell them it’s cool so long as they’re paying. If they go ahead and sit down, I shout to the bartender to put this (holds up glass) and my next one on her tab. The bartender has experienced this before and plays along. That’s when I gat a “wait . . .what?” and can get back to my emails, etc. Or drink free. It’s all good.

[Anaamika]

@mayaonfiya222

I hope at some point I can say this without feeling guilt. Ideally, people would be cool with whatever space you need. I hope eventually I get to this point.

Here’s a secret, too. It’s Ok to practice. Do you think we all got so smooth on the first go?

My biggest pain in the ass in my 20s and my early 30s was the dreaded question or some variation: “Why don’t you have kids yet?” Then inevitably “You should have kids, you’ll love them.”

I had to practice the appropriate response. Depending on the scale of the question:

“Thank you kindly for your interest.”
“I’m sorry, but I’m just not interested.”
“I beg your pardon?” with eyebrows raised.

I had to practice these in the mirror to make sure they would come out smooth and easy.

I don’t have the bar experience, mostly because I never go to bars anymore (and hardly did back in the day). Didn’t know people came up to you and just started talking! But I have been interrupted plenty while reading, and that’s also a, “I’m sorry, I am really involved/deep into/engrossed in this book.” Most readers will get it. Non-readers will think you are rude and huff away but I don’t care about anyone who puts their entertainment (talking to me) over mine (reading) anyway

[Floater]

@kayaker

When someone asks if they can join my I tell them it’s cool so long as they’re paying. If they go ahead and sit down, I shout to the bartender to put this (holds up glass) and my next one on her tab. The bartender has experienced this before and plays along. That’s when I gat a “wait . . .what?” and can get back to my emails, etc. Or drink free. It’s all good.

Perfect. I must try it.