# How to Refer to Father's Second Wife **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 15, 2017, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-refer-to-fathers-second-wife/793705 "2017-08-15T10:26:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2017, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-refer-to-fathers-second-wife/793705/41 "2017-08-16T11:10:26Z")
I also don’t see a problem with stepmother, since “mother” is a different word than “mom,” and only the latter has to be someone who took care of you. But, if the OP doesn’t like it, I would suggest “[father’s] lovely wife.” That way you don’t have the connotations of not liking her (unless you make it sound sarcastic, of course). I mostly imagine an actual introduction being in the form “This is my dad \_\_\_ and his lovely wife \_\_\_\_.” Outside of that, I’d just use her first name to talk about her. If people ask who she is, then maybe say “Oh, my dad’s wife. I didn’t grow up with her, but she’s pretty nice.” And then go on. That said, I’ve not been in this situation, so I’m just imagining what sounds natural to me. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2017, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-refer-to-fathers-second-wife/793705/42 "2017-08-16T11:11:13Z")
> [@bob\_2](#): > > How should I refer to my father’s second (or subsequent) wife who I have only known as an adult. Naturally, I call her by her first name generally, but how should I indicate the relationship to strangers? > > If I say “My stepmother did xxx” it sounds (to me) as if she was there when I was a child. My father’s second wife sounds clumsy. My children still call her “Aunty” which was a good compromise as they already had a full set of grandparents but a stranger would assume a blood relation. > > Any ideas? It must be a common problem - or not… My father remarried when I was 24. I’ve been referring to her as my stepmother for 39 years now, and she’s good with that. ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2017, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-refer-to-fathers-second-wife/793705/43 "2017-08-16T12:37:45Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I’m 59. My mom died 5 years ago, my dad a few years prior. While I’m technically now an orphan, I think people would object to my showing up at the orphanage looking for assistance or housing. You are not technically now an orphan because you reached adulthood before you lost your parents. The word “orphan” refers to a child. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2017, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-refer-to-fathers-second-wife/793705/44 "2017-08-16T13:01:01Z")
> [@CookingWithGas](#): > > You are not technically now an orphan because you reached adulthood before you lost your parents. The word “orphan” refers to a child. “To judge the fatherless and the oppressed, that the man of the earth may no more oppress.” _Psalms_ 10:18 Shame on you, using technicalities to oppress an orphan. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2017, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-refer-to-fathers-second-wife/793705/45 "2017-08-16T13:22:43Z")
^ Nominated for “Best use of a Bible quote on these boards, ever” ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2017, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-refer-to-fathers-second-wife/793705/46 "2017-08-16T13:29:19Z")
> [@bob\_2](#): > > How should I refer to my father’s second (or subsequent) wife who I have only known as an adult. Naturally, I call her by her first name generally, but how should I indicate the relationship to strangers? In my experience, the usual is for the person to be introduced as “my father’s wife”. “My stepmother” seems reserved for someone who actually acted in a parental role. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2017, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-refer-to-fathers-second-wife/793705/47 "2017-08-16T15:01:21Z")
> [@bob\_2](#): > > How should I refer to my father’s second (or subsequent) wife who I have only known as an adult. Naturally, I call her by her first name generally, but how should I indicate the relationship to strangers? “Second wife” evokes images of “second-hand” or “sloppy seconds”, which you should avoid. Instead, it may be best to use the term “final wife”, but only if you are sure that she will be the one to see him into his grave. If not, use “sloppy wife” or “nowest wife”. I’m glad I could help. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2017, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-refer-to-fathers-second-wife/793705/48 "2017-08-16T18:50:42Z")
> [@bob\_2](#): > > I am happy with “father’s wife” I think. In a situation where first names are not appropriate, my step daughter refers to me as “My Mother’s husband”. I refer to her as, “My Wife’s daughter.” I called my stepfathers “My Mother’s nth Husband”, where n=1,2 or 3. My Father died when I was 16, and it wasn’t easy to deal with her 2nd husband who insisted on calling me, “Son”. Otherwise he was a nice guy. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2017, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-refer-to-fathers-second-wife/793705/49 "2017-08-16T19:39:39Z")
> [@CookingWithGas](#): > > Well, the denotation is that she is indeed his stepmother. You can argue that the term might imply certain connotations, but you can’t dispute the fact. That’s why my wife, who strives for accuracy, invariably says ‘wicked stepmother’. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2017, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-refer-to-fathers-second-wife/793705/50 "2017-08-16T21:05:38Z")
> [@Max\_Torque](#): > > “Carol”. > > Well, assuming her name is Carol… “[Karen](https://youtu.be/tg1QJAYJ0hw?t=44)” Regardless of what her actual name is. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2017, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-refer-to-fathers-second-wife/793705/51 "2017-08-16T21:16:45Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > In a situation where first names are not appropriate, my step daughter refers to me as “My Mother’s husband”. I refer to her as, “My Wife’s daughter.” You do? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2017, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-refer-to-fathers-second-wife/793705/52 "2017-08-17T01:39:56Z")
> [@CookingWithGas](#): > > You are not technically now an orphan because you reached adulthood before you lost your parents. The word “orphan” refers to a child. Based on some (or possibly even a lot) of the cases heard in Orphans Court in PA, not necessarily. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-refer-to-fathers-second-wife/793705.md?page=2)