# How to respond to an inappropriate question? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 25, 2010, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376 "2010-08-25T06:11:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/201 "2010-08-28T01:01:20Z")
> [@](#): > > Your answer almost makes it seem that you are offended that this is a question the OP doesn’t want to answer. Not offended. Just puzzled. > [@](#): > > [T]he OP isn’t asking what you’re insinuating that she’s asking or did you read the thread? She isn’t looking to make anyone feel bad so your “snappy come-back” nonsense is ridiculous. Not only did I read the OP, I read all of the posts afterward. Many of which are offering up snappy come-backs. Is it OK if I respond to them or can I only respond to the OP? > [@](#): > > I mean, how DARE someone ask opinions on how to gently deflect a question. The nerve of her! I’ll thank you to not put words in my mouth. I said no such thing. I even offered the most straightforward, unpretentious, non-snarky way of answering the questioner. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/202 "2010-08-28T01:12:20Z")
> [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](#): > > Not only did I read the OP, I read all of the posts afterward. Many of which are offering up snappy come-backs. Is it OK if I respond to them or can I only respond to the OP? For someone responding to all of the other people and not the OP you certainly seem to be aiming your advice (and ire) at the OP. Explain where you were addressing the others in your last paragraph which I will repeat below: > [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](#): > > But if you really don’t want to tell them, don’t weasel out of your self-induced predicament with a snappy come-back, just say it’s a secret. That’s what it boils down to. Huh, sure seemed to be aimed squarely at her. PS: How did I put words in your mouth? Unlike what you did (responding to these “others” while addressing the OP) I mentioned “a few people in this thread are acting like \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_” That’s a far cry from putting words in your mouth. ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/203 "2010-08-28T01:15:58Z")
“don’t use a snappy comeback” = don’t take the advice given by many of the respondents in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/204 "2010-08-28T04:07:49Z")
> [@Contrapuntal](#): > > Your constant misrepresentation of my posts is becoming tiresome. I am beginning to think that you are doing it on purpose. Show me anywhere that I said honesty is a horribly bad idea, or shut the fuck up. You said: Honesty can sometimes be quite rude in itself, and a horribly bad idea. There it is. I gave you credit for meaning something different, but you have not disassociated yourself from that statement, so now I assume you meant it. > [@](#): > > Way to keep an open mind. I have an open mind. Go ahead and give me examples of honesty being bad, and/or dishonesty being good. If you can’t then shut the fuck up. > [@](#): > > Honesty can sometimes be very rude. I would give you examples but you have cleverly forestalled that by sticking your fingers in your ears. You have mistaken me for someone else. I am very willing to read whatever you can say on the subject. Whenever I am wrong, I acknowledge it. Once again, give me your examples, or shut the fuck up. I am not the advocate for dishonesty in this discussion. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/205 "2010-08-28T16:56:53Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > You said: Honesty can sometimes be quite rude in itself, and a horribly bad idea. Yes. I said [sometimes](http://wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=sometimes). Get the difference?\* Sometimes I hate my job\* does not mean I hate my job. \*Sometimes my girlfriend is drunk \*does not mean my girlfriend is drunk. \*Sometimes my car is in the shop \*does not mean my car is in the shop. Is this concept all that difficult for you to grasp? > [@](#): > > There it is. I gave you credit for meaning something different, but you have not disassociated yourself from that statement, so now I assume you meant it. I did mean it. You just didn’t understand it. > [@](#): > > I have an open mind. Go ahead and give me examples of honesty being bad, and/or dishonesty being good. If you can’t then shut the fuck up. Your mind is open? Then explain this, where you clearly tell me that you don’t want to hear any counter argument. “\* I still disagree with your basic concept that honesty is ever rude, or ever a bad idea. Don’t bother telling me the exceptions you think exist.\*” > [@](#): > > You have mistaken me for someone else. I am very willing to read whatever you can say on the subject. Whenever I am wrong, I acknowledge it. Once again, give me your examples, or shut the fuck up. I am not the advocate for dishonesty in this discussion. See above. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/206 "2010-08-28T19:10:41Z")
[QUOTE=Contrapuntal;12851559Yes. I said [sometimes] ([http://wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=sometimes](http://wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=sometimes)). Get the difference?\* Sometimes I hate my job\* does not mean I hate my job. \*Sometimes my girlfriend is drunk \*does not mean my girlfriend is drunk. \*Sometimes my car is in the shop \*does not mean my car is in the shop. Is this concept all that difficult for you to grasp? I did mean it. You just didn’t understand it. Your mind is open? Then explain this, where you clearly tell me that you don’t want to hear any counter argument. “\* I still disagree with your basic concept that honesty is ever rude, or ever a bad idea. Don’t bother telling me the exceptions you think exist.\*” > [@](#): > > You have mistaken me for someone else. I am very willing to read whatever you can say on the subject. Whenever I am wrong, I acknowledge it. Once again, give me your examples, or shut the fuck up. I am not the advocate for dishonesty in this discussion. See above. [/QUOTE] You know what. I’ve been rude and presumptious. I didn’t think you meant anything more than you’ve said. And I’ve been acting like a dick in arguing with you instead of just clarifying. I still disagree with your concept of honesty sometimes be a horrible idea, and would like to continue that discussion, but I’ve probably poisoned the well. If you can forgive me, I’d like to find out what you mean. Our differences may have to do more with the definition of honesty. I believe it requires two components, a sincere and reasonable belief in factuality or truth, and an obligation to provide such. So it is not dishonest to say no when the Nazis ask if you are hiding Jews in the attack, because you are not obligated to give them factual information. At the lesser extreme, if a stranger asks you how that hat looks on them, you are not obligated to give him your opinion. In addition, making a factual statement unsolicited can be rude, because you are not obligated to do so. It would indicate an intent to offend. It is under that definition that I don’t think honesty can be rude. People shouldn’t ask questions when an honest answer would offend them. ---
**Author:** ![Emeria](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3be4f8/32.png) [@Emeria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emeria)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/207 "2010-08-28T19:20:45Z")
People ask me all the time how much I paid for my horse. Not ‘horse people’, not because they are interested in purchasing him or because they want to get something similar and are actually shopping for themselves. Just because they want to know. And I find it unspeakably rude and annoying, since I would never dream of asking how much they paid for their furniture or car or home. That may be part of the OP’s annoyance - the information about how much it cost is just gossip, a curiosity, something to get incredulous about, not because the asker genuinely wishes the information for its own sake. In my situation, I’ve found that telling them that a horse is like a car - you can get a $200 beater or a $100,000 Porsche, but they are not created equal - usually satisfies their curiosity. I’ve also tried, “what difference does it make?” , which I acknowledge is rude, depending on how pissed off they have made me. I have also taken the direct route, just telling them directly that I’d prefer not to say. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376.md?page=10)