# How to respond to an inappropriate question? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 25, 2010, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376 "2010-08-25T06:11:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/21 "2010-08-25T12:39:39Z")
“How much was it?” “No.” Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![gladtobeblazed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85f322/32.png) [@gladtobeblazed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gladtobeblazed)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/22 "2010-08-25T12:51:54Z")
Just keep a random price tag on it, that’ll satisfy their curiosity and keep the real cost secret. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/23 "2010-08-25T12:58:38Z")
Why do you feel the question is inappropriate? Unless you live in a park or a public art gallery, I would assume that these people are friends or at least acquaintences of yours. Maybe they are interested in purchasing something similar and are curious if it would be in their price range. Why don’t you just tell them? If a friend asked me how much something I owned cost, I would tell them. How much **did** it cost? ---
**Author:** ![GHO57](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/df788c/32.png) [@GHO57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GHO57)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/24 "2010-08-25T13:00:10Z")
“One \*million \*dollars!!!” _pinkie to mouth_ “…well, one million and 41 cents to be exact.” ---
**Author:** ![Audrey\_Levins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Audrey\_Levins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Audrey_Levins)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/25 "2010-08-25T13:05:11Z")
“Oh my God! I don’t even recall…! Don’t you love it though?” This, said with the accompanying smile, should shut anybody up but the biggest boor. And at that point, if they press you further, you should ask them…very seriously…what they would like to pay you for it. “Oh, were you interested in purchasing it?” Smile smile smile. And don’t invite this person over again. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/26 "2010-08-25T13:10:31Z")
The only boorish behavior I see on exhibit here is your apparent eagerness to insult a guest in your home. (Simply stating “I prefer not to say” doesn’t appear to do enough to convey that this _possession_ of yours is more important in your eyes than the person you’ve invited in.) Seriously, where I’m from even the lowest uneducated trash have better sense than that. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/27 "2010-08-25T13:13:23Z")
> [@The\_Second\_Stone](#): > > “One million dollars!” Don’t forget the pause and pinky-to-corner of mouth after ‘one’. More seriously, maybe the important thing in your response is to let them know that it is serious one-of-a-kind artwork, not a mass-produced item from WalMart. I mean, even for people who consider asking the price of artwork to be rude, it’s generally less rude to ask about something inexpensive. So you could just respond with a bit of enthusiasm about the artist or where you got it or something. If you say “Oh, I got that at this wonderful gallery in Kyoto…” or “It’s fascinating, the artist harvests the bamboo from a grove planted by her great-great-grandmother”, then they realize it’s Art from a Gallery, not Window Treatment from Target (and therefore less appropriate to ask about) and you’ve gracefully changed the subject to something more interesting than money. If they persist, then more agressive changing the subject or bluntly declining is appropriate. ---
**Author:** ![Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a88e57/32.png) [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fried_Dough_Ho)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/28 "2010-08-25T13:18:19Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > Why do you feel the question is inappropriate? Unless you live in a park or a public art gallery, I would assume that these people are friends or at least acquaintances of yours. Maybe they are interested in purchasing something similar and are curious if it would be in their price range. > > Why don’t you just tell them? If a friend asked me how much something I owned cost, I would tell them. In most cases, these people are not friends but acquaintances (meaning, I might never seen them again). Yesterday, the question came from a woman I had not seen in over 20 years who was trying to re-establish a close friendship after all these years. I am still on the fence if I want to have a new relationship with this person as we have little in common after two decades apart. So I’m not exactly sure I consider her a close friend but an old acquaintance. The inappropriateness came about from that feeling of discomfort after so many years apart. Yes, if she was a close friend who had been apart of my life all these years than having the question asked wouldn’t make me think twice. But someone who is trying to become part of my life again Interestingly, it _is_ a conversation piece because it is basket material and if anyone is curious, [here is a link](http://textilearts.com/bamboo/) to the gallery and the work that is available. My piece is by Honda Syoryu (the first artist on the top right of the page). And from their site, "The price for contemporary and antique bamboo baskets ranges from $1,200 to $16,000 and up for major exhibition pieces. A bamboo basket or sculpture made for exhibition involves anywhere from three to six months of work by the artist. " ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/29 "2010-08-25T13:19:24Z")
Lot’s of good responses here, assuming that the inquiry is truly rude. But, like **jjimm** , I’m not quite sure why the inquiry is rude. You invite people to your home, you have this piece prominently displayed – it’s going to invite questions, including how much you paid for it. Why not just answer the question? And if you don’t want to talk about it, put the thing in a closet. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/30 "2010-08-25T13:26:56Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > “Why do you want to know? If you are interested in buying it, I regret to inform you that it is not for sale.” > > With the implication that only a boor would have any other reason to ask. Other than the perfectly reasonable “I’d like to buy something similar and want to know what sort of price range to expect”? ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/31 "2010-08-25T13:28:55Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > Why do you feel the question is inappropriate? Because it’s none of their business. ---
**Author:** ![Audrey\_Levins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Audrey\_Levins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Audrey_Levins)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/32 "2010-08-25T13:37:12Z")
> [@Koxinga](#): > > The only boorish behavior I see on exhibit here is your apparent eagerness to insult a guest in your home. (Simply stating “I prefer not to say” doesn’t appear to do enough to convey that this _possession_ of yours is more important in your eyes than the person you’ve invited in.) Seriously, where I’m from even the lowest uneducated trash have better sense than that. Uneducated trash?? I’ve been a guest in many peoples’ homes and I’ve never once inquired about the price of anything in said home. It’s a rude question and only a very close friend should/could ask without looking like a jackass. I’m a bit baffled that the OP is the one being rude here, for resenting inquiries about what he paid for the artwork in his home. It’s like saying, “Hey! Nice dress! What did you pay for it?” The idea that he has to disclose what he paid for it, because somebody admired it, is absurd. If the person wants to contact the artist they are free to do so. I would never walk into somebody’s home and ask them what they paid for the art displayed. Maybe that’s just me. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a88e57/32.png) [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fried_Dough_Ho)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/33 "2010-08-25T13:45:20Z")
> [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](#): > > In most cases, these people are not friends but acquaintances (meaning, I might never seen them again). Yesterday, the question came from a woman I had not seen in over 20 years who was trying to re-establish a close friendship after all these years. I am still on the fence if I want to have a new relationship with this person as we have little in common after two decades apart. So I’m not exactly sure I consider her a close friend but an old acquaintance. > > The inappropriateness came about from that feeling of discomfort after so many years apart. Yes, if she was a close friend who had been apart of my life all these years than having the question asked wouldn’t make me think twice. But someone who is trying to become part of my life again > > Interestingly, it _is_ a conversation piece because it is basket material and if anyone is curious, [here is a link](http://textilearts.com/bamboo/) to the gallery and the work that is available. My piece is by Honda Syoryu (the first artist on the top right of the page). > > And from their site, "The price for contemporary and antique bamboo baskets ranges from $1,200 to $16,000 and up for major exhibition pieces. A bamboo basket or sculpture made for exhibition involves anywhere from three to six months of work by the artist. " Too late for me to edit this as there are a number of fragmented sentences I was trying to edit when I hit the Submit button. The artist is on the Top LEFT of the link (as if that matters). I am bothered when asked by people I barely know. My close friends don’t seem to care about such things; these questions come from people who are tantamount to strangers. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/34 "2010-08-25T13:46:12Z")
I also think asking about the cost of something is rude, and the OP certainly has a right not to answer if he chooses not to. Discussing something is not the same as sharing costs! You can talk about the piece and where it came from and why you have it without ever the cost. Some of the responses here work well. I myself have used the “Why do you ask?” question, as well as, “Why, are you planning to buy it off me?” with a smile. Usually that shuts them up. I have also smiled and looked kind of down and said, “Oh, a fair bit”. If they go on to ask directly, then you can pull out the “I’m not comfortable discussing that.” For those of you who think he’s being rude, perhaps he is in the manner of his answering, but not merely because he’s not telling the price. One of the things we all have to learn as adults is to politely deflect questions we’re not comfortable answering, for whatever reason, without being rude. And while it may not be rude to ask once (though I kind of think it is, if it’s not offered) it is definitely rude to go on asking. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/35 "2010-08-25T13:49:27Z")
> [@Contrapuntal](#): > > > [@Wilbo523](#): > > > > Why do you feel the question is inappropriate? > > Because it’s none of their business. You don’t have many friends, do you? If you can’t share with friends how much you paid for a piece of art, then you don’t really have any friends. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/36 "2010-08-25T13:53:38Z")
Beautiful work, by the way. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/37 "2010-08-25T13:54:40Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > You don’t have many friends, do you? I have just enough, thanks. We’ll keep your application on file in case something opens up. Bear in mind that we value manners highly at _Chez Contrapuntal_, so prospective applicants are urged to brush up on Etiquette 101. > [@](#): > > If you can’t share with friends how much you paid for a piece of art, then you don’t really have any friends. If you can’t peel a banana with your toes, then you don’t really have any toes. ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/38 "2010-08-25T13:56:28Z")
I can’t figure out why it’s rude to ask, assuming that they’re your friends. I would never ask any stranger about how much anything that they possess cost. But my friends and I regularly ask each other and tell each other, regardless of whether its an article of clothing, a vacation, a car or a house. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/39 "2010-08-25T13:57:55Z")
Well, Audrey, that just goes to show that different people have different backgrounds; where I am in Asia now, for example, it’d be quite ordinary to ask what you paid for a dress. The only common denominator I’ve found for good manners throughout the world is that you never should make people feel uncomfortable or small, especially a guest in your own home, and especially over the matter of a _thing_ vs. a person. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/40 "2010-08-25T14:00:36Z")
> [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](#): > > I can’t figure out why it’s rude to ask, assuming that they’re your friends. I would never ask any stranger about how much anything that they possess cost. But my friends and I regularly ask each other and tell each other, regardless of whether its an article of clothing, a vacation, a car or a house. [QUOTE=The OP] In most cases, these people are not friends but acquaintances (meaning, I might never seen them again). [/QUOTE] .. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376.md?page=3)