# How to respond to an inappropriate question? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 25, 2010, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376 "2010-08-25T06:11:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/101 "2010-08-25T22:12:04Z")
> [@Zeriel](#): > > > [@kunilou](#): > > > > This is going to be a no-win because the object in question is a woven sculpture, and when most people think of woven sculpture, they imagine a basket from Pier 1. If the OP answers the question honestly, whether the other person asked it with the best of intentions, with pure ignorance or outright rudeness, the other person is going to think "jeez, I could get something like that for $12.95. > > Personally, I feel like making that kind of assumption about the likely response is in and of itself somewhat, if not rude, at least dismissive of the other party as a philistine. Perhaps, but one of the keystones of etiquette is not letting the other person feel uncomfortable, and my response is sufficiently non-direct to make sure the other person won’t get that I think he’s a philistine. ---
**Author:** ![justpassingthrough](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bcef8e/32.png) [@justpassingthrough](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justpassingthrough)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/102 "2010-08-26T01:19:05Z")
I love the suggestion upthread of answering the question you wish they’d asked. You could then choose to talk about art in general, this artist in particular (cool link, by the way), fiber art, texture, pretty much anything art related. Be charming and enthusiastic about what a fabulous conversation starter this piece is, but completely ignore the issue of price. My guess, though, is it’s an awkward attempt to open what they hope will be an interesting discussion. Perhaps they want to tell you about their collection or something they’ve seen? ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/103 "2010-08-26T01:40:18Z")
My first response would be why do you ask? If I wanted to convey displeasure perhaps 'More than a cream egg, less than a faberge egg" ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/104 "2010-08-26T03:18:05Z")
I have to agree with **Koxinga** here. People from different backgrounds have different etiquette. Growing up in a poor area where money and the lack thereof was always an issue, price was absolutely a central topic of many conversations. “How much did that cost you?” was considered a totally reasonable way to start a conversation. Likewise throughout much of the world asking the price of something is not a bit more rude than asking your name. Anyway, when confronted with an unusual item that is displayed as something important, people probably struggle to figure out what it is and how to react to it. I imagine asking the price is nothing more than an attempt to figure out what they are looking at and how it fits into things. Sure, maybe price is a bit of a crass category. But let’s face it- in the end price really is an important way that we categorize things. If this you had bought a piece equally beautiful at Ikea for thirty bucks, you’d probably have no problems answering this question. As long as they are not acting out of spite or malice, it’s not reasonable to criticize people for not following your particular code. However it is always rude to make people feel stupid or uncomfortable after making an honest faux-pas. This exchange is your chance to be the gracious one. It costs you nothing to say “Oh, probably more than I should have spent” or “It was a little pricey, I’m not going to say how much.” These phrases have served me well living in areas where price was a normal part of everyday discussion. Anyway, I don’t think the OP actually has anything to do with the rudeness of the question. The stealth story here is that the OP is a little butthurt that his guests don’t appreciate that his piece is Real Art and he is a Real Art Owner whose appreciation of True Beauty goes beyond plebeian concerns about money. **Fried Dough Ho** , instead of letting it bother you that your guests don’t “get” your art, why not use this as an opportunity to educate them? Honestly I wasn’t bowled over by the links, and I would also probably be thinking “WTF thousands of dollars for a basket?” But after reading a bit about the artists, the techniques and the messages being conveyed, I think I have a bit of a better understanding. Why not share what it is about this piece that fascinates you, instead of shutting down the conversation immediately because they didn’t have the reaction you hoped for? ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/105 "2010-08-26T03:30:00Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > Rude Person: Do you mind telling me how much exactly? Yes I do, sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/106 "2010-08-26T03:49:48Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Anyway, I don’t think the OP actually has anything to do with the rudeness of the question. The stealth story here is that the OP is a little butthurt that his guests don’t appreciate that his piece is Real Art and he is a Real Art Owner whose appreciation of True Beauty goes beyond plebeian concerns about money. **Fried Dough Ho** , instead of letting it bother you that your guests don’t “get” your art, why not use this as an opportunity to educate them? Honestly I wasn’t bowled over by the links, and I would also probably be thinking “WTF thousands of dollars for a basket?” But after reading a bit about the artists, the techniques and the messages being conveyed, I think I have a bit of a better understanding. Why not share what it is about this piece that fascinates you, instead of shutting down the conversation immediately because they didn’t have the reaction you hoped for? nevermind. Oh nevermind. So not worth it ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/107 "2010-08-26T03:51:57Z")
> [@RaftPeople](#): > > Keep in mind it’s only inappropriate in your mind and some subset of the population, not everyone shares your rules on what is and is not appropriate. > > So, what is your goal with that 1 individual in that particular situation? Is it to not reveal the cost and making it understood the reason why? Then I would just say something like “I prefer not to reveal how much I spend on my art” > > The only reason to say something more forceful is if you wish to express your displeasure that the other person does not share the same rules of etiquette as you. This one. Don’t make it about them. Make it your preference. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/108 "2010-08-26T05:07:40Z")
For the OP’s sake, I just hope his visiting acquaintances all originate from the Western hemisphere. Upon being told the possible price range for these baskets, I suspect anyone who actually grew up in the exotic Orient would burst out laughing. Some of them do look kind of neat, though. I think I’ll pop on over to the local night market and see if I can pick up something similar to grace my home. > [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > nevermind. Oh nevermind. So not worth it You forgot to say “Oh NO she DI’INT!!” and “ohhhh SNAP!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Girl\_From\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3da27b/32.png) [@Girl\_From\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girl_From_Mars)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/109 "2010-08-26T09:19:23Z")
> [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](#): > > I am an admitted art junkie and I am somewhat proud of the fact that my one-bedroom apartment is decoratively bedecked with some interesting and conversational pieces. I have an unusual showcase sculptural piece of woven Japanese bamboo - it is set in a place of prominence on a lighted pedestal but because of its relatively common medium and technique, I believe there is an assumption that it might be inexpensive. > > For some reason, guests seem to have no compunction about asking how much it cost (although they rarely ask such questions about anything else in my collection). > Thoughts? I think part of the reason they ask this question is confusion, especially since you mention it’s the only piece they ask this question about. It’s a common medium and technique; but you are displaying it in a way (spotlit and in a place of prominence) which suggests it’s worth more than may initially be obvious. This may be inviting people to wonder exactly what it is, and what it’s worth. I’d also be charitable about people’s intentions if it was me. From the sound of it it’s beautiful and appealing - may be that they are actually taken with it, and wonder if it’s in their price bracket. Perhaps you could give a ballpark figure, which gives them some indication, without putting you on the spot? _I had to live on ramen noodles for a month, but I think it’s worth it._ _Smile_ etc ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/110 "2010-08-26T12:18:38Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > This is going to be a no-win because the object in question is a woven sculpture, and when most people think of woven sculpture, they imagine a basket from Pier 1. If the OP answers the question honestly, whether the other person asked it with the best of intentions, with pure ignorance or outright rudeness, the other person is going to think “jeez, I could get something like that for $12.95.” > > Therefore, the only way to answer the question is “This is a one-of-a-kind, but I can give you some information about the artist if you’re interested in his work.” This last sentence is perfect, it ignores the MYOB question but addresses their interest in the piece. I have one friend who always asks how much stuff costs, and she always offers up how much she paid for something too. And I am not interested in her deals, her scams, her two-fers whatever. So it annoys me when she pointedly asks me the price without expressing any other interest in the item other than how much did you pay for that? At that point I then feel the right to dismiss her question without answering it. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/111 "2010-08-26T12:45:04Z")
There are dozens of ways to shoot down the asker or change the subject (the best are above) but you should always remember that you can learn a lot about the people in your home by the questions they ask. By all means, change the subject and don’t answer anything you don’t want to, but let them ask the questions that they choose. It will give you clues as to who they are socially as well as what role they’d best play in business or your life. You could just think “He’s rude as Hell, F-him.” or you could learn “this person thinks solely in $/cents and has the soul of a calculator. Possibly a good business negotiator, possibly a good business partner, if he can be trusted. But he has a very low artistic spark, no zero social common sense and no vision beyond resale value. Possibly a good choice for project budgeting, a bad choice for a team-lead or anything involving diplomacy.” ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/112 "2010-08-26T12:54:58Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > It makes other people uncomfortable when people overreact to - or refuse to answer for no apparent reason - an innocuous question. Innocuous questions are no problem. Personal questions that are none of your business are a different matter. And I am the arbiter of the latter when they are being asked of me. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/113 "2010-08-26T12:56:17Z")
> [@Koxinga](#): > > For the OP’s sake, I just hope his visiting acquaintances all originate from the Western hemisphere. Upon being told the possible price range for these baskets, I suspect anyone who actually grew up in the exotic Orient would burst out laughing… I think this is why most people don’t like to answer these kinds of questions. The person asking it, just wants to make a nasty little comment. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/114 "2010-08-26T13:03:19Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Why didn’t you just answer the question? Because it’s none of their business. > [@](#): > > Honesty actually is the best policy. Honesty can sometimes be quite rude in itself, and a horribly bad idea. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/115 "2010-08-26T13:07:40Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > You could just think “He’s rude as Hell, F-him.” or you could learn “this person thinks solely in $/cents and has the soul of a calculator. Possibly a good business negotiator, possibly a good business partner, if he can be trusted. But he has a very low artistic spark, no zero social common sense and no vision beyond resale value. Possibly a good choice for project budgeting, a bad choice for a team-lead or anything involving diplomacy.” Wow, talk about thin-slicing. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/116 "2010-08-26T13:21:34Z")
> [@madmonk28](#): > > The person asking it, just wants to make a nasty little comment. This thread is full of posts explaining why the question may have been innocuous. And many of those explanations are quite reasonable. But you’ve ignored them with a blanket statement, and what may be a grossly inaccurate conclusion. So really? Anyone asking how much something costs is gearing up to deliver snark? When you’re in a restaurant and you ask what the “market price” lobster is that night, how are you usually planning to insult the waitress? I hope you leave a good tip. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/117 "2010-08-26T13:24:44Z")
> [@Contrapuntal](#): > > > [@TriPolar](#): > > > > Why didn’t you just answer the question? > > Because it’s none of their business. > > > [@](#): > > > > Honesty actually is the best policy. > > Honesty can sometimes be quite rude in itself, and a horribly bad idea. I forgot what a virtue dishonesty is. How rude of me. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/118 "2010-08-26T13:25:47Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > So really? Anyone asking how much something costs is gearing up to deliver snark? > > When you’re in a restaurant and you ask what the “market price” lobster is that night, how are you usually planning to insult the waitress? I hope you leave a good tip. C’mon now. If the OP had a sign on the door advertising art for sale you might have a valid analogy. Otherwise, not so much. Restaurants are in the business of selling things; asking for the price is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/119 "2010-08-26T13:31:55Z")
[QUOTE=Tripolar] I forgot what a virtue dishonesty is. How rude of me. [/QUOTE] Well that’s not remotely close to what I said. Should I attribute your misunderstanding to a deliberate misrepresentation of my words? It sure seems so. But have it pour way. Honesty is always the best policy. Then surely you would have no objection if I answered your query about the cost of the art with this response – “Honestly, I find that question to be rude and inappropriate, and am frankly at a loss as to why you would ask it.” Nothing wrong with that, right, since it is the honest answer? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/120 "2010-08-26T13:44:51Z")
> [@Contrapuntal](#): > > If the OP had a sign on the door advertising art for sale you might have a valid analogy. True enough. But he’s the one that made the blanket statement. So let me rephrase: If an aquaintence is in your home and asks how much something cost, is he, 100% of the time, gearing up for snark? Every single time? There could never be any other motivation for asking such a question? Ever? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376.md?page=7)