# How to respond to an inappropriate question? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 25, 2010, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376 "2010-08-25T06:11:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/141 "2010-08-26T18:29:27Z")
Exactly. The same response could be given for “How was your weekend?” or “What’s your favorite color?” It’s not a meaningful explanation for why the question is taken as rude. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/142 "2010-08-26T18:30:27Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > [@Contrapuntal](#): > > > > Because it’s none of your business. > > It’s public information. I doubt that, but if it is, why not just go find out if it’s so important to you? I have several works of art in my house that I will wager you $10,000 that you cannot find out what I paid for them. > [@](#): > > You aren’t really answering the question anyway. Why is it _rude_? What;s so horrible about being asked how much something costs? It’s rude because it is none of your business. It really is that simple. Personal information is not something you are owed upon demand. What is your yearly salary? Your wife’s? How much money did you donate to charity last year? To what causes? How much do you spend a year on liquor? It may be cultural, but I cannot imagine asking someone I have just met what they paid for one of their possessions. Or for anything that can’t easily be looked up on the internet. (New tool, IPhone, lawnmower, etc.) It’s not _horrible_, however, to ask such a question so I can’t really answer that part. [QUOTE=Labrador Receiver] Wow. You keep repeating this phrase as if it actually has any meaning. [/QUOTE] You seriously don’t know what that means? > [@](#): > > There is no such thing as a universally accepted set of conventions for what is or isn’t someone’s business. Who said there was? > [@](#): > > People in this thread are asking why it is considered rude in our society to ask the price of things. Your idiotic response is not the answer to that question. “None of your business” can be given as the answer to just about any personal question, even ones that are not considered rude. Any personal question is none of your business if I deem it so. Who else can say what part of my life you have standing to question but me? ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/143 "2010-08-26T18:30:55Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > [@Contrapuntal](#): > > > > Because it’s none of your business. > > It’s public information. > > You aren’t really answering the question anyway. Why is it _rude_? What’s so horrible about being asked how much something costs? Why does that make people uncomfortable? I really don’t get it. You’re kidding, right? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/144 "2010-08-26T18:32:11Z")
That remains a fatuous response and an evasive one, Do you get equally upset if someone asks you what you had for lunch? What I’m trying to get at is why the question makes you uncomfortable. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/145 "2010-08-26T18:32:49Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > You aren’t really answering the question anyway. Why is it _rude_? What’s so horrible about being asked how much something costs? Why does that make people uncomfortable? I really don’t get it. To make an overt display of difference in class in our society is considered crass. So is bragging about your possessions. So is acting like the only reason something is good, is because it cost a lot of money. When someone asks how expensive something is, and it happens to be quite valuable, answering without triggering any of these social no-nos is difficult, yet brushing off the question is also rude. it is rude to put another person you don’t know well in such an awkward spot. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/146 "2010-08-26T18:33:27Z")
> [@BMalion](#): > > > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > > It’s public information. > > > > You aren’t really answering the question anyway. Why is it _rude_? What’s so horrible about being asked how much something costs? Why does that make people uncomfortable? I really don’t get it. > > You’re kidding, right? Of course not. I really don’t get it. I’ve never in my life been upset by somebody asking me how much something cost me. Why would I? ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/147 "2010-08-26T18:35:32Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Exactly. The same response could be given for “How was your weekend?” or “What’s your favorite color?” It’s not a meaningful explanation for why the question is taken as rude. You may consider those to be personal questions. I don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/148 "2010-08-26T18:36:04Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > It’s rude to ask with a gift because it suggests that the monetary value is more important than the sentiment. There is no such concern with an item on display as a decoration. I think it is very similar. In this thread, **TruCelt** said it best, and has now pointed back to one of the relevant posts. Why don’t you read what’s already been said? ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/149 "2010-08-26T18:36:16Z")
There are times when it is rude to ask about the price of an object because to do so would invite uncomfortable social comparisons or judgement. For example, if somebody obviously a lot poorer than you asks about an expensive object, you will be put in the uncomfortable position of admitting you spent money that that person could probably desperately use on necessities to buy non-essential items. Likewise, if someone much ricer than you asks the price of something, you may end up embarrassed that you cannot afford to buy more expensive items. Asking the price of something can be very rude when it is meant to make a critical point, e.g. that you spend money frivolously, that you buy cheap junk, or that you are living above your means. Some of these things are fairly culture-specific- in America we go to great and sometimes absurd lengths to pretend like class does not exist. However, I don’t think the people asking questions in this particular situation fall into any of these categories. I think they are genuine curiosity, ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/150 "2010-08-26T18:38:16Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > > You aren’t really answering the question anyway. Why is it _rude_? What’s so horrible about being asked how much something costs? Why does that make people uncomfortable? I really don’t get it. > > To make an overt display of difference in class in our society is considered crass. So is bragging about your possessions. So is acting like the only reason something is good, is because it cost a lot of money. > > When someone asks how expensive something is, and it happens to be quite valuable, answering without triggering any of these social no-nos is difficult, yet brushing off the question is also rude. > > it is rude to put another person you don’t know well in such an awkward spot. You’re reading an awful lot into a simple question that may or may not have anything to do with “class.” If I see a friend has just bought a new guitar amp, and I’ve been considering getting something similar. Is it really a big deal to ask how much he paid for it? What’s “awkward” about it? Incidentally, if you have something out on display, you’re already bragging about it. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/151 "2010-08-26T18:41:26Z")
> [@Contrapuntal](#): > > > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > > Exactly. The same response could be given for “How was your weekend?” or “What’s your favorite color?” It’s not a meaningful explanation for why the question is taken as rude. > > You may consider those to be personal questions. I don’t. Of course they’re personal questions. You’re asking for information (albeit trivial) about what the person has done or thought. Asking the price of something is not personal at all. How much a thing costs reveals nothing about the individual who bought it. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/152 "2010-08-26T18:42:03Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > QUOTE] > You’re reading an awful lot into a simple question that may or may not have anything to do with “class.” If I see a friend has just bought a new guitar amp, and I’ve been considering getting something similar. Is it really a big deal to ask how much he paid for it? What’s “awkward” about it? > > Incidentally, if you have something out on display, you’re already bragging about it. if you’re bragging about it at all, you’re not bragging about its cost. Rules of Etiquette do not apply between friends anyway. They apply to strangers and people you do not know well enough to judge their responses. As I said in my post 57, the question is rude because it puts a person you hardly know in the delicate position of either insulting you by answering or insulting you by not answering. ---
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/153 "2010-08-26T18:43:06Z")
“What did that cost you?” “A warrant for breaking and entering.” ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/154 "2010-08-26T18:43:17Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > You’re reading an awful lot into a simple question that may or may not have anything to do with “class.” If I see a friend has just bought a new guitar amp, and I’ve been considering getting something similar. Is it really a big deal to ask how much he paid for it? What’s “awkward” about it? Probably nothing, since I assume you guys are both musicians and talk about his kind of stuff all the time. The OP is talking about strangers, or first time acquaintances, not friends, so there really is no comparison. > [@](#): > > Incidentally, if you have something out on display, you’re already bragging about it. Nuh uh. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/155 "2010-08-26T18:45:29Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > [@Contrapuntal](#): > > > > You may consider those to be personal questions. I don’t. > > Of course they’re personal questions. You’re asking for information (albeit trivial) about what the person has done or thought. Asking the price of something is not personal at all. How much a thing costs reveals nothing about the individual who bought it. I’m glad I don’t live in your world. Seriously. How I spend my money isn’t personal, but my favorite color is? What does that reveal about me? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/156 "2010-08-26T18:51:06Z")
It reveals what your favorite color is. How much an iPhone is going for at Best Buy reveals nothing. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/157 "2010-08-26T18:56:54Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > It reveals what your favorite color is. How much an iPhone is going for at Best Buy reveals nothing. I’ve already pointed out that I don’t consider that to be personal. So, what’s your salary again? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/158 "2010-08-26T18:59:45Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > You’re reading an awful lot into a simple question I was going to try to answer your question, but I think you hit the nail on the head right there. It would seem that a lot of people put a lot of energy around their posessions and the social class that puts them in. It seems like you don’t, and neither do I, which is why I kind of don’t get it either. To me my stuff is just stuff. I’ll just accept that some people have make those connections, and respect their sensibilities, even if it leaves me scratching my head. ---
**Author:** ![Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a88e57/32.png) [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fried_Dough_Ho)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/159 "2010-08-26T19:04:01Z")
> [@Contrapuntal](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > Originally Posted by **Diogenes the Cynic** : Incidentally, if you have something out on display, you’re already bragging about it. > > Nuh uh. Thank you, Contrapuntal. Dio obviously doesn’t get it. I am self-employed and rarely have people in my home. The art I own is for me and my own pleasure. Some women buy shoes and some buy handbags. I buy art. I’ve talked about it in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=575601&highlight=turner+monet); going to a museum or gallery is like going to church for me and lifts my spirit like nothing else. For someone like me, owning and living with art is a necessity - not for bragging rights. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376/160 "2010-08-26T19:04:50Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > > You’re reading an awful lot into a simple question > > I was going to try to answer your question, but I think you hit the nail on the head right there. It would seem that a lot of people put a lot of energy around their posessions and the social class that puts them in. It seems like you don’t, and neither do I, which is why I kind of don’t get it either. To me my stuff is just stuff. > > I’ll just accept that some people have make those connections, and respect their sensibilities, even if it leaves me scratching my head. How much money do you make a year? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-an-inappropriate-question/551376.md?page=9)