# How to respond to "I'll pray for you"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 9, 2016, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216 "2016-08-09T03:44:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/21 "2016-08-09T05:04:35Z")
> [@Aspenglow](#): > > Here’s why it bugs me when a religious person **who well knows I’m an atheist** insists on offering me their prayers: It’s a subtle, passive-aggressive way of trying to get me to acquiesce to the validity and/or correctness of their views. It’s a way of attempting to co-opt my implicit agreement that they are right, after all. I find it very irritating. _Or_, it’s just something they (automatically) say to people in certain situations without a whole lot of thought behind it. They might not even think about you the next time they they pray/go to church. Much like a knee-slap ‘bless you’ when you sneeze. Even if a priest says it, he’s not actually blessing you (and a ‘civilian’ certainly can’t), it’s just something nice to say. Some people say ‘I hope you get better’, some people say ‘I’ll keep you in my thoughts’, some people say ‘I’ll pray for you’. IMO, you might be overthinking it and stressing yourself out by reading into it. Even if they are uber-religios, even if they are actually saying a prayer for you, even if they are trying to be, (pun fully intended) ‘holier-than-thou’. Who cares? As I mentioned earlier, the entire congregation could pray for you, they could even do at Easter Sunday, it’s not like it inconveniences you, no more than someone ‘keeping you in their thoughts’ (which this atheist equates to ‘praying for you’). And, to ask them not to pray for you, unfortunately, makes you the jerk. But, I feel, as the older generations die off and the younger, more liberal, less religious generations gain a majority, we may see a shift in this. Granted, it’s probably going to be 30-50 years, but it’ll probably happen (and then shift back, as these things tend to do.) ---
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/22 "2016-08-09T05:06:24Z")
I would probably shrug and say “good luck with that,” or something else dismissive, and ignore them when they tried to continue to heap on the condescension. I know that would be the next step because people like that can’t help themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/23 "2016-08-09T05:12:24Z")
> [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](#): > > You already knew the answer, which makes me wonder why you asked. > > Seriously, when did it become the goal of everybody to find something to be “offended” over so they can pick a fight? Did you not read the OP? They’re praying for him becasuse of his political veiws. Totally different if someone offers to pray for you because you are down on your luck. ---
**Author:** ![Aspenglow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspenglow/32/76_2.png) [@Aspenglow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspenglow)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/24 "2016-08-09T05:14:11Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > _Or_, it’s just something they (automatically) say to people in certain situations without a whole lot of thought behind it. They might not even think about you the next time they they pray/go to church. Much like a knee-slap ‘bless you’ when you sneeze. Even if a priest says it, he’s not actually blessing you (and a ‘civilian’ certainly can’t), it’s just something nice to say. Some people say ‘I hope you get better’, some people say ‘I’ll keep you in my thoughts’, some people say ‘I’ll pray for you’. **IMO, you might be overthinking it and stressing yourself out by reading into it.** Even if they are uber-religios, even if they are actually saying a prayer for you, even if they are trying to be, (pun fully intended) ‘holier-than-thou’. Who cares? As I mentioned earlier, the entire congregation could pray for you, they could even do at Easter Sunday, it’s not like it inconveniences you, no more than someone ‘keeping you in their thoughts’ (which this atheist equates to ‘praying for you’). > > And, to ask them not to pray for you, unfortunately, makes you the jerk. But, I feel, as the older generations die off and the younger, more liberal, less religious generations gain a majority, we may see a shift in this. Granted, it’s probably going to be 30-50 years, but it’ll probably happen (and then shift back, as these things tend to do.) Nah, I really don’t. Mostly it’s not a big deal to me. I let it go far more often than I respond in a way that makes it clear that I don’t appreciate it. The “knock yourself out” response isn’t offered until it’s painfully obvious that someone is trying to score me off. As I think back over nearly 60 years of people asking god to bless me, I think I’ve employed it 3 times. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/25 "2016-08-09T05:17:42Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > Sure, I get that. Back when I had Facebook, I had a woman who had suffered a few miscarriages celebrate the one year anniversary of her chld’s birth, along with this screed about how all of this was God’s will and she knew if she remained faithful she would be rewarded or something, I dunno. > > My immediate mental response was ''Why the fuck does God want you to have to a kid but I’m shit out of luck? Why does God abort over half of all fetuses He creates if he cares so damned much about human life? Hell, why does he murder every human he’s ever created?" My dad, who’s somewhat religious, once made a great point (that I’m sure he heard from someone else). When you see the winning basketball/baseball/football team at a press conference an hour after the game is over, often times (at least 20 years ago), someone will say ‘we had god on our side’. His response was ‘so…you’re saying god wasn’t on the other team’s side? How does god decide which team sports team should win and which one should lose?’ I mean, to the religious people, or even the people that turned religious after a traumatic event like a miscarriage (or series of them) or losing a child at a young age, I can understand turning to the ‘It’s god’s plan’ reasoning when you just simply can’t find an answer. But I’m guessing even the most religious people can’t fanwank any reasoning into god deciding which team is going to win the World Series or Super Bowl or French Open, or rather, why god _wasn’t_ on the opponent’s side. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/26 "2016-08-09T05:21:29Z")
> [@Aspenglow](#): > > Nah, I really don’t. Mostly it’s not a big deal to me. I let it go far more often than I respond in a way that makes it clear that I don’t appreciate it. The “knock yourself out” response isn’t offered until it’s painfully obvious that someone is trying to score me off. As I think back over nearly 60 years of people asking god to bless me, I think I’ve employed it 3 times. FTR, I just ignore any kind of religious anything, or change the subject if I can. If it really gets pushed ‘I’m not really religious’ usually does the trick, most people ‘get’ that. Having to resort to any kind of ‘I don’t believe…’ conversations can get ugly fast and I avoid them at _all_ costs. I’m not going to change their mind, they’re not going to change mind, let’s move on. And, again, I’m the asshole even though I’m not attempting to convince anyone of anything (but usually they are). ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/27 "2016-08-09T05:24:26Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > Did you not read the OP? They’re praying for him becasuse of his political veiws. Totally different if someone offers to pray for you because you are down on your luck. There’s no difference. People disagree with me all the time. Should I retaliate every time they say or imply that I’m full of shit? No. Just let it go. You won’t change their minds, you might obtain some temporary satisfaction, and you will accomplish precisely zero on any and every occasion you object to someone saying that they’ll pray for you. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/28 "2016-08-09T05:42:41Z")
> [@Pai325](#): > > I just say “Thank you.” I don’t believe in the power of prayer. If I tell somebody something like _“I’ve had a cold all week”_ and they respond _“I’ll pray for you”_ then I take it as a well meant gesture and I’ll thank them for the kind intent. If I tell somebody something like _“I don’t support that law because I feel gay people are entitled to the same rights as straight people”_ and they respond _“I’ll pray for you”_ then I’ll respond with something like _“Pray for yourself. You need it more than I do.”_ ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/29 "2016-08-09T05:47:46Z")
> [@Aspenglow](#): > > Here’s why it bugs me when a religious person **who well knows I’m an atheist** insists on offering me their prayers: It’s a subtle, passive-aggressive way of trying to get me to acquiesce to the validity and/or correctness of their views. It’s a way of attempting to co-opt my implicit agreement that they are right, after all. I find it very irritating. Challenge them to a duel. They get to pray to their God every day for a year that you’ll find faith. But at the end of the year if you’re still an atheist they have to agree that this proves prayer doesn’t work and abandon their religion. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/30 "2016-08-09T05:54:51Z")
> [@beowulff](#): > > I don’t share the political views of a lot of people at my gym. Often, when I get sucked into political discussions (I know, I know… stupid me), these people will end the conversation with “I’ll pray for you.” > > I’ve been letting it slide, but I find it pretty offensive. I know they think that this is a good thing - that they are going to show me the true and righteous path, but I really feel like responding with something like “Please don’t use your spells on me” or “thanks, and I’ll sacrifice a goat for you.” > > Any ideas on how to shut down this type of Evangelical claptrap? Wouldn’t it depend on whether the person was a friend or just a casual acquaintance? If the latter, no point in belaboring things. If the former, maybe comment that while you appreciate that’s important from his point of view, from yours it’s kind of insulting. That you’d be happy to have an honest back-and-forth discussion about issues, but the person is assuming that you are wrong and that you need some type of divine intervention to be shown the truth. If the person is actually a friend, they should understand. If that doesn’t work, try the “sacrifice a goat for you” response. I like that one! Or, “I’ll spill the blood of my first born child for you.” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/31 "2016-08-09T06:05:45Z")
“Save your breath to cool your soup.” ---
**Author:** ![Kedikat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed655f/32.png) [@Kedikat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kedikat)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/32 "2016-08-09T06:28:26Z")
If you want to rile them up. Note that their thinking God might do as they pray for, especially for a person once removed. May indicate the sin of pride. That they think you need to be prayed for also indicates they think they are better, more right than you. Again the sin of pride. Ask why they think God does not already know all about your situation. And that he has done nothing about it, may indicate it is fine with him. Let them know that you will be nice enough not to try and invoke a deity to interfere with their beliefs and life. Could they please do the same? ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/33 "2016-08-09T06:35:29Z")
> [@Kedikat](#): > > If you want to rile them up. > Note that their thinking God might do as they pray for, especially for a person once removed. May indicate the sin of pride. That they think you need to be prayed for also indicates they think they are better, more right than you. Again the sin of pride. > Ask why they think God does not already know all about your situation. And that he has done nothing about it, may indicate it is fine with him. > Let them know that you will be nice enough not to try and invoke a deity to interfere with their beliefs and life. Could they please do the same? Also if they’re a Protestant, throw in something about the false belief in salvation through works and how it’s sinful to think that God’s actions can be influenced by the acts of mere men. God will save you or not save you by his own choice and all the prayers in the world won’t change that decision. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/34 "2016-08-09T07:03:45Z")
> [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](#): > > There’s no difference. People disagree with me all the time. Should I retaliate every time they say or imply that I’m full of shit? No. > > Just let it go. You won’t change their minds, you might obtain some temporary satisfaction, and you will accomplish precisely zero on any and every occasion you object to someone saying that they’ll pray for you. I agree the best response is to just say thank you. That said, being a little offended by such a remark is perfectly understandable. FTR: I’d much rather hear “I’m full of shit” over “I’ll pray for you” any day. But that’s just me. ---
**Author:** ![Waxwinged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c2a13f/32.png) [@Waxwinged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waxwinged)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/35 "2016-08-09T11:24:22Z")
“Thanks” really is best. What others do with their time is their business, and praying is generally something that’s meant well. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/36 "2016-08-09T11:26:16Z")
My sister went through a brief period of religiosity. When she said she was praying for me, I suggested she pray into one hand and shit into the other, and see which filled up faster. the shit hand won by a mile ---
**Author:** ![Tapiotar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3be4f8/32.png) [@Tapiotar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapiotar)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/37 "2016-08-09T11:50:35Z")
Agree with others, if the intent is well-meaning, say thank you and change the subject. If it isn’t well-meaning, just change the subject and walk away. If you can’t tell the intent, say thank you, change the subject and/or walk away. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/38 "2016-08-09T12:00:16Z")
Smile, somewhat coyly, and wink! There you go! Now they aren’t sure how to react! They aren’t sure if you’re mocking them? Their faith? Being smug? Or just cutesy? Keep smiling! ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/39 "2016-08-09T12:11:27Z")
> [@Tapiotar](#): > > If it isn’t well-meaning, just change the subject and walk away. If someone says something disparaging to you, _without_ invoking religion, does this advice still hold…or is it because religion is the weapon of choice that a free pass must be given? ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/40 "2016-08-09T12:27:52Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > My dad, who’s somewhat religious, once made a great point (that I’m sure he heard from someone else). When you see the winning basketball/baseball/football team at a press conference an hour after the game is over, often times (at least 20 years ago), someone will say ‘we had god on our side’. His response was ‘so…you’re saying god wasn’t on the other team’s side? How does god decide which team sports team should win and which one should lose?’ [Funny you should ask…](http://gocomics.typepad.com/tomthedancingbugblog/2011/12/god-man-and-tim-tebow.html) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216.md?page=3)