# How to respond to "I'll pray for you"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 9, 2016, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216 "2016-08-09T03:44:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/41 "2016-08-09T12:32:40Z")
FWIW I find it a little insulting and I’m one of those who would pray for you; say if you were ill or facing some crises in your life. But over a political view? That’s like saying (in a serious fashion instead of joking manner) “I hate the football team you like so I’ll pray for you”. I think I would have to respond in some way to show that I think invoking God in this manner is insulting to me and Him as well. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/42 "2016-08-09T12:38:05Z")
This all reminds me of the scene from Moneyball: Player: “… And I wanna let you know I’m gonna be praying for you and your family.” Billy Beane: “No problem.” ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/43 "2016-08-09T12:57:45Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Agree with drewder, just say thanks or ignore it altogether. Anything else moves you one more step in the direction from atheist to militant atheist. It makes religious people dislike ‘us’ in the same way we dislike them. Telling them to knock it off is just as bad (IMHO) as them telling us why we’re wrong to be without god. > (ETA, it’s the 'militant atheist that really bug people, even regular atheists. Going out of your way to tell someone why they’re wrong is just as bad as when they tell you why you’re wrong. If you just smile and nod, a Catholic is more likely to treat you like you’re a member of another religion rather than a member of a sect that’s actively against them.) > > And always remember (this extends far beyond religion), for every belief that you hold so dearly that you really, truly feel that the people that are saying the opposite must people pulling your leg, there’s people out there thinking the exact same thing about your view. In the case of religion, trying to explain the illogic of of summoning a magic deity in the sky to help me on my ‘troubled’ path, to them, is no different than the illogic of you just not simply accepting god into your heart. Religion, politics and money…you’re not going to change the other person’s mind, you’re probably going to alienate them, so why bother. At the very least, they can pray for you all day and night, in fact, the can have their entire congregation pray for you, it’s not going to change anything, you aren’t going to feel it, it’s not going to change anything in your life, but asking them not to, that’s going to get you something between an eyeroll and losing a friend. Probably something in the middle (IME, a lecture). > > TLDR > Me: I haven’t been feeling well lately, think I have the flu: > Them: I’ll pray for you when I go to church this weekend. > Me: I hear it’s supposed to be in the 90’s this weekend. > > Thing about it is, most religious people work on the assumption that everyone else is religious too so they’re not going to think anything of it if you change the subject and IME, very little good comes from the “I’m disappointed” speech. Can this post please please please be stickied and then PMed to every single member of this board under the title of “how to not be a dick”. Then, once that’s done, can it be mailed to every person in the world (accurately translated into their native language of course). This post is perfect in every way. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/44 "2016-08-09T13:04:31Z")
I agree with saying ‘Thank you’. There’s not much point in doing anything else. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/45 "2016-08-09T13:26:41Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > It’s kind of awkward on the other side, too, when a religious person is going through a hard time, and everybody is like, ‘‘I’ll pray for you!’’ ‘‘Showering you with God’s blessings!’’ and you’re left with the comparatively lame, ‘‘Er… you’ll be in my thoughts.’’ > > But that is why I love ‘‘my pastor’’ because I expressed that awkward feeling once when he was going through a hard time, and his response was essentially, ‘‘I absolutely know you care and take that in the spirit it’s intended.’’ > > A little assumption of good will and attempt at mutual understanding can go a long way. Oh, exactly! When I was agnostic, I felt like that all the time. It really sucks to not know what to say when there’s literally nothing else you can do. And you are right… believing the best of others and trying to grease the wheels of communication goes a long way, in my opinion. > [@Aspenglow](#): > > Here’s why it bugs me when a religious person **who well knows I’m an atheist** insists on offering me their prayers: It’s a subtle, passive-aggressive way of trying to get me to acquiesce to the validity and/or correctness of their views. It’s a way of attempting to co-opt my implicit agreement that they are right, after all. I find it very irritating. I think I see where I screwed the pooch here, now that you’ve bolder the pertinent part. If someone knows you’re an atheist with a capital A, then it would be beyond rude to insist. I try to be so respectful of others’ beliefs (or lack thereof) that I hope I’d never make that mistake. But, I also know how scatterbrained I can be, so I pray 😉 that never happens. I will reiterate though, ever praying to change someone’s stance on things is beyond the pale. That is indeed a case of “my way is better than yours” and, for me, that shit don’t fly. If I were in the OP’s shoes, I’d definitely let them know in a subtle way that I thought that was bunk. ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/46 "2016-08-09T13:37:17Z")
> [@beowulff](#): > > I don’t share the political views of a lot of people at my gym. Often, when I get sucked into political discussions (I know, I know… stupid me), these people will end the conversation with “I’ll pray for you.” In situations like the OP described, where I can only hear that as “I believe you’re morally wrong for what you’re saying”, my only response is “no thank you” and walking away. In a case where, say, I was ill and someone said they would pray for me, the only response there is “thank you”. I’m not rude in the first case (though the speaker very much is, IMO), but I also don’t want prayers that I’ll change my mind about things that I don’t think are wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/47 "2016-08-09T14:04:20Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Agree with drewder, just say thanks or ignore it altogether. Anything else moves you one more step in the direction from atheist to militant atheist. “Militant atheist” is an odd term, isn’t it? For a Christian to be considered militant, they have to do something like shoot up an abortion clinic. For a Muslim to be considered militant, they have kill a bunch of people and possibly themselves in the process. For an atheist to be considered militant, they have to be impolite. As for the OP’s response, it of course depends on how rude the other person is being. Possible replies could be, “Uh, thanks, I guess.”, “Don’t be tacky.”, “You think that’ll work?”, or “What’s the point of praying to a supposedly all-knowing god, anyway?” ---
**Author:** ![Corry\_El](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecae2f/32.png) [@Corry\_El](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corry_El)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/48 "2016-08-09T14:09:04Z")
> [@beowulff](#): > > I don’t share the political views of a lot of people at my gym. Often, when I get sucked into political discussions (I know, I know… stupid me), these people will end the conversation with “I’ll pray for you.” > > Any ideas on how to shut down this type of Evangelical claptrap? In general if somebody says ‘I’ll pray for you’ about something unambiguously bad (that’s happened to you etc), you’re just being a jerk for thinking of ways to insult them in return. The minimally civil response is a non-sarcastic ‘thank you’. If they are doing it as a kind of put down the solution depends on how that situation arose. If you’re choosing to talk politics with people and you get a response like that as a put down of your politics, how about don’t talk politics with those people? Although IMO that kind of passive-aggressive technique, which is what it is in that case, is still preferable to the usual internet world response to people who disagree on politics (‘you’re a nazi, moron’, etc). ---
**Author:** ![Tzigone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/839c29/32.png) [@Tzigone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tzigone)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/49 "2016-08-09T14:18:38Z")
> [@Max\_the\_Immortal](#): > > “Militant atheist” is an odd term, isn’t it? For a Christian to be considered militant, they have to do something like shoot up an abortion clinic. For a Muslim to be considered militant, they have kill a bunch of people and possibly themselves in the process. For an atheist to be considered militant, they have to be impolite. The double-standard drives me crazy. And atheists don’t even _have_ to be impolite to be called militant. Just try to remove prayer from any government-sponsored/taxpayer funded event - you’re militant. Don’t want kids getting bibles at school - militant. Dare to share any negative opinion about God or dominant-religion - militant. Sometimes, it seems like the only way an atheist doesn’t get called “militant” if is they do everything they can to make sure to never say they are an atheist or why unless specifically asked. While the religious may of course offer prayers, talk about church, say how wonderful God is and talk about their beliefs in casual conversation, and vote and campaign for leaders who swear to bring God back to government, without being considered militant. ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/50 "2016-08-09T14:26:11Z")
Thanks for all the discussion, folks. I agree that the best idea is probably to ignore it, but I’m not sure I’m that mature or magnanimous. These are people who are not really friends - just acquaintances I see regularly at the gym. I’m don’t want to become enemies with them, but I’m not concerned if they never talk to me again. I suppose I should get some satisfaction out of being “the bigger man,” but on the other hand, I really find this behavior offensive, and like “someone is _wrong_ on the Internet,” I’m loathe to let it go. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/51 "2016-08-09T14:44:54Z")
> [@Lsura](#): > > In situations like the OP described, where I can only hear that as “I believe you’re morally wrong for what you’re saying”, my only response is “no thank you” and walking away. > > In a case where, say, I was ill and someone said they would pray for me, the only response there is “thank you”. > > I’m not rude in the first case (though the speaker very much is, IMO), but I also don’t want prayers that I’ll change my mind about things that I don’t think are wrong. This is succinct and perfect. Excellent reply to invasive rudeness. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/52 "2016-08-09T14:45:02Z")
> [@beowulff](#): > > I don’t share the political views of a lot of people at my gym. Often, when I get sucked into political discussions (I know, I know… stupid me), these people will end the conversation with “I’ll pray for you.” > > I’ve been letting it slide, but I find it pretty offensive. I know they think that this is a good thing - that they are going to show me the true and righteous path, but I really feel like responding with something like “Please don’t use your spells on me” or “thanks, and I’ll sacrifice a goat for you.” > > Any ideas on how to shut down this type of Evangelical claptrap? I’m both Christian and fairly conservative, and that would absolutely incense me if someone said that to me in the context of a political discussion. I’d probably respond with something hostile and profane if someone were to say that to me at the end of a political discussion. You are absolutely right to be offended- that IS offensive. If say… you’d said “I have a spot on my neck that may be cancerous and I’m going in for a biopsy.” and they said “I’ll pray for you.” that’s one thing- it’s essentially beseeching the Almighty on your behalf; trying to help you out in a sense. But if they’re saying it like that, it’s extraordinarily condescending and insulting. It’s an implication that you’re both wrong in a secular/political sense, AND that there is something fundamentally morally corrupt about disagreeing with what they say. Essentially that you’re so wrong, that they’ll beg God to change you for your own sake. Judge not, etc… , indeed. This crowd doesn’t seem to get it at all. ---
**Author:** ![OffByOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/45deac/32.png) [@OffByOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OffByOne)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/53 "2016-08-09T14:50:13Z")
I think it was the late 70s, or maybe shortly thereafter, someone performed an experiment concerning prayer. They selected a number of “prayer warriors” to do the praying, and selected persons in hospitals to pray for. They told half of the patients that they were being prayed for; the rest did not receive that information. At the conclusion of the experiment, they discovered that telling patients that someone was praying for their healing fared much worse than those who were not informed. So, I believe the correct response is, “No! You just ruined it by telling me!” ---
**Author:** ![Tzigone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/839c29/32.png) [@Tzigone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tzigone)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/54 "2016-08-09T14:58:58Z")
> [@](#): > > I think it was the late 70s, or maybe shortly thereafter, someone performed an experiment concerning prayer. They selected a number of “prayer warriors” to do the praying, and selected persons in hospitals to pray for. They told half of the patients that they were being prayed for; the rest did not receive that information. I’ve heard that before, but never seen the actual name of the study, so have never really looked into the details to see if true or how the study was designed or anything. Actually, going off on a tangent, the entire concept of “prayer warriors” bothers me, even if God is real. Not that they pray, if prayer has a positive effect (that’s logical and reasonable), but that an omniscient and omnipotent (those usually are ascribed to the Christian God today) would respond to the strength or number of prayers. Because that means the the wealthy (who can reach many people to ask for prayers) of well-liked (people will respond to request) get more help from God than the abused child locked up in the parents’ home that no one knows exists or the poor child in a rural area of a developing country who only knows a couple hundred people. It fits in well for a Prosperity Gospel loop, though. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/55 "2016-08-09T14:59:10Z")
Personally I take it as someone is saying that because they care about me. And in the same vein I tell them that later that night when I am worshipping Satan I’ll ask that when Satan goes to murder their family he does it gently. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/56 "2016-08-09T15:04:11Z")
> [@Aspenglow](#): > > Here’s why it bugs me when a religious person **who well knows I’m an atheist** insists on offering me their prayers: It’s a subtle, passive-aggressive way of trying to get me to acquiesce to the validity and/or correctness of their views. It’s a way of attempting to co-opt my implicit agreement that they are right, after all. I find it very irritating. Agreed. And I have no problem with telling them that to their face. But the way I phrase it when they say they are praying for me is to ask them to include extra sauce and meatballs in the prayers. FSM does dearly love them so. ---
**Author:** ![k9bfriender](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k9bfriender/32/3283_2.png) [@k9bfriender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/k9bfriender)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/57 "2016-08-09T15:20:41Z")
“What a coincidence! I will be working on my mind control device. Let us see which of us gets results first.” ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Gary\_T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_T)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/58 "2016-08-09T15:35:32Z")
> [@Max\_the\_Immortal](#): > > “Militant atheist” is an odd term, isn’t it? For a Christian to be considered militant, they have to do something like shoot up an abortion clinic. For a Muslim to be considered militant, they have kill a bunch of people and possibly themselves in the process. For an atheist to be considered militant, they have to be impolite. And what does one have to do to be considered a militant feminist? You’d almost think the term had different meanings in different contexts. What will they think of next? ---
**Author:** ![Aspenglow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspenglow/32/76_2.png) [@Aspenglow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspenglow)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/59 "2016-08-09T17:22:53Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > I think I see where I screwed the pooch here, now that you’ve bolder the pertinent part. If someone knows you’re an atheist with a capital A, then it would be beyond rude to insist. I try to be so respectful of others’ beliefs (or lack thereof) that I hope I’d never make that mistake. But, I also know how scatterbrained I can be, so I pray 😉 that never happens. > > I will reiterate though, ever praying to change someone’s stance on things is beyond the pale. That is indeed a case of “my way is better than yours” and, for me, that shit don’t fly. If I were in the OP’s shoes, I’d definitely let them know in a subtle way that I thought that was bunk. Oh, my goodness, you didn’t screw the pooch with me. You don’t know me and I don’t know you, and even if you knew me a little and offered your prayers, I’d reply with a genuine smile for your good wishes and simply thank you for your prayers. I may feel a bit dismayed at your assumption that I am religious, because my upbringing required me to keep such things private in the name of good manners and I wish everyone felt that way… but you’d never know these thoughts might pass through my brain. I have a couple of family members and one or two friends who are highly devoted to their religious beliefs. They have asked and I have responded about my own non-belief, so our difference in lifestyle credos is well known between us. That’s all fine. But when they then make a deliberate statement that they will pray for me – and I’m talking about a circumstance where they’ve obviously considered my views and have chosen to ignore them, rather than just a slip of their vernacular – then I will respond in a way that is equally dismissive of their views. That’s really it. But that’s not what the OP asked. He asked for ways to deal with people who were offering to pray for him in a casual setting after a spirited political discussion. I, too, would consider that offensive and I just gave him my best strategy. People who use their belief or non-belief as a weapon are always irritating. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/60 "2016-08-09T17:23:48Z")
> [@Max\_the\_Immortal](#): > > For a Christian to be considered militant, they have to do something like shoot up an abortion clinic. Actually, the three churches in the Catholic communion of saints are The Church Militant - those struggling as soldiers of Christ\* against sin and evil The Church Penitent - those in Purgatory The Church Triumphant - those in heaven > **[Churches Militant, Penitent, and Triumphant](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Churches_Militant,_Penitent,_and_Triumphant)** > > In some strains of Christian theology, the Christian Church may be divided into: > Within Catholic ecclesiology these divisions are known as the "three states of the Church." The actual language used in the Catechism of the Catholic Church states that "The three states of the Church… at the present time some of his disciples are pilgrims on earth. Others have died and are being purified, while still others are in glory, contemplating 'in full light, God himself triune and one, exactly as he is'." > ... - “The term militant (Latin: militans) has a primary meaning of “being a soldier, performing military service”, but it acquired a secondary meaning of “serving, performing service, laboring”, with its root milito coming to mean “soldier of Christ or God” in Medieval Latin usage. The members of the Church Militant, i.e. those Christians on earth, are engaged in spiritual warfare against sin in order that, when they die, they might enter heaven and join the Church Triumphant.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216.md?page=4)