# How to respond to "I'll pray for you"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 9, 2016, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216 "2016-08-09T03:44:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2016, 9:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/81 "2016-08-10T09:14:37Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > “I will pray for you” > > “Thank you. I will think for you.” Okay, _that_ one I’m stealing. ---
**Author:** ![Beelzebubba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Beelzebubba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beelzebubba)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2016, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/82 "2016-08-10T09:32:05Z")
I’m an agnostic gay guy from the South. So I’ve had countless people say they would “pray for me”. My response varies depending on the subject that prompted that response (if I’m sick or someone in my family is sick or having difficulties, I acknowledge it with a simple “Thank you.” If it’s because I’m gay, pro-choice, agnostic or other personal aspect of my life, my response can vary. If it’s someone I don’t know, my mood dictates my response, it might be “Pray for yourself” or (if I’m really pissed off), I’ll use the three most hateful words ever put together in the English language- “Bless your heart!” For anyone who doesn’t know, “Bless Your Heart” is Southern for “Go F\*ck Yourself”! =) If the latter comment is from someone I know, I will usually respond with something like “Why do you feel the need to do that?” It’s much harder for them to actually explain why they feel the need to pray for you. And they know that I’ll challenge them on everything they say and eventually I’ll back them into a corner where they can’t answer a question. The conversation always ends with them saying, “Well I don’t really know, but I take it on faith…” which is pseudo-Christian for “I’m full of bullshit and believe whatever I’m told”. At that point, I end the conversation by saying “I’ll be sending out positive thoughts and energy for you”…even though I won’t. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2016, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/83 "2016-08-10T10:25:36Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > That’s not what the OP is talking about, though, I don’t think. > > More like: > > OP: I think gay people should have a right to get married regardless of what others think. Here are the reasons I’ve reached this conclusion. > Response: I’ll pray for you (to change your mind.) > > That is some condescending bullshit. I’d still ignore it, but it’s rude as hell. I’d probably say something like “I hope you change your opinion as well”. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2016, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/84 "2016-08-10T13:33:53Z")
I say “Why?” For whatever reason they give me, I reply “Ain’t going to happen.” I think my favorite was the [del]idiot[/del]Christian street evangelist who told me that if I accepted Jesus and my radical feminist lesbian sister (who leads the most “normal” life of any of my family) saw what a difference it made in my life, she would renounce her sinful ways and go straight. ---
**Author:** ![usedtobe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ec9cab/32.png) [@usedtobe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usedtobe)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2016, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/85 "2016-08-11T00:08:32Z")
I was going to say “Thank you”. I can put a whole bunch of spins on exactly HOW I say that. But **Beelzebubba** ’s “Bless Your Heart” is better by far for expressing my usual reaction to that hateful, condescending bullshit\*. But it does largely depend on the moron’s understanding of the meaning. - - the only way your praying would be of use is if you have a _Special_ relationship with **your** deity. If I were Roman Catholic and you were the Pope, your offer to pray for me would be special. I’m not, you’re not, so F\*CK OFF! ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2016, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/86 "2016-08-11T00:44:52Z")
Do what I do. I always respond with, “And I’ll think for you.” 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2016, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/87 "2016-08-11T01:43:14Z")
> [@beowulff](#): > > I don’t share the political views of a lot of people at my gym. Often, when I get sucked into political discussions (I know, I know… stupid me), these people will end the conversation with “I’ll pray for you.”… [snip] > Any ideas on how to shut down this type of Evangelical claptrap? This always works for me: [QUOTE=Boyz II Men] I’ll make love to you Like you want me to And I’ll hold you tight Baby all through the night I’ll make love to you When you want me to And I will not let go Till you tell me to [/quote] ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Strangelove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.strangelove/32/6613_2.png) [@Dr.Strangelove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Strangelove)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2016, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/88 "2016-08-11T02:02:44Z")
Oh, thank you! Which god will you be praying to? I’m partial to Ganesha myself, being a god of science, but of course Apollo and even Athena are serious contenders. To be honest, I’ve always had a soft spot for Satan, having been given a bum rap for standing up to the big man. Well, I know he’s not a god but I’ll bet he’ll take a call anyway. Do I need something for the prayer to work, like a smudge of ash or paint? Hopefully it’s not blood, as I’m deathly afraid of needles. Actually, a splash of holy water would go down great right now; I’m all sweaty from the workout. ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2016, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/89 "2016-08-11T02:07:10Z")
> [@Dr.Strangelove](#): > > Oh, thank you! Which god will you be praying to? I’m partial to Ganesha myself, being a god of science, but of course Apollo and even Athena are serious contenders. To be honest, I’ve always had a soft spot for Satan, having been given a bum rap for standing up to the big man. Well, I know he’s not a god but I’ll bet he’ll take a call anyway. Do I need something for the prayer to work, like a smudge of ash or paint? Hopefully it’s not blood, as I’m deathly afraid of needles. Actually, a splash of holy water would go down great right now; I’m all sweaty from the workout. Awesome. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2016, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/90 "2016-08-11T03:12:30Z")
To me, it all depends on the perceived intention of the speaker. If the person saying, “I’ll pray for you” is sincere and plainly TRYING to be nice, it’s silly to get angry. It’s different if the speaker seems insincere or passive-aggressive. If a sweet waitress tells you, “Have a blessed day,” you should smile and say thank you, even if you don’t believe in God. If your wonderful Mom holds out hope you’ll come back to church one day, and says she’s praying for you, kiss her and say you love her. Let her hope, even if you know it will never happen. But… If a person who dislikes you or holds your values in disdain criticises you, then adds a patronizing, “I’ll pray for you,” feel free to snap, “Don’t do me any favors, pal.” ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2016, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/91 "2016-08-11T03:23:48Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > To me, it all depends on the perceived intention of the speaker. If the person saying, “I’ll pray for you” is sincere and plainly TRYING to be nice, it’s silly to get angry. > > It’s different if the speaker seems insincere or passive-aggressive. > > If a sweet waitress tells you, “Have a blessed day,” you should smile and say thank you, even if you don’t believe in God. If your wonderful Mom holds out hope you’ll come back to church one day, and says she’s praying for you, kiss her and say you love her. Let her hope, even if you know it will never happen. > > But… If a person who dislikes you or holds your values in disdain criticises you, then adds a patronizing, “I’ll pray for you,” feel free to snap, “Don’t do me any favors, pal.” I think there can be legitimate reasons to find such remarks offensive, even if it is coming from a well-meaning place. For example, most-if not all-people who tell me they will pray for me to “walk again” or “get out of that wheelchair” or whatever, are doing so for well-meaning reasons. However, underpinning those intentions are assumptions, assumptions about the quality of life and ability to fully enjoy life as a wheelchair-dependent person. Its as if ill never have the potential to be the best I can be, simply because of my injury. ---
**Author:** ![davey77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90ced4/32.png) [@davey77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davey77)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2016, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/92 "2016-08-11T05:31:55Z")
It’s been said all over the thread! Say, “Thank You”! To paraphrase C.S. Lewis, they’re not praying to change you, or God. They’re praying to change _themselves._ ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2016, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/93 "2016-08-11T05:59:08Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > I think there can be legitimate reasons to find such remarks offensive, even if it is coming from a well-meaning place. For example, most-if not all-people who tell me they will pray for me to “walk again” or “get out of that wheelchair” or whatever, are doing so for well-meaning reasons. However, underpinning those intentions are assumptions, assumptions about the quality of life and ability to fully enjoy life as a wheelchair-dependent person. Its as if ill never have the potential to be the best I can be, simply because of my injury. I think (as I said earlier) you’re reading too far into it and stressing yourself out for no reason. Firstly, most religious people work on the assumption that everyone else is religious. Think about it, do people say ‘which church do you go to?’ or ‘do you go to church?’ Do they say ‘Do you believe in God?’ or ‘Who’s your pastor, you live over by St Samuel’s, right, I think Rev Mark is there, he used to be our pastor, do you know him, we really liked him?’. Secondly, for someone religious enough to pray for you, “I’ll pray for you” is no different than “Bless you” when you sneeze or even “Hope you feel better” when you’re sick. Just an expression. To quietly stew over it isn’t going to change anything other than piss you off. To loudly stew over it will piss them off too. Happy or right? FTR, don’t get me wrong, if someone says it in a clearly ‘I know you’re not religious, that’s why I’m saying it’ condescending way, then it’s not that different than “Hope you get better, asshole”…generally. My very religious (older) family members, truly, honestly, with all their heart wanted me to come back into the fold. They weren’t being mean, they weren’t being condescending, they WERE disappointed, and they did bring it up from time to time, but mostly in the sense of ‘someday you’ll have to start coming to church again’. But, again, came from a (odd as this looks in type) place of love, they weren’t being mean about it. Regarding never being the best you can be…that’s an inference, you could, if you want, say something like ‘I’m happy like this, it’s opened up so many new doors for me, I don’t think I’d change it for the world, but thanks anyways’. True or not, doesn’t matter, but it might shut em up or, maybe (probably not) make them wonder if they should be making life decisions for other people with their magic blessing powers. Or you could say ‘hey, this is what god wanted and who am I to argue’ but that might open up a different discussion and I hate when I get into one of those. I’m more than happy to discuss religion with fellow atheists, but it’s awkward to talk about it (unless it’s just standard canon fodder ‘when did this happen’/‘did he know she was going to be there’) with religious people when they don’t know I’m not and I don’t care to bring it up. TLDR: If you’re really and truly offended by it, go nuts, say something. If it, honestly, didn’t actually bother you that much, but you feel like it should bother you (like someone holding a door open for you when you didn’t ask them to), move on. Everyone has something better to do than pick a fight. ---
**Author:** ![Beelzebubba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Beelzebubba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beelzebubba)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2016, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/94 "2016-08-11T08:06:49Z")
> [@usedtobe](#): > > I was going to say “Thank you”. I can put a whole bunch of spins on exactly HOW I say that. You could always say it like Kyra Sedgwick did as Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson in “The Closer”! At least five times per episode, she would say “Thank you…Thank you so much!”. With the thick Southern accent, her facial expression (or lack thereof) and inflection, you could tell that it was meant as ANYTHING but gratitude! :rolleyes: Here’s a great clip where she (Sedgwick) says that it often meant “F@&k you very much”- [**LINK**](https://youtu.be/EtZaGMToDZs) ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2016, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/95 "2016-08-11T11:39:39Z")
> [@davey77](#): > > It’s been said all over the thread! Say, “Thank You”! To paraphrase C.S. Lewis, they’re not praying to change you, or God. They’re praying to change _themselves._ Thant’s so sweet to think so…but not really true. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2016, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/96 "2016-08-11T13:23:19Z")
I get “Have a blessed day” at work. I answer the same thing I answer to “Have a nice day”: You too. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2016, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/97 "2016-08-11T14:00:35Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > I think there can be legitimate reasons to find such remarks offensive, even if it is coming from a well-meaning place. For example, most-if not all-people who tell me they will pray for me to “walk again” or “get out of that wheelchair” or whatever, are doing so for well-meaning reasons. However, underpinning those intentions are assumptions, assumptions about the quality of life and ability to fully enjoy life as a wheelchair-dependent person. Its as if ill never have the potential to be the best I can be, simply because of my injury. > [@Joey\_P](#): > > I think (as I said earlier) you’re reading too far into it and stressing yourself out for no reason. I believe I get where **Ambivalid** is coming from, and I understand the frustration. I think, however, it’s not the “prayer” part that is offensive as much as the attitude of “you poor thing”. Consider the following phrase “I’ll pray for you to walk again/get out of that wheelchair”. I don’t want to put words into **Ambi** ’s mouth, but I think it would be just as offensive if “pray” were replaced with “wish”, “meditate”, “hope” or any similar word. If I’m off base here, **Ambi** , feel free to blast away - I won’t be offended! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2016, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/98 "2016-08-11T14:05:46Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > I believe I get where **Ambivalid** is coming from, and I understand the frustration. I think, however, it’s not the “prayer” part that is offensive as much as the attitude of “you poor thing”. Consider the following phrase “I’ll pray for you to walk again/get out of that wheelchair”. I don’t want to put words into **Ambi** ’s mouth, but I think it would be just as offensive if “pray” were replaced with “wish”, “meditate”, “hope” or any similar word. > > If I’m off base here, **Ambi** , feel free to blast away - I won’t be offended! 😛 Nope. You’re spot on. ---
**Author:** ![Corry\_El](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecae2f/32.png) [@Corry\_El](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corry_El)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2016, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/99 "2016-08-11T14:50:58Z")
So special annoyance at ‘I’ll pray for you’ seems to depend mainly on whether the recipient has a bug up their ass about religion. If the person is offering appropriate condolence, sympathy etc. it’s boorish to reject it just because it might also refer to some mindset or belief the recipient doesn’t share, whether offered in terms of prayer or not. If the person is offering what the recipient deems offensive pity, that’s annoying whether offered in terms of prayer or not. If the person is offering what the recipient deems a passive-aggressive put down (of the recipient’s political views etc) that’s annoying whether offered in terms of prayer or not. I don’t see much that’s really specific to ‘I’ll pray for you’ among the various cases discussed in various responses. I guess the third is the one where it might if the topic and put down is strictly political. I grew up in a time/place where most people were at least nominally religious (Catholic or Jewish, a few mainline Protestants, I’ve still never closely personally known an evangelical Southern-style Protestant in real life) but it was just not brought into most other topics, definitely not politics. So that’s still jarring to me. OTOH there weren’t people glibly insulting others for being religious as is so regrettably common nowadays. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2016, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216/100 "2016-08-11T14:57:07Z")
How about going all Linda Blair on the well wisher? “I’ll pray for you.” “NOOOO!!! It buuurns. It burns my soul, damn you!!!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-to-ill-pray-for-you/762216.md?page=6)