# How to respond when g/f says, "I'm mtg w/a therapist." **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 24, 2005, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-when-g-f-says-im-mtg-w-a-therapist/318450 "2005-08-24T17:28:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![jellyblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e480ec/32.png) [@jellyblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jellyblue)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2005, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-when-g-f-says-im-mtg-w-a-therapist/318450/21 "2005-08-25T16:33:30Z")
> [@pace](#): > > She’s pretty fragile right now, I could almost hear the tears streaming down her cheeks through the phone ☹ … well, one positive thing to mention is that I’m going to visit her soon (she lives in Italy) and I’ve already guaranteed her one-helluva great girlfriend time together! 🙂 We’re going to Venice, Bologna, and Monte Carlo! Through the course of all that touring/driving around, we’ll talk more about anything and everything, so all the more reason now, for me to get more advice from good people like you and others who’ve posted already. > > grazie mille! If she’s feeling as delicate as it sounds like she’s feeling, it’s probably a good idea to adjust your expectations about your trip. Hilarity may well NOT ensue. One of the prominent symptoms of depression is anhedonia, which essentially means that stuff that’s usually fun isn’t fun anymore. Depressed people hate this, it makes them feel very alone to be so gloomy when everyone else is having fun, so sometimes they try to “fake it” which usually makes them feel even worse. If she ends up taking an antidepressant that works for her, it may take a few weeks to begin to work (I don’t know how soon your trip is planned). Don’t be dismayed if you can’t seem to “cheer her up”. You’re not failing anymore than you would be if you were trying to entertain someone out of their high blood pressure. Best wishes for your trip. ---
**Author:** ![pace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c2a13f/32.png) [@pace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pace)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2005, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-when-g-f-says-im-mtg-w-a-therapist/318450/22 "2005-08-25T17:13:27Z")
Thank you for pointing that out… I agree with you and do not have high expectations of her putting on a cheerful persona just for me… we’re both more honest with eachother in that regard. In the past, depending on the mood, we’d just coast through the day doing whatever felt comfortable, no pressure at all. Hilarity just kinda self-evolves on its own (boy do I have stories!!!) and short of that, we’re just good company for eachother. I can hardly wait to get there and give her big hugs in person! ciao! ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2005, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-when-g-f-says-im-mtg-w-a-therapist/318450/23 "2005-08-25T17:55:27Z")
> [@pace](#): > > …she sounded so sad and frustrated w/her husband’s profession (he’s an officer on a cruise line and can be away from home/her 4-6 months at a time). Gone 4-6 months at a time? Sheesh, I’d be sad & upset too. The problem is not with her. The problem is that her husband is gone for 4-6 months at a time. ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2005, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-when-g-f-says-im-mtg-w-a-therapist/318450/24 "2005-08-25T19:06:11Z")
“I’m going to be seeing a therapist for the first time.” “Hey, cool! How’d you find her (or is he a him?)?” “A friend recommended him.” “Gosh, let me know how it goes. Lord knows that I’ve got a few things to work out!” ---
**Author:** ![pace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c2a13f/32.png) [@pace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pace)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2005, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-when-g-f-says-im-mtg-w-a-therapist/318450/25 "2005-08-25T19:33:21Z")
I just spoke w/her an hr ago, first to chat about the itinerary, then she brought up her appt and I kicked in with something very similar to what you suggested, thanks! Regarding how she got this referral, coincidentally, she said, “a friend recommended him.” ---
**Author:** ![davenportavenger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f8ce5/32.png) [@davenportavenger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davenportavenger)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-when-g-f-says-im-mtg-w-a-therapist/318450/26 "2005-08-26T06:35:57Z")
> [@Siege](#): > > Which one? The one about admitting _NEEDing_ to see a therapist or the one saying it’s a good idea? The one saying it’s a good idea. Just because I’ve heard the same thing from people I know and I find it really hurtful. Maybe some people don’t regard it as an insult, but those people probably have pretty open-minded friends and family. I don’t. I don’t want to get into the whole situation now because this is someone else’s thread, but I have a very strange history wrt psychiatry/-ology and if **pace** had said that to me I’d be offended. It’s not rational, but that’s how it is. To the OP: As excited as you may be about the Great Italian Hetero-Girlfriend Tour, I wouldn’t be surprised if all your friend wants to do (or can do) is lie in bed the whole time you’re there. I know you mean well, but those “fun” activities may be fun only for you. When I’m feeling not right in the head, the last thing I want to do is travel–it’s expensive (which brings up guilt for not having fun), it’s strange (I don’t like being far from my apartment in case I start to panic), and it’s frenetic (again, guilt for not “making the most” of the trip plus the dislike of unfamiliar situations). If she’s anything like me she’ll come to the conclusion that you flew over there just to make her more upset. Really, just don’t expect a lot. ---
**Author:** ![pace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c2a13f/32.png) [@pace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pace)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2005, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-when-g-f-says-im-mtg-w-a-therapist/318450/27 "2005-08-27T02:56:30Z")
> [@davenportavenger](#): > > if **pace** had said that to me I’d be offended. It’s not rational, but that’s how it is. > > To the OP: As excited as you may be about the Great Italian Hetero-Girlfriend Tour, I wouldn’t be surprised if all your friend wants to do (or can do) is lie in bed the whole time you’re there. I know you mean well, but those “fun” activities may be fun only for you. When I’m feeling not right in the head, the last thing I want to do is travel–it’s expensive (which brings up guilt for not having fun), it’s strange (I don’t like being far from my apartment in case I start to panic), and it’s frenetic (again, guilt for not “making the most” of the trip plus the dislike of unfamiliar situations). If she’s anything like me she’ll come to the conclusion that you flew over there just to make her more upset. Really, just don’t expect a lot. davenportavenger, just to clarify, I KNOW i responded pathetically, that’s why I started this thread to gain–from others suggestions and recommendations, including yours–how I should respond in the future… what I may or may not expect, I sincerely want to be a more sensitive friend. Re the trip… considering she’s alone most of the time, I think she’s truly looking forward to my visit, but it never crossed my mind that she might actually prefer I not come (the reasons you stated)… I wouldn’t mind staying the entire time in her beautiful little town–if I get any clues that she’d prefer to do just that… and we’re both comfortable enough w/eachother that if I said one day, “hey, I think i’ll check out this town nearby and be back for dinner,” she wouldn’t feel insecure about it. However, if she does seem uncomfortable in any way, her sensitivity will be my priority… I’m going to hope for the best and try to be prepared for anything less, but I’m sure, all things considered, I’m going to enjoy returning to my 2nd home, Italia. ---
**Author:** ![pace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c2a13f/32.png) [@pace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pace)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2005, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-when-g-f-says-im-mtg-w-a-therapist/318450/28 "2005-08-27T02:58:49Z")
> [@davenportavenger](#): > > if **pace** had said that to me I’d be offended. It’s not rational, but that’s how it is. > > To the OP: As excited as you may be about the Great Italian Hetero-Girlfriend Tour, I wouldn’t be surprised if all your friend wants to do (or can do) is lie in bed the whole time you’re there. I know you mean well, but those “fun” activities may be fun only for you. When I’m feeling not right in the head, the last thing I want to do is travel–it’s expensive (which brings up guilt for not having fun), it’s strange (I don’t like being far from my apartment in case I start to panic), and it’s frenetic (again, guilt for not “making the most” of the trip plus the dislike of unfamiliar situations). If she’s anything like me she’ll come to the conclusion that you flew over there just to make her more upset. Really, just don’t expect a lot. davenportavenger, just to clarify, I KNOW i responded pathetically, that’s why I started this thread to gain–from others suggestions and recommendations, including yours–how I should respond in the future… what I may or may not expect, I sincerely want to be a more sensitive friend. Re the trip… considering she’s alone most of the time, I think she’s truly looking forward to my visit, but it never crossed my mind that she might actually prefer I not come (the reasons you stated)… I wouldn’t mind staying the entire time in her beautiful little town–if I get any clues that she’d prefer to do just that… and we’re both comfortable enough w/eachother that if I said one day, “hey, I think i’ll check out this town nearby and be back for dinner,” she wouldn’t feel insecure about it. However, if she does seem uncomfortable in any way, her sensitivity will be my priority… I’m going to hope for the best and try to be prepared for anything less, but I’m sure, all things considered, I’m going to enjoy seeing my dear friend again, returning to my 2nd home, also dear to my heart, Italia. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-respond-when-g-f-says-im-mtg-w-a-therapist/318450.md?page=1)