# How to resurrect Two and a Half Men **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 27, 2011, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-resurrect-two-and-a-half-men/572806 "2011-02-27T16:37:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![K364](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k364/32/5_2.png) [@K364](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/K364)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2011, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-resurrect-two-and-a-half-men/572806/1 "2011-02-27T16:37:53Z")
Charlie has died (in mysterious circumstances involving triplets)… The episode opens with the family returning from the funeral. It turns out that there is no will, so it looks like Alan has the Beach House, the piano and the cars. An previously unknown older half-brother (new character) shows up and asserts his right on Charlie’s estate. A Judge’s order dictates that Alan and the half-brother must share the house. And there we are, back to Two and a Half Men. An ongoing gag would be Charlie’s ex-girlfriends showing up to claim part of the estate. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2011, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-resurrect-two-and-a-half-men/572806/2 "2011-02-27T16:46:56Z")
Mentioned in another thread: have another actor play Charlie. A different guest starring actor every week: Scott Baio, John Stamos, Olivia Newton John, Ned Beatty- just keep it moving and make no comments about how Charlie has changed. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2011, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-resurrect-two-and-a-half-men/572806/3 "2011-02-27T17:15:11Z")
The ‘half-a-man’ is now a full grown man. Get rid of him, kill off Charlie. Give John Cryer his own show called “One Man”. Or “Last Man Standing”. Jump ahead a few years, recast the son with someone a bit older, who has unfortunately pursued Charlie’s lifestyle. Shows up after a shaky rehab on his father’s doorstep with his own young son, and then it can be “Two and A Half Men” again. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2011, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-resurrect-two-and-a-half-men/572806/4 "2011-02-27T17:29:14Z")
> [@K364](#): > > An previously unknown older half-brother (new character) shows up and asserts his right on Charlie’s estate. He would _have_ to be called “Chuck.” It’s\* three - three - three jokes in one!\* ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2011, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-resurrect-two-and-a-half-men/572806/5 "2011-02-27T18:02:19Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > Mentioned in another thread: have another actor play Charlie. A different guest starring actor every week: Scott Baio, John Stamos, Olivia Newton John, Ned Beatty- just keep it moving and make no comments about how Charlie has changed. This is my favorite options I’ve heard! ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2011, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-resurrect-two-and-a-half-men/572806/6 "2011-02-27T18:12:36Z")
Since Jake is now a Man, have Charlie die and an previously unknown 10 year old son show up who moves in with Jake & Alan, become the new half-man. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2011, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-resurrect-two-and-a-half-men/572806/7 "2011-02-27T18:15:40Z")
Get rid of Charlie, leaving Alan and his pretty much grown son=two men+one transsexual=2 1/2 men. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2011, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-resurrect-two-and-a-half-men/572806/8 "2011-02-27T18:45:58Z")
Cast somebody reliable in the role of Charlie. I’m thinking Andy Dick. ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2011, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-resurrect-two-and-a-half-men/572806/9 "2011-02-27T19:06:16Z")
Sheen is no good!? Get me Gary Busey! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2011, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-resurrect-two-and-a-half-men/572806/10 "2011-02-27T20:01:11Z")
I would imagine that Sheen’s contract requires that they use him or pay him. ---
**Author:** ![Washoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecae2f/32.png) [@Washoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Washoe)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2011, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-resurrect-two-and-a-half-men/572806/11 "2011-02-27T22:38:56Z")
No need to kill him off. Given the deterioration in Charlie Sheen’s appearance caused by two and a half decades of boozing, humping, and pharmaceuticals, I think a skilled makeup artist could probably do up Martin Sheen to pass as an acceptable substitute. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2011, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-resurrect-two-and-a-half-men/572806/12 "2011-02-27T23:07:52Z")
But they’d still have to pay him and Martin, and there really isn’t any reason to believe that Martin would take his son’s job. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2011, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-resurrect-two-and-a-half-men/572806/13 "2011-02-28T02:23:32Z")
I’m trying to figure out a scenario that leaves Jake in the care of Holland Taylor and Conchatta Farrell. Because I’d watch Holland Taylor and Conchatta Farrell sit around and make jokes about the phone book. ---
**Author:** ![42fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/4/b487fb/32.png) [@42fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/42fish)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2011, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-resurrect-two-and-a-half-men/572806/14 "2011-02-28T05:08:45Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > I’m trying to figure out a scenario that leaves Jake in the care of Holland Taylor and Conchatta Farrell. Because I’d watch Holland Taylor and Conchatta Farrell sit around and make jokes about the phone book. Alan finally snaps and bludgeons Charlie to death. When he goes to jail (or on the lam depending on how you want to write it), Jake is left in the care of his grandmother. She hires Conchatta Farrell to continue the same job she did at Charlie’s. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2011, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-resurrect-two-and-a-half-men/572806/15 "2011-02-28T06:58:22Z")
> [@42fish](#): > > She hires Conchatta Farrell to continue the same job she did at Charlie’s. Being sassy while holding a laundry basket? ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2011, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-resurrect-two-and-a-half-men/572806/16 "2011-02-28T08:06:09Z")
[Genre shift!](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/GenreShift) Bring back Melanie Lynskey as Rose, who is high up in the Vatican Assassin Warlocks (also the new title), & recruits the guys to fight the forces of darkness (including Alan and Charlie’s mother). Action ensues. Recast Alan & Charlie: Alan will be played by Matthew Broderick, because why waste a good comic actor on a dark fantasy series? Charlie by Emilio Estevez. ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2011, 9:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-resurrect-two-and-a-half-men/572806/17 "2011-02-28T09:08:16Z")
Surely the proper question is “Why?”. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2011, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-resurrect-two-and-a-half-men/572806/18 "2011-02-28T12:09:00Z")
Just replace Charlie with a “cousin”… Emilio. ---
**Author:** ![Nunzio\_Tavulari](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Nunzio\_Tavulari](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nunzio_Tavulari)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2011, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-resurrect-two-and-a-half-men/572806/19 "2011-02-28T15:18:10Z")
Replace Charlie with Cousin Oliver ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2011, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-resurrect-two-and-a-half-men/572806/20 "2011-02-28T15:38:48Z")
> [@Nunzio\_Tavulari](#): > > Replace Charlie with Cousin Oliver Then have him make a motorcycle jump over a tank full of sharks. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-resurrect-two-and-a-half-men/572806.md?page=2)