# How to stay single -- the anti-advice thread! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 13, 2004, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-stay-single-the-anti-advice-thread/279602 "2004-12-13T14:33:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2004, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-stay-single-the-anti-advice-thread/279602/21 "2004-12-14T09:04:11Z")
> [@GomiBoy](#): > > 1. Talk about God lots, too. Gay guys like that. _obligatory mention of Matt’s Mormon missionary fetish here_ ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2004, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-stay-single-the-anti-advice-thread/279602/22 "2004-12-14T09:24:11Z")
Wear your Star Trek uniform 24/7. If you’re over 35 it’s always a good idea to go cruising the local High Schools in you’re newly restored 1976 Trans Am. Whilst listening to “The best of Peter Frampton” as loudly as possible on your 8 track cassette player. Gravy stains on you’re T-shirt make a nice anti-aphrodisiac. Also, agree with EVERTHING she says. No opposition; ever! ---
**Author:** ![GomiBoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b2d939/32.png) [@GomiBoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GomiBoy)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2004, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-stay-single-the-anti-advice-thread/279602/23 "2004-12-14T10:59:21Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > _obligatory mention of Matt’s Mormon missionary fetish here_ Nice clean-scrubbed missionary boys you can corrupt? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2004, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-stay-single-the-anti-advice-thread/279602/24 "2004-12-14T16:36:46Z")
Ohhhhhhhh my yes. I may have mentioned this, but this summer I was out doing campaign work, and on the metro I saw the most gorgeous Mormon boy, tousled blonde hair, windswept, cornfed… ohh my… and his name tag said, and I am not making this up, ELDER SHIRTLIFF. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2004, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-stay-single-the-anti-advice-thread/279602/25 "2004-12-14T16:49:08Z")
Never ever admit to any mistakes. Blame everything that goes wrong on someone else. Be sure to use the expression “You made me” a lot. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2004, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-stay-single-the-anti-advice-thread/279602/26 "2004-12-14T16:49:43Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > Condescension is a great substitute for a personality, in a pinch! > > Fish for compliments. Constantly. At work, at home, in bars, on the city bus. > > Everybody wants to know all about your job. All the time. Whenever they aren’t talking, and even when they are. > > Corrolary: interrupting people shows them what an alpha male stud you are. Riiiiiight…because women NEVER go for obnoxious assholes. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Long\_Time\_First\_Time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@Long\_Time\_First\_Time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Long_Time_First_Time)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2004, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-stay-single-the-anti-advice-thread/279602/27 "2004-12-14T16:51:21Z")
It helps if you are decisive. Let 'em know that you think ahead. So as soon as possible inform the person you are interested in that you already have decided that within 8 years you’ll have 2 kids, a boy named Montana Dill and a girl named Logan Bethany, live in a saltbox house decorated in “comtemporary country” style, and have a dog. You are going to work once little Montana arrives, but not outside the home, so your special someone must pull down enough income to keep you in the manner you deem appropriate. To show that you aren’t too controlling, you’ll let your spouse decide if it will be a Golden or Labrador Retriever. ---
**Author:** ![GomiBoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b2d939/32.png) [@GomiBoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GomiBoy)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2004, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-stay-single-the-anti-advice-thread/279602/28 "2004-12-14T16:51:58Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > Ohhhhhhhh my yes. > > I may have mentioned this, but this summer I was out doing campaign work, and on the metro I saw the most gorgeous Mormon boy, tousled blonde hair, windswept, cornfed… ohh my… and his name tag said, and I am not making this up, ELDER SHIRTLIFF. That’s quite a name, you’re right about that… My most fun girlfriend was a fundamentalist Christian. Boy was it fun to corrupt her 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2004, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-stay-single-the-anti-advice-thread/279602/29 "2004-12-14T16:56:51Z")
Humour and modesty are good, so make lots of jokes about how hopeless you are. Overcompensate and be sarcastic about them. Rush to agree with everything they say. It’s pushy to talk to people, so don’t spend extra time with the people you like. It’s creepy to like someone for their body, so never tell someone they look pretty, If you aim for the impossible at least rejection won’t be a _surprise_. You can’t buy love, so insist they pay half the bill. Be depressed, pity gets people noticing you. If choice A doesn’t like you, maybe their friend will. If they’re nice they couldn’t possibly like you. Show the depths of your feeling by stalking someone, it works in films. Ick! They asked me out, that’s creepy, why can’t they like me for my mind? One relationship is good, so two must be better. ---
**Author:** ![elfbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b782af/32.png) [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2004, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-stay-single-the-anti-advice-thread/279602/30 "2004-12-14T18:31:09Z")
Whine about all the sexual experiences you haven’t had, but want to. Repeatedly. In detail. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2004, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-stay-single-the-anti-advice-thread/279602/31 "2004-12-14T18:44:46Z")
Make sure to immediately work on changing the person who is kind enough to date (or even just talk) to you. “I really like girls with long hair.” “I don’t think you should wear that skirt, its too short” (or too long). “Have you ever considered riding a motorcycle, guys who ride motorcycles are hot.” “You listen to Abba!? Let me buy you some real music.” ---
**Author:** ![tremorviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47774/32.png) [@tremorviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tremorviolet)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2004, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-stay-single-the-anti-advice-thread/279602/32 "2004-12-14T18:51:00Z")
How about my favorite…have such incredibly crappy self-esteem you don’t even try because you assume it won’t happen. And if it does happen, don’t make any effort because they’d probably be better off without you You’d be doing them a favor if you don’t return their phone calls, right? ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2004, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-stay-single-the-anti-advice-thread/279602/33 "2004-12-14T21:08:22Z")
> [@drewbert](#): > > Copy everything **drewbert** does. Copy everything **drewbert** does. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2004, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-stay-single-the-anti-advice-thread/279602/34 "2004-12-14T21:59:38Z")
Be extremely choosy. The girl you’re trying to find will, say, be under 25, look like a supermodel, be a connoisseur of fine wines, appreciate opera, feel that a discussion of military history from ancient Rome to Vietnam is a fine way to spend those special moments, and know all the stats of the players on a certain baseball team. If she doesn’t have these qualities (or whatever specific qualities that the wannabe-single deems important), she is unacceptable. I had a friend who had this policy. It worked really well at keeping him single. He didn’t want to be single though, and he couldn’t figure out why he was. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-stay-single-the-anti-advice-thread/279602/35 "2004-12-15T00:11:47Z")
> [@Lord Ashtar](#): > > Copy everything **drewbert** does. See? You’re well on your way. It’s so easy! Now all you have to do is: - Work somewhere where no other single people work, and where no single people visit - When you go home, stay there Simple as that! ---
**Author:** ![SusanStoHelit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@SusanStoHelit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SusanStoHelit)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-stay-single-the-anti-advice-thread/279602/36 "2004-12-15T01:16:27Z")
> [@drewbert](#): > > Now all you have to do is: > > - Work somewhere where no other single people work, and where no single people visit Where do you work? An engagement ring store? A drive-thru wedding chapel? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-stay-single-the-anti-advice-thread/279602/37 "2004-12-15T01:19:34Z")
> [@](#): > > - Never change your hairstyle, your clothes, or do anything else for yourself that might bolster your confidence. You can’t fool anyone, anyway. > > - Hide in your room, plant yourself in front of the computer or TV for half the day. The outside world is overrated, anyway. Tried that. Got married anyway. ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-stay-single-the-anti-advice-thread/279602/38 "2004-12-15T01:32:39Z")
> [@SusanStoHelit](#): > > Where do you work? An engagement ring store? A drive-thru wedding chapel? Science museum, mostly catering to school groups and families. I suppose there is the chance I might meet a cute single teacher, though I haven’t yet. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-stay-single-the-anti-advice-thread/279602/39 "2004-12-15T01:40:14Z")
> [@drewbert](#): > > Science museum, mostly catering to school groups and families. I suppose there is the chance I might meet a cute single teacher, though I haven’t yet. Mmmmmm…cute single teacher… ---
**Author:** ![Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4da419/32.png) [@Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gala_Matrix_Fire)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-stay-single-the-anti-advice-thread/279602/40 "2004-12-15T12:33:55Z")
Somebody mentioned humor. Yes, tell a lot of misogynistic jokes. The chicks dig it. While you’re at, make a big deal about how much you hate cats, and go so far as to tell stories about the cat torturing you’ve done. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-stay-single-the-anti-advice-thread/279602.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-stay-single-the-anti-advice-thread/279602.md?page=3)