# How to tactfully bring up Kegel exercises? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 16, 2001, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tactfully-bring-up-kegel-exercises/76491 "2001-08-16T02:16:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tactfully-bring-up-kegel-exercises/76491/1 "2001-08-16T02:16:20Z")
While Dr. Kegel’s aim was to help women suffering from occasional urinary incontinence after childbirth, the most dramatic side-effect of his life’s work is to have given many women a distinct technical advantage in coitus. My current SO, unfortunately, doesn’t seem aware of this ability. I find chatty or “bossy” sex a little repellent, and subtle hints (eg; a “flex” or prod) doesn’t seem to inspire the usual reciprocation. (Sorry if this is TMI) I’m looking for a female POV here-- How can I ask, “Do you know that you can do this?” without impuning her abilities? ---
**Author:** ![Corrvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bbce88/32.png) [@Corrvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corrvin)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tactfully-bring-up-kegel-exercises/76491/2 "2001-08-16T02:38:24Z")
Well, since guys can do Kegels too, I think the best way would be to start doing them yourself, and after about a week, say “Oh, hey hon, I’ve been doing these exercises, and sex is much better for me, why don’t you try them?” Besides, if we’re going to go TMI, a guy with good pelvic muscles can do a really cool “tail-wagging” sort of trick…I’m not saying it’ll turn her on, but she’ll definitely giggle. Corr ---
**Author:** ![truthbot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@truthbot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/truthbot)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tactfully-bring-up-kegel-exercises/76491/3 "2001-08-16T02:47:00Z")
Well, since your name is _already_ Mudd… Suggest that she try the excercises for fun. Ask her if she’d be willing to try them for a month, to see if it adds to her enjoyment. It might work. Phrase your request very carefully, however. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tactfully-bring-up-kegel-exercises/76491/4 "2001-08-16T02:55:16Z")
You might want to be careful with this. I bristled when I saw the subject, because I thought you were going to suggest that your girlfriend is… well… relaxed. You need to make sure there is no hint of “tightening” mentioned, because that could very well insult her. ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tactfully-bring-up-kegel-exercises/76491/5 "2001-08-16T03:12:29Z")
Talk to her for pete’s sake ! A woman doesn’t know you want something if you don’t tell her ! But do not say something that will hurt her feelings or piss her off, like my old girlfriend could do this. That could get you hurt, badly. Find a book that deals with Kegels and share it with her. Or look into a set of Ben Waa Balls, I’ve heard they can help with that. I also heard that having a set in makes Kegels fun ! Of course I am sweet and innocent and wouldn’t know a thing about it. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tactfully-bring-up-kegel-exercises/76491/6 "2001-08-16T03:22:45Z")
> [@](#): > > _Corrvin sez_ > **Besides, if we’re going to go TMI, a guy with good pelvic muscles can do a really cool “tail-wagging” sort of trick…** Hah- That’s what I meant by a “flex”. With most girls, it produces a sort “Oh, yeah, I can do that too, ya know” response. > [@](#): > > cazzle offers: > You need to make sure there is no hint of “tightening” mentioned, because that could very well insult her. No doubt. Fear that it would be taken that way is exactly what keeps me quiet. That and the “Oh, so you’ve _had better_, have you?” scenario that I keep picturing. Not pretty. Thanks folks, you’ve been helpful. Just testing the waters to see if I’d get a **Don’t even think about it!** ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tactfully-bring-up-kegel-exercises/76491/7 "2001-08-16T17:41:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by cazzle \* > \*\*You need to make sure there is no hint of “tightening” mentioned, because that could very well insult her. \*\* That’s what I thought too. I was gonna suggest you don’t say “It’s like throwing a hotdog down a hallway!” ---
**Author:** ![tsarina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f4b2a3/32.png) [@tsarina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tsarina)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tactfully-bring-up-kegel-exercises/76491/8 "2001-08-16T18:06:50Z")
I would suggest either getting a close girlfriend of hers to bring it up one day in conversation, or else just bringing it up casually after sex one of these days: “Hey, I read something the other day about Kegel exercises… have you ever heard of them?” If she says no, explain what they are (tell her to practice clenching both her vaginal muscles and the muscles she uses to stop her flow of urine) and suggest she try it for a while, just for fun, to see if she likes the results. If she has heard of them, ask her if she found they gave good results - if yes, suggest maybe she try again to see if it’ll spice things up a bit, and if no, don’t press the issue. Act like you really don’t care one way or the other. If you have good communication in your relationship, it’ll work out fine. (By the way, I agree that they can make sex wonderful - at least that’s what my boys have always said when I clamp down HARD on them…) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tactfully-bring-up-kegel-exercises/76491/9 "2001-08-16T19:55:08Z")
Get her a toy to practice clamping on… Much more fun that way. ---
**Author:** ![Delta-9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3be4f8/32.png) [@Delta-9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Delta-9)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tactfully-bring-up-kegel-exercises/76491/10 "2001-08-16T20:06:56Z")
My lady had already started doing them before I met her, so I consider myself very fortunate. If she had not, however, I would have no problem talking to her about this. That’s what being in love is all about. Honesty and communication. It may be awkward, and she may take it the wrong way at first, but I bet she’ll either start doing the exercises or give you a good reason why she won’t. It’s better to be honest and let the chips fall where they may. Of course there’s a time and place for everything. In bed in the heat of the moment is not the time and place to bring this up. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tactfully-bring-up-kegel-exercises/76491/11 "2001-08-16T20:13:10Z")
I would suggest the same way you encourage a fat wife to lose weight. Exercise together. Put a towel over your erect penis for added weight and “flex” - you can call these “Peen-ups.” Try using a less technical term - Kegel may scare her off or make her think your talking about Jewish noodle pudding. First thing off the top of my head (figurative) - “Puss-ups” ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tactfully-bring-up-kegel-exercises/76491/12 "2001-08-16T20:14:47Z")
BTW you can all try the game “Honey lets pretend we really have to take a pee.” ---
**Author:** ![Sister\_Vigilante](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Sister\_Vigilante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sister_Vigilante)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tactfully-bring-up-kegel-exercises/76491/13 "2001-08-16T20:37:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by KidCharlemagne \* > \*\*First thing off the top of my head (figurative) - “Puss-ups” \*\* Puss-ups! Oh thank you for that. Too funny. And yep, I always do my exercises. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tactfully-bring-up-kegel-exercises/76491/14 "2001-08-16T21:53:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by KidCharlemagne \* > \*\*Put a towel over your erect penis for added weight and “flex” \*\* My otherwise good-for-nothing step-father hipped me to that exercise when I was 15 years old. He advised a wet facecloth in the shower. Does wonders for stamina. God rest his pervert soul. > [@](#): > > \*\* Try using a less technical term - Kegel may scare her off or make her think your talking about Jewish noodle pudding. First thing off the top of my head (figurative) - “Puss-ups” \*\* [Virtual Nasal Ejection of Milk.] Oh-my-god. Thank you so much.