# How to tell if a movie sucks. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 21, 2013, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088 "2013-07-21T03:53:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2013, 11:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/21 "2013-07-21T11:13:06Z")
> [@Charley](#): > > The words ‘starring Adam Sandler’, but that one’s more a personal preference. This is pretty much exactly what I was going to post. mmm ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2013, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/22 "2013-07-21T11:46:36Z")
The ads say “Music by” and list a bunch of currently popular artists It’s a comedy and nothing in the trailer is funny. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2013, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/23 "2013-07-21T12:28:16Z")
I pretty much have to watch a movie to tell if it sucks. Even then, I’ve seen movies a second time where my opinion has changed 180\*. What really sucks is that an asterisk is the closest to a superscript degree thingie I have on my keyboard. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![septimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/septimus/32/410_2.png) [@septimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/septimus)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2013, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/24 "2013-07-21T12:35:58Z")
I seldom enjoy movies that have no big-name stars. Since I may be incompetent to notice the difference between good and bad acting, I’ve wondered why this is? No budget for good actors means no budget for good writers? There are some big-name stars, e.g. Michael Douglas, whose movies I seldom like. I don’t know why. Is it that I don’t like Douglas’ persona? Or that he and I have very different tastes in movie scripts? > [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > It’s usually a bad sign when a movie has more than two writing credits. I’m glad you said “usually” not “always” : [QUOTE=Best and best-written movie ever (Casablanca)] Screenplay by Julius J. Epstein Philip G. Epstein Howard Koch Casey Robinson (uncredited) [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2013, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/25 "2013-07-21T12:36:17Z")
I don’t recall what trailer inspired this thought some time ago but it seems to me that showing a food fight is not a good sign. I’m also pretty suspicious of any trailer that includes a fight or chase along the roof of a moving train. ---
**Author:** ![campp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@campp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/campp)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2013, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/26 "2013-07-21T12:47:57Z")
If I don’t know the main characters names, it’s a bad movie. Once you don’t care about a character, it’s over. ---
**Author:** ![Fiendish\_Astronaut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fiendish_astronaut/32/3295_2.png) [@Fiendish\_Astronaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiendish_Astronaut)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2013, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/27 "2013-07-21T13:34:31Z")
If a car hits something and it blows up, you have a bad movie. You can directly gauge the quality of any movie by assessing how realistic accidents are depicted. Obviously there’s an exception for spoofs. Also, any movie that displays the words “Michael Bay” on screen at any point. ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2013, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/28 "2013-07-21T15:24:25Z")
> [@Fiendish\_Astronaut](#): > > \ Also, any movie that displays the words “Michael Bay” on screen at any point. Even the one titled _Michael Bay Must Die_ ? ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2013, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/29 "2013-07-21T15:26:16Z")
One of the best guidelines I’ve come up with is this: If they start promoing it more than six months before release, it’s gonna suck. And the bigger and flashier the promos are, the more it will suck. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2013, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/30 "2013-07-21T15:58:06Z")
Two words: Will Ferrell. ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2013, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/31 "2013-07-21T16:04:37Z")
I think Roger Ebert had a rule of thumb that if the title of a movie is funny, the movie will not be funny. I think he pointed to “Dude, Where’s My Car?” as an example of this. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2013, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/32 "2013-07-21T16:19:26Z")
My personal warning sings: if the words “historical” or “costume drama” appears anywhere in reviews of promotional materials. If the term “life-affirming” appears anywhere. If the term “heartrending” appears anywhere. If the term “deliberately paced” (i.e., slow and dull) appears anywhere. If the terms “challenging” and “offbeat” appear anywhere. I’m sure there are more, but I’ve found reviews to be VERY helpful so long as you pay attention to the terminology and not the reviewers announced opinion of the films (most reviewers associate these terms with good films). ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2013, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/33 "2013-07-21T16:55:53Z")
Well, for me personally, any film that has zombies or vampires. Not saying the movie won’t make money, but sure as hell not from me. I just don’t understand the fascination with those two genres. I think I would also avoid a film that, on the poster, has ALL of the following: 1. A dude with a scowl and lots of tattoos holding a machine gun (or two). 2. A chick (or two or three) in a bikini in the background. 3. A fast car in the background. 4. A fiery explosion in the background. 5. Some hip misspelling of a word - “Killerz” or “Kops” ---
**Author:** ![SuperAbe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@SuperAbe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuperAbe)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2013, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/34 "2013-07-21T17:06:23Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I pretty much have to watch a movie to tell if it sucks. Even then, I’ve seen movies a second time where my opinion has changed 180\*. > > What really sucks is that an asterisk is the closest to a superscript degree thingie I have on my keyboard. ☹ This is pretty much the one symbol I hate-with-the-fire-of-a-thousand-suns not having on my keyboard (okay, maybe μ and ², too). Unicode is your friend - type “Alt+0176” on your _number pad_ (i.e. hold down the alt key while typing 0176 ) and you’ll get the degree symbol in all its glory: **°** (For a complete list, try [the official chart](http://www.unicode.org/charts/) or [this nifty browser](http://unicode-table.com/en/) - the later lets you copy and paste from directly.) ---
**Author:** ![Seanette](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/seanette/32/9139_2.png) [@Seanette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seanette)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2013, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/35 "2013-07-21T17:35:54Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Two words: Will Ferrell. “Stranger Than Fiction” wasn’t THAT bad. 🙂 I also liked the more recent film version of “The Producers”. Bonus surprise: Ferrell’s also a pretty decent singer. ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2013, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/36 "2013-07-21T17:47:03Z")
If there are explosions, then the movie is braindead. If there are lots of explosions, you will become braindead. If the point of the movie is how pretty the lots of explosions are, then society will become braindead. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2013, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/37 "2013-07-21T17:55:53Z")
> [@Exapno\_Mapcase](#): > > If there are explosions, then the movie is braindead. If there are lots of explosions, you will become braindead. If the point of the movie is how pretty the lots of explosions are, then society will become braindead. If there are [del]explosions[/del] car chases, then the movie is braindead. If there are lots of [del]explosions[/del] car chases, you will become braindead. If the point of the movie is how pretty the lots of [del]explosions[/del] car chases are, then society will become braindead. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2013, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/38 "2013-07-21T18:00:40Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Two words: Will Ferrell. Personally, I almost always enjoy a Will Ferrell movie the first time I watch it. But if I try to watch one of them a second time, I can’t stand it. ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2013, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/39 "2013-07-21T18:12:39Z")
> [@DummyGladHands](#): > > Eric Roberts For reasons lost in the mists of time, he is known in my head as “that guy who’s not James Remar”. ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2013, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/40 "2013-07-21T18:38:44Z")
> [@Ranchoth](#): > > -I think it was Roger Ebert who said that any movie with a hot air balloon in it is bad. (I’m open to hearing exceptions—though I’ll note that the one in the Wizard of Oz may have actually been a gas balloon, by the looks of it, and thus gets by on a technicality) And I think Gene had two: - If I’d rather be watching a film about these same people making this movie, it’s bad. Oceans 12 and 13 are examples of this. - If nothing happens by the end of the first reel…usually nothing will happen the rest of the movie. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088.md?page=3)