# How to tell if a movie sucks. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 21, 2013, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088 "2013-07-21T03:53:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2013, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/81 "2013-07-27T17:52:44Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > Look at the blurbs from critics that they show in the print ads and TV commercials. It doesn’t matter what the reviews SAY, just look at where the reviews came from. …if you can read the source at all. When it’s from a known, reputable reviewer, the source is printed as big, or sometimes even bigger than the actual blurb. When it’s from “The Bumfuck Gazette,” the print is so small it’s basically just a squiggly line. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2013, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/82 "2013-07-27T17:58:36Z")
> [@DCnDC](#): > > …if you can read the source at all. When it’s from a known, reputable reviewer, the source is printed as big, or sometimes even bigger than the actual blurb. When it’s from “The Bumfuck Gazette,” the print is so small it’s basically just a squiggly line. Speaking of which - didn’t there used to be some reviewer (Ron something?) from something called “Urban News”? He used to be quoted all of the time - he just LOVED every bomb that hit the screen and was often the only good review ever to be printed about lots of really horrible films. I think eventually it became a joke if he liked any film. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2013, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/83 "2013-07-27T18:08:15Z")
> [@DMark](#): > > Speaking of which - didn’t there used to be some reviewer (Ron something?) from something called “Urban News”? He used to be quoted all of the time - he just LOVED every bomb that hit the screen and was often the only good review ever to be printed about lots of really horrible films. I think eventually it became a joke if he liked any film. Are you thinking perhaps of [“David Manning”](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Manning_%28fictitious_writer%29)? ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2013, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/84 "2013-07-27T18:23:35Z")
> [@KneadToKnow](#): > > Are you thinking perhaps of [“David Manning”](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Manning_%28fictitious_writer%29)? He was certainly a classic legend too, but no…I can’t find the guy on Google, but in the 70’s (?) or later, it got to be a joke whenever this guy would rave about a film. I thought his first name was “Ron” and seem to recall he was a black dude and not sure if it was Urban News or Urban Radio or Urban New Radio or whatever, but they would always splash his “rave” review on some turkey and pretend he was a serious critic. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2013, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/85 "2013-07-27T18:24:40Z")
Not quite what you were looking for, but Spy Magazine had a joke reviewer who would lavish praise on the worst cinematic dreck. Not full reviews, just a line suitable for an ad – usually cleverly implying the film or actor was guaranteed to win an Oscar. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2013, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/86 "2013-07-27T18:28:56Z")
Found him! Ron Brewington…here is a link with [an interesting article](http://articles.chicagotribune.com/1998-08-02/news/9808020413_1_movie-reviews-quote-critics). Starts talking about Ron in paragraph four. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2013, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/87 "2013-07-27T18:34:29Z")
> [@DMark](#): > > Found him! > > Ron Brewington…here is a link with [an interesting article](http://articles.chicagotribune.com/1998-08-02/news/9808020413_1_movie-reviews-quote-critics). Starts talking about Ron in paragraph four. Ha! David Manning is mentioned in the sidebar when I pull up that page, to boot! ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2013, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/88 "2013-07-27T19:43:29Z")
I would agree that words like " heartwarming" or “life affirming” are a bad sign, unless life affirming means the protagonist survived a couple car chases and three explosions. ---
**Author:** ![Trancephalic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trancephalic/32/380_2.png) [@Trancephalic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trancephalic)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2013, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/89 "2013-07-27T19:57:20Z")
When the the movie’s title, or somesuch (e.g., “now playing”), is displayed in the above-below black bars for TV advertising, I know to avoid it. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2013, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/90 "2013-07-27T23:54:56Z")
> [@Schism](#): > > Car chases aren’t _always_ bad. > The French Connection and To Live and Die in L.A. both had great car chase scenes. > > They weren’t overdone, were filmed beautifully and both were IMO, epic. _Bullitt_ and _The Seven-Ups_ were also great movies with great car chase scenes. I think the important difference is these were already great movies without the car chase scenes. But some movies have nothing deeper than their car chase scenes. It’s like the difference between a great movie with a hot sex scene and a porn movie that’s nothing but sex scenes. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/91 "2013-07-28T00:58:34Z")
I wonder how much they paid for that regenerating hub cap option on that Stang in Bullitt. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/92 "2013-07-28T04:34:23Z")
> [@Snowboarder\_Bo](#): > > Yeah but Eric Roberts was also in [Runaway Train](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089941/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2) (along with Jon Voight and Rebecca DeMornay) and he was awesome there. > > He was also great in the very under-rated (and under-viewed) [Rude Awakening](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098230/). That’s the one I meant. Runaway Train. I’m totally shocked he was in Midnight Express. ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/93 "2013-07-28T17:49:28Z")
Using a blurb from Larry King was always a very bad sign. The guy was notorious for shilling stuff. Fortunately, doesn’t happen so often anymore. But anyone of that ilk: a non-critic looking to please guests on his show. Another good movie with car chases: _Drive_ (2011). ---
**Author:** ![Asympotically\_fat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e47c2d/32.png) [@Asympotically\_fat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asympotically_fat)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/94 "2013-07-28T18:23:04Z")
There are just certain actors and director who you know will mean the film is automatically rubbish. Some of these have pretty much consistently acted in/directed awful films (e.g. Paris Hilton, Uwe Boll), some of them (M. Night Shyamalan, Sylvester Stallone have made some very good films, but have then become consistently awful). ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/95 "2013-07-28T21:07:01Z")
Can we add “coming of age” to the list of adjectives like “heartwarming?” ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2013, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/96 "2013-07-29T16:35:57Z")
> [@crowmanyclouds](#): > > “Directed by Michael Bay; Screenplay by M. Night Shyamalan, [del][COLOR=Black]Vaguely[/del][/COLOR] Based on a Book by Phillip K. Dick, Music by The Bay City Rollers, Starring Nicolas Cage.” > > CMC fnord! At what point does the Springtime for Hitler effect occur? ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2013, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/97 "2013-07-29T16:51:50Z")
> [@Mollie\_Magill](#): > > At what point does the Springtime for Hitler effect occur? That could be a danger. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2013, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/98 "2013-07-29T17:02:23Z")
> [@Mollie\_Magill](#): > > At what point does the Springtime for Hitler effect occur? Almost immediately. The problem is the effect wears off after a few minutes. Which is another way to tell if a movie sucks: if it’s a feature length movie based on an idea that’s only funny for about the first five minutes. This rule explains the general suckitude of SNL movies. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2013, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/99 "2013-07-29T18:02:19Z")
> [@3trew](#): > > For reasons lost in the mists of time, he is known in my head as “that guy who’s not James Remar”. And James Remar is the guy who is not James Rebhorn. “Directed by Michael Bay; Screenplay by M. Night Shyamalan, Vaguely Based on a Book by Phillip K. Dick, Music by The Bay City Rollers, Starring Nicolas Cage, featuring a Very Special Performance by Whoopi Goldberg.” ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2013, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/100 "2013-07-29T18:41:59Z")
When the ads give away key plot points. Example, _Rocky and Bullwinkle_. Without ever seeing the movie, or even hearing anyone talk about it, you find out that it’s a really big deal when Rocky is able to fly in the real world. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088.md?page=6)