# How to tell if a movie sucks. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 21, 2013, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088 "2013-07-21T03:53:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Paintcharge](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/paintcharge/32/7946_2.png) [@Paintcharge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paintcharge)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2013, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/101 "2013-07-29T20:12:38Z")
More than two trailers. ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2013, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/102 "2013-07-29T22:53:57Z")
Generally, in a bad movie, you know what will happen withing five minutes of the opening scenes. This is usually the case with sequels, or remakes, or 90% of what Hollyweird churns out. I mean, by the time “Rocky” is p to No. 3, you know what’s going to happen. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/103 "2013-07-30T00:44:00Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > And James Remar is the guy who is not James Rebhorn. And James Rebhorn is the guy who is not James Cromwell. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/104 "2013-07-30T03:33:47Z")
Or, if there are five production companies, each with its own inventive animated logo thingie (Panting Man Hurt Shoulder Productions). ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/105 "2013-07-30T04:51:29Z")
> [@ralph124c](#): > > Generally, in a bad movie, you know what will happen withing five minutes of the opening scenes. This is usually the case with sequels, or remakes, or 90% of what Hollyweird churns out. I mean, by the time “Rocky” is p to No. 3, you know what’s going to happen. Heh. I remember Johnny Carson, during a monologue, complaining that he’d been standing in line to see Rocky V, and some idiot in line ruined it by telling him who wins the fight at the end 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/106 "2013-07-30T06:03:22Z")
If the movie is Christian in nature, it’s probably going to suck. This has little or nothing to do with the level of suckitude inherent in Christianity. It’s just that most movies that have an agenda other than being entertaining (whether it be funny, dramatic, thought-provoking, etc.) tend to suck, and Christianity tends to attract a particularly cloying and smarmy variant of that agenda-driven suckitude. ---
**Author:** ![D.E.S.K.Top668](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f07891/32.png) [@D.E.S.K.Top668](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D.E.S.K.Top668)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/107 "2013-07-30T15:12:45Z")
Any live-action or live-action/CGI movie based on either an animated property or a toy might end up a money maker, but as anything resembling a “good” movie, it’ll fail. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/108 "2013-07-30T17:18:25Z")
> [@D.E.S.K.Top668](#): > > Any live-action or live-action/CGI movie based on either an animated property or a toy might end up a money maker, but as anything resembling a “good” movie, it’ll fail. Same rule, extended to [video games](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_films_based_on_video_games). ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/109 "2013-07-30T17:25:45Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Same rule, extended to [video games](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_films_based_on_video_games). Or, to be more specific [Uwe Boll](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uwe_Boll) was involved. (Actually…I just wanted an excuse to link this guy’s wiki. He’s _such_ a clown, that just a sober account of his life is far more entertaining than his films will ever be). ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/110 "2013-07-30T17:47:11Z")
Anything Jaws with a number after it. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/111 "2013-07-30T21:47:12Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > “Directed by Michael Bay; Screenplay by M. Night Shyamalan, Vaguely Based on a Book by Phillip K. Dick, Music by The Bay City Rollers, Starring Nicolas Cage, featuring a Very Special Performance by Whoopi Goldberg.” “Directed by Michael Bay; Screenplay by M. Night Shyamalan, Vaguely Based on a Book by Phillip K. Dick, Music by The Bay City Rollers, Starring Nicolas Cage, featuring a Very Special Performance by Whoopi Goldberg in white face portraying Sarah Palin.” Damn, I think I’d actually go see that. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2013, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/112 "2013-07-31T07:30:27Z")
Any movie where the lead actor says he did it so he could be in something his kids could watch. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2013, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/113 "2013-07-31T07:57:24Z")
> [@Johnny\_Q](#): > > Any movie where the lead actor says he did it so he could be in something his kids could watch. One of the Harry Potter actors gave that as the reason they did the movie. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2013, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/114 "2013-07-31T10:34:22Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > And James Rebhorn is the guy who is not James Cromwell. And James Cromwell is the guy whose head was _not_ displayed on a pole outside of Westminster Hall until 1685. Really, an understandable mistake to make. Unrated DVDs are generally a bad sign, in that most of them are made for purely mercenary reasons: They filmed a version of _Naked Came The Bad Film_ with scenes they knew would cause the MPAA to slap a No Cash NC-17 on the film, they remove the scenes to create the film they always knew they’d release in theaters under an R for Respectable rating, and put the scenes back in for the Unrated and _Goyish_ DVD. If the film was made for _that_, it isn’t worth seeing in any form. Just once… _just once_ I’d like to see the MPAA give an R to the DVD-only version, and be an intern on the wall when the producers find out. I can’t think of a modern film that got an Unrated DVD for respectable reasons, especially given that Artistic Porn went the way of the Leisure Suit and the Progressive Republican. Any film with a single capital-M Message is bound to be bad: Those who disagree with it will never like it, and those who agree with the Message will hate the film’s facile and simplistic treatment of it. Because if it wasn’t facile and simplistic, it wasn’t a film; it was an essay with a video portion. ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2013, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/115 "2013-07-31T11:30:07Z")
Basically, 90% of what Hollywood makes is targeted to a 14 year old audience-simplistic plots, stereotyped characters, simple stories with obvious endings. Throw in lots of explosions, car crashes, and Donny Wahlburg, and you have it. But people are balking at paying $12.00 to see such crap, so maybe something might change. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2013, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/116 "2013-07-31T17:26:26Z")
> [@ralph124c](#): > > But people are balking at paying $12.00 to see such crap, so maybe something might change. Sadly, what will change is that what _has_ worked in the past will just get distilled, condensed, intensified, and repackaged. Hollywood is exceptionally good at “bottling lightning,” they’re normally quite poor at panning for gold. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2013, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/117 "2013-08-01T01:09:08Z")
Any movie based on a ride at a theme park. Or based on a board game. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2013, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/118 "2013-08-01T02:25:44Z")
My wife’s friends at work told her it was good. ---
**Author:** ![gus28](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/6de8d8/32.png) [@gus28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gus28)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2013, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/119 "2013-08-01T11:35:34Z")
Sandra Bullock is in it. ---
**Author:** ![Quimby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/22d042/32.png) [@Quimby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quimby)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088/120 "2013-08-04T19:52:40Z")
If the TV ads glom immediately onto the the song that is the flavor of the month. It’s usually Comedies that do this. Today’s Exhibit A: Meet The Millers and “Blurred Lines”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-if-a-movie-sucks/664088.md?page=7)