# How to tell the difference between "normal" anxiety or depression and something more serious. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 8, 2012, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-the-difference-between-normal-anxiety-or-depression-and-something-more-serious/627625 "2012-07-08T20:33:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2012, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-the-difference-between-normal-anxiety-or-depression-and-something-more-serious/627625/21 "2012-07-09T19:36:00Z")
> [@Brynda](#): > > Do you live in a town with a graduate program in psychology or social work? If so, they may have a low cost clinic. Ours is $10 a session. You are seen by graduate students, but they are heavily supervised. Oh, and for the record, research indicates that supervised grad students are every bit as effective as fully licensed professionals. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2012, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-the-difference-between-normal-anxiety-or-depression-and-something-more-serious/627625/22 "2012-07-09T19:43:04Z")
I think the short answer to the title question is, “When it starts interfering with your normal life.” Everyone has anxiety and depression sometimes; if you lose a spouse, you’ll be depressed, almost guaranteed - that’s normal. If you spend months feeling lousy so you can barely get out of bed for no good reason, that’s not normal. If you’re going to a job interview, you’ll probably feel anxious - that’s normal. If you feel anxious about opening your front door and walking down the street, that’s taking it a little too far. The debate over medication vs. things like CBT and bibliotherapy still rages - one of the hazards of finding a medication that works for you is that you’re far less likely to do the hard work of addressing the roots of your anxiety and depression. These meds aren’t mother’s milk; the goal should be to take as little of them as possible, not take them regularly for the rest of your life. ---
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2012, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-the-difference-between-normal-anxiety-or-depression-and-something-more-serious/627625/23 "2012-07-09T19:43:15Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > Oh, and for the record, research indicates that supervised grad students are every bit as effective as fully licensed professionals. Much of my current mental health (such as it is) is due to psych grad students. God bless them all. That’s a seriously good suggestion there. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2012, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-the-difference-between-normal-anxiety-or-depression-and-something-more-serious/627625/24 "2012-07-10T00:02:46Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > I don’t think so either and it highlights the danger of asking just anyone about a subject like this. Your opening question: > > How to tell the difference between “normal” anxiety or depression and something more serious? > > The answer: Go to a qualified professional—psychologist, psychiatrist, or my favorite, a psychopharmacologist—and they’ll tell the difference for you. I know you’ve talked about doctors above, too, but that really is the answer. > > Do not trust anyone else who tries to diagnose you, much less treat you. Buspar. My god. I’m starting to wonder if **MrDurden** is really a Mister at all. mmm ---
**Author:** ![CatherineZeta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@CatherineZeta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CatherineZeta)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2012, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-the-difference-between-normal-anxiety-or-depression-and-something-more-serious/627625/25 "2012-07-10T00:04:40Z")
Thanks for everyone’s encouragement. I won’t give up. I live in New York City so there are plenty of resources- I just have to figure out which ones are the most affordable, which ones I can go to without having to also qualify for state assistance, and so on. My best bet is probably to talk to these free clinic people- they’re affiliated with NYU so most likely have mental health resources through that. There is a low cost clinic run by grad students that a psychology professor I had in college mentioned working with as well, I forget what it’s called but I’m sure Googling will turn it up. **Cat Whisperer** - what is bibliotherapy? Self help books? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2012, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-the-difference-between-normal-anxiety-or-depression-and-something-more-serious/627625/26 "2012-07-10T01:29:42Z")
Yes, that’s right - sorry, I should have explained the term. It can be very useful for getting information via another stream - the more different ways you learn something, the better you learn it. It’s also useful to help “normalize” what you’re feeling - knowing that you’re not alone, that so many other people have been feeling the same way you’re feeling (and there are A LOT of people with anxiety and depression issues in the world). Plus, you don’t have to make an appointment and you can read any time, and if you find the books at a library, they’re basically free. I posted this in a different thread today, but here you go, too - here are a few books you can read that I found to be helpful - [“From Panic to Power” by Lucinda Bassett](http://www.amazon.ca/From-Panic-Power-Lucinda-Bassett/dp/0060927585), [“The Feeling Good Handbook” by David Burns](http://www.amazon.ca/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326), and [“Self-Coaching” by Joseph Luciano,](http://www.amazon.com/Self-Coaching-Powerful-Program-Depression-Completely/dp/0471768286/ref=dp_ob_title_bk) for starters. ---
**Author:** ![Arabella\_Flynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8491ac/32.png) [@Arabella\_Flynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arabella_Flynn)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2012, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-the-difference-between-normal-anxiety-or-depression-and-something-more-serious/627625/27 "2012-07-10T05:38:06Z")
> [@CatherineZeta](#): > > _(…a bunch of stuff, including commentary on mother’s mental health issues…)_ I have never met you or your mother, but based solely on personal experience I think you ought to stop listening to anything that woman says about your mental state, starting like a decade ago. You mentioned getting yanked out of counseling at one point because a professional diplomatically opined that perhaps your mother was the real problem. Please believe that it takes a lot of _really really obvious_ red flags for a pro to step outside the central therapeutic relationship (you and him/her) and suggest that you take a look at someone else, _especially_ a custodial parent, and _especially_ to the point of saying something to the parent in question. Therapy is traditionally a forum for you and your counselor to work on your own issues, and stepping outside of that means the counselor saw something going on that, in their opinion, was drastically affecting your mental health, and was too big to ignore. On a more general note, when people assess the mental health of others, they tend to use themselves as a yardstick. Everyone has a few quirks that other people have to learn to work around – it’s just human nature, and most people don’t have so many that it destroys their lives. If you have a lot of crazy stored up and poor self-awareness, then you only see that people are constantly doing mad things when they’re around you, and miss that they’re doing it in response to your own behavior. It sounds like your mother is complaining that the world has gotten very dim and strangely amber-ish, and then deciding people are insane when they finally just tell her to take off her damn sunglasses. ---
**Author:** ![CatherineZeta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@CatherineZeta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CatherineZeta)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2012, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-the-difference-between-normal-anxiety-or-depression-and-something-more-serious/627625/28 "2012-07-10T23:24:52Z")
I didn’t realize that a therapist saying something to the parent of a minor child was uncommon. Every therapist I went to when I was a teenager would periodically check in with my mom. They wouldn’t repeat anything I said, it was more like “Catherine has x problem, this is how the family can work on it.” In this instance during one of those conversations the therapist said in diplomatic terms that perhaps my mom was judging me too harshly in comparison with her own teen years which happened in a completely different environment. But yeah, the last paragraph describes my mom perfectly. She has zero self awareness and has lost friendships over her behavior. This is why (as silly as it sounds) I thought I ought to ask impartial strangers if what sorts of thoughts I’ve been having are cuckoo bananas before I track down a cheap doctor and express my concerns. If I asked my mom she’d say yes of course I’m crazy, if I asked my friends they’d say at least I am cautious and plan ahead for things. ETA: Thank you for clarifying and for the book suggestions **CatWhisperer** \*\*\*\*. I will look into all of the books were suggested and see if any of those help before I suck it up and talk to the unprofessional free clinic people. I did a search for programs run by grad students and unfortunately only came up with traditional psychoanalysis at Columbia University in which I pay $15 a session to lay on a couch 4 days a week. ---
**Author:** ![Arabella\_Flynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8491ac/32.png) [@Arabella\_Flynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arabella_Flynn)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-the-difference-between-normal-anxiety-or-depression-and-something-more-serious/627625/29 "2012-07-11T06:14:06Z")
> [@CatherineZeta](#): > > This is why (as silly as it sounds) Not silly in the slightest. I don’t know how far away you managed to get, but I had to move out of the house for college before I managed to get any usable help from anyone. You don’t have any “normal” to use for a comparison when you’re still stuck stewing in the giant pot o’ crazy, so a lot of things that would horrify normal people don’t even register for you anymore. I still find that, when I start getting into Tales Of My Mother, a lot of the ones I think are relatively painless and even kind of funny end with people staring at me and asking why the hell nobody _did_ anything about this when I was a kid. I finally just up and moved 2500 miles one day without bothering to notify anyone. It made my life much calmer. I don’t know if your situation is bad enough for you to consider just not talking to people who drive you crazy, but if it is, the option really is there. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-the-difference-between-normal-anxiety-or-depression-and-something-more-serious/627625.md?page=1)