# How to tell them apart (a public service) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 5, 2004, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497 "2004-08-05T19:16:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 17
**Author:** ![Blank\_Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dc4da7/32.png) [@Blank\_Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blank_Frank)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2005, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/321 "2005-10-28T22:43:11Z")
**John Walsh** - Stern announcer of America’s Most Wanted. Child was killed senselessly at a young age. \*\*[Joe Walsh](http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&token=ADFEAEE4781ADE4DAB7220C0853E56CFB966FC0AD646E8AE192D4B5CD0FB3247801177F258F39994E4B674B466ADF731A65A0FD686E85CFFD96C383F9D8EDB&sql=11:6217gjlrj6ip) \*\* - Rockin’ guitarist. Considered influential by many. Hits include “Funk #49” and “Walk Away” (with the James Gang), “Rocky Mountain Way” and “Life’s Been Good” (solo), and one of the Eagles’ guitarists in his spare time. Also had a child (Emma) killed senselessly (hit by a drunk driver) at a young age (4). Makes appearances on TV shows (“Drew Carey,” some thing that used to be on Comedy Central at 3 in the morning). I believe there’s also another Joe Walsh who had something vaguely to do with the conflicts between Ireland and England. **E. Joe Walsh** - No idea who he is, but every time I look up the other Joe Walsh on [allmusic.com](http://allmusic.com), I get a hit for him too. **Joe Perry** - Guitarist for Aerosmith. Considered influential by many. **Joe Satriani** - Well-respected technical guitarist. Considered influential by many. ---
**Author:** ![Blank\_Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dc4da7/32.png) [@Blank\_Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blank_Frank)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2005, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/322 "2005-10-28T22:57:58Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > **John Wayne Bobbitt** –Most famous for having a wife who chopped 'it" off. > > Johann Sebastin Bach–Great classical composer of “Jesu Joy of Man’s Desire” > Sebastin Bach–Pop singer who was fired from touring company of “Jesus Christ Superstar.” _John Wesley Harding_ - Album by Bob Dylan. John Wesley Harding - Modern folk-rocker. Bob Dylan - Famous songwriter. Can’t sing worth crap. Living. Dylan Thomas - Famous poet. Never heard him sing. Dead. Unrelated to these former entries: Gregg Allman - Singer, organist. Did a lot of drugs, married some woman named Cher, wouldn’t recommend either of them. Alive. Duane Allman - Guitarist. Great slide work. Influential. Dead. John Belushi - The dead one. Jim Belushi - The not-dead one. [Steve Miller](http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&token=ADFEAEE4781ADE4DAB7220C0853E56CFB966FC0AD646E8AE192D4B5CD0FB3247801177F258F39994E4B674B466ADF731A65A0FD686E85CF9DA6C3E3E9D8EDB&sql=11:dq6ktr7lklkx) - Rock guitarist who started out with psychedelic blues, switched to riff-heavy, sorta-blues-based rock and really bad lyrics after contracting hepatitis. [Steve Miller](http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&token=ADFEAEE4781ADE4DAB7220C0853E56CFB966FC0AD646E8AE192D4B5CD0FB3247801177F258F39994E4B674B466ADF731A65A0FD686E85CF9D96C3F3B9D8EDB&sql=11:ke7ibkk96akv) - Rock keyboardist, member of “Caravan.” ---
**Author:** ![Blank\_Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dc4da7/32.png) [@Blank\_Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blank_Frank)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2005, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/323 "2005-10-28T23:58:34Z")
I’m either on a spree, or going to get yelled at for reviving a dead thread. > [@Biffy the Elephant Shrew](#): > > **Belew** = A singing and guitar-playing [Bear](http://www.thebearsmusic.com/index2.html). [Adrian Belew](http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&token=ADFEAEE4781ADE4DAB7220C0853E56CFB966FC0AD646E8AE192D4B5CD0FB3247801177F258F39994E4B674B466ADF731A65A0FD686E95CF9DC6C3C3B9D8EDB&sql=11:eza9qj2bojsa) - A guitar-playing human, known for his love of effects pedals. And speaking of pedals: Pedal: Thing you put your foot on. Petal: Thing on a flower. Peddle: To sell. Often used with “wares.” Metal: Type of material. Mettle: Courage. Meddle: To interfere. Medal: Memento, typically made out of metal, used to represent an honor. (Mementos: Small, symbolic reminders. Mentos: The freshmaker.) Shudder: To convulse. Shutter: Thing that goes “click” in a camera, or a singular version of what give you privacy in a house. Udder: Pinkish dangly bits on the underside of a cow. Isn’t a verb. Utter: To speak. ---
**Author:** ![mamboman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecb155/32.png) [@mamboman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mamboman)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/324 "2005-10-29T04:18:24Z")
Know your James Bond Villain: 1. **Doctor No** (\*Dr. No \* - Joseph Wiseman) Chinese. Coolest Bond villain ever! Great fish tank. Mad as a bag full of badgers. Cool bad guy quote "_East, West, just points of the compass, each as stupid as the other_. " 2. **Rosa Klebb** (_From Russia With Love_ - Lotte Lenya). Generic East European. Muted lesbian overtones. Nasty poison shoes. Cool bad guy quote (after punching a guy inthe stomach with brass knuckles and he doesn’t flinch) _"He seems fit enough_" 3. **Auric Goldfinger** (_Goldfinger_ - Gert Frobe) English. Fun Guy, liked to cheat at Gin Rummy or Cansata depending on book or movie. Had a cool henachman in Oddjob. Undone by Pussy Galore. Cool bad guy quote \*“No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die” \* 4.\*\* Emilio Largo\*\* (_Thunderball_ - Adolfo Celi.) French(?) Sadistic, a good planner but rather bland. Nice touch disposing of those who displease him. Cool bad guy quote “_Vargas does not drink… does not smoke… does not make love. What do you do, Vargas_?” 1. **Ernst Stavro Blofeld** (_You Only Live Twice_ - Donald Pleasance.) German. Suprisingly disappointing finally meeting SPECTRE’s #1 (Klebb was #3, Largo #2). Unpleasant little man, with a deft touch in disposing of unwanted henchmen. Cool bad guy quote “_You only live twice, Mr. Bond_” 2. **Ernst Stavro Blofeld** (_On Her Majesty’s Secret Service_ - Telly Savalas) Blofeld has gotten a tan between movies. He’s KOJAK for cyring our liud, if you’re going to remeber one Bond bad guy, this is your man. Cool bad guy quote “_I’ve taught you to love chickens, to love their flesh, their voice._” I know it’s lame but Bond had some cracking lines in this film! 3. **Ernst Stavro Blofeld** (_Diamonds are Forever_ - Charles Grey). The camp Blofeld. Plastic surgery after a botched Biond murder attempt. Liked to live well. Cool bad guy quote “_Well, if we destroy Kansas the world may not hear about it for years_” 4. **Kananga** (_Live and Let Die_ - Yaphet Kotto) Errrrr… some fictional island whose name escapes me Rather large gentleman of colour who had a thing abour Dr Quinn Medicine Person. Not the most hands on of Bond villians - overdependant on henchpersons - although did share Largo’s love of sharks. Cool bad guy quote “_Names is for tombstones, baby! Y’all take this honkey out and WASTE HIM! NOW!_” 5. **Scaramanga** (_The Man With The Golden Gun_ - Christopher Lee) Cuban. Second best Bond villain ever. Three nipples. Hung out with Tattoo and Octopussy. Cool bad guy quote (after killing chinese karate instructor) “_Fat always did like that mausoleum. Put him in it._” 6. **Karl Stromberg** (_The Spy Who Loved Me_ - Curt Jurgens) The whimpy one. I can’t even remember anything interesting he said to quote… 7. **Hugo Drax** (_Moonraker_ - Michael Lonsdale) French/American(?) Had a nice little beard. Otherwise unremarklable. Somewhat the poet. Relied waaaaay too much on “Jaws.” Cool bad guy quote “_Mr. Bond, you persist in defying my efforts to provide an amusing death for you_.” 8. **Aristotle Kristatos** (_For Your Eyes Only_ - Julian Glover.) Greek. Cunning, handsome, the guy with the young “protege” ice skater. Another nice little beard. Worked for that nice Major Gogol. I don’t actually recall him saying anything cool - but it was a darn good film! 9. **Kamal Khan** (_Octopussy_ - Louis Jordan). Indian. Although it was sort of hard to tell who the main bad guy was in Octopussy because there were all those nutty Russians running around. Still, he was the crooked backgammon player. Cool bad guy quote " _Mr. Bond is indeed of a very rare breed - soon to be made extinct. "_ 10. **Max Zorin** (_A View To A Kill_ - Christopher Walken) American/Generic Eastern European. It’s Christopher Walken, for God’s sake! Cool bad guy quote (after opening a trap door under a guy in an airship) “_So, anyone else want to drop out_?” 11. \*\* Brad Whittaker\*\* (_The Living Daylights_ - Joe Don Baker). American. The fat guy who later played the loudmouthed CIA agent in Brosnan’s films. Very mundane villain. Cool bad guy quote "_That’s too bad. You could’ve been a live rich man, instead of a poor dead one."_ 12. **Franz Sanchez** (_Licence to Kill_ - Robert Davi) Generic Latin American. The guy from_Showgirls_. He rocks! Very hands on villain. Benecio Del Torro as a henchman, Wayne Newton and that girl from “Law and Order” were in it too. Plenty of really snappy one liners. Cool bad guy quote (as he lowers Felix Leiter into a tank with a shark "_Today is the first day of the rest of your life!"_ 13. **Alec Trevelyan** (_Goldeneye_ - Sean Bean) English. Ex 00 agent. Very smarmy. Cool bad guy quote "_I might as well ask if all those vodka martinis silence the screams of all the men you’ve killed… or if you’ve found forgiveness in the arms of all those willing women for the dead ones you failed to protect?_ " 14. \*\*Elliot Carver \*\* (_Tomorrow Never Dies_ - Johnathon Pryce) Australian. You know, the guy who sounded just like Rupert Murdoch, billionaire tyrant? Cool bad guy quote "_Mr Stamper, would you please kill those bastards!"_ 15. **Renard** (_The World is Not Enough_ - Robery Carlyle. Generic former Yogoslavian. The guy who had the thing wrong in his head that couldn’t feel any pain. Who was in love with the babe from “Braveheart” Cool bad guy quote “_Welcome to my nuclear family_.” 16. **Gustav Graves** _Die another Day_ - Toby Stephens. Korean. I dunno, who was the bad guy in this film? It was confusing! I’m going to go with Graves, the barely disguised Richard Branson take-off. The sword fighting dude. Withthe elctro-glove. Cool bad guy quote: "_Look. Parachutes for both of us. (he chucks one out of the plane). Whoops. Not anymore!"_ ---
**Author:** ![Squee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ba9def/32.png) [@Squee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squee)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/325 "2005-10-29T05:07:56Z")
Marie: A little bit country Donnie: A little bit rock n roll If I didn’t have that piece of trivia, I could never tell them apart. ---
**Author:** ![Blank\_Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dc4da7/32.png) [@Blank\_Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blank_Frank)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/326 "2005-10-29T07:56:51Z")
> [@Squee](#): > > Marie: A little bit country > Donnie: A little bit rock n roll > > If I didn’t have that piece of trivia, I could never tell them apart. In that vein: Osmonds: Creepy in that “more wholesome than a bowl of raisin bran” way. Osbournes: Significantly less creepy. Annoying as hell on-camera, apparently rather civilized off it. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/327 "2005-10-29T08:20:11Z")
Look at the crescent of the moon. Try to lay a stick alongside the side that isn’t round. If you can make a **b** , the moon is in its first quarter. Think **b** reakfast, the first meal of the day. The moon is still waxing, and may be completely full later that week. If you can make a **d** , the moon is in its last quarter. Think **d** inner, the last meal of the day. The moon is waning, getting smaller, and may conpletely disappear in the next week. ---
**Author:** ![Blank\_Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dc4da7/32.png) [@Blank\_Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blank_Frank)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/328 "2005-10-29T08:28:59Z")
Ian Anderson - Singer/guitarist and most famous flautist in rock music. Looks like a pirate nowadays. Ian Fellows - Kid I knew from grade school who also played the flute. I still manage to confuse the two. Ian Hunter - Mott the Hoople, original “Once Bitten Twice Shy,” “Cleveland Rocks.” Ian Dury - Paralyzed British guy. Dead. Ian MacDonald - Keyboardist in the first incarnation of King Crimson. Ian Wallace - Drummer for some other incarnation of King Crimson. Didn’t play at the same time as other Ian. Oddly enough, all the Ians, except for the kid at school, are British. ---
**Author:** ![Blank\_Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dc4da7/32.png) [@Blank\_Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blank_Frank)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/329 "2005-10-29T08:34:24Z")
Also, there’s Ian Brown of the Stone Roses. Who’s also British. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/330 "2005-10-29T08:45:11Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > Billie Burke: Actress. Played Glinda in _The Wizard of Oz_. One-time [del]mistress[/del] of Florenz Ziegfeld. **Wife**. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/331 "2005-10-29T09:05:39Z")
Duly noted. ---
**Author:** ![soulmurk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b782af/32.png) [@soulmurk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulmurk)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/332 "2005-10-29T09:38:46Z")
**Gentile** - a person of a non-Jewish nation or of non-Jewish faith; especially : a Christian as distinguished from a Jew **Genteel** - of or relating to gentry (gentlefolk. associate gentle with genteel based on similarity in spelling) **Haim** - the blonde doofy one that smiled too much **Feldman** - the dark haired brooder who pouted too much **Joe Perry** - guitarist for Aerosmith **Steve Perry** - singer for Journey ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/333 "2005-10-29T11:52:16Z")
Deep Purple boasted two Ians, frequently at the same time: Ian Gillan - singer for Deep Purple Mk 2: booted out Rod Evans; was replaced by David Coverdale but later signed on again for the reunion. Ducked out briefly for Joe Lynn Turner, but then ducked back in again. Ian Paice - drummer for Deep Purple: Mks 1 through whichever incarnation they’re up to; now that Jon Lord’s chucked it in, the only original member. He ducks out for no man. ---
**Author:** ![Blank\_Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dc4da7/32.png) [@Blank\_Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blank_Frank)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/334 "2005-10-29T12:10:37Z")
> [@Case Sensitive](#): > > Deep Purple boasted two Ians, frequently at the same time: > > Ian Gillan - singer for Deep Purple Mk 2: booted out Rod Evans; was replaced by David Coverdale but later signed on again for the reunion. Ducked out briefly for Joe Lynn Turner, but then ducked back in again. > > Ian Paice - drummer for Deep Purple: Mks 1 through whichever incarnation they’re up to; now that Jon Lord’s chucked it in, the only original member. He ducks out for no man. You know, I knew I was missing some Ians. No offense meant to them in forgetting to list them. ---
**Author:** ![Blank\_Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dc4da7/32.png) [@Blank\_Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blank_Frank)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/335 "2005-10-29T12:32:50Z")
Germy: (informal) The state of having germs. Germany: European country, pop. 82.5mil. Jeremy: Heb., “Exhalted by the Lord.” Variant of Jeremiah. Diminutives include Jer, Jerry, and, somehow, Dermont. Derringer: Wimpy little gun. Also, with “Rick,” a session guitarist who had a hit with “Rock and Roll Hootchie-Koo.” Berringer: Name I’ve seen on the label of a wine bottle. Dillinger: Gangster. Currently dead. Dee Ringer: Dee t’ing dat makes noise when ya get a telly-fone call. Die Wringer: Someone who attempts to squeeze liquids out of a gambling cube, apparently. Diringer: My surname. (Durr-in-jur.) All telemarketers, please make note of this. If you have to sell useless crap to me, please get my name right. In return, I promise I’ll wait until you’re done with your sales pitch to hang up. ---
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/336 "2005-10-29T14:50:47Z")
> [@Blank Frank](#): > > _John Wesley Harding_ - Album by Bob Dylan. > John Wesley Harding - Modern folk-rocker. John Wesley Hardin - a gunslinger in the old west. ---
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/337 "2005-10-29T14:53:49Z")
> [@Blank Frank](#): > > John Belushi - The dead one. > Jim Belushi - The not-dead one. > > [ I would amend this as follows: John Belushi - The funny one, now deceased. Jim Belushi - The unfunny one, still alive, and still inexplicably with a show on ABC. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/338 "2005-10-29T15:15:58Z")
> [@Skammer](#): > > stalactites: hang down from the ceiling > stalagmites: point up from the floor (like the letter ‘M’) > > [nedflanders] > If it’s clear and yellow, that’s juice there fellow! > If it’s cloudy and brown, you’re in cider town! > [/nedflanders] and the t is like a dagger sticking down. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/339 "2005-10-29T16:16:32Z")
> [@soulmurk](#): > > **Gentile** - a person of a non-Jewish nation or of non-Jewish faith; especially : a Christian as distinguished from a Jew > **Genteel** - of or relating to gentry (gentlefolk. associate gentle with genteel based on similarity in spelling) **Gentile** –If you’re a Mormon, a non-Mormon (yes, Mormons consider Jews to be gentiles). ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2005, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/340 "2005-10-29T16:20:28Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > Look at the crescent of the moon. Try to lay a stick alongside the side that isn’t round. > > If you can make a **b** , the moon is in its first quarter. Think **b** reakfast, the first meal of the day. The moon is still waxing, and may be completely full later that week. > > If you can make a **d** , the moon is in its last quarter. Think **d** inner, the last meal of the day. The moon is waning, getting smaller, and may conpletely disappear in the next week. Something’s wrong. I keep winding up with p’s and q’s instead. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497.md?page=16) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497.md?page=18)