# How to tell them apart (a public service) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 5, 2004, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497 "2004-08-05T19:16:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2004, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/61 "2004-08-06T21:18:49Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > **Thomas Morley** –Medieval composer of a great many songs, most if not all of which are vastly improved by the removal of the words. To wit: > > \*I love, alas, I love thee > I love, alas, I love thee > My dainty darling, my dainty darling, > I love, alas, I love thee > > Come kiss me, then, come kiss me, then, > come kiss me, Amarylis, Amarylis, > More lovely than sweet Phyllis…\* So he was kind of a medieval McCartney? ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2004, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/62 "2004-08-06T21:24:30Z")
**Marley23.** Console device or console sympathy. Typed, spoken. Excuses, excuses. Let’s not lose sight of the important thing here, Marley. I’m right and you’re not. Neener, neener, neener. Concerning centrifugal force, my 12th grade science teacher has a lot to answer for. **OFFENSIVE JOKE TIME: What exactly is the difference between a bitch and a ho’?** **ANSWER:** A _ho_ Will have sex with anyone. A _bitch_ Will have sex with anyone – except you. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2004, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/63 "2004-08-06T21:27:59Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > **Christopher Morley** : American author and journalist. > **Me** : Also American author and journalist, but with a name that is not spelled or pronounced the same, dammit. **Jacob Marley** : Ebenezer Scrooge’s late business partner. **Bob Marley** : Reggae singer. ---
**Author:** ![Backwater\_Under\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba8739/32.png) [@Backwater\_Under\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Backwater_Under_Duck)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2004, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/64 "2004-08-06T21:31:45Z")
Come on you guys - Mary Kate and Ashley. I can definately tell them apart. But I still can’t tell which is which. And as for this overdone phrase: Stalactites hold _tight_ to the ceiling, while Stalagmites _might_ grow tall enough to reach. ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2004, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/65 "2004-08-06T21:40:54Z")
Mary Kate is the skinny one. I am _so_ going to hell for that. ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2004, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/66 "2004-08-06T22:04:42Z")
**Rick James.** Dead funk musician. **James Dean.** Dead actor. **Dean Martin.** Dead crooner. **Martin Lawrence.** Dead career. {b]Lawrence Olivier.\*\* Dead career, too… but at least he’s got an excuse. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2004, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/67 "2004-08-06T22:17:11Z")
**The Netherlands** : a small country in Europe, part of the Benelux countries. **Holland** : A small country in The Netherlands, but synonymous with same. **Dutch** : Language spoken by the Dutch, who are residents of Holland, a.k.a. The Netherlands. **Dutch** : the people of The Netherlands, a.k.a. Holland, also known as “Nederlanders” **Hollandaise** : A sauce, not the people of Holland. **The Hague** : A city in The Netherlands, not a country. **Prague** : Another non-country. **The Ague** : Not a city or a country; a condition similar to malaria ---
**Author:** ![Katisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@Katisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katisha)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2004, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/68 "2004-08-06T22:25:18Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > **Thomas Morley** –Medieval composer of a great many songs, most if not all of which are vastly improved by the removal of the words. \* **Thomas More** – Lord Chancellor to Henry VIII, beheaded for refusing to swear that Henry was head of the Church in England. And madrigals aren’t about the _words_! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2004, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/69 "2004-08-06T22:33:30Z")
> [@Katisha](#): > > **Thomas More** – Lord Chancellor to Henry VIII, beheaded for refusing to swear that Henry was head of the Church in England. > > And madrigals aren’t about the _words_! 😉 **Dennis Moore** - a not very bright highwayman with a thing for lupins. ---
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2004, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/70 "2004-08-06T22:33:34Z")
**St. Louis Browns:** Charter member in the professional baseball organization known as the American League, moved to Baltimore and renamed the **Baltimore Orioles** during the 1950s. \*\*Cleveland Browns: \*\* Member of the American professional tackle football National Football League since 1950, franchise moved to Baltimore in 1996 and was renamed the **Baltimore Ravens** but due to a court settlement, a newly created team in the National Football League, which started playing in 1999, was rechristened the Browns with legal ownership of the former Browns’ team history. \*\*Brown: \*\* A school in the Ivy League. ---
**Author:** ![DirkGntly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DirkGntly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DirkGntly)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2004, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/71 "2004-08-07T00:55:38Z")
**Jerry Lee Lewis:** Goodness gracious, great balls of… **Jerry Lewis:** Heeeeeyyyyyy Laaaaaddyyyyyyy!! Now if you want to _stay_ confused, just conflate the two for hilarious results: “Goodness gracious, great balls of _Heeeeeyyyyyy Laaaaaddyyyyyyy!!_” ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2004, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/72 "2004-08-07T01:28:52Z")
[Franz Ferdinand](http://www.firstworldwar.com/source/graphics/ferdinand.jpg) [Franz Ferdinand](http://www.nme.com/artists/photos/photo/21266.htm) [Franz Ferdinand](http://www.leben-ohne-dich.de/franzi.htm) [Rhett Butler](http://www.deankelby.com/agents/rhettbutler-large-logo.jpg) [Rhett Butler](http://www.higp.hawaii.edu/cgi-bin/higp/directory.cgi?func=disp&searchname=RhettButler) [Rhett Butler](http://www.meredy.com/gableandlombard/postgable2.jpg) [Brett Butler](http://www.fs.fed.us/ne/newtown_square/research/scientists/brett-butler.shtml) [Brett Butler](http://secure.southpawcards.com/htdocs/catstr/images/str158.jpg) [Brett Butler](http://www.carseywerner.net/images/bbutler_main.gif) ---
**Author:** ![Agrippina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8797f3/32.png) [@Agrippina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agrippina)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2004, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/73 "2004-08-07T01:48:20Z")
**Sir Richard Francis Burton** (1821-1890): British explorer, a character in those _Riverworld_ books **Richard Burton** (1925-1984): Welsh actor, married to Elizabeth Taylor ---
**Author:** ![Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laughing_Lagomorph)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2004, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/74 "2004-08-07T02:23:39Z")
> [@Tangent](#): > > Mary Kate is the skinny one. > I am _so_ going to hell for that. I think you meant Ashley is the “fat” one! I’m definitely going to hell for that. **Fozzie:** The bear who told the jokes. **Rowlf:** The dog who played the piano. And one that came up in the break room today: **Ralph Fiennes:** Quiz Show, English Patient, Schindler’s List **Joseph Fiennes:** Shakespeare in Love, Enemy at the Gates ---
**Author:** ![Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laughing_Lagomorph)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2004, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/75 "2004-08-07T02:44:57Z")
**mamba:** a deadly poisonous snake **mambo:** a rather festive Carribean dance Kudos to whoever recognizes that obscure movie reference. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2004, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/76 "2004-08-07T02:53:20Z")
> [@Askia](#): > > **Cimmaron** - A member of a fictional nomadic band of barbarians > **Cinnamon** - A stripper I knew at Magic City in Atlanta. Also, a reddish brown spice that tingles the tongue, which, again, describes this stripper. Sorry, but this is wrong. **Cimmaron** - [A river in New Mexico. Home of an animated horse.](http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=cimarron) **Cimmerians** - [A nomadic Indo-European tribe, mentioned in the Bible and the Odyssey of Homer. Home of Conan the Barbarian.](http://www.geocities.com/amuse_amenace/cimmerian.htm) **Crimeans** - [Natives of an area of the Ukraine bordering the Baltic Sea. Home of the Charge of the Light Brigade.](http://www.geocities.com/Broadway/Alley/5443/crimopen.htm) **Cinnamon** - Wants you to call her. At home. ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2004, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/77 "2004-08-07T03:15:53Z")
> [@Askia](#): > > **Baloo** = A singing bear. **Belew** = A singing and guitar-playing [Bear](http://www.thebearsmusic.com/index2.html). ---
**Author:** ![citrus\_x\_paradisi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6f9a4e/32.png) [@citrus\_x\_paradisi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/citrus_x_paradisi)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2004, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/78 "2004-08-07T03:23:59Z")
**Mousse** often tastes good, or can make you look stylish and fashionable. **Moose** generally do not. A **caret** looks like this: ^. A **karat** is a unit of measure. A **carrot** is not as useful in salads nor editting. Many people enjoy **oral**. Most people would avoid **aural**. ---
**Author:** ![citrus\_x\_paradisi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6f9a4e/32.png) [@citrus\_x\_paradisi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/citrus_x_paradisi)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2004, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/79 "2004-08-07T03:25:19Z")
> [@citrus x paradisi](#): > > A **caret** looks like this: ^. > A **karat** is a unit of measure. > A **carrot** is not as useful in salads nor editting. I am clearly lacking in carrot/caret distinction skills. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2004, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497/80 "2004-08-07T03:36:04Z")
A **bra** is for a woman. A **bro** is for a man. A **bray** is what jackasses (and sometimes board members) do. A **brew** is a beer. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-tell-them-apart-a-public-service/258497.md?page=5)