# How to think of this behavior (too long to explain, just read)? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 20, 2014, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310 "2014-01-20T21:19:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/21 "2014-01-21T05:45:09Z")
Portland eh? Are you sure that it wasn’t non-organic perfume? I’m sure she can sense that, you know. Try patchouli next time. But really, I don’t know how the OP smelled, but I will guess that she didn’t overdo it. We’re talking statistics here; responses like that usually indicate a screw loose. Did you not know her otherwise before then? ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/22 "2014-01-21T05:51:28Z")
I’m a bit drunk, so take anything I say with a lick of salt and a suck of lemon, but FUCK THAT BITCH. The classiest thing for you to do would be to call her on her fucking attention whore bullshit. “I’m not wearing perfume. If something about my shampoo or laundry detergent offends you, then you are over sensitive to scents, and that is your issue to deal with. You are rude and disrespectful. Work on it.” ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/23 "2014-01-21T06:27:04Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > I’m a bit drunk, so take anything I say with a lick of salt and a suck of lemon, but FUCK THAT BITCH. The classiest thing for you to do would be to call her on her fucking attention whore bullshit. “I’m not wearing perfume. If something about my shampoo or laundry detergent offends you, then you are over sensitive to scents, and that is your issue to deal with. You are rude and disrespectful. Work on it.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/24 "2014-01-21T06:34:21Z")
> [@Anise](#): > > How to think about this? How to interpret it? What to do? It all just seemed so rude-- even if somebody really IS fragrance sensitive, it is necessary to talk to someone else that way when they haven’t done anything wrong? I don’t want to stop going to meetings of this group, but I do not want to deal with this again. Jesus, just sack up. “I _told_ you, I’m not _wearing_ any perfume. Whatever you smell, it’s not me.” ---
**Author:** ![Jeff\_Lichtman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeff_lichtman/32/1531_2.png) [@Jeff\_Lichtman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff_Lichtman)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/25 "2014-01-21T09:38:43Z")
My take is that Other Person doesn’t like you and doesn’t want to sit next to you. OP cooked up a way to avoid you without having to deal with his or her real problem with you. In other words, OP is a rude, passive-aggressive jerk. If this really is the case, no rules about fragrances will solve the problem. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 10:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/26 "2014-01-21T10:41:25Z")
That person was a jerk. What they should have done was very quietly say to you, ‘Excuse me, I am very sensitive to fragrances and I’m going to need to move away from you. Please don’t take it personally, I don’t mean any offense.’ And then they could have quietly moved themselves to a different part of the table. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/27 "2014-01-21T11:14:03Z")
> [@j666](#): > > The worst is fabric softener scent. That never seems to wear off. I made the mistake of picking up a bottle of “Mountain Fresh” scented laundry detergent. Holy crap, what a horrible product!! And I hang my clothes out to dry - even the fresh air and sunshine didn’t kill the smell. Needless to say, that mostly-full bottle is sitting on the floor of the laundry room being ignored. I’d like to give it to someone who likes it but not if it’s someone I have to deal with regularly… nasty stuff. As to the OP, I agree with just about everyone here - Ms. Sensitive was wrong and possibly having a bad day to boot. The world is full of crabby people, so you need to learn to recognize and avoid them as much as possible. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/28 "2014-01-21T11:36:19Z")
> [@thelurkinghorror](#): > > But really, I don’t know how the OP smelled, but I will guess that she didn’t overdo it. We’re talking statistics here; responses like that usually indicate a screw loose. Screws fall out all the time; the world is an imperfect place. ---
**Author:** ![Blue\_Mood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac91a4/32.png) [@Blue\_Mood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blue_Mood)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/29 "2014-01-21T12:09:02Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > That person was a jerk. > > What they should have done was very quietly say to you, ‘Excuse me, I am very sensitive to fragrances and I’m going to need to move away from you. Please don’t take it personally, I don’t mean any offense.’ And then they could have quietly moved themselves to a different part of the table. This. There is one particular fabric softener that I am sensitive to, and when I am near clothing that has been treated with it I get an unbearable scratchiness in my throat. Perfume sensitivity is a real thing, and it doesn’t mean that the person dislikes the smell in the same way we don’t like the smell of rotting food - it goes beyond that. But that is no excuse for rudeness. (Actually, there is never an excuse for rudeness.) ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/30 "2014-01-21T12:34:49Z")
Maybe it’s local custom, but around here (western PA) we reply to behavior like the smell woman by saying, “Fuck you”. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/31 "2014-01-21T12:41:50Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Maybe it’s local custom, but around here (western PA) we reply to behavior like the smell woman by saying, “Fuck you”. I lived in western PA for almost two years…and yes, yes you do. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/32 "2014-01-21T12:49:53Z")
Ignore it. Avoid this woman in future. And, if you feel so inclined, before attending next, take a close inventory of any scented products you use perhaps. But mostly, let it go, it ain’t nothing truly! ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/33 "2014-01-21T15:14:27Z")
It was a power-play insult designed to intimidate the OP, assert dominance, and to make the room aware that La Nose has more value than the OP. If the genders were made both male, its the equivalent of a bully saying, “You’re sitting in my chair” and when the victim moves, having the bully follow them and say “you’re Still sitting in my chair”. Cater to the bully, she wins. Give the bully attention, she wins. Complain about it and the OP seems weak. The least losing strategy is to ignore it. If the meeting moderator told La Nose to “speak to her privately outside the conference room” and then closed/locked the door behind her once La Nose was outside, it would be best for the company over all. But that never happens. Of course, if this were an Ali McBeal day dream sequence, I would have loved to have seen… [spoiler] _victim approaches La Nose_ “…is it strong? Do you still smell it?” _palm-heel to nose_ “…How about now?” But its not like women are allowed to interact with each other that way ever, even on TV. [/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/34 "2014-01-21T15:21:08Z")
that’s not perfume, that was a fragrant fart. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/35 "2014-01-21T16:03:26Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > I made the mistake of picking up a bottle of “Mountain Fresh” scented laundry detergent. Holy crap, what a horrible product!! And I hang my clothes out to dry - even the fresh air and sunshine didn’t kill the smell. I like the convenience of Tide Pods but one of the smells - ugh. I think it was Spring Meadow. It had a undertone of funk to it. ---
**Author:** ![Charlie\_Wayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4bbf92/32.png) [@Charlie\_Wayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charlie_Wayne)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/36 "2014-01-21T16:25:55Z")
I once got into an elevator in which there was a young lady who was wearing that kind of perfume that would just get up and smack you in the face. It wasn’t so much that it smelled real bad, although it didn’t smell very good - not at all. The problem was that it was just so cheap and forceful. I don’t know how to explain the smell. How do you explain a smell. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that it wasn’t at all refined like a French perfume. It was loud and tawdry like a back alley jar of vinegar. Anyway … I decided to yell at her and say something real nasty. But I just could not do it. I mean … here was this young lady trying to be nice to everyone around her and I was going to figuratively grab her by the throat and smack her around. I just couldn’t do it. Oh well. C’est la vie. She smiled at me and I smiled at her. What 'cha gonna do? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/37 "2014-01-21T19:07:51Z")
I imagine the OP being lightly licorice scented. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/38 "2014-01-21T20:15:47Z")
> [@Anise](#): > > So I was with a breakfast group that meets at places downtown (in Portland) for, well, breakfast. We were supposed to have a LOT of attendees, so when there were about 5 people, I smiled at the person to my right and said “How about if I move down in that direction-- it looks like all the seats will be full.” > > Other Person: (glaring) I can’t stand your perfume, it’s too strong, it’s making me sick. > > Me: (wanting to crawl under table) I’m sorry, I don’t have any on. I’m not sure what the problem is. > > (nobody else says anything about it) > > Other Person: Well, it’s just too strong. > > Me: But I don’t have any on… > > Group organizer: (trying to be helpful) Maybe it’s me. I’m wearing perfume. > > Other Person: (more glares) No, it’s her. > > \ I was thinking about this today when I was at lunch. This in particular: > [@](#): > > Other Person: (glaring) I can’t stand your perfume, it’s too strong, it’s making me sick. That was rude, inappropriate, and completely uncalled-for. WTF did the Offended Person expect the poster to do at that moment? Go home and take a shower and come back to the table? Even IF the poster had been wearing strong perfume (which she wasn’t anyway), what was there to be done about it once they were in the restaurant? The Offended Person could have gone to sit on the other side of the table WITHOUT COMMENT. What was the purpose of telling her (erroneously, as it turns out) that “your perfume is making me sick”? What was that rude comment supposed to _accomplish_? WTF was the point??? Grrr. :mad: She’s bothered, so she gets to insult you? She could have said, “I’m very sensitive to strong scents, so I think I’ll go sit over there.” Acceptable. But “your perfume is making me sick”?? No. The Offended Person was way out of line to say anything. She should have done her best to accommodate her olfactory sensitivity without being a rude fucking bitch. THIS IS NOT TO SAY THAT SOME PERFUME ISN’T OFFENSIVE.\* It definitely IS. Or that people wear too much (especially young men). They DO. That’s not what this post is about. The poster asked how to think of this behavior. I say: _think of it as rude and uncalled-for_, which is what it was. - Youth Dew, Obsession, and anything by Axe. Blech. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/39 "2014-01-21T20:22:20Z")
“I’m not wearing perfume. I actually have medically uncontrollable flatulence. I’m pleased that you find it fragrant, though.” ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/40 "2014-01-21T21:11:14Z")
Well, one option is to privately ask the most neutral member of the group (i.e. not best buddies with either you or La Nose) and/or the organizer if they know what that was about – did you offend them unknowingly or something? That way you’re a) finding out if there really is some issue you don’t know about. Definitely a good thing to do. b) making it clear to the person you ask (and on to the rest of the group) that you’re willing to be reasonable and don’t want to cause problems [even if the other person isn’t]; c) finding out if La Nose is known for this kind of thing; and d) opening communication so the group can, if that’s what it wants, have a group response if La Nose continues bullying. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310.md?page=3)