# How to think of this behavior (too long to explain, just read)? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 20, 2014, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310 "2014-01-20T21:19:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/41 "2014-01-21T23:18:36Z")
> [@Lazlo Hapsburg](#): > > I once got into an elevator in which there was a young lady who was wearing that kind of perfume that would just get up and smack you in the face. It wasn’t so much that it smelled real bad, although it didn’t smell very good - not at all. > > The problem was that it was just so cheap and forceful. I don’t know how to explain the smell. How do you explain a smell. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that it wasn’t at all refined like a French perfume. It was loud and tawdry like a back alley jar of vinegar. > > Anyway … I decided to yell at her and say something real nasty. But I just could not do it. I mean … here was this young lady trying to be nice to everyone around her and I was going to figuratively grab her by the throat and smack her around. I just couldn’t do it. > > Oh well. C’est la vie. She smiled at me and I smiled at her. What 'cha gonna do? Me? Nothing. I’m the one gasping and sneezing and choking in the corner. The one everyone _ **is** _ complaining about because they think I am spreading my cold germs. ---
**Author:** ![LiliesOfTheField](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c0e974/32.png) [@LiliesOfTheField](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiliesOfTheField)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/42 "2014-01-22T10:24:31Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > Needless to say, that mostly-full bottle is sitting on the floor of the laundry room being ignored. I’d like to give it to someone who likes it but not if it’s someone I have to deal with regularly… nasty stuff. Might I suggest your local homeless shelter or domestic violence shelter? If they have laundry facilities, they might have enough pleasant-smelling detergent on hand to dilute the scent so it becomes non-offensive while also having enough customers to always need more detergent. ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/43 "2014-01-22T11:44:42Z")
> [@Anise](#): > > How to think about this? How to interpret it? What to do? It all just seemed so rude-- even if somebody really IS fragrance sensitive, it is necessary to talk to someone else that way when they haven’t done anything wrong? I don’t want to stop going to meetings of this group, but I do not want to deal with this again. I have severe chemical sensitivities myself and perfume makes me sick. In fact, I have been excused from jury duty because of this with a note from my doctor. I never saw wth relatives at their homes when traveling because everything is scented and I become ill. It is a horrible way to live and it isn’t by choice. I fully understand that you might not be aware and feel not at fault, but when someone with chemical sensitivities like this gets a whiff of perfume it would be the equivalent of someone shouting right into your ear as loud as they possibly can, but you are the only way it sounds that way too. That’s about the best I can describe it. I get immediately sick, a horrible headache which can last for many hours, have trouble breathing with wheezing, etc. My wife has learned not to wear any scented products, because I can’t handle it. The thing is, these perfumes and scented consumer products people use are totally optional and I know of some places where they have a “fragrance free” work place because of this. I know of a dentist who insists of this in his office. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/44 "2014-01-22T12:16:16Z")
Echoing others, I have terrible chemical sensitivity to many perfumes too, following an industrial chemical exposure now over 25 years ago. It is a horrible way to live. Imagine somebody accidentally spilling their ammonia or Clorox on your shirt. Being stuck next to somebody wearing perfume on a plane once made me sick for six months, and I can’t remember how many times I’ve had to make an emergency exit, or towel myself off in the parking lot with rubbing alcohol. I’ve spent months every year on steroids and I believe this will significantly shorten my life. It’s hurt my family and my career substantially. I see two pulmonologists, I have workplace accommodations, I’ve even been a Worker Compensation case. It is so frustrating that perfumes creep into so many products. We buy unscented products for home, but the outside world is uncontrollable. I can’t use soap in restrooms. I wear gloves at gas stations because pump handles are usually perfumed, and likewise push shopping carts with my sleeves over my hands. People seem to be constantly spreading poisons all over the place, and clueless about it. I tend to broach the subject timidly and kindly. “Hey, I’m really sorry, I would love to ride with you but I think the air freshener in your car is hurting me.” “I like working with you and I’m glad we have a project to do together, but I have a favor to ask, and I don’t mean it to be personal against you – there’s something on you that’s making me choke, maybe from your laundry detergent, do you think there’s anything we could do about that?” But it’s pretty frustrating. Often I feel angry that this so dictates and limits my life. I don’t get how people can be so oblivious to the harm they’re doing, even after I’ve heard about it for other sufferers too. I know it’s an issue out there, and yet people keep spreading the poison. After several hard blows it can be hard to be gracious about it. Just to top things off, I know the sense of smell is extremely variable from a genetic point of view, and many people can easily smell things that others can’t detect. One of us may think perfume reeks while another doesn’t notice it. I’d expect it to be hard to reach consensus on what is moderate use of perfume. People vary considerably in whether or not they like the smell of anise, no? ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/45 "2014-01-22T13:39:01Z")
Y’all are missing the point. Chemical sensitivities, yes. People who wear too much perfume, yes. Especially difficult if you’re around food, yes. Telling someone to his/her face, in these words, “Your perfume is making me sick,” and then going on and on about it after you’ve rudely said it once, NO. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/46 "2014-01-22T14:03:38Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > Y’all are missing the point. Chemical sensitivities, yes. People who wear too much perfume, yes. Especially difficult if you’re around food, yes. > > Telling someone to his/her face, in these words, “Your perfume is making me sick,” and then going on and on about it after you’ve rudely said it once, NO. I thought that’s pretty much the gist of responses to the OP? ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/47 "2014-01-22T15:14:44Z")
> [@Anise](#): > > … Group organizer: (trying to be helpful) Maybe it’s me. I’m wearing perfume. > > Other Person: (more glares) No, it’s her. > > Me: “Oh yeah? The jerk store called, and they’re all outta YOU!” ---
**Author:** ![chrisk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@chrisk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chrisk)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/48 "2014-01-22T17:13:50Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > Of course, if this were an Ali McBeal day dream sequence, I would have loved to have seen… > > [spoiler] > > _victim approaches La Nose_ > > “…is it strong? Do you still smell it?” > > _palm-heel to nose_ > > “…How about now?” > > But its not like women are allowed to interact with each other that way ever, even on TV. [/spoiler] You know, I haven’t seen Ally McBeal in 12 years, but I can perfectly picture Callista Flockhart doing that. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/49 "2014-01-22T17:59:40Z")
> [@Anise](#): > > … > Other Person: (glaring) I can’t stand your perfume, it’s too strong, it’s making me sick. The correct response to this is always, “It’s not me, bitch,” ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/50 "2014-01-22T18:21:19Z")
> [@LiliesOfTheField](#): > > Might I suggest your local homeless shelter or domestic violence shelter? If they have laundry facilities, they might have enough pleasant-smelling detergent on hand to dilute the scent so it becomes non-offensive while also having enough customers to always need more detergent. That was my first thought as well, but I refrained from posting it because the bottle had been opened, so I’m glad you agreed with my non-post. Depending on the facility, they might not care that it was opened already. Actually, shit, now that I think about it, the bottles aren’t even sealed when you buy them in the first place, so it really shouldn’t be an issue. Plus, you get to do something for the less fortunate AND reclaim a few square inches of shelf space. > [@edwardcoast](#): > > … I know of a dentist who insists of this in his office. I don’t have anything close to the sensitivities you describe, but I would so totally go to that dentist! ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/51 "2014-01-22T18:37:25Z")
Go to the next meeting and pour a bottle of cheap, strong perfume all over here. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/52 "2014-01-22T18:44:17Z")
> [@](#): > > I’m sorry, I don’t have any on. I’m not sure what the problem is. The way you responded is bad. Logical, but bad. Why apologize for something you didn’t do? The minute you apologize to an inconsiderate boor like this woman, you are basically admitting to her that you’re guilty or at least enough of a pushover that she’s going to get her way. Not only that, but the _first_ word out of your mouth is “I’m sorry”. The woman was rude for accusing you and being so persistent, and the best way to deal with it in my opinion is to tell them to Check Their Tone. Like this: Bitch: (glaring) I can’t stand your perfume, it’s too strong, it’s making me sick. You: I don’t appreciate the way you are accusing me. If you have a problem, move away. This exchange prevents the woman from trying to claim this issue is your fault. She is trying to make it _your_ problem (perfume is bothering her, please move Ms Pushover, So Help Me I Will Cause a Scene if you don’t capitulate). Throw the accusation right back at her. I know this is hard, but with practice it gets easy over time. People like this get their way because they can bully innocent people into convincing themselves they’ve somehow done something wrong. If everyone called them on their shit, they’d either STFU or ask nicer. ---
**Author:** ![James\_Toothpaste](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e56c9b/32.png) [@James\_Toothpaste](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/James_Toothpaste)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/53 "2014-01-22T21:54:29Z")
Stay away from that rude person. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/54 "2014-01-23T00:13:26Z")
> [@James\_Toothpaste](#): > > Stay away from that rude person. Absolutely the right response. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/55 "2014-01-23T00:30:34Z")
I dislike most scents, especially the artificial ones of laundry products and supposedly non-perfumed body lotions. I don’t mind perfume unless it’s one of those that smells like Tide. So I can sympathize with the basic issue, but the woman was a complete ass. No one seems to have asked this question: was it possibly about something OTHER than perfume/scent? Did she not want to move down or not want the OP sitting next to her for other reasons? Really, her reaction is borderline psycho and would be out of place in a bus station, never mind at a nominally professional gathering. ---
**Author:** ![Jeff\_Lichtman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeff_lichtman/32/1531_2.png) [@Jeff\_Lichtman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff_Lichtman)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/56 "2014-01-23T03:44:33Z")
As I said before, this may have nothing to do with scents or chemical sensitivity. **Anise** did say that someone else sat by her who was drenched in perfume and that **Other Person** didn’t say anything about it. It’s possible that **Other Person** has something against **Anise** and is dealing with it by being passive-aggressive. ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/57 "2014-01-23T06:22:29Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > Go to the next meeting and pour a bottle of cheap, strong perfume all over here. Not even remotely funny. If you have ever seen someone with severe allergies have a reaction in ER, you wouldn’t joke about such things. ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310/58 "2014-01-23T06:32:08Z")
> [@Jeff\_Lichtman](#): > > As I said before, this may have nothing to do with scents or chemical sensitivity. **Anise** did say that someone else sat by her who was drenched in perfume and that **Other Person** didn’t say anything about it. It’s possible that **Other Person** has something against **Anise** and is dealing with it by being passive-aggressive. For someone who is chemically sensitive it can be very hard to pin-point where it is coming from because in that state it seems like it is coming from everywhere. There really is no point in denying if you are the cause of the perfume or whatever else you might have come in contact with a person who says they are being made sick. Simply say, “Sorry you are having a problem. I/We will move if you prefer not to move”. I’ve been to restaurants where someone in the next booth had on perfume that was making me sick, so I immediately told the waiter and they moved us to another table. It was easier for us to move than their larger party of people who were already there. The thing to remember is, just because you can’t detect it and swear you didn’t put anything on doesn’t mean you aren’t the cause of it. I worked in a new job where one of the guys on our team would take a break and I couldn’t find him. When he returned he was talking to me and I said to him, “Oh, I didn’t know you smokes”. Cause I never saw him carry cigarettes or mention it. He got totally embarrassed and told me he was smoking in secret and didn’t want people to know. I said, sorry, I wasn’t aware it was a secret because to me having chemical sensitivities it was as clear to me as if he had gotten his head shaved and returned to work, but I was the only one that noticed. Other times, people who don’t smoke at all have been in the company of others that smoke and didn’t realize the odor traveled with them. Believe me, no one wants to have a chemical sensitivity that makes them sick. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-think-of-this-behavior-too-long-to-explain-just-read/679310.md?page=2)